Knave of Hearts

AN: Just a (super long...sorry) oneshot I thought I'd put out there. This is in no way related to "Something Good Can Work," except for the fact that it's also Rachel/Sam. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not in any way own Glee or Papa John's Pizza.

Sam Evans had never really been one for huge romantic gestures or elaborately set-up dates. However, his girlfriend...well, she watched a lot of musicals. So a couple of days before Valentine's day, the jock was kind of freaking out while his best friend watched amusedly.

"You know, Evans," Puck said slyly, "the midget would probably just be happy with roses or some girly crap like that. And who knows? If you sing her some sappy song, you just might be able to get in her pa– " The blond cut him off irritably.

"Shut it, Puckerman! I don't need your dumbass comments on top of everything." The football player in question just snorted and continued watching Sam pace up and down his room. Ever since Rachel and Sam had become a couple, the three Gleeks had been inseparable. Puck and Sam became the tiny diva's unofficial protectors; if anybody so much as looked at Rachel wrong, the two boys were ready to kill. While Rachel protested the violence, they both could tell that she secretly enjoyed the protection.

"Whatever, dude. I say you should just sing some song from Wicked or Funny Girl or something." When Sam stopped his pacing to stare at Puck weirdly, he became indignant. "What? Hanging out with crazy Berry does that to you, okay? Just don't tell anyone," he added hurriedly.

"...Okay, man. Whatever. Anyways – what the hell am I supposed to do? I'm sure Rach is expecting a huge fancy date or something, and I don't know how I'm gonna come up with that."

"Evans. Listen to me. When Berry and I were going out, she didn't expect too much; as long as I didn't try to reach third base, it was all good." When Sam glared at him, the Jewish boy quickly muttered an apology. "And besides, dude, being your girlfriend has mellowed her out. She's much more chill nowadays. Thanks for that, by the way." Sam grinned. It was true – Rachel had become a lot less high maintenance and over-strung since she started dating him. They were good for each other: Sam taught Rachel how to let go of little things and just let life happen, while Rachel pushed Sam to go above and beyond and work for more than just the bare minimum. They were so different, and yet...they were perfect.

But it still didn't mean she wasn't expecting a spectacle. If there was one thing Sam knew about his girlfriend, it was that she loved spectacle. And he, as the loyal boyfriend, was going to provide it.

And so Sam rented a tux, ordered flowers (a dozen red roses...cliché but classic), and with advice from Kurt, made reservations for a fancy vegetarian restaurant a few miles outside of Lima. Yeah, it might have cost him a bit more than usual, but Rachel was worth the effort. And boy, was she going to be proud of him. Everything was absolutely perfect.

Until it went completely wrong, of course.

It was the day of the Big Date, and Sam got a call during lunch. He had just been thinking about how happy his girlfriend would be tonight, when his daydreams had been rudely interrupted. Swallowing a mouthful of waffles, the blond answered the phone.


"Hello. Is this Mr. Samuel Evans?" Suddenly a shiver of dread ran through Sam. This couldn't be good.

"Uh...yes. Who's this?"

"Mr. Evans, this is the Red Hearts flower shipping company. You had called to place an order of roses two days ago, am I correct?" Sam's heart skipped a beat – and not in a good way.

" something wrong?"

"I'm afraid so, Mr Evans. You see, someone had also made an order for a dozen red roses right before you, and got the last batch. Unfortunately, we will not be able to order a fresh shipment in time."

"You've got to be kidding me," Sam said in a panicky voice. He quickly rose from the table and began pacing frantically back and forth. "I got those for my girlfriend!"

"We are very sorry, Mr. Evans. Valentine's day is always our busiest time, and we simply cannot order any more red roses. Have a good day." With that, the caller hung up. Sam stared at the phone and moaned pathetically.

"Why me?"

Sam knew the local florist wouldn't have any more red roses; they sold out well before February 14th. He had no idea what he was going to do now: what would Rachel say about the lack of flowers? Well, at least the tux and the restaurant were still safe. When talking to Kurt, Sam had begged the countertenor to take Rachel shopping for a nice dress. Kurt had enthusiastically agreed, and the two divas were probably going to be at the mall all day, letting Sam work his plans in secret.

A couple of hours later, Sam got yet another call. Heart pounding, the blond picked up the phone, silently praying please let it be the flower company saying they have the roses, please be the flower company saying they have the roses.

It wasn't the flower company saying they had the roses.


"Mr. Samuel Evans?" It was a professional, elegant voice on the other end of the line.

"That's me."

"Hello, Mr. Evans. This is Le Salade. I believe you made a reservation for..." Sam heard the sound of papers rustling in the background. "a table for two this evening?"

"Yeah, I did. There isn't a problem or something, is there?"

"Well," the voice sounded apologetic, and the jock's stomach lurched. "it appears that the restaurant has been overbooked, and seeing as you were the last person to make a reservation, we do not have a table for you. We offer our condolences..." Sam groaned hopelessly.

"Oh, God. Is this some sort of a joke? This can't be happening!"

"I'm afraid not, sir. We are very sorry." And with that, the line went dead. Sam dropped the phone and flopped down onto his bed despairingly. He now had no flowers and no restaurant, and his date was in...he checked his watch.

