I parked my car in my usual parking space. We didn't have assigned parking spaces, but everyone usually parked in the same parking spaces and I liked mine. It wasn't too close to the door and it wasn't too close to the road either. I engaged the alarm and let my keys drop into my briefcase/purse before pulling the strap up over my shoulder, trying to balance my skinny cinnamon dulce latte. "Are you staying with me or your parents when you come, Tay?" I asked my best friend over the phone continuing the conversation we've been having for the past five minutes since she got out of her third class of the morning. "You, Gabby. It will upset my mom, but I'd much rather stay with you!" I smiled, walking into the building. I smiled at the receptionists and they pressed the button to allow me back into the rest of the building and I opened the other door and headed back toward my office. "Alright, I'll get your bedroom ready." I walked down the hall as I heard Taylor talking to one of her study buddies. "I'll see you at 3:20, Reggie," she told them before talking back into the phone with me. "Thank you, Gabriella, my flight arrives at 7:15 tomorrow night." I smiled brightly, turning down the hall toward my office. "I'll be there at baggage claim to pick you up," I told her, making a mental note to be there at baggage claim at 7:15 so that I was there right when she got there and we could leave when we got her bags and go. I was so excited she was coming. I haven't seen her in months. Spending Spring Break with her, even though I had to work was going to be so much fun. "Oh, Chad said no excuses this time, you two are meeting!" I opened the door to my office, flipping on the light and closing the door behind me. "I can't wait, Tay! I really can't!" I sat latte down on my desk before pulling my briefcase off of my shoulder and laying it down on my desk chair and sitting down in front of it, flipping up the laptop on my desk and turning it on. "Neither can I, Gabriella! It's been long enough!" I smiled, crossing one leg over the other as let my leg bounce while I sat in my chair, typing my password into my computer with one hand. "I know, Taylor. But I promise you. We'll make it happen this time. You set it up with Chad and it will happen." I picked up my latte, taking a sip. "Ok, Gabriella. I have to get to my next class. I'll talk to you later. I love you!" Setting the Starbucks cup down, I brought up my schedule for the day up. "I love you, Tay. Bye." I pushed the end button on my phone and turned to slide in the pocket on my briefcase where I kept my phone before turning back to the computer screen.
My day was completely full. I had appointments from now until I left at 6. Two were new appointments and one was actually a patient that I wouldn't be seeing anymore after today. They wouldn't be needing my services after today. It was good when a patient wasn't in need of services anymore, as long as they weren't worse, but if they were better and they didn't need counseling anymore, I couldn't be happier. Sometimes it was sad that I wasn't going to be counseling patients anymore. Sometimes you became close with patients and you didn't like to stop seeing them for one reason or another. You weren't supposed to become friends with your patients, but sometimes it just happened and you couldn't help it, especially with children. They are just so cute and they wrap you around their little fingers, and they say the cutest things. And sometimes they are just so so sad and you just want to wrap your arms around them and hold them and make them feel better. But my job actually prohibits me from hugging children. There are cameras installed, and they can hug me, but I can't hug them. Same rules are in place for adults as well. We're not allowed to hug any patients, but if they hug it's not like we're going to push them off of us. That would defeat the purpose of counseling most of the time. The intercom on my office phone went off before one of the receptionists voices sounded. "Gabriella, Hannah Winnick is here." I pushed the button to talk back to the receptionists. "Thank you, Shanelle." I stood up, picking my briefcase up off my chair, leaning up against the inside of my desk before opening my office door and leaving my office to walk out toward the waiting room.
