14A/N: All right… Given that this is the last chapter, I'll repeat: Final Fantasy VII is the property of Squaresoft / Square Enix. Which is not me. (In fact, I haven't even got around to actually playing the original damn game yet…just in case you hadn't realised.)
Chapter 3 - Junk
Yuffie Kisaragi was feeling…well, she wouldn't admit it, not even under torture (besides, being a super awesome ninja, she'd never admit to anything under torture). But she was still feeling the teensiest bit nervous.
After all, she'd just stolen the Vampire's Cape. Possibly she should have hidden it somewhere by that point, but since when did a chance like this come along? Tattered and smelling like it had been dyed in a vat of blood it might be, but damn was it warm… Someone who wasn't a kunoichi would have shrunk back further into the branches upon espying the distinctly…visible Vincent Valentine stepping out of the men's tent. But the Single White Rose of Wutai wasn't so amateurish as to leave bits of eye-catching crimson fabric to flap around and draw his unwholesomely sharp crimson eye to her distant form which was hidden well enough already.
Metallic accoutrements flashing gold in the false-dawn's faint illumination, Vincent turned towards the women's tent, gently tapping a gauntlet-clad claw a few times against the tent's dangling zip in the tent-ly equivalent of knocking. She would've done a little victory dance if she wasn't trying so hard not to move; she had been right not to stash the cape first. Of course, now that he'd stuck his head inside, the ninja was free to hop down off her branch and circle round to deposit his cloak with the rest of her stuff once he'd gone. That'd vex him good…
—ox-oxo-xo—
Vincent Valentine's earlier sense of relaxation still lingered, a little. Mostly, however, he just felt cold.
As he had suspected, Yuffie was absent from her tent. Also as he had suspected, Aerith and Tifa had not been of much help. They had been sympathetic if a little muzzy with sleep, and the flower-merchant had been kind enough to rummage in a half-hearted fashion through the ninja's bedding, though she was reluctant to go through the rest of her stuff. He had apologised for the intrusion, and they had promised to let him know if they found it.
They must have been only half-awake (or just suffering from low-grade intellectual disabilities, a possibility which could not in all good conscience be discounted), to forget the acuity of his hearing. Tuning out the breathy tinkling sound of their poorly muffled giggles, the gunslinger stretched and took a deep breath. He would have to do this the other way.
Ninja princesses, as a rule, tended not to leave obvious traces to follow. But that tantalising scent lingered, faint but still sharp enough to give him a starting point.
Tantalising…? This time, Vincent couldn't help but suspect that he knew why Galian was laughing this time.
—ox-oxo-xo—
Much as they might have wished to, Aerith and Tifa just couldn't get back to sleep. It wasn't that they didn't try (after all, it really was pretty cold). But Yuffie's not-quite-silent enough entrance – brief as it was, just long enough to stash away Vincent's cape and flee – rendered the prospect of any further slumber a lost cause.
Yuffie…and Vincent? The prospect was not one they cared to dwell on…especially not with their eyes closed.
"…So…"
"…Yeah…"
Though neither of them would admit it, it did irk them ever-so-slightly (after the frantic mental purging had run its required course) that Yuffie of all people was more likely to net a Valentine than they were – even if she had cheated and stolen her 'gift' instead of waiting for him to give her one… At which point something rather mischievous occurred to Aerith. After all, she quite liked the AVALANCE ex-bartender, and had actually been more than a little puzzled for a while now as to why they were spending their time bickering over something so...juvenile.
"…I suppose we should find Vincent…" Tifa yawned, "…give him his cloak back." Obviously it hadn't occurred to the still-not-quite-awake Tifa yet. "Though…" Her eyes snapped all the way open. "Was it just me, or did Vincent seem…"
"…You're right… he wasn't that angry, now that you mention it." A realisation which necessitated another brief bout of mind-purging. "But leave the cloak. I just had an idea…"
Tifa shot her a sidelong glance. "…What are you thinking…?"
"I'm actually thinking Yuffie might be onto something…" She started to rummage around in her bags. "I mean, it's not like Cloud will actually pick one of us as a Valentine…" Tifa was reluctantly forced to agree with that sentiment. He really could be an idiot sometimes… "So I'm thinking…aha!" Finding what she was after, Aerith brandished the faintly glowing sphere.
"Is that…?" The former bartender's lips stretched, pearly-white teeth glimmering evilly in the Seal materia's light.
"Let's take a page out of Yuffie's book, shall we?"
