15I said that first time would be the last time, so it is. This is just the pre-donut rant, feel free to ignore with EXTREME prejudice. Alrighty then, this one's been in progress since, like, the very second this one finished the first, and spread itself further than This One originally expected. As such, sorry for any misconceptions, for This One really needs to check his facts again. Also, for conversation confusion; it's pretty simple, there's gonna be a hint who's talkin' every now and then, but other than that, it's straight back and forth... sounds totally wrong. He tried to stuff some good ole character development in there -too soon? But it may seem a bit rushed. By the way, let me know if the rant was, like, totally unnecessary or what. And if ya want, try an' spot the reference! Anyway, This One will now begin R-R'ing in the, like, two hour break he's givin' himself. Then on with the next one!
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Stupid Shinji and Asuka Save the World
Chapter 2: The Curious Case of Akagi Naoko
"Heeeeee~ey, Kensuke-kun…" The young ex-cameraman-wannabe freezes in the position he is crouching in at the sound of his ex-class representative's voice. No, he is not about to be caught in the act of jerking off, which he wasn't indulging in anyway. No, Horaki Hikari is not looking for him for any reason even remotely related to that sad excuse for an assumption.
And just for the record, for any who would in another time, imply otherwise; no. Aida Kensuke has not fantasized about his class representative at all since Touji called dibs, nor since meeting up with either of them again outside of Instrumentality. Really, if he actually thought about it, she was more like a sister to him, if anything.
Admittedly, an evil, bipolar older sister with the emotional stability of an itchy trigger-finger, and who happened to be dating one of his best/only friends, but a sister nonetheless.
"Aida-kun?" But what does this have to do with his body locking up like this when he hears her calling out like that? Well, he... will never admit this freely (what situation would call for it?), but he is still recuperating from his time in that place. Instrumentality, limbo, Moe's Tavern, whatever the hell it was called, he was glad he wasn't there anymore. Besides the part where it didn't quite feel real (no cameras or firearms worked right. Don't ask. Seriously), there was the part where, after he realized that... he kind of got lost on the way out.
And maybe fell into someone else's dream world. A place where, apparently, Rei ruled the world, and had clones that... did things to her 'special friends'. Weird things. Anal things. Occasionally creepy things.
Things that Kensuke had been carefully erasing from his memories in the two days following his return to the world of the living; for the last twenty-four hours. Among those things was a sing-songy voice, one that haunted his dreams like drugs haunted many a crackhead for decades pre-Second Impact.
"Heeeee~ey."
"Whatcha doin'?"
Here, the boy has a choice of three actions that would make sense coming from him [he saw red eyes, red eyes, blue hair, white teeth, red eyes, more teeth than a human should have floating in a smile in the shadows, a school uniform, blue hair, pale skin, pipe cleaners, vent shafts, ohgodthose eyes...] when Hikari slides behind him. He goes over them in short order in the half-moment he takes to decide what he will do.
1) Scream like a little girl.
2) Send her into a panic by falling back on her whilst frothing at the mouth.
3) Turn around, hands out, screaming "Yaaa, trick!," hoping he goes for the throat and then running away from either half of a pissed-off couple for the next five odd days. Expect no assistance in surviving from anyone. For full mental recovery from their combined assault; five weeks, tops. Full psychological recovery; five months. Full physical recovery; consult a priest and physician in next lifetime.
He has considered his options in the 0.0025 segments of a moment since his class representative made her existence behind him known. As such, upon registering her words, his body is already in motion.
So he calmly turns around, slides off his specs, hands them to the girl, gets down on his hands and knees and then slams his face into the mulchy, red-tinted dirt five times in quick succession.
Never let it be said that Kensuke was either predictable or dramatic. Or altogether sane.
Meanwhile, his class representative and focus of a sibling complex looks on. Let it be noted that, were a normal person to witness an occurrence like the one she has just witnessed with the machine-otaku's tendencies, the first words out of his or her mouth might be somewhere along the lines of 'WhatTheF_' or 'Are you mentally stable?' These are obviously not the words she comes up with.
No, instead she first asks the boy, "Are you done yet?"
He rises from the ground, wiping his face free of dirt and holding his forehead as he nods mutely.
"Feel better now?" She asks him as she hands him back his glasses.
He nods again as he slides them on, not looking her directly in the eye and focusing instead over her left shoulder.