I opened the door to the waiting room, smiling at Hannah. "Come back, Hannah." The blonde who wasn't much younger than me stood from where she sat on one of the couches and walked over to me, handing me the weekly survey of her moods and walking into the back with me. I walked with her down the hallway back toward my office. "How are you this morning, Hannah?" She wrung her hands in front of her she quietly answered. "Good." It was her usual answer. She never answered truthfully. Even if I could tell things weren't good with her, she'd never say she wasn't having a good day or a bad day. But at least she was here seeking out counseling. I was glad she was. She was one of my high risk patients and when she didn't show up to her appointments I really got worried. She liked to cut her wrists and she'd done so on more than one occasion. She'd been hospitalized on more than one occasion and I worried about her, sometimes more than a lot of my other patients. So when she showed up to her appointments I was very happy to see her. She didn't open up much to me, but the little she did talk to me I was glad she did. I opened the door to my office and let her walk in ahead of myself. "Pick a seat," I told her, letting her choose between one of the recliners, which she could keep vertical or recline, or the couch. She walked in and sat down on one of the recliners, curling her legs up under her body, resting her arms in her lap. "Would you like something to drink?" I asked her, picking up my latte. She shook here head and I took the latte beside her and crossed one leg over the other, making sure my skirt didn't ride too far up my thigh as I sat back in the seat. Sometimes Hannah and I sat here the entire hour not saying a word the entire time. Sometimes she would speak. I hoped each time she would speak. I could never tell at the beginning of the session whether this would be a time she would speak or not. It wasn't as though she did something one way or another to say she would speak today or not. But I liked it when she would speak. At least she would help herself out. Plus, I didn't like to sit around in silence for a whole hour. Well, it wasn't complete silence. There was the sound coming from the 5 foot waterfall against the waterfall against the opposite wall. It was a relaxing sound and I could sit and listen to that instead of the silence.
She decided not to be quiet this time though. I took a sip of my latte and stretched my arms out over my legs, crossing my wrists at my knees, resting my latte there, asking her. "Are you ready for spring break?" She leaned back against the back of the recliner. "It's still a week away and we have finals next week, so … I guess so." I had forgotten that schools didn't have spring breaks at the same time, especially schools in different states. "How are you doing in your classes?" She lifted her shoulders in a soft shrug. "Ok, I guess," she said, her usual nonchalant responses. I never liked to push her, but I wanted her to open up to me. Sometimes I wished she would tell me exactly how she was feeling. Sometimes she lied. Sometimes she fell apart on me. It was those appointments I had with her when I wanted to wrap my arms around her and let her cry into my shoulder. Sometimes she asked for it and I did as she asked. I considered her my friend, as much as I could be, her my patient. But I couldn't get too close as a therapist. I had to keep my emotional distance, but I had to be there for her as well. She had to know I was there for her, the way I was there for all of my patients, but I had to be there for patients like her especially. I didn't want them doing anything drastic, like she has a few times since I've been her therapist. They had to know I was there for them anyway they needed. And I was. I was dedicated to my patients and I always would be. It was part of the reason why I became a psychologist. I enjoyed being able to help people, and when I wasn't able to help them, I felt helpless.
As I felt helpless about my father. He'd probably been in that hospital in Providence, Rhode Island, for the past 13 years, since I was eleven at least. When Mama no longer felt safe for herself or me, she had daddy committed. I missed him, even to this day, but I knew that's why I had gone into psychiatry. I wanted to help people because no one had been able to help my daddy. I missed him, even to this day. I probably always would. "Gabriella," she said, after being quiet for probably about fifteen minutes. I smiled at her. "Yes, Hannah?" She shifted slightly on the seat with her legs underneath her. "Is is stupid to still miss them?" I looked down at my latte that was no longer hot in my hand anymore, but it wasn't cold. I could still drink it well enough. It had been about the same amount of time since her parents had died since my mom had my father checked into the hospital. I uncrossed my legs and crossed the other one over the one I had just uncrossed, shaking my head gently. "No, Hannah. It's not stupid for you miss them. You can miss them forever. It's not stupid." I knew I had to choose my words carefully with her. With some people I could say they could miss them for the rest of their life, but since she had tried taking her life more than once, that was not the wisest choice of words. You had to choose the right words around patients, especially around certain patients. Hannah was one of them. She nodded her head, curling over and resting her head on the armrest, almost curling up into a ball. "I dreamed about them last night," she told me, her voice small and frail. I knew if she was telling me this, it was a good thing she had even showed up here at all today. I remained silent, letting her tell me about the dream. "They were still here. They were here with me. They didn't..." She was quiet for a moment, pausing before saying the one word that she hates saying, the word that solidifies how miserable she feels her life is. "...die." I nodded my head slowly, looking down at my cup of cinnamon latte. "And then I woke up," she barely whispered and I looked up at her. The tears were quietly falling from her eyes. "They didn't have to die..." she whispered, weeping into her arms on the armrest. "I just wish that I could stay asleep and they weren't dead." I knew she missed them and she would probably do anything to bring them back, but there wasn't anything she could do to bring them back. They were gone. "I know I can't, but I want to," she said, crying more into her arms on the chair.
