Calvin and Hobbes: Zombie Maimers

By Dr MilkyWay

Author's note: I do NOT intend on including Copper in this fanifc. At least not until the end. After all, its' Calvin and Hobbes, not Calvin, Copper and Hobbes.

Author's note 2: If you read Calvin and Hobbes's Epic Tale, you'd know Copper brought Hobbes to life. Well Hobbes is going to stay like that in this fanfic.

It was an average April night in the Calvin and Hobbes household. It had been about four months since they'd saved the earth from aliens and Hobbes had come to life (which was unknown to Calvin but known to Hobbes) and were totally bored.

"Hobbes, I'm too bored to do anything," said Calvin.

"Except talk, of course. You've been complaining those exact words to me every thirty seconds for the past thirty minutes," said Hobbes.

"You just don't know what it's like to be as bored as I am," said Calvin.

"Yes I do, every complaint you've given me involves that," said Hobbes.

"Oh, am I annoying you? I'm sorrrrrry!" Said Calvin sarcastically.

"Calvin, you have been complaining that for a while now," said Calvin's mom as he walked by. "If you're bored, you and Hobbes could clean your room."

"I'm not THAT bored, mom," said Calvin.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"I wonder what's on TV now," said Calvin.

As he and Hobbes walked downstairs, they saw one adult running away from another outside.

"They look like they're playing tag," said Hobbes.

"Must be connecting with their inner child," said Calvin.

Calvin poked his head out the window, and said "How's it feel to have responsibilities and deadlines sucker?"

The adult that was chasing the other one now faced Calvin and walked toward his house and was moaning.

"Adults are so weird," said Calvin.

"Agreed," said Hobbes. "I'll turn on the TV."

Calvin and Hobbes got in the chair and turned on the TV.

The news came on first.

"Please pay attention. The following is for your own safety," said the news guy.

Boo-ring!" said Calvin as he changed the channel.


The next channel was news too.

"-The amount of these random attacks are growing even as we broadcast this," said the next news guy.

"What the heck?" asked Calvin.


"-the Center for Disease Control and Prevention has confirmed this is result of a form of virus-"


"-it is mandatory that you do not panic-"


"Oh good, Looney Tunes is on," said Hobbes.

"It is recommended to defend yourself with weapons like so, doc," said Bugs Bunny on a news show.

Then a clip of an anvil falling on Wile E. Coyote played.

Calvin turned the TV off.

"Great, even the cartoons are news," said Calvin.

"I guess we could go do something else besides TV," said Hobbes.

"NEVER!" shouted Calvin.

"Calvin, there's nothing on, let's go do something else," said Hobbes.

As a response, Calvin sunk down further into the chair.

"Calvin, normally, I'd let you be, but tonight I'm totally bored," said Hobbes as he jumped on the chair and scratched Calvin's face so many times until he couldn't take it anymore and jumped out of the chair.

"I just wish Copper or the Supreme Potentate would come back so we'd have something exciting to do," said Calvin.

"Calvin, time for dinner!" called Calvin's mom.

"I don't want any disgusting-"

"TUNA!" exclaimed Hobbes as he pounced on Calvin from behind and they landed in the kitchen.

"You certainly know how to make an entrance, Hobbes," said Calvin's mom.

"Does that mean I get more tuna?" asked Hobbes.

"Maybe for dessert Hobbes," said Calvin's mom.

Then Calvin's dad came in. "I'm home!" he exclaimed.

"How was your day, honey?" asked Calvin's mom.

"It wasn't very exciting, except when I was biking home, some guy bit me," said Calvin's dad.

"At least YOUR day wasn't at boreville," said Calvin.

After dinner was over (and after Calvin was done complaining about his meal) Calvin and Hobbes went upstairs to read comics.

"Hey Hobbes, pass me the latest issue of Captain Napalm," said Calvin.

"Sure," said Hobbes as he threw it towards Calvin.

