Disclaimer: I don't own Power Rangers, Doctor Who, Potter's Puppet Pals, Harry Potter for that matter, YouTube, the Little Mermaid, the Princess Bride, Inception, and most of these rules.
All of the new Time Force officers were in the mess hall, celebrating. Five of them, including Nicholson and Sanchez, had birthdays that week, and they'd decided to compile the parties into one. Also, they'd all had about fifty missions, and it was time for them to make their own additions to the List of Rules.
"So, this is it," Sanchez said quietly, scribbling in the gap beside '988.' They were allowed to put rules in any order they wanted. Her handwriting was cramped and squarish.
"I guess," Harvey said.
"Don't peek," Sanchez said, putting her arm around the paper. Harvey shrugged, and took another drink. This was one of the very, very few opportunities Time Force officers were allowed alcohol—apparently it stimulated their 'creativity'—and he was savoring it.
"Okay, your turn," Sanchez said, passing the paper to him. "Did you notice that the last few rules are covered up?"
"Probably meant to be a surprise," Harvey said. His scribble was quick and loopy.
He finished, filling out the last gap, and stood up. Everyone quieted down. Harvey cleared his throat a few times, and read.
"981. I will not create a Pink Dino Gem and give it to Cassidy.
-I will also not sell tickets to a Pink Dino Ranger vs. Yellow Dino Ranger cage death match.
982. Ranger, villain, henchmen, foot soldier and comedy relief cage death matches are forbidden.
-And I will not seek out the few categories unlisted here and force them into a cage death match.
983. I cannot use either Billy's mind-swapping machine or Cam's pendant-powered device on any Rangers or villains.
-Especially if I also use myself.
-Or the comedy relief.
984. I will not try to get the Turbo Rangers to re-enact "The Mysterious Ticking Noise."
-Especially with an actual detonator.
-I cannot do anything involving Potter's Puppet Pals.
985. Is the Underworld on a barren planet orbiting a black hole? No? Then logically, the Master is not the Beast from Doctor Who.
-This goes for both Maligore and Dark Specter.
986. I may not comment on Maligore and Dark Specter possibly being identical twins/the same person.
987. I cannot rearrange the colors of any Ranger team.
-No, this is not the perfect solution to the "racism" of the first team.
988. I may not reprogram any command center's computers to play endless loops of YouTube viral videos.
-Especially not before Mystic Force; they won't even know what's going on.
989. I may not replace any Ranger or villain with their parallel universe counterpart.
-Nor may I steal every version of the same character and lock them in a room. See rule 947 again.
990. I may not lock anyone in a room. Ever.
-But especially not any of the more combat-inclined characters.
-Nor may I take bets on who walks out.
991. I am forbidden from selling bridges to the villainous comedy relief.
-Or any other cons.
-I may not sell Bridge Carson either.
992. I cannot gain the deed to any base and foreclose on the Rangers/villains.
993. Udonna would like us to stop sending Hogwarts acceptance letters to the Mystic Rangers. While they're getting very good at vanishing spells, they can't do anything else with all this paper.
-And we will ignore Chip's requests; he just wants to zap them into dust, and he's being a hazard.
994. Princess Marina should not sell her voice to win Chad. She doesn't need to do that to get legs anyway.
995. While "Making my monster grow giant-sized" may deserve to be one of the classic blunders, it isn't yet, so you'll stop calling it one.
-And besides, do you really want to keep explaining what a Sicilian is?
996. The one-and-only time any rule on this list may be broken is if the timeline is already severely damaged, and either repairing it will snap everything back or this act of disobedience will itself fix the problem.
-And we do mean one-and-only.
997. Any item on this list listed as a bad thing—excepting the mirror universe version—is in fact something you should not do, or encourage anyone else to do.
998. I will not perform inception on any Ranger/ally/villain to perform any of the things on this list.
999. I may not, under any circumstances, destroy any version of this list, thus allowing people to commit them without check.
-The world as we know it would be plunged into an era of darkness, chaos, and techie harassment.
-Nor may I hire any villains past, present, or future to destroy it and then blame them.
-If the universe doesn't get to me, they will.
-And if those villains don't get to me, many Rangers will.
-And if THEY don't get to me, angry fans will.
-I understand that NO ONE escapes the wrath of angry fans.
1000. Never will I ever show the Power Rangers ANY of these rules.
-They probably won't understand most of them.
-Even—especially—if you think their reactions would be funny.
-They will probably kill you for trying to use them as the butt of a joke."
"And that's it," Harvey said, folding up the paper. He sat down in the silence.
"Now what?" Julia asked. Sanchez's face lit up. Picking up her glass, she emptied it over Harvey's head. Everyone whooped loudly, seized whatever dishes were within reach, and attacked.
991 from PinkRangerV. Rule 999 from Scrappy-Fan92 and .ChancellorZellamire. Rule 1000 from Serpentdragon. Thank you so much!
Some of you PM-ed me rules without reviews. Some of you reviewed without suggestions. Some of you did both. You are all incredibly awesome, though you give my spell-checker a heart attack.
Thank you: F-35 Phoenix, Scrappy-Fan92, Guy with 1000 Names, Taiyo Ryu, PinkRangerV, webdoor, Pink Wolf Princess, prophet144, BuffyBrennan, mamsmelk, Megagalvatron12, Nazness101, Red Shadow Ranger, WolfsbaneX, FinaleUltimacian, Ghostwriter, Dark Angel Version 4.0, Ventus Astrum, Wing Zero 032, DV2, alpha of denali wolf pack, WildImaginationGirl21, red neo ranger, Megafighter3, tjcassieever, Jio Uzumaki, Falloutboy99, ShadowDancerLei, MidnightMoonWarrior, ngjovan, ElementalStarRanger, Kamen Rider Leonite, Maswartz, Blood of the Dawn, Secret Identity, BookLover223, Serpentdragon, TheGamma, Dorkenger, Drake-El, spangladesh920, .ChancellorZellamire., christian DT, and GakuenJenn.
The most rules were submitted by, guess who, T.F. Crosby (114!), WolfsbaneX (89), and Kamen Rider Leonite (60).
...Wow. Just…French the llama, that was fun. I'm glad it's finished, though, because in real life I've had a sudden spurt of online college, and I'm glad to tick another item off the list of things to do.