I let her cry for the rest of the hour. She didn't say anything else. I felt bad that she cried, and I knew I couldn't say anything to make her feel any better, so I let her cry. The clock on my desk clicked to signal the end of the appointment. "I'll see you next week, right Hannah?" I hoped every week I would. I was more concerned with her today than most. She sat up, taking a deep breath, wringing her hands. "I'll be here, Gabriella." I knew even though she said she'd be here, that wasn't a confirmation. I wouldn't know she'd actually be here until I saw her in the waiting room next Thursday. We made all our appointments two or three in advance. I smiled, standing up and she stood, walking toward me as I took a step to the door, opening it for her so I could walk her to the waiting room. "Remember, Hannah, you can call down here any time, day or night. I'm here during the day, and they can get a hold of me during the night." She nodded, still wringing her hands. "I know, Gabriella." I placed my hand on her back as we came to the door to the waiting room. I liked her to feel like she was in a safe from the moment she walked in here till the moment she left. "Smile." I said, softly, as I opened the door out to the waiting room. She barely gave me a weak smile as she walked past me. "Bye," she shrugged, her smile not even meeting her eyes. I smiled at her watching as she walked out the front door, pulling the door shut and smiling at the receptionists before walking back to my office to wait for my next patient. I shut my office door behind me, sitting back at my desk and pulling up my schedule on my computer again. I hoped I didn't have any more really emotionally draining patients. I wouldn't ever give any of them up. I was always here for them, and they didn't ever affect me, but I always felt bad for them, and I did miss my father when I had patients like Hannah. There were other times I missed him, but I missed him the most when I was with patients like Hannah. Daddy was worse than Hannah, but I missed him because of patients like Hannah.
The intercom on my phone sounded and Shanelle's voice sounded through the speaker, "Gabriella, your ten o'clock is here." I leaned forward, pressing the button on the phone. "Thank you, Shanelle." I stood from my desk, walking out of my office and down toward the waiting room, opening the door. "Travis and Gina?" I called to them, smiling. They looked up at me from where they sat holding hands on the couch. "Would you like to come back with me?" They both nodded, and the guy stood up, helping the girl stand. She had to be well into her third month of her pregnancy. From the intake worker's assessment over the phone, she had told me that they were an engaged couple expecting to get married in May. By the way Gina looked, I would say that would be right after she gave birth. I stepped back, letting both of them back into the hallway. "How are you today?" I asked both of them. Gina looked down at her stomach and back up at me. "Ready for a nap." From the sound of her voice, I was sure that warranted a laugh, but I gave her a smile, nodding. "You can rest on my couch if you'd like?" She laughed, shaking her head. "That's alright. I can wait an hour." Travis laughed along with her. "She's always napping." I wasn't here only for depression counseling, I did marriage counseling, premarriage counseling, grief counseling and children, family and adolescent counseling. I wanted to be able to help as many people as possible. I was available for short-term counseling, long-term and mediation.I opened the door into my office and let the couple walk in before walking in myself and shutting the door behind us. "Oh, that is nice!" Gina said, looking at the waterfall on the wall as she sat down on the couch with Travis' help. I took a seat in my office chair, crossing one leg over the other as Travis sat down beside Gina. "Thank you," I said, leaning back against the back of the seat. "I have a small fountain with cherubs and pots that sits on my counter at home in the kitchen," Gina said, crossing one leg over the other. I smiled, reaching to pull my laptop over onto my lap. During my first appointments, even though the intake workers did their assessments, I always did my own first appointment evaluation just to get a feel for the patients to get a feel for where things would go with them. "That sounds really pretty. I like cherubs myself. I actually picked that one out and brought it in here," I said, pointing to the one against the wall.