—ox-oxo-xo—
"AHHHHHHHH!" A distant high-pitched scream, echoing across the wooded landscape with a force born of complete and utter terror, caused Vincent Valentine to freeze in place for a moment. Could there be some sort of emergency back at the camp…? But no, the semi-hysterical peals of laughter which followed would seem to discount that. In a turn of good fortune, Yuffie's hearing did not seem to be acute enough to have heard the laughter, given that the gunslinger immediately thereafter glimpsed her haring off towards the campsite's general direction, thus allowing him to pinpoint her position.
Being a sixteen-year-old ninja, her speed and energy levels were rather impressive. If she had not stopped to mutter and complain over the false alarm, Vincent would not have been able to catch up to her. Vincent stepped into position directly behind the preoccupied kunoichi as silently as he knew how, grounding a gloved digit's rounded end into position against an eardrum in a pre-emptive effort to preserve at least one of his ears.
"…Yuffie."
The aforementioned ninja spun in place, emitting a choked-off squeak in most un-ninja-ly fashion. That could have been worse, he reflected, removing his finger from the aforementioned orifice. (Silence, Galian…) Of course, she was not the sort to stay on the defensive for long… "H-Hi Vinnie! What're you doing out here? Wow, I can see your face! Where's your cape? And why d'you wear that thing anyway? 'cause it's not like your face is all THAT hideous…" At which point the Wutain princess's brain seemed to realise what its mouth was about to say, subsequently exerting control for long enough to shut it down before it dropped her in any deeper. It was a pity she couldn't control the way her unique scent spiked in its intensity. How could she remain so oblivious to its seemingly omnipresent existence? (I said SILENCE, Galian!)
"…Where is it, Yuffie?"
"Where's what Vince? What'cha looking for? Your cape? It's your cape isn't it?" He narrowed his eyes at her, remembering too late that the efficacy of that otherwise reliable technique would likely be decreased by the inconvenient visibility of the lower half of his visage. And indeed, it seemed to embolden her. "Well, what makes you think I know where your cape is, huh? It's not like I stole it when you were asleep and hid it, nyuk-nyuk-nyuk…"
"I need that cloak, Yuffie…" Perhaps if some judicious measure of intimidation were to be applied…? Although it would probably be unwise to use his sidearm, given that she'd brought her shuriken along and he had better things to do with his time than fight her – for instance, he could be finding his damned cloak! …At which point it occurred to the gunslinger that his body had leaned over her of its own volition, dwarfing the diminutive ninja with his superior height; he decided to remain there, given that it clearly made her more nervous. (Of course it made him a little nervous…but after all, he really did need that cloak.)
"So…so what if I DID steal your stupid cape?" Ah, he was making some progress… "Why would ya NEED that thing anyway! It's smelly and raggedy and dirty and all it does is hide your face so you can pull faces at everybody!" He made the mistake of blinking at the apparent non-sequitur, thus encouraging her in her belief that she was onto a winner. "Well, no more face-pulling for YOU! 'Cause you're never getting it back, not even if you give me all your materia!" Then she appeared to reconsider. "Well, maybe if you DO give me all your materia…" And then a strange and horrifying thing happened: the increasingly impatient gunslinger quite distinctly heard her mutter, "…And a Valentine's Day present…"
Valentine's Day…Valentine's Day…!
Later, Vincent Valentine could not for the life of him have predicted what might have happened had the Galian Beast not intervened. Almost uniquely in this case, however, Galian disdained to intervene by its usual method of twisting its host's form and proceeding to tear the object of his vexation to tiny chunks (though as utterly furious as he was at that point, he would by far have preferred to perform said carnage himself). No, instead it proceeded to unveil a whole new way of communicating with its host.
Correction: his host.
When that...mindboggling mental image faded, it was beyond him even to wonder where his impendent killing rage had gone to. No, all he could do was thank everything sacred that his facial expression hadn't even twitched.
"…Uh, Vince…?" All right, he might have twitched. The ninja had somehow backed her way right into a tree.
Well, all the better. There was no way in all the depths of hell that Vincent Valentine would let this opportunity go begging. Whatever the embarrassment, whatever the loss of dignity, he would not allow himself to add such a regret to his burdens through simple inaction.
"I beg to differ, Yuffie. You will return my cloak." Her mouth opened, presumably to continue her babbling rant; he cut her off (not without some effort) by commanding his facial muscles to perform a mischievous smirk. Her jaw dropped in a most satisfying manner. "Because, Yuffie, there is a very good reason for wearing that cloak. Would you like to know what it is?"
"Uhhh…"
Don't hurt any of them, Galian…
…Done…
Well, if he was going to do it, then now was the time. Letting that smirk widen a stretch, Vincent stepped out of the way and let Galian do his thing.
