Leonard awoke in a jail, with no idea how he had gotten in there. He was standing…which was weird, because normal people don't sleep upright.
He noticed that the jail wasn't an ordinary one. It was…medieval. Very medieval. Torches along the wall, skulls in his cage, dirt on the floor, iron gate that could be picked easily.
He approached the bars and began to shake them.
"I uh, think there's been some kinda mistake…"
Just then, a guy with blue skin, white hair, and red eyes walked up to the ends of his cell, which was across from Leonard's. Hey, red white and blue! A patriot! With pointy ears.
"Hey you! Four eyes!" Apparently Leonard was still wearing his glasses. "Pale skin…snotty expression…you must be a Breton! The masters of Magicka, hmm?"
Leonard's eyes showed shock. 'Magicka? Either I'm having a really bad dream or this is a themed mental hospital.'
"Um…could you please…" He was attempting to stop the elf in his insulting little tirade, but no matter how much noise he made the elf didn't seem to shut up.
"HEY! SHUT UP!" He roared.
It seemed to work. The elf became eerily quiet and a smug expression crept up on Leonard's face. At least, until he heard the door open and guards and some king dude come through.
Jeez, it was like a medieval convention!
"What's this prisoner doing here? This cell is supposed to be off-limits!" One guard exclaimed.
"How did I get here? Why am I in here? What's going on?" Leonard shouted in the hopes that someone would listen. Alas, the guards talked over him. They instructed him to move out of the way, and he did so, sprinting when they added "we won't hesitate to kill you if you get in our way".
The guards and royal dude walked through, and suddenly he noticed he couldn't move.
"You…I've seen you." The lord guy walked up to him and Leonard was confused.
"You've seen me? Where?" The only response was, "Let me see your face…you are the one from my dreams…Then the stars were right, and this is the day. Gods give me strength."
Leonard resumed his questioning. "Stars? Day? What's going on?" He was half not expecting an answer.
But he got one this time. "Assassins attacked my sons, and I'm next. My Blades are leading me out of the city using a secret escape route. By chance, the entrance to this route goes through your cell."
A few questions ran through his mind, but he felt especially compelled to ask two of them. Leonard decided on one and spoke. "Why am I in jail?"
"Perhaps the Gods have placed you here so that we may meet." Blah blah blah, you know the rest of the dialogue.
"Who are you?"
"I am your emperor, Uriel Septim."
Oh Christ. Leonard tuned out after that. 'Uriel Septim? I thought this cell looked familiar. And the dialogue. I've been thrown into the world of Oblivion!'
The stone wall that was the only clean-looking part of his cell opened up, and Leonard trekked down the tunnel, preparing to kick some Mythic Dawn butt.
Howard and Raj were placed in a cell together and had been called "Faggot boys" by the elf across the cell. They had forgotten how they had been placed in the cell, but the Uriel Septim thing cleared it up for them as it had done for Leonard.
Now they were trekking down the escape as Leonard had been. Howard, of course, attempted to hit on the female guard. If the guard hadn't been an AI, she probably would have killed him on the spot.
After the guard had killed a Mythic Dawn, Howard had a brilliant idea. "Hey Raj! Let's loot their corpses and wear some of these cool outfits."
"Dude, I have a baaaad feeling about wearing the robes of our enemies…" Howard was stripping the agents as Raj lagged behind.
"Oh come on. Don't be a wuss." He put the robe on over his jail outfit and the jail outfit was instantly removed.
They also learned that apparently this game had been modded, because poor Howard was now being chased through the halls by two angry Blades and an emperor.
He quickly took off the robe, after almost dying at the hands of the female Blade.
They progressed through the route and reached the point where the Blades and Emperor left them.
As per the program, a rat jumped out of a wall and onto Howard, who screamed like a little girl. Raj tried to figure out how to use the sword he found and managed to succeed in killing the giant rat.
Howard stood and looked around, resting his eyes on the opening in the wall. "Hey look! An opening! We're supposed to go through there."
"Oh. But the Blades told us to stay here."
"Screw the Blades, Raj, I've played through this game twice and I know we have to go through this hole in the wall right here!"
"Says the guy who just got owned by a rat."