"Do you think you might have brain damage?"
Here he does look her in the eye as he raises a finger and opens his mouth, honestly considering that. Then he makes a face and shrugs.
"Not really sure, huh."
He shakes his head 'no' and makes as if to sigh.
"Will you help me fine Touji-kun?"
He gives her a blank look that, in another time and place, might have been mistaken for arrogance, eyes hidden behind a nonexistent glare reflecting off his lenses. In yet another time and place, this look would signify him being riled up about something. Hikari gets a different definition altogether.
"Yes, I lost him again. I am well aware that Touji is not a doll or toy, so I shouldn't expect him to be right where I left him all the time. I am still very sure that it's not my fault this time."
He shrugs, and cocks his head at an angle, and stares… points at his own head and runs a hand through his hair.
"Yeah, I've done 'something different' with my hair," she sighs, blushing. She didn't have time for this, did she? Besides, she'd done it for Touji, and it kind of put her off that his friend noticed it before he even saw it. "So, are you going to help me or not?"
He blinks… shakes his head, returning to the blank look from before. Shrugs.
"How can it be my fault if I was asleep?" She's using her hands to help her talk. Motions carry no immediate threat. Meh, screw it, why shouldn't I help her?
He shrugs again and rolls his eyes, making sure he has her attention before he decides on what gestures to make. He points at her, then back over her shoulder, before pointing at himself, and jerking a thumb over his own shoulder. Then he points at her eyes, then his eyes, and spins his other hand in midair between them.
"... You want a blender?" She blinks. "Uh, sure, I could go for a shake too, I guess..."
Kensuke shakes his head vigorously, pushing his glasses up his nose before repeating the motions, slower.
She raises an eyebrow. "Are yous tryin' to say what I think yous tryin' to say? 'Cuz I don' feel like it right now, an' on top o' that, I'm with Touji if ya don't remember."
He blinks at her, a little impressed by how much his friend influenced one of her personalities, before realizing that the tone he's hearing in her voice is kind of offended. Then he takes a moment to think... wait, what... oh. No. NO. He shakes his head harder, almost hard enough to make his glasses go flying off. With an actual glare, he repeats the motions once more, in a different order. Point 'you', point over shoulder, 'your' eyes, point over shoulder. Point at self, point the other way, hand-eyes, hand-blink. Spin slowly.
"Oh, you're gonna help me look for him?"
He finally nods.
"Why didn't ya just say so," she says, exasperated, as she rubs her face into her hand.
He looks around as if someone else could be listening (once more, 'as if') before leaning closer, gesturing for her to come closer as well... and shrugging.
"You're an idiot. You know that right?"
Kensuke pinches his own cheeks and sticks his tongue out at her, after backing up and pushing his glasses up once more.
"Uh-huh. So, how will we know when one of us finds him?" She asks this, partially to annoy him and partially actually wondering. "I mean, I can yell to let you know if I find him first, but what are you gonna do?"
The boy makes a show of thinking hard for a minute before somehow pantomiming knocking himself out in a fight, dragging his own unconscious body to where they were standing, and... sitting on himself. And waiting.
"... I'm sorry, are you going to knock him out or...?"
He shakes his head, scribbles something down on a piece of paper he had in his pocket, and shows her what's on it. He then tucks the paper into his shirt, and mimes hitting himself again.
"... This is possibly the stupidest... no, this is the stupidest plan I have ever heard, and you still have yet to say anything," Hikari sighs, shaking her head. "Sometimes I really worry about you, 'Suke. I really do."
-(O\_/O)-
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The Void, aka Angel 12, Leliel, bka 'The Dirac Sea'
"Oi… hey, Asuka? Psssst, Asuka. Asuka? Asuka. Hey—"
"I can hear you just fine from here, so quit whispering, Third."
"Asuka? Is that you?"
"Who else would it be?"
"… No one."
"You paused there. Why did you pause? And why are you still whispering?"
"No reason."
"And that was too fast. What are you-"
"Soooo~o, I was like, you know, thinking," Shinji interrupts her. She would have pouted or punched him right then if she could have, but right then she couldn't see her hand in front of her face, so that probably wouldn't be the best idea. They had been kind of walking/floating along for the past couple of minutes, and to her knowledge, neither of them had any idea of what was going on. Still, she makes a mental note to hit him in the face later. If there was a later. "You always call me 'Third' because I'm the Third Child, right? Just like you're the Second and Ayanami was the First?"
