A/n: Depending on reviews, I don't know if I will continue this or not. So let me know what you think.
I don't own Invader Zim or any of the characters associated with it, the marvelous Jhonen Vazquez does.
Gripping my book bag tight, I turned to leave the classroom. The morning sex-ed lesson had seemed to go on forever and it didn't help that Sowourz had insisted we pair up to work on some of the questions. I hadn't been paired with Zim (thank god, I can only imagine how that would have went) but that didn't stop the obnoxious green alien from demanding answers from other students. Half the morning he had spent twisting around in his chair and slamming his fists onto desks, yelling loud enough for the students on the opposite end of the skool to hear, about how 'hyooman's' were 'lax' and 'stoopid' that they actually needed to learn about this 'stuff.'
I had smirked again at that, asking him if he'd ever learned about sex-ed on Irk, to which he yelled 'I AM FROM EARTH! I AM NORMAL!' in an attempt to bypass the question.
Now I headed towards my locker. Zim's was right across from mine on the opposite side of the corridor, strangely enough. We didn't share homeroom, but we did share the same house team and almost had identical timetables. Opening my locker, I peered briefly behind me at Zim as he opened up his own locker and started to pack away his books. He dropped one at that moment and my gaze followed him down as he bent to pick it up. Unfortunately for me I also got a good view of his behind at that moment as he bent down, that strange hem covering his tight backs-
What the hell?
Shuddering, I quickly turned away. Did I just think that? Damn, what was wrong with me? I blamed that stupid sex-ed lesson we had just had. What else could it have been? Angrily slamming my books into my locker, I pulled out a snack before shutting it and making my way to sit outside for recess, disgusted with myself.
I wasn't the most popular kid in hi-skool. Who was I kidding though, I had no friends. Nobody wanted anything to do with me after they'd learned from my old classmates that I had obsessed over Zim being an alien since I was twelve. They'd take one look and me and sneer or insult me. Mostly about the size of my head.
My head isn't big! I don't know why everybody still thinks that!
Zim wasn't better off. He was usually the main target for Jockstrap and Torque, the two bullies of the grade. Zim had no friends either, and to be honest, I wasn't surprised. Everybody had gotten used to his random outbursts and such, but a lot of the kids I had gone to skool with had grown tired of them. They'd gotten pretty tired of me too, since I still spent half my life observing Zim's every move.
I made my way to my usual spot, right beside a big shady oak tree on the outskirts of the courtyard. Everyday I would sit here and listen to my MP3 or come up with different ways to observe Zim or hack into his computers. That was the one benefit of having no friends; you had a lot of time to think to yourself without the constant distraction of conversation.
I looked up to notice Zim enter the courtyard at that moment. He looked around for a little bit before walking towards where I was situated. Zim usually sat on an undisclosed bench a few metres away from where I sat, by the skool fence. Often dubbed the 'losers' bench, a lot of the students avoided here. The tree I sat at was also dubbed a similar name - 'the losers tree.' As Zim and I were the only two real 'losers' of the hi-skool, this had somewhat become our area.
It was rather ironic in a sense. Both of us were outcasts and considered outsiders by our own kind. My family couldn't care less if I existed. Hell, my own father didn't even remember I was his son. Zim's leaders thought he was a joke, as did his own people. I had learned this after hacking into multiple transmissions on Zim's computer and secretly watching them one night last year. Yet, the two of us were solid enemies. We had a lot in common, but there was one thing we didn't have.
There were times I had often found myself wondering what life would have been like if Zim and I were friends. If Zim wasn't here to conquer my own planet then perhaps we might have been friends, but because of that and that alone, I could never accept him as a companion. The alien was hell-bent on taking over earth, and despite it had been five years since he had arrived here, it didn't mean that he was going to stop anytime soon.
