I'd like to thank BloodSucker815 for her wonderful help beta-ing this story. The mistakes, though, are all mine. The characters, unfortunately, are not! I hope you'll enjoy this fanfic and please feel free to drop me a line. Tks! Célia
Sookie "This Ain't a Love Song"
There was a long silence between us, though the bar was at its usual noise level around Eric's table.
"Tell me the truth," Eric said, "Is it possible you came here simply to spend time with me? You haven't told me how angry you are with me that I tricked you over the knife. You realize that we are wed now, right?"
And then it hit me, and I was struck silent. "We are wed now." I was married to a vampire. I was married to a vampire. How did I get to that place? And everything else in my life? I mean: the weres had declared me a friend of the pack for my help during their war; the vampires owed me money and favors; my great grand-father was a fairy prince, my brother a were-panther, my room-mate a witch, my ex-boyfriends were a vampire and a were-tiger, and my boss a shifter. And then there was Eric. Eric. I was pledged to him now, which seemed to mean that I was engaged. "We are wed". No, it meant that we were married. So I ask again: how did all of that happen?
But in that moment I also realized that Eric was not only my (kind of) husband. There was something else here. He was something else. And when he asked if I had visited just to be with him, I noted that the answer was yes; I had just wanted to be there with him. It was the first time that I'd gone to Fangtasia simply to talk to him. No. Not to talk. Just to be with him. Because I loved him. I did. And in that second, I was absolutely sure that it had nothing to do with the blood bond. I was utterly and absolutely in love with Eric Northman. Oh God.
Suddenly, I felt my heart beat increase its rhythmic and that was when Eric immediately reached over the table to take my hand.
"Sookie, are you okay? What happened?" he asked.
But I didn't answer him. I couldn't answer him. Hell, I couldn't even breathe, let alone talk. His touch on my hand was electrifying and his eyes were focused in mine. Breathe in and breathe out, breath in and…
All of a sudden, everything went black and I lost it.
I know that I've said before that the Stackhouses aren't of the fainting kind. And it's true! We aren't. But there's only so much a girl can take.
And Eric's question made me see the mess that my life was and my real feelings for him. The mess in my life? Yeah, I could deal with it. My feelings for Eric? Not so much. I already had my heart broken once and I almost didn't survive that. I still remembered my walk from the hospital in New Orleans to Hadley's apartment after I had discovered (well, after Eric had made Bill tell me) that I was first an assignment to Bill and just second a girlfriend. And even though I thought I loved Bill back then, now I was absolutely sure that it had only been just a little more than a crush. It was nothing compared to what I felt for Eric. And I could not, I would not, recover from a second heart-break.
So, what was the reason why I fainted? Well, it was my absolute conviction that I would die the first time I'd see Eric with another girl, feeding from her and… doing other things.
Yes, like he had said "we are wed now". But somehow, I was sure that Eric's notion of fidelity was one-sided (my side) and I would not put myself though that situation again. And by "that situation" I mean discovering that your boyfriend (husband?) was cheating on you and there was nothing you could do about it, except, maybe, cry yourself to sleep just to wake up in the morning with a head-ached to make company to your broken heart.
"She's moving Eric, she's moving." Pam's voice sounded a mix of nervous and relieved at the same time. Two seconds later I heard the door open and close and felt Eric's hand stroking my face. Slowly, I opened my eyes and saw his eyes as well. I saw the dark-blue rim around the iris and the even mix of pale blue and white rays in the iris of his eyes. Jesus. Eric's eyes had always been so perfect to me.
"Are you okay Sookie? How are you feeling? Do you think you can get up? Talk to me. Tell me that you are okay," he said quietly. Actually, his voice was almost a whisper. And then, suddenly, he said loudly: "Pam, get Ludwig on the phone again. Tell her that if she's not here in 5 minutes I will skin her aliv…"
"Eric, stop," I interrupted him before I added, "I'm okay. I don't need Dr Ludwig. Pam, please call her but instead just tell her that I don't need a doctor here. I'm really okay. I just…" – and then I turned my head from Pam to Eric – "I just need to talk to you."
