Author's note:
Don't expect too much of these drabbles, please... they're just random things that come up in my mind.
Songs belong to their rightful owners and characters belong to Square Enix.
Don't have much more to say... it's something I have experience with and it SUCKS. Decided to write it out so I could just forget it for a while.


Internal wars

Gently Roxas pulled Axel's slightly shaking body against his. Another fight was going on, by now he knew the signals, he knew the signs and could tell when Axel needed him to hold him. Roxas knew that all Axel wanted at this moment was just crawl up in bed, give up on everything and hope to die. He also knew that he could never allow Axel to do that. Roxas couldn't live without him, life would be empty, meaningless, a neverending empy black space. He was the most important person in Roxas' life, the one that made him feel worthy, the one that made him feel like life actually had a meaning.
Roxas knew what Axel wanted, but more important, he knew what he needed. Roxas knew that arguing with the internal war hardly ever helped the situation, as with his amount of subtlety, sometimes the words did more harm than good. So, for now, he settled with just holding Axel close, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, that everything would be okay, that he loved him and more of the like.
Roxas didn't know how long they had been sitting there, just holding each other, waiting for the fight to come to an knew there was little he could do for Axel at this point, the fight was his, and his only. After years of having these fights himself, Roxas knew they could last for hours, days even. He knew there was little to do about them, in general arguing was of no use, the other voice would always shout louder, always be stronger and somehow always be more convincing. In general, the other voice would have you in the situation his lover was in now, wanting to crawl up and wait until death would finally lay eyes on you and decide it was your time. But with his experience came another thing. In those years that were filled with these internal fights every day, Roxas had somehow found a strength within himself. It had taken him a very long time, it seemed as long as forever, but he had found the strength to fight back. The fighting voice sometimes found a strength that the loud voice didn't know. A strength it couldn't fight. A strength that made the other voice shut up for a while.
His lover had that strength as well, of that Roxas was sure. The strength was in him somewhere, hiding from the world. How he knew? Together they had fought him out of one of these battles once. It had been a hard battle, but they won. At the time Axel had no idea how Roxas had gotten him out of there, but Roxas knew, and that was enough for now. He knew the strength was there, and more importantly, that their strengths together and with a lot of force, they could end these fights. These fights would have an end. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, maybe not next week, or in a month. This was something that could take forever. Roxas had no idea, because some of his fights were still going on.
Roxas was pulled out of his thoughts by four words Axel spoke:
"I want to die." Roxas pulled away from Axel slightly, still holding him but made sure their eyes met. He saw it in his eyes, the despair, the cry for help, the cry for a break from all this.
"Axe, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel, you know that." Roxas whispered gently, trying to be everything Axel needed and more.
"Right now it's a long one and it's very dark," was the reply he got. He nodded, knowing the feeling all to well.
"Focus on the tiny light at the end. It's there, and every second that passes is another tiny step closer to the end." Roxas stroked Axel's hair, trying to comfort him, trying to be there for him.
"To me, it's out of view." It was barely a whisper, but Roxas had heard. The days felt like years when he was away from Axel, he knew that, the tunnel didn't seem to have an end when Axel wasn't there with him, but he knew that it did have one. Knowing that was enough for Roxas.
"Let the light in your heart lead you to the end, my love. Let our love be your guide in the darkness, let my voice and words get you to the end safely." Roxas sighed, it was hard to see Axel like this, the thoughts being so familiar. Roxas could deal with the thoughts when they were his. Not when they were Axel's, he was supposed to be happy. He was supposed to know about the light at the end, about the end of the wars. Actually, he wasn't supposed to know the tunnel and the wars existed in the first place.
Axel didn't speak anymore and soon Roxas saw Axel was losing an other fight. The fight to stay awake. Roxas got up and pulled Axel to his feet as well, guiding him to his bed and soon after he was in bed, curled up, arms wrapped around his legs. Roxas got in bed next to him, unwrapping his arms, uncurling his body and then pulled it agianst his own. Roxas lay on his back, his arms around his love, Axel's head on his shoulder and his eyes closed. Soon his breathing had slowed down to the typical breathing of someone who's asleep.
Roxas sighed deep and closed his eyes as well. They had been living towards these days for a long time, living towards the moment they could fall asleep in each ohter's arms and wake up next to each other.
Roxas knew that one day, they'd fall asleep and wake up like this for the rest of their lives. One day, they would have their happily ever after. One day, both Axel's and his own fights would stop.

...One day, everything would be alright...