Thinking about this often left me confused. I couldn't deny that Zim was probably the closest thing I had to a 'friend.' I had spoken, chased, tackled and loathed him more than anybody else for the past five years. I was the only person, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was in the entire city, that had been able to identify Zim for what he truly was. Everybody else was just blind. Skin condition my ass. He had no ears or nose and that clearly said something. It was still a valid story though, and even after five years it still worked. Zim had managed to fool an entire city because of a stupid black wig and a pair of contacts. It was unbelievable.
Once or twice I had managed to yank his wig off in class, causing those long black stalks on top of his head to stick up. What normal kid with a 'skin condition' had antennae? He'd quickly dismiss my actions and accusations with some kind of nonsense and of course, everybody believed it. There was one time I had even managed to knock out one of those contacts during bludgeon-ball, but he'd been quick to claim he had a case of pink eye. It was like I was never meant to expose him for the alien scum he was. Zim always seemed to have luck on his side. And I envied that. Faith seemed to side with him half the time.
I sighed as I rested my head back against the tree, closing my eyes as one of my favourite songs began to play. A few minutes later I sensed the light of the sun being blocked out and I opened my eyes.
There he was. The center of my thoughts was towering over me. I jerked back a little against the tree and sat up, taking out my ear-phones.
"Zim!" I screeched. "What do you want?"
He smirked at me, and I scowled. He paced for a moment or so, before sitting down beside me, much to my surprise.
"Surprised? Yes, that I can see." He replied in that high-pitched gravelly voice of his. "Dib-smell, I have come to ask you a question."
A question, huh? I sneered.
"What is it this time Zim?"
"Why do hyooman's get so… sensitive about questions regarding hyooman anatomy? Is it too much for your underdeveloped non-smart brains to handle?"
What? He was seriously asking me this? I stared back at him, not expecting such a question at all. Maybe he'd taken that sex-ed lesson more seriously than I had thought.
"Well, uh," I hesitated. "It depends on the questions I guess. If they are in regards to human anatomy then I'd suspect they'd be embarrassing."
"Embarrassing?" Zim asked me, sounding intrigued. I had no idea where this might be going.
"Well, yeah! You're a stupid alien, you wouldn't understand anything about human anatomy!"
"I am a normal hyooman worm-baby and I wish to learn more about, uh, myself, since I don't know."
I nearly choked.
"You! Normal?" I laughed. "Oh please. That excuse wore off five years ago."
Zim jumped up at that. "I AM NORMAL!" he screamed, before leaning down towards me and pulling me close to his face by my shirt. At that sudden move, I felt a blush creep onto my face. He was WAY to close for my liking, but he was stronger than me and I knew that if I resisted, he'd only hurt me in the end.
"Dib-stink, Zim wants want to know more about hyooman anatomy and YEW are going to tell him about it!"
"No way!" I spat. "That's not for me to tell you, that's for you to find out for yourself!"
"Zim doesn't know where to start!"
"Then that's your problem, you moron!"
Zim growled at me. "You will help me, Dib," he snarled. "You will help Zim."
"And why should I?" I replied.
"Because that Sowourz hyooman has paired me up with you. She said that I disrupt the class too much and that YEW spend half your life staring at me."
My blush deepened. Thankfully Zim didn't seem to notice.
"So she has given us a poject."
"Yes, yes," He waved his hand at me to shut me up. "A PROject. If we do not complete this project, she will send us to the underground classroom for the rest of the year, and we will have to decorate the school for that halloweenie–time thing." Zim shuddered.
I shuddered as well. Halloween was bad enough as it was and the fact it was approaching didn't help.
"So, we have to do this? What about the other students, do they have to do it?"
"No, at least, I don't think so. She pulled ME aside," he clenched his fists. "How dare that filthy hyooman place her slimy hyooman hands over my superior uniform!"
I snorted at his disgust and he glared at me. But I wasn't laughing for long at what he said next.
"I don't like you Dib, but I have no choice but to work with you. So, I will meet you here after skool. I am going to your house with you to start the project."