Howard gave the look that signaled that he hated life and everything in it.
"But I guess you're right, Howard. Come on, let's get going." Raj started towards the opening, screamed, and ran back as a rat ambushed him.
"What made you change your mind, Raj? Common sense?" He was grinning with smug satisfaction as he daggered the rat to death, and then the two of them went through the entrance.
"No, the HUD has an arrow that's telling me to go this way. Dibs on the war axe." They had come upon a chest with an axe, and there was a shield, bow, quiver, and another dagger up ahead.
"Fine, but I get the daggers and lockpicks. Wait - HUD? Where do you see an HUD?"
Raj smirked and . "I guess you're too stupid to see it." He started laughing, then caught his breath and screamed as another rat came and attacked them. He swung wildly with his axe, only getting in one hit as Howard had managed to sink a few arrows into its flesh. "I think I'm going to go with the thief lifestyle. Heh." He rolled a sapphire around in his hands, a jewel from a locked chest he managed to open.
"To be a thief, you have to be sneaky and good with words."
"Je suis etonnant avec des mots, je vous remercie beaucoup."
"Just because you can speak German doesn't make you any better with words, Howard, and you know it."
Penny was having a grand old time, hacking through the rats and goblins and such with any weapon she could find, and using her magic to crisp anyone who didn't die with the first touch of a blade or blunt.
The Emperor had just died in front of her, and she was mad. "Why'd you have to go and die, you idiot? I could use some help here!"
She really didn't, though. The agent was dead swiftly, and the next thing she knew she was being sent off to Weynon Priory. Penny, having the wits she did, had figured out that the world around them was either a dream or some stupid game that was Sheldon's fault.
Unfortunately for her, the favored weapon of hers, an Akaviri katana, had been taken by the guard for some stupid reason. She swore at him, but he said nothing to her.
She made her way through the sewers, trying not to puke at the smell.
In fact, the smell was so strong she had nearly died running out of the water as a few crabs attacked. After slaughtering them, she changed into another pair of armor and would clean up the current one later.
"I really hope this gets over soon," she said, stomping her foot. "I am going to kill Sheldon once this is over! I know it's his fault! HYAAAA! TAKE THAT, SHELDON!" She punched a rat in the face, convinced it was the annoying physicist.
And indeed it was Sheldon's fault.
He stood outside the sewers, tapping his foot impatiently. "I wonder what's taking them so long…," he mused. "It only took me a few seconds to figure out how to open the console. Oh, movetoquesttarget, how I love thee."
Leonard exited the sewers, blinking his eyes at the bright light around him. Once they adjusted, he looked at Sheldon and blinked in disbelief.
"Sheldon? Is that you?"
"No, it is Sheldor the Sith Lord. I have an emphasis on magicka, or the Force, and one of my main skills is Blade, which will allow me to master the light saber I'll find in the Imperial City." He laughed.
Leonard groaned. "Wait, this game has light sabers? I don't remember those."
"I installed a mod for it."
Howard and Raj materialized outside of the sewers, Raj making fun of Howard. "Oh I'm the sneaky scary thief-man! Look at me! I'm Howard, the thief who was almost pummeled to death sneaking in front of a goblin!" He burst out laughing.
"Yeah, yeah, Raj. Keep laughing. Keep laughing…Wait, Sheldon, Leonard? Is that you?"
"No, it is Sheldor the Si-" "Yes Howard, it's us." Leonard decided to interrupt before 'Sheldor' went through his speech again.
"What are you doing here?" Howard asked.
"I'm wondering the same thing as you, Howard. Sheldon? Would you care to explain?"
"Would who care to explain? There's no Sheldon here. I am Sheldor, the Sith Lord and-"
"Yeah, we got it Sheldor. Care to explain why we're here?"
"I think it's more like Sheldork. Hee-hee!" Raj began giggling to himself.
"Yes. You see, I decided to-"
He was cut off by a feral roar from inside the sewers.
Penny charged out of the sewers, axe in one hand, shield in the other. And she came out swinging.
Leonard, Howard, and Raj all had the sense to get out of the way, but Sheldon stood dumbstruck until he caught the sight of Penny.
And when he did, the gang learned how fast Sheldon could run in this game.