26. It Depends. (Marco)

It's pointless and stupid, but every now and then I wonder how Rachel would have reacted to all of this.

The cameras would have loved her. She probably wouldn't have loved them, but she'd enjoy the attention. She'd probably think it was funny. She'd do talk shows and panels, and she'd be signed for endorsements for Ralph Lauren or Gucci or whatever within the week.

Then again, maybe not. Say what you like, but she's got no head for business, our girl Rachel.

Maybe she would have shacked up with Tobias. A girl and her bird. They'd sit at the dinner table every night, her with lasagne, him with a mouse. He'd have his own little perch by the bed and everything.

She'd have laughed at the ridiculous extravagance that was her funeral. And then she'd go around shaking the mourners and telling them to stop being such babies.

She wouldn't have had a funeral in the first place.

She'd know how to get Jake back. The direct approach. There would be no cajoling, no stupid jokes, no pointless attempts at distraction, no buying of cars. She'd walk right up to him, get in his face. "Suck it up, Jake," she'd say, "Get over it already." And somehow, he'd snap out of it, just like that.

Or maybe she'd go even more nuts than she already was. Maybe she'd turn every car park in the entire world into her own personal demolition derby. Maybe she'd morph grizzly and massacre every single person who ever even looked at her wrong. Maybe she'd die anyway, shot down by cops in the name of protecting everyone else. Maybe she'd just collapse into herself, like Jake.

And it's at that point I remember how pointless and stupid it is and think about something else instead.

.

.

27. That's not true.

My name is Rachel.

One night, a long time ago, we met a noble prince, my friends and I.

Jake, a knight whose armour always gleamed, even in darkness. He was our leader. Cassie, an enchantress who could talk to any living thing, even trees. Marco, who could bring a smile to even the saddest person in the world. Ax, an apprentice wizard from a distant land, who knew everything there was to know. Tobias, a boy who could fly, and who could see anything, no matter how far away it was. And me. A warrior princess.

The noble prince gave us magical powers, and told us to go out into the world, to fight an enemy who, he said, was evil. The enemy, he told us, would be difficult to find, because the enemy stole people's faces. By using our magical powers, though, we would be able to spot them when no one else could.

It was a grand, fairytale quest. Along the way, we made lots of friends who gave us help. A magical talking dog and his magical talking dog friends. Tiny little people who could help us by shrinking our enemies. Very talkative accordions who always had something useful for us in their stores. Friendly goblins who lived in trees and had amazing weapons. A powerful wizard.

Ordinary animals helped us, too; all the animals of Earth. Tigers, and elephants, and wolves, and birds, and bears. Even monkeys helped us, though they complained at first. Monkeys prefer to live in peace. But once they knew the need was great, they helped us, too.

Sometimes it was difficult, and we would be discouraged. But my friends, along with the new friends we had made, were strong. We encouraged each other and supported each other, and so we never stayed sad for very long. Our enemies were always mean, for no other reason than they liked to be mean. Our families were safe at home and they wrote letters every week telling us they were proud. We fought bravely, and our magical powers kept us from ever getting hurt. At night, any inn we passed would give us a nice hot meal, and a nice warm bed, and we all slept soundly every night.

Once we had assembled our army, we stormed the castle where our enemies lived. There was a great and final battle, and, at last, we won. We found the people's faces and returned them to their owners, and our enemies were very sorry for what they had done.

After the final battle, we all went home, and we ate the biggest bowl of oatmeal you've ever seen. There was a victory celebration that lasted for three years, with lots of food and lots of dancing. Jake the knight and Cassie the enchantress got married, and no one was ever sad again. We all lived happily ever after, forever.