"That, and it takes longer to call you 'baka-Shinji' all the time, yeah," she finds herself replying. "Why?"
"Well, since that's counting who was born when after Second Impact, and we were the first two to be 'reborn' after Third Impact, I was thinking… since you came back first and Rei's kind of… you know, dead right now, doesn't that make you the First and me the Second?"
"That… that's kind of confusing, isn't it? I mean, I'm not complaining about being 'First'…"
"Somehow I knew you'd pick up on that," he sighs.
"But, if that's how things work, then won't that ranking apply to everyone that comes back from being piss?"
"Ummm… piss? Really, Asuka?"
"LCL, lifeblood, whatever. It looks like an ocean of piss, and it doesn't smell much better."
"The ocean we came from, too? The ocean that you've been bathing in with your plug-suit for the last two weeks while we tried not to go insane from near solitude? That ocean?"
"Point. Lifeblood it is. Still, it's only a little less troublesome to call you 'Second'… and won't that ranking thing…?"
"I don't think anyone else will care much beyond 'Tenth,' and we've already got First through Fifth taken. I wouldn't worry about it. Much."
"How much would you worry about it," Asuka asks slowly. It was more out of precaution than actual boredom. When Shinji, stupid Shinji, says that he wouldn't worry about something… it was usually a good idea to move away very quickly. Why? Things would probably get very bad, very quickly.
"About as much as monsters worry about Chuck Norris giving them a coupon for free roundhouse-kicks for Christmas," he mumbles quickly.
"What?"
"A little bit, but not much these days. Hey, does that look like daylight to you?"
"Wha—oh. Ow. Kinda hurts looking straight at it, Second. Warn me next time, would you?"
"Mmmmm… I'ma gonna check it out." She sees a shape forming in the light. A see-through hand, wrist, arm- ewww, she could see the insides- shoulder, head… it reminds her of watching one of those horror movies that Misato likes, but in rewind-
"Hey, hold on." It's at about this point that Asuka realizes what's happening. So when she sees his other arm forming, she remembers to reach out and—
*ll*-thekeyispersistence-*ll*
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2004 AD, T + 4 Years Second Impact
It is with bags under her eyes and a suitcase clutched in her arms that one Naoko Akagi enters Terminal Dogma. Well, she also brings a heaving chest and wild eyes, at a combination with age and choice of clothing where it would count as fanservice but for the lack of sexy music, but… well, that observation was just included anyway, so quit yer bitchin'. Besides, she doesn't quite 'enter' as much as 'kick through the metal double-doors with her bare feet.'
What can be said? These were the junior days of NERV, when everything wasn't automated and controlled by The Three Wise (AI) Guys. Speaking of which, eh-hack-hack-hem…
"The MAGI have almost completed construction and Yui's in the final stages of programming EVA Unit-01," the brunette mutters into her SDAT, breaths evening as she runs one hand through her hair and stalks around a desk. "Meanwhile, the mobile capabilities of Tokyo-3 are also nearing completion, with the entirety of the blocks, A through C, ready for emergency. Now, if only we could figure out the same for the hospitals and schools, I think we would be... royally screwed." A long-suffered sigh, and her pacing halts when she sits in one of those comfy rolling/spinning computer chairs.
"Oddly enough, I get the feeling that one, if not all, of Subjects 1 through 10 have completed base physical development. I'm actually afraid to check, and up until a few minutes ago, I thought I knew why. Is it just that I want to be needed, and having so many projects reach their end so suddenly makes me uneasy about...?" The woman trails off in thought of her daughter, her boss, her partner, the boy, and any relationships in between. "I don't know, maybe I'm just being paranoid... but for some reason... I can't help these feelings.
"As a scientist, I know that there are times I should trust what I feel and not what I know. As any kind of sister, I know that what I've done is disrespectful, yet I feel that it had to be done. As a mother, I know that I have to at least try to fix things with my daughter before I leave this world. Is this why I've done something so... stupid?" Naoko sighs, taking a deep, shaky breath before letting it out again. "I... I've taken DNA samples, straight from Lilith, and in testing them for similarity against an associates' DNA... I may have unintentionally brought forth a new life-form. A life-form that shows signs of life, and yet, no essential essence... no soul. In my research, I cloned this life-form -too risky to take more from Lilith's body or my colleagues- and now have 10 experimental subjects... I needed a control group, but it's spread beyond my reach now...