Forty-five minutes.

Sam sprang up from his bed with a newfound defiance. He was not going to let a couple of mistakes get him down. This was his and Rachel's big day, and by golly, it was going to be perfect.

After all, the show must go on.

"Hello, is this the Lima Florists?"

"Yes – and before you ask, we're out of red roses."

"Actually, I called to see whether you had any blue dahlias." There was an awkward pause.

"Um, yes, of course, but..."

"Awesome. Can I pick them up in about half an hour? And can you put them in a vase?"


"Thanks." And with that, Sam hung up. He had decided that maybe cliché and classic wasn't the way to go. After all, he and Rachel weren't an ordinary couple, so why should they have an ordinary Valentine's day? Sam picked up his phone and dialed another number.

"Papa John's Pizza."

"Hey, do you have any of those heart-shaped pizzas left?"

"Yeah, of course!"

"Great. I'd like to place an order for a large vegetarian thin crust and a liter of Coke, please."

"You got it! It'll be ready in about twenty-five minutes."


Sam looked at his watch again. He had approximately twenty minutes until he had to go pick up the flowers. He got the tux out of a garment bag in his closet and hopped into the shower. This was going to be an interesting date, if nothing else.

Twenty minutes later, a cleaned-up Sam Evans was racing out the door. First he picked up the flowers, leaving the rather confused florist with a large tip, and then drove to Papa John's and picked up the steaming-hot pizza. And then the final stop: the house of one Rachel Berry. The jock had counted on Kurt being there, and maybe Mercedes, but nothing could have prepared him for the sight he met when he rang the doorbell. The entire group of Glee girls was gathered at Rachel's house, including Santana, Quinn, and Brittany. Okay, so maybe all the girls had bonded once Rach had mellowed out a bit, but he was not expecting this. All the girls were dressed up for their respective dates, and once he was inside, Quinn called upstairs.

"Rachel...your gentleman caller is here!" The former Cheerio's voice was soft and teasing. She was back with Finn now and, after the awkwardness had passed, had become one of Rachel's best friends.

"Yeah, Berry. Come on down and meet your boy-toy...before someone else steals him." Santana, too, was joking lightly. The Latina was waiting to be picked up by Dalton's own Wesley Kim – the relationship, while surprising, had lasted long, and both were happy.

"Alright, alright! I'm coming." Just the sound of his girlfriend's voice made Sam's heart speed up a bit. He tried to look up the stairs, only to be held back teasingly by Brittany and Tina. And then, a vision appeared.

Sam had always known his girlfriend was beautiful, but this...this blew his mind away. Kurt had picked out a short blue dress -Sam's favorite color- and silver accessories. The metallic heels only helped to accentuate the brunette's long legs, and her hair was in tousled waves. It was all the blond jock could do to keep himself from drooling. Rachel stopped in front of him and smiled.

"What do you think?" she asked nervously. Sam honestly had no idea why she should be nervous – had she even looked at herself in the mirror?

"You look –you,," he finished lamely. All the girls giggled except for Rachel, who just took his hand and squeezed it softly. Sam then looked gratefully at the countertenor who was responsible.

"Thanks, Kurt." Kurt smirked back at him.

"Any excuse for shopping." With that, all the girls -and boy- looked at Sam expectantly. He stared back at them stupidly for a minute, and then remembered the flowers with a jolt. He held out the dahlias.

"These are for you. They, um – they remind me of you. You know, pretty, but in a different kind of way." All the girls (plus Kurt) awwwed appropriately. "And, I hope you don't mind, but our date's gonna be a bit unusual." Rachel looked at him curiously, and the blond could feel himself blushing.

"What do you mean?" Sam took a deep breath.

"Well, I had ordered red roses and made a reservation for a really fancy vegetarian restaurant 'cause you're vegetarian but they ran out of roses and they overbooked the restaurant so I didn't know what to do so I got blue dahlias instead and I ordered heart shaped pizza for us to eat at the park and I know you wanted a really romantic date but I didn't know what to do and I'm really sorry –" Sam's rambling was interrupted by a small hand on his arm. He looked at Rachel, embarrassed.

"Sam...that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me. And honestly? I'm glad our date is going to be unconventional – we're unconventional. It's perfect," she said. With that, any doubt the jock had instantly disappeared. He smiled down at his favorite girl.

"Well, what are you waiting for, white boy?" Mercedes looked at the couple.

"Kiss her, you doof!" added Tina laughingly.

Sam dipped his head down and kissed his tiny, loud, dramatic, perfect girlfriend. She wrapped her arms around him and deepened the kiss. After about thirty seconds, there were teasing shouts of "get a room!" and "I said kiss, not make out!" from the crowd. Sam pulled away, grinning, while Rachel turned red. She all but dragged him out the door, ignoring the catcalls and whistles.

And later, after eating heart-shaped pizza in their formal wear on the hood of Sam's truck, the diva and the jock agreed on one thing:

Pretty much the best Valentine's date ever.

AN: Well, that's that! This piece was inspired by a random ad for Papa John's heart shaped pizza (yes, it actually exists). I loved the idea of an unconventional date, and just...went with it. Hope you liked it!