It went past Calvin, and out an open window.

"Great job, now I have to go outside and get it," said Calvin.

Calvin ran downstairs and out the door, looking for the comic. Then he saw the moaning adult from earlier trudging toward him.

"Hey, have you seen my comic book?" asked Calvin.

Then the man walked under a streetlight and was covered in blood.

Calvin gasped.


He ran all the way back into his room upstairs.

"Hobbes! There's a zombie outside!" Said Calvin.

"A zombie? Is it the mind controlled kind or undead kind?" Asked Hobbes.

"I don't know yet, but I'm guessing undead since he was covered in blood," said Calvin.

Then they heard banging on the front door.

"I'll get it!" said Calvin's mom.

Calvin and Hobbes ran downstairs like crazy shouting "Don't open it!"

Calvin's mom opened the door to see the zombie Calvin had seen and she screamed. The zombie bit her, and then Hobbes pounced on Calvin's mom and knocked the zombie over then closed the door.

"Why would you throw mom out there?" asked Calvin.

"She's been bitten. It's safest for both us and her to be separated," said Hobbes.

"I suppose, at least until help comes," said Calvin.

"What do we do now?" asked Hobbes.

"Eat cookies and watch TV shows we're not allowed to watch until mom comes back inside?" asked Calvin. "And hopng that one zombie forgets I called him stupid."

"That'll be Plan B. For now, we should barricade ourselves, call 9-1-1 and get you some weapons," said Hobbes.

"ME? Why not you? Are you insinuating that I'm weak?" Asked Calvin.

"No, it's just-"

"Well buddy, if you think I'm weak, then come over here and I'll show you how weak I am," said Calvin in a wrestling position.

"Calvin, I don't think you're weak. It's just that I have my claws to fight while you don't," said Hobbes.

Before this could go on, there was a banging against the front door. Calvin and Hobbes ran upstairs and looked out their window to see the zombie and Calvin's now-zombie mom banging against the door trying to get in.

"I'll get those weapons," said Calvin running around his room.

"I'll barricade the door and call 9-1-1," said Hobbes running downstairs.

Calvin ran upstairs and got a flashlight and a baseball bat.

Hobbes was throwing tables and junk against the door and shutting all the windows.

Calvin ran downstairs with his baseball bat and flashlight.

Hobbes was already dialing 9-1-1 by the time Calvin was downstairs.

Hobbes put the phone down when Calvin walked over.

"They wouldn't pick up. That is not a good sign," said Hobbes.

"Where the heck is Copper? If we saved all mankind and the Mastership then you'd think he'd help us now to return the favor. You should give him a time out for being a nincompoop once he's born," said Calvin.

"With all respect to Copper, I think we only need one tiger to solve this. Tiger will triumph over zombie as they triumph over man," said Hobbes.

Calvin edged away from Hobbes.

"Maybe I should throw him out there," thought Calvin.

Then out of nowhere, a hand grabbed Calvin from behind.

He looked up to see who it was and he saw his dad as a zombie.

Calvin blacked out.

The last thing Calvin heard was Hobbes screaming "NO!"

Then he woke up in his bed and Hobbes was in a pouncing position, facing Calvin's locked door.

"Oh man, Hobbes I just had this horrible nightmare that there was a zombie infection outbreak and zombie dad bit me," said Calvin.

"It wasn't a dream, there is a zombie outbreak," said Hobbes. "You passed out from the shock of your dad as a zombie."

Calvin almost passed out again at this news. And he might've if he hadn't noticed there were no bite marks or blood on his shoulder.

"Oh good gravy, I thought he would've bit me after I passed out," said Calvin.

"He didn't. After you passed out, I pounced on him and I must've hurt his legs or something because he was crawling after that which gave me enough time to bring you up here and I've been on guard duty since," said Hobbes.

Then a hole burst through Calvin's bedroom door and Calvin's dad's head peeked through.