"Recently, I've finished constructing a machine that should allow actual construction of a substitute soul, which should be compatible with... with any one of Subjects 1 through 10. All that is required, it would seem, is to copy another 'soul,' so it can be inserted into the body... why am I going over this now? I mean, Yui said she was sure about the Contact Experiment... Of course, she's been sure about it the last dozen times she's tried, but there's been no reaction yet... I've tried to warn her about what could happen, every time, so now all I can do is... all I can do is hope she fails again. Then there won't be any need for what I..."
Naoko closes her eyes, wiping her mouth. She felt sick. What was she doing? What could she do? What had she done? She had cloned her best friend with an Angel's DNA. This, even in the name of science, was not... there was no excuse for this, no forgiveness. And leaving her so-called 'best friend' to die in trying to tame an Evangelion? What... what kind of friend would do something like this? If anyone ever knew... no, she would most probably die before anyone found out about what she'd done here. Let alone that person be her own daughter...
She turns off the SDAT recorder as she presses a panel under her desk, shivering as one entire section of a wall slides down suddenly. It shouldn't have been possible to hide ten test tubes and a single, large life-support system in one of the 'most secure places on Earth,' as the JSSDF had called it. Nor should it have been doable by a single woman such as herself. Not only should it not have been possible, it shouldn't have been able to operate stably for as long as it had.
So was the problem of mortal men, women, and their shifty eyes. Sad how they could miss something so large, and right in front of them, too. And to think, whenever she'd gotten bored on days before she'd come down here to open and close the panel in five-second timeframes, just to see who'd notice...
This is exactly the situation she is in, giggling madly when the panel would freeze halfway up, when a black hole opens in midair behind her...
"… Well, shit." She hears a voice. She considers the possibilities implied in 0.5 seconds... skips to the most likely one. Someone is nearby. Most likely someone that should not be there, as she had heard no one enter the room since her own entrance, and there was certainly no one else there before she arrived; everyone was hanging around Central Dogma, otherwise occupied.
... Wait. Someone who should not be there. 'Danger, Akagi, danger!'
And so one of the founding members of GEHIRN spins around, a look of pure surprise written across her features as she takes a mouthful of pink, plug-suit-clad crotch to the face.
-[-]-
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Eva Unit 01's Innards, Cage 01
"Well, this is rather convenient," Yui Ikari breathes, opening the control panel between her legs and pulling up the lever. Before the LCL level has even dropped below her waist, she has the belts across her chest and waist undone, and is bracing herself against the hatch as she catches her breath. Great timing for somebody to screw up, isn't it? I really was about to have an anxiety attack in here, wasn't I? Shit… she was right. F_ing-
Less than two minutes later, it is Commander Ikari stalking across the bridge, still in her plug-suit and wiping LCL out of her hair with a towel as her husband trails behind, that says what everyone in the control room is thinking.
"Soooo~o, obviously something's gone wrong somewhere. Can I get a status report?" No one mistook the lilt in her voice for shaking. Nor did they mistake the tone in her words as arrogance. When she'd taken her position as Commander, a little over two years ago now, the woman had flat-out told them that while she didn't 'know' tech-speak, she would do her best to make sure she was understood. She said it with a smile and blush, so it was believable.
Those of her family and close friends, on the other hand, knew otherwise. Yui Ikari knew what she was saying, and when to say what. She just liked seeing people squirm trying not to talk back.
"The MAGI has self-activated and detected a number of unauthorized organisms down in Terminal Dogma," Shigure Aoba, a man Yui had long-since subconsciously nicknamed 'Minion A,' calls out. "No visual or audio on the subjects, since we don't have any kind of feed set up inside yet, but besides that… well…"
"Yes?" As much as she actually didn't have time for this, currently there was a threat to her program (empire), and her people (minions) weren't telling her something. And that 'something' might be important.
In another time, yet the same place in general, Makoto Hyuga would be freaking out, watching the top senior officer in his chain of command be eaten by a big-ass war machine from the inside while they each sat there, altogether powerless to do anything about it. In this time… well, he's still freaking out, but for a relatively different reason.