—ox-oxo-xo—
Aw crapcrapcrapCRAP! He's going Galian on me! I'm gonna DIE…! Of course, being the super awesome ninja princess of Wutai who never ever cowered with terror – EVER! – she bounded away from the tree and brought her trusty shuriken to hand, ready to go down fighting.
Blazing crimson eyes stared pitilessly into her own, mounted over a set of fangs which put Red's to shame. …Why isn't he trying to kill me? Not that she was complaining, far from it. (After all… well, who'd want to be torn into itty-bitty pieces by a big ugly demon?) Why was it just standing there, looking at her? Was it something to do with Vincent's so-called 'reason' why he had to have his stinking cape back? Or was it—
Then it occurred to her that Galian looked…different, somehow.
She tore her gaze away from the demon's, trying to work out what that difference was. That gaze didn't have far to go: only, in fact, about a metre or so, directly downwards.
"Oh…my…gawd…"
Yup. As far as so-called 'reasons' went, that was a pretty damn good one. The demon shifted its taloned feet, causing the luridly coloured object which she simply couldn't tear her popping eyes away from to sway lazily against the inner side of its knee.
Correction: his knee. His knee, for gawdsake!
She couldn't work out, even later, how long she had been standing there, frozen like a wild chocobo in the headlights with her gaze helplessly locked on the single most terrifying thing she had ever laid eyes on in her entire life… but it must have been a good long while, because Galian eventually got bored. It proceeded to deal with said boredom by jumping in place.
Thwock. Thwock. Thwock.
"AHHHHHHHH!"
Super awesome ninja she might be, but there were some things even the great Wutai Ninja Princess Yuffie Kisaragi would shamelessly scream like a girl and run the hell away from. Now, if only she could get back to camp and find that DAMN cape before Galian caught up and decided to rape her to death…
Behind her rapidly retreating form, Galian's demonically low-pitched hurr-hurr-hurr ripped through the forest. All things being equal, he'd still prefer to just go and kill something – but, he decided, this was almost as amusing. (And after all, just because he was a demonic entity didn't mean he wanted his junk thwocking about in the middle of a fight…)
—ox-oxo-xo—
It was a distinctly strange feeling which pervaded that particular morning's campsite for our heroes.
There were several reasons for this. In addition to last night's revelations connecting the laconic gunslinger's mysterious past with the holiday so tragically named after him (because after all, they were not entirely stupid, and could connect the dots after being given enough hints), there was the puzzling and worrying absence of not only Vincent but also the teenage ninja Yuffie. What could they be doing? especially considering the Vampire's outburst last night? Was Yuffie all right? (And, when it got right down to it, how much did they really care?) In addition, there was the fact that it was Valentine's Day – which meant that Barret was still thinking about his long-passed wife, Cid found his mind lingering for some reason upon the person of that annoying technician-broad, Nanaki occasionally wondered if he would ever find a mate to share his life with, Tifa and Aerith were still the tiniest bit disappointed that Cloud hadn't willingly come up with a Valentine present, and Cloud…
It must be said that, as factors went when attempting to analyse the complex mood around that campfire, Cloud was a decidedly major factor. After all, it can be extremely difficult to mope in peace when the party's leader is sitting right there in plain sight, attempting via sheer force of will to somehow convince the rest of reality that he is not wearing a silk dress…and a blonde wig…and a rather fetching diamond tiara…
Cloud sighed, abandoning his attempted pretence in favour of filling his mouth with Aerith's salad. The longer it took for him to eat his breakfast, after all, the longer it would take for Tifa and Aerith to give him his clothes back. It was not as if he didn't know exactly what had caused them to pull their little prank; he'd known Valentine's Day was coming for a long while, but he dared not countenance the thought of causing such dissent among the party as choosing a Valentine would likely have unleashed. Better for them to think him an idiot, even if it had resulted in this decidedly embarrassing situation. And there was a silver lining to this cloud – Aerith had explained that as they knew he wasn't going to give them anything, they'd gone ahead and taken it instead; their 'presents' to him would take the form of his clothes being returned to him after he finished his breakfast. Thus the whole problem had been avoided, all thanks to the piddling sacrifice of whatever dignity he had left.
At least, he reflected, they had let him keep his boxers…
"AHHHHHHHH!" A distant high-pitched scream, echoing out across the campsite, had the party bounding to their feet and diving for weapons. As the screams continued, approaching ever closer, Cloud bizarrely found himself hoping for a moment that the coming battle wouldn't ruin his silk dress…
As it turned out, it wasn't a battle. No, it was a shrieking, panting, red-faced Yuffie Kisaragi, sprinting full-bore for the women's tent. Followed by a bounding, snuffling, bizarrely carefree Galian Beast—
Which stopped. And turned to regard Cloud, its blazing orbs darting up and down as it took in the swordsman's…singular attire. And then pointed a wickedly pointed talon at him… and started roaring with laughter, bouncing up and down with maniacal glee.