Pam didn't move. Instead she just said "Eric?" He continued to glare at me for like a minute and then nodded to Pam. She took her clue and left the office. I could still hear the bar's music and sounds when she opened the door to leave before closing it again and I knew that I hadn't been out for long.
"Are you sure you are okay? Do you want me to take you home?"
I took a deep breath before I answered him. "No. I mean yes, I'm okay. No, I don't want a ride. I just need to talk to you."
"Very well my lover. Say what you please," Eric told me with the smallest smile in his lips.
I got up and sat on his couch. Eric sat by my side.
"I…" But then I stopped. I had only said one word, and I had stopped already. But… Well, I knew what I had to say but starting was always the hardest part; and it sure was hard. But then, somehow, I continued telling him what I needed to, "I… I know that you married me to protect me somehow. And I thank you for that. Besides, I know that we are friends and that you like me and care for me. Again: I thank you. And I must tell you that you are very important to me and that I like you very, very, very much." Oh God. I could already fell the tears behind my eyes. I looked at Eric and he had the most thoughtful face ever. I knew that these were the words he had wanted to hear from me. The "thank you" and "you are important to me" parts. But, at the same time, he felt my emotions and he knew that I wasn't finished yet. I sighed, grateful that he hadn't interrupted me and instead gave me a few moments to figure out what to say next. I touched his lips with my lips for a second giving him a silent kiss and I continued, "Yes, I like you and I know you care for me. And that's why I am going to ask you a favor." And then I stopped again. I had thought before that starting was the hardest part. But it wasn't. No. This was the worst part. Not beginning. This was it. This was when I broke the tip of my heart to prevent a complete break in the middle. I took another deep breathe, I tried to muster all my courage, and then I told him about the favor I was asking, "I… I need space from you. I need to leave all this behind: my house, my job, my friends, you. I need to go away and I need you to not follow me there."
"Where's there?" he asked immediately.
"I don´t know. I don't know anything yet. It's not here. It's not with you. It's somewhere else. All by myself."
"For how long?"
"I don't know that either. For as long as it takes." Well, it would probably take my whole life.
"And what if someone follows you there? Victor? Or Niall's enemies or…" He didn't finish the sentence. Instead he looked completely defeated. His elbows were on his knees and his head in his hands, looking in the direction of his shoes.
"I don't believe that they will. And if something happens, I'll call you so you can help me. You'd still help me, right?" I tried to smile. I failed.
"If I can," he said, sill looking at the floor.
"Okay then. Thank you for understanding." Being immortals, that is, having all the time in the world, make vampires really comfortable with staying still in silence. And so we stayed still in silence for five minutes before I couldn't handle it anymore and broke the silence, "I thought this would be very hard… to convince you to let me go, I mean."
"I am not convinced. Not at all. But I feel your resolution. I know that you have to do this. I just don't know why." Eric's head was still in his hands and his voice was a whisper.
"Either way Eric, I thank you again. I'll text Pam in a week or two with my new address," I said and that was when he looked at me, before I added "just in case."
"It's easier. But Eric please…"
"I understood the first time," he said. And for the first time ever, I saw a blood tear leave his right eye. He nodded with his head, and then he added, "I will not follow you. I will only hope that you will come back. Goodbye Sookie."
And as soon as he said my name, I found myself looking at an empty sofa. He had heard me. And then he had left me there. Just as I had asked.
I picked my purse and left Fangtasia though the employees door. Even without thinking, I drove home, took a shower, brushed my teeth and I went to bed. Then, I curled into a fetal position and cried myself to sleep.
"These Days" is Bon Jovi's sixth studio album, released on June 27, 1995. And "This Ain't a Love Song" is the lead single from that album.
Jon Bon Jovi was the one who "taught" me English when I was thirteen because of my huge crush on him back then. I really wanted to understand his lyrics so I started studying the language really hard!