"Ocrapocrapocrapocrapocrapcrapcraaaap," he mutters, fingers flashing and back-stepping across the keyboard in a flurry of movement and intensity normally not seen from the man. "There's a… a… this thing in the other thing and nononono come on!"
On a calmer day, and possibly more colorful swearing involved, Aoba would have instinctively known that Hyuga was getting owned on Cosmic Warcraft, an online MMORPG he'd told the younger man about a few months ago. As it is, he's still one of the few that don't bother to look up; he too is busy with the task at hand. On the other hand, he's also currently a little more coherent than Hyuga.
"Ma'am, it looks like the MAGI had some kind of worm or virus programmed into the terminal, set to go off with the start-up and…" He bangs his knee into the CPU. "And it's trying to do… something."
"Something like…?" She doesn't count on a reply from her minions, instead turning to her husband at this point. Her poor, currently useless husband who can do nothing more than shrug as little Shinji stares at the flashing lights from behind his leg.
[^sparklies^]
WARn~ING!. WarNINNNG?
BLU-RE-ORA- Unknown Pattern Detected? /run_ /FAIL
1101001st ANG3L? Unconfirmed/identify_urself_.iso/WTFRU
Action Taken: InCaseThisDayEverComes/ICTDEC:/run_ /CLINK-CLINK
((TTYTT))
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Terminal Dogma
It is a compromising position that Asuka finds herself in as lights flash overhead and a broken tinny voice scratches through the speakers. She blinks. Maybe she's dreaming, or having a nightmare? Perhaps she was finally hallucinating from hunger. Blinks again. Nope. Still there.
"Hmmm… Second?" She finally asks.
"Yes, Asuka?"
"Why do these alarms sound very familiar?"
"Probably because they sound just like the ones NERV used to have."
"Hmm. And why would they be going off?"
"They usually go off during an Angel attack, when NERV is being invaded, or it's April Fools' Day. As I'd rather not consider the first two, I'd go with that last one."
"Okay. Shinji?" She calls again, not waiting for an answer. "Why is there a middle-aged woman that looks a little like Ritsuko-san between my legs?"
"There is a strong possibility that you landed on her face when you left the portal. As to why she might look like Ritsuko-san, I don't know."
She clicks her tongue. "I thought something felt weird. Is she dead?"
"I believe the proper term is 'unconscious,' but I can't quite tell from this angle."
"Shinji? Second?"
"Yes, Asuka?"
"Where are you?"
"Judging from the proximity of your voice… behind you, I guess."
"You guess?"
"I'm a little more focused on the bare foot crammed into my crotch…"
"You pervert," she snaps automatically.
"Seriously? First. To my knowledge, it is not my fault that the fate of my unborn children rests on the foot of someone I don't know, and whom you may have just killed by accident. Speaking of which, I take it that you're still sitting on her face."
"This is officially the one conversation I never expected to have with you."
"Please, get up already. While the risk of never having kids is a little worrying, I'd rather we were elsewhere when the guys with guns come to shut off that alarm. I really don't feel like dying today."
(^_^)
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2017 AD, T + 15 Days Third Impact
"Maya-san? Not that I don't like gardening or anything, but are we done yet?" Suzuhara Touji is nervous, that much he can admit to himself. About what is obvious as he runs his fingers over his abs under his shirt; yeah, he can still feel the edge of his Core just beneath the skin. It's not as if it could have just disappeared in the week since he'd first discovered it.
"I guess so, Touji-kun," the woman pouts at the still-mulchy field. For all of either of their efforts, the 'garden' still looked nothing like what Kaji-san had down within his first week of suspension at NERV. Disregarding the thought (memories of those days never went anywhere), Ibuki Maya claps her gloved hands together before stretching. "Oh, I almost forgot! You wanted to talk about something before, right?"
"Yeah," he nods. "Do you think we turned into Angels when we came back?"
She doesn't ask him what he means by that, or where the question comes from. She knows. She had returned only a few days before he had, and had seen her own in the back of her throat when she'd stopped screaming for a second to find a toothbrush, toothpaste, and a mirror. Then she'd started screaming again for a little while.