"HARR-HARR—thwock—HA-HARR-HARR—thwock—HARR-HA-HARR…"
Perhaps Galian had expected the others to laugh along with it. Or perhaps it had just noticed what everybody was looking at. In either case, it – ahem, he – stopped laughing, staring at his host's gaping comrades. In the spirit of inquiry, the demon assayed one more jump.
Thwock.
"AHHHHHHHH!" Tifa and Aerith went streaking off for the women's tent. Cait Sith fell over laughing. For some reason, Barret slipped Cid…a fifty-gil note…? And Red… Actually, Red undertook what was probably the most intelligent action that was possible at that particular moment. He strolled over to the women's tent and thrust his leonine head inside for a few moments; when he withdrew, Vincent's cape was dangling from his jaws. The furry genius trotted back to the campfire, depositing the garment at Galian's feet before returning to his interrupted breakfast.
Galian glanced over at the women's tent, indulging in one more snort of amusement at the expense of the frightened feminine flowers within. And then he curled in on himself…and Vincent was back, fully clothed except for his cloak, stretching and tilting his head left and right to crack his neck.
He eventually bent down to pick up his cloak, straightening to find seven pairs of eyes regarding him with… well, whatever they were regarding the gunslinger with, he somehow succeeded despite the complete lack of facial movement to convey the impression that he found it immensely satisfying to bear witness. His crimson gaze, glinting with a most atypical mirth in the light of dawn, drifted over to rest on the women's tent. Specifically, on the lowest set of three pairs of bulging eyes, peeking from between the tent-flaps.
"…And that, Yuffie, is why I wear this 'stupid cape'." Shaking out the aforementioned stupid item of apparel, he glanced over at the party leader. "Nice outfit, by the way." And clad once more in that blessed, blessed cape, he sat down and helped himself to some salad as if he'd had absolutely nothing at all to do with that forearm-sized, purple-and-blue spiky demon-schlong that had just been waving around less than a minute ago.
Then again, it occurred to Cloud, maybe Vincent hadn't. You never knew, when it came to a guy who was possessed by a demon…
—ox-oxo-xo—
Vincent Valentine had not been present during Galian's most recent visitation. He never was. But Galian had been quite glad to communicate the results. Perhaps it was this that accounted for the smirk that seemed permanently fixed upon his face for the rest of the morning. (He did, however, take care to keep it concealed from the others of his party, at least inasmuch as possible. Their inadequate minds had probably suffered enough stress lately.) Then again, Cloud's outfit had fit in a disturbingly well-tailored fashion, a fact which certainly held its own prospects for amusement.
If this was his mindborne resident's idea of humour, he conceded, he guessed he could put up with him. (Needless to say, both he and Galian were deeply disappointed the next day, when Death Gigas made its first appearance…)
And best of all, no-one was laughing at him.
By the time they made camp that night, the Galian gift of contentment and good cheer had largely drained away, leaving him – more or less – sunk back in his habitual moody musings. He had, however, taken advantage of his earlier, more positive state of affairs to dwell for a few moments on the impending problem of the Wutain kunoichi. Late in the afternoon, they had come across a path leading up into the mountains and on toward her homeland…which meant that someday quite soon, the thieving ninja princess was extremely likely to disappear with as much materia as she could possibly filch.
That problem was dealt with via the simple expedient of passing her a Barrier materia which was perhaps halfway to being mastered. "…Happy Valentine's Day, Yuffie." At which point she flung her arms around him and kissed his cheek while he attempted not to breathe in that damn aroused scent of hers.
More to the point: a few days later, after cresting the mountain, when Yuffie finally got around to legging it with all their materia as he had predicted, he was one of the few members of the party who didn't lose anything else…
A/N: Aaaaand DONE. My first ever FFVII fic, finished. (At least, until I go back and fix all those imperfections that have started to bug me...)
Gotta say, I'm not all that happy with the ending…but I do need to sleep at some point tonight. Anyway… apologies for any OOC/non-canon/other problems (apart of course from the ones I intended). And, as I mentioned after the first chapter, reviews and/or con-crits would be highly appreciated. (And thanks to 'Fetherhd', who's been nice enough to drop me a couple - hope this last effort doesn't disappoint.)
Cheers! and enjoy your Valentine's Day/hope you enjoyed your Valentine's Day (depending on your timezone - for instance, my Valentine's Day ended just now...)
P.S. Any complaints regarding Galian-cocks and their presence in the readers' dreams will be thoroughly laughed at.