"Diane said you two are getting married in May?" I asked, looking up at them after bringing up the new folder with their information in it. "Six weeks after the baby is born," Gina told me, rubbing her stomach. I nodded, adding that to the system. I had pretty much thought so when I saw them. "How long have you known each other?" I asked. Usually I thought that couples counseling should be done by a religious leader if they were going to be married in a church anyhow. I was a religions person, had been since birth. Mama had made a point of it and I was thankful for it. It kept me centered and focused. "Three years," Travis answered and I nodded, inputting the answer into the computer. At least he hadn't gotten her pregnant and wasn't marrying her just for that. "Have you two been in a steady relationship for the entire three years?" The two of them looked at each other and a part of me was sure there had been indiscretions in the past. Possibly recent past. "Off and on," Travis answered, looking back at me. I observed Gina looked down at her stomach. I ran my forefinger over the mouse touchpad on the laptop sitting on my lap. The mouse skimmed across the screen. "How long have you been together this last time?" I asked, moving my fingers back to the keyboard. Gina looked back up at me, smiling, not as brightly as before. "Almost six months." I nodded, looking down at my computer screen. I was certain that was less time than the amount of time she was pregnant. Either she had gotten pregnant while they were together before or she was pregnant with another man's child. I wasn't sure. "There are a few avenues of options we can explore here," I said, pulling the laptop closer to me as I spoke to them. "And we can explore both of them. "We can meet all three of us like this every week for up to six weeks after the wedding. We can also meet individually, one on one, for up to six weeks after the wedding." This was in case there was anything one of them needed to discuss that they didn't feel comfortable talking about with their partner present. It happened, even with couples completely committed to the idea of marriage. The idea was for them to be able to discuss their issues with some one else in hopes that they would be able to find a way to talk about them with each other. It didn't always work, but it was a way for them to work toward that. Only by offering those options would I have a better understanding of the couples I was working with to know what I was dealing with. Travis and Gina looked a each other and quietly talked it over between the two of them before turning back to me, both of them nodding. "Alright," Travis said. Gina smiled. "We'll do both of them." Travis looked at Gina and then back at me. "Great." I smiled, pushing the laptop back out from my chest. With what Diane had collected and what I had learned in the few minutes sitting here with them, I was ready to let them go for the day and have the rest of the hour to myself, which was good, considering my next patient, Grant Ryan, was always early, part of his OCD. "Let's set up each of your next appointments and you can go for the day," I told them, sliding through my schedule to next week.
I set their appointments and placed my laptop back on the desk before turning back to them, smiling, placing my hands together. "Good. So, I'm looking forward to our sessions together!" I stood up and Travis stood first, helping Gina stand. "Thank you, Doctor Montez." I shook my head, taking a step to the door. "It's not doctor. I only have my Masters. Masters of Psychology." He looked like he had stepped in a giant cake. I bit my lip, trying not to laugh. "Oh, I'm sorry." I shook my head. "That's alright. I'm not too far off." I was finishing my degree online so I could be here with Mama in Albuquerque. I didn't mind the move, and the job here at Samaritan was really nice. Plus, it was more than helping me pay for my house here. I loved living here and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I opened the door and walked out into the hall with them. "When is the wedding date?" I asked them, walking toward the waiting room. "May 2," Gina said, taking Travis' hand in hers. I smiled over at them. "That's right around the corner." She smiled brightly. Gina rubbed her stomach. "My due date is in twelve days. The doctor says we have to wait six weeks before we can have sex," Gina said and I turned my head forward. It wasn't as though I was a prude, but sometimes I just didn't expect people to come right out with things like that, especially when I just met them. I knew about certain things like that, but I didn't expect Gina to tell me right out like that. "Gina, I don't think our counselor needs to know about our sex life," Travis said in a hushed tone. I tried not to laugh, looking back at them, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. "No, that's alright. If Gina's comfortable enough sharing, you can share anything with me." Gina smiled, almost in triumph back at Travis. "See, I can share anything with her. She's a girl, she understands." I couldn't help but giggle slightly, opening the door for the both of them. "I'll see you next week, Gina." Gina smiled back at me. "Bye, Ms. Montez." I shook my head, "Call me Gabriella." She nodded quickly. "Bye, Gabriella!" I smiled, waving at both of them, shutting the door and heading back to my office.