Cloud Strife: Is Raising Children Harder than Saving the World?

Disclaimer: If you were in any doubt I don't own Final Fantasy or any of its stories or characters. If I did I wouldn't be writing possibly crappy fanfics. I would be talking bathes in money. And I'm not so yeah I don't own it. Stop Yelling Me!

Chapter 1: The Dreaded Question

Cloud sat alone at a table in the bar. In front of him a large map rested on the table. He was mapping routes for the next day's deliveries. This was a common occurrence since Cloud was a pretty cautious guy. But something was different today.

"Where are the kids?" Cloud wondered aloud, "I hope they aren't getting into trouble." The kids, Denzel and Marlene, were a handful.

"They're upstairs playing in their room," answered Tifa who was washing the dishes at the sink. Cloud didn't think that the kids could get into much mischief in their bedroom. So he went back to mapping his routes. Suddenly there was the pitter-patter of small feet running down the stairs.

Cloud looked up, "Hey you two. What's up?'

"Cloud, we have a question," Denzel said in a very sophisticated manner.

"Okay, what is it?"

"Where do babies come from?" Marlene asked. Tifa dropped the plate she'd been holding and Cloud froze. For about two minutes there was silence.

"Uh," Cloud said finally recovering from the initial shock, "W-why do you ask?"

"Mickey's mom is having one." Denzel answered.

"Oh! Tell him to tell her congratulations from me," Tifa said.

"Okay," Denzel answered, "So how does it happen Cloud?"

Damn you Mickey. That stupid kid is always causing trouble for me. Cloud thought to himself.

"Well, um, first a woman falls in love and then, um, she goes to a special... store," Cloud said, saying the first nonsense that popped into his head.

"Then what?" both kids asked.

"Uh, at the store she buys a bunch of... special seeds, and then she puts them in her tummy and after nine months the turn into a baby." Cloud was pretty satisfied with his explanation considering the circumstances.

"Okay. So how does the baby get out?"

Cloud's face turned the color of an angry tomato.

"They open her tummy, the baby comes out, and then they close her tummy back up." Tifa answered quickly. The answer obviously appeased the two children. The bar door opened.

"We re cl- Oh hey Reno, Rude." Tifa said.

"Hey," Reno said. Rude just grunted.

"Reno, didya know that baby-making-seeds come from a special store?" Marlene asked, "Cloud told us." The blood that had been draining from Cloud's face immediately shot back up.

"Fo' real yo? I heard those seeds came from a special bank but that s only for a woman with no dude. For the rest of the women-"

"Reno do you like your face?" Tifa asked.

"Yeah, why yo?"

"Well, you d better make sure nothing happens to it," Tifa said nonchalantly.

Reno got the message pretty quickly.

A/N: This is my very first "published" fanfic and I'll continue if you want me to. I'll probably continue even if you don't want me to or could care less. Any way R&R, C&C and have fun.