From the self-administered psych analysis she went over later, it was probably just shock, as after she finally got done she felt a lot better. From the looks Pilots—no, Shinji and Asuka had given her at the time, they had been worried. But that was wrong, wasn't it? Whether or not they had dealt with situations like this before, she was the elder in their situation, so shouldn't she have been the one worried for them?
Hence the gardening, somehow. It seemed to help relieve the stress; realizing that not only were you clinically dead for an undeterminable amount of time, but you are now one of the few living things left on the planet can take a lot out of you. In retrospect, it probably wasn't the best idea to virtually go hermit on them like that, even if she did drop by daily bearing five-minute-food as a peace offering. Not much she could do about that now.
Then again, if realizing that they each now had a Core to themselves was nearly that traumatizing for her, she could only imagine what the others, younger than her, were going through. So she answers his question with a question.
"Do you suddenly have the urge to slaughter the human race?" Maya is unsure whether she is disturbed or proud that he actually considers it instead of being shocked by the question.
"Nah, I don't think so," he shakes his head, laid back with arms folded on the ground. "But that might be 'cause there ain't anybody fully human left in the world. And then there's the part where I'm actually worried about it. Maybe I just can't tell it's there?"
She decides to go with 'proud.' She doesn't know or care why.
"Guess that's true," she hums before puffing her cheeks out and stretching her legs straight out on the ground. "Do you suddenly want to physically reunite with or kill a parental figure that spawned you?"
"Nope. Dead or not, I don't think the feeling's there."
"Hmmm," she considers. Somebody sounds morbidly depressed. "Say, what color were the Angel Cores before?"
Touji frowns in thought. "Didn't y'all use to call 'em S2 engines or was it… red. They were red."
"And what color are ours?" She smiles lazily.
"I… 'Suke's is blue, but I haven't really looked at anyone else's. I'd guess all o' ours are blue. You got one too?"
"Mmm-hmm," Maya smirks. In another time, another place, perhaps a completely separate dimension beyond the walls of this universe, perhaps someone would complain that the woman known as Ibuki Maya doesn't act like this. However, this is this dimension, and upon her induction and expulsion in Instrumentality, she decided that, if given another chance, her life would not revolve solely around NERV and force her into student-sensei relationship fantasies. Therefore, in some roundabout way, she is now more expressive.
This one would f_ing roll with it were he you. Now, onwards!
"Huh," Touji states before –wait, now he has a strained look on his face. "We're not all gonna turn into giant monsters one day and try to eat each other, are we?"
"Kami, I hope not… nah, not likely."
"Good," he sighs. "The powers that come with it would be sweet, but I get the weirdest feeling that I'd be losing all the time."
She laughs, both with him and at him, knowing he was joking. It wasn't even that good of a joke! Maybe sometimes, Maya thinks, we all need to just laugh. Otherwise, we'd all go nuts, and then what? She doesn't know, and doesn't expect an answer.
She certainly doesn't expect Kesuke to come running into the large room, or to execute a move that looks suspiciously like 'The People's Elbow' above Touji's head.
(!&pretzel%!)
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2004, Terminal Dogma
"Aaaand you've officially saved her life. Also, I never knew that you know CPR, Shinji!"
"When the dangers of the world consist of 'Death by Angel,' 'Death by Eva,' guns and turning into goo… well, no one's gonna be impressed by that," he sighs as he makes sure the woman they would call NoName –they hadn't been able to find a ID card on her- is breathing before moving to pick her up off the floor.
On a side-note, he is thankful that in the few minutes before, Asuka had managed to get off the woman's face without neutering him, even if that situation had ended up with him on the floor and NoName giving him an accidental back-of-the-head head-butt, which assured him that she was unconscious and gave him a headache. Which was around the time that it was made clear; she wasn't breathing.
Now, less than two minutes later he is surprised by how light the woman seems to be, not expecting help from Asuka and in turn, not receiving any.
"I know a few people that tend to forget how to breathe when kissing that might appreciate it," she coughs from atop the desk.
"I only know two people who might be like that, and not counting you, the other one is dead, so no help there," he shrugs.
"I figure you mean Ayanami. Why," she asks, kicking her legs back and forth and watching him balance NoName in the rolling chair again.
"She was always a 'maybe.' You know what they say about the quiet ones…"
"As I recall, you used to be pretty quiet yourself. What the hell happened with that?"
"You and ending the world."
"Oh yeah… remind me, why'd you decide to let people come back if they felt like it?" 'Not that I don't appreciate it or anything, but seriously. Wishing for everybody to die and then passively giving them a choice to stay or come back is kind of weird… like somebody planned it.'
It came out as a casual question. Maybe too casual. Shinji remembers the days when something like that should have counted as 'shameless prying,' and sighs, lips quirking as NoName's head flops down and she begins to snore. He pushes her head back up.
"I remembered that, even though I was probably pretty close at that point, I'm not God."
Asuka blinks, beginning to rock back and forth with her legs. 'That's freakin' deep. When did the Second become such a- wait. That sounds too simple.'
"Elaborate," she orders out loud, and he laughs a little, leaning back on the desk next to her.
"I mean, on one hand, I'm not so scared of man's superior firepower that I have to hide up in Heaven and say 'obey me' all the time."
Asuka sweat-drops. 'Is he… is he trying to make a joke?' "Okay, and on the other hand?"
"On the other hand… well, peace gets boring sooner or later. For everyone. It's not a smart move to leave everybody in the world in a situation where they're bound to get so… bleh. It's actually more fun this way! If you hurt because of others, then you can feel good because of others too! Complementation is 'no consequence for anything, but hey, you'll either live out your wildest fantasies or get along with everyone!' That is the worst kind of suck I can imagine." He laughs again, a peaceful look on his face.
The redhead rolls her eyes. 'Not so deep when you look at it like that. Maybe more than he needs to bother thinking about, but then again, maybe it's better this way?'
"Baaaka," she punches him in the shoulder suddenly, and raising an eyebrow when he falls over easily. "If that's how you see things, why kill everybody off in the first place?"
"That… is a really good question." He nods sagely, ignoring her face-palm. "Well, besides being really depressed when Lilith-Rei asked me to 'make a wish,' I mean, didn't we all kind of need a 'reset button' anyway? Everybody was going nuts and killing each other… kinda like little boys and girls go around acting mad at each other, except with actual guns and bombs and shit like that.
"And what is it that parents do when stuff like that happens with their kids?"
"Tell each other that 'those two are going to make beautiful children with high blood-pressure for me one day'?" Now it was Asuka's turn to ignore his face-palm and groan as he sits on the ground. "Sure, they don't say it like that, but it's implied that boys 'like' the girls that they're mean to and vice versa. And all parents go crazy about wanting grandkids sooner or later."
"I guess that is true," he sighs. "Thank God Dad never got like that. I mean… no. Just no. Forget I said anything."
"Never say that again, then, and you've got a deal," Asuka shivers. Shinji coughs into his hand.
"Right then. Moving on… right, kids, mean girls, parents. Different situation. Okay then, what do parents do when it's two boys or two girls picking at each other, and they know it's not 'because they like each other'?"
"… Put them in time-out?" Asuka tries.
"Something like that, according to some old religion over where the Americas used to be. And it worked to calm them down, like, one out of two times."
"What used to happen the other 'one out of two times'?"
"Well… you remember that one class play by Shakespeare?"
"What, Romeo and Juliet?" Shinji nods. "Some things were just not meant to be translated… wait, what does that have to do with—"
"Something like what's supposed to have happened before the story," he says evasively.
"Two people have a blood-feud where they're always trying to kill each other?"
"Yup."
"Kinda like what we usually have?"
"With more or less sexual tension and more pointless bloodlust, I think so."
"Huh… Second?"
"Yes, Asuka?"
"How long have we been down here?"
"I… I don't know." There's an actual confused look on his face as he scratches his head and grabs the desk for support to get up. "Asuka?"
"What?"
"Is that a button between your legs or am I seeing things?" She stares at him, one eye twitching as she starts to get up and slap the shit out of him… blinks. Wiggles in her seat. Finally looks down.
"… Huh. Looks like there's some kind of… hidden panel… between my legs. No, guess you're not seeing things. Dammit."
"What do you think it does?" She can hear the sheer wonder in his voice and for a second, thinks he might be a little too eager to stick his hand 'don't you dare finish that thought.'
Asuka huffs, stands up, and turns to face him. He's still staring at the button, an intense look in his eyes. 'Maybe I preferred it when I thought he was perving on me.'
"Why don't we find out?" She asks, pressing the—
'Click!'
'FWOOO-'
"What. The Hell. Is this?"