A Flower in Full Bloom.


How is it up there? Are you and dad happy? I hope so. It's been so long since I've seen you. I was only 7. I barely remember you. But I remember enough to miss you. Not only that I miss you but everything about you. I miss how you would get down on your knees to reach my height and hug me. I miss how you always make me PB & J for lunch and only put peanut butter on half of the slice of bread, and jelly on the other. I miss how every Sunday after church you, me and dad would go home and watch a family movie. I miss everything about you. I want to come for a visit. A long one. Not like the dreams where I can see you and dad. And definitely not the nightmares I have of the crash. I still have the scars you know. I want to see you, and now is the perfect time.

I miss you,


I finish my letter. I only write them when I really need a mom. Yeah gran is amazing, but she's not my mom. I remember when I got my first bra with her, and when I had to buy my first pad. Oh that was awkward. Because she wasn't my mom. She will never be my mom. And I will never get to have a mom ever again.

The reason I wrote the letter is because I really am sad. The second Joy moved back in, it was like I didn't exist.

The rooming even switched. Patricia had Joy move in with her, and Joy suggested to Mara to bunk with Amber, it was like before I got there. So I took the spare room. It wasn't near any of the other rooms, and it was much smaller. It was downstairs, on the other side of the house from the boy's rooms. I was completely isolated.

I take an envelope and seal my letter inside by licking it shut. I wrote on the front in cursive: Mom.

I miss her so much. I miss dad too. He will never be able to judge my boyfriends or walk me down the aisle.

It was before diner and Trudy called my name. When I walked outside everyone is on the couch. I ignore them. That is my policy. If people want to talk to you, they will.

But I only make that my policy when I write to my mom. Weird huh?

I walk in the kitchen to see Trudy with the phone in her hand. She hands me the land line phone and says "It's for you deary"

Who could it be? Probably my gran.

"Hello" I say, I know that the others can probably hear some of what I'm saying, but I bet they don't really care.

"Hello is this Miss Nina Martin?" an unfamiliar female voice asks

"Um yes" I said awkwardly, I still have no idea who she is.

"I am incredibly sorry to inform you but your grandmother, Clara Martin, has passed away from Cardiac arrest late last night" She said, her voice filled with sorrow.

I began to tear up, she was last ounce of family, and now she's dead.

"No, it's okay…" I said crying now "it's not like you killed her"

And with that I hung up. My knees felt like jelly, so I leaned on the counter for support.

After a few minutes of lonely crying in public, I gather myself up enough to run over to my room bawling.

The others saw me cry and did nothing. No questions, they just sat there and continued to watch TV.

I lay on my bed face first and bawl into my pillow. I was utterly alone in this world now. I'm a teenager, my parents are dead, my gran is dead, I have no other family, and I have no friends. So what now? A group home?

I had no idea what to do. I was just seven when my parents died, and at least I still had my gran for me then. Now I have no one.

I get down on my knees and lean on my bed, and I begin to pray.

"Dear God, you took my parents and now my gran, I know you have a reason, but I wish you could at least give me a sign everything is okay. But truly all I ask is that there happy with you. I understand. Amen." I do the sign on the cross and get back on my bed.

I decide to make them a shrine. I take a picture of my parents and put it in a frame and a picture of my gran and do the same.

I place the only 3 candles I have and place them around the photos. I don't have a lighter or matches, so I leave them unlighted. I take some of my fake flower hair pieces and lay them around. It was an okay shrine. It was just for remembrance. I miss them so much. I just want a visit.

A big chunk time passes by quickly, and I am still alone. I don't come out of my room much anymore. Not even for diner. I skip breakfast, and eat lunch alone at school. I've gotten very skinny. My uniform has gotten baggy, and I wear a belt to keep my skirt up. Nobody notices.

I am okay with that now. Usually I'm the first one home now. I get around 2 to 5 minutes alone in the house.

Today I walk in and dead silence. Just as dead as my family.

I pass by the kitchen and something glimmers in my peripheral vision. I turn to see a nicely sharpened knife. Maybe that is my ticket to a visit.

I pick up the knife's handle and glide the blade gently on my left index finger to test how sharp it was. It was sharp enough.

I take the blade to the skin of my left wrist. I glide it once again, but this time harder. I see read dripping from my wrist and onto the floor. Blood.

I take the knife and cause another cut when I hear the door open and close followed by chatter of the other teens in the house. I no longer cared. All I cared about now was to see my mom.

I hear one gasp, then two, and then three. They were soon joined with more, but I had lost count.

Hastily, a manly hand grabbed the knife from me and yelled "What are you doing!"

It was Fabian. He was mad, not angry mad, but caring mad. The first time someone cared since the phone call about my gran.

A girl, I assume Amber on account I saw some blonde in the small distance, handed him a towel. He pressed it hard on my wrist.

"Why would you do this!" He yelled again.

It was silent. This time he really wanted an answer, but I wasn't even looking at anyone, just my wrist.

"I wanted to visit them…" I said quietly, like I did when I was 7 and they pulled my out of the car, I was covered in blood then too. Just it wasn't only my blood.

"Who?" He screamed. I see in my peripheral vision Trudy dialing a 3 numbered phone…probably 911.

It was silent, except for Trudy in the distance, asking for an ambulance.

"…my mom" I finally said quietly. The room was dead silent, like it was when I first got here.

I release myself from his grip and the towel, and pick up the knife that is covered in blood that was on the counter and run and fast as I can to my room.

I make it there with them following me, trying to take the knife. I lean against the door and fall on the floor, since there are no locks on the doors I was the only thing keeping them from opening the door.

One of the guys say from the door "Don't do this! Just open the door"

I can hear Joy in the distance and asking someone "What is the big deal if she wants to see her mum?"

I then her Amber tells her "Because her mum is dead!"

She was right my mom is dead. Same with my dad, gran, and all of my family.

I want to take the knife to my skin, but I have no strength, blood is still dripping from my previous wound. I collapse, I seem unconscious, but I know what is going on, I just cannot move.

They open the door, slightly pushing me. They see my unconscious form and someone pounds on my chest, trying to see if my heart restarts- even though it never stopped. I wish I could tell them but I had no strength to do a thing.

They cover my bleeding wound and try their best to stop the blood.

I can tell someone is looking at my shrine, I don't know who, but I have a feeling.

Soon, an ambulance comes and I am taken to a hospital, and after that probably the nut house.

When I regain full consciousness, all I hear is the heart monitor beeping. Then I see dingy white floor tile, faded yellow wall paint, and a tiny television in front of the bed in the left had corner.

Then they tell me no one can visit until I see a therapist. But that's okay. Who would visit me anyways?

They have a therapist come and see me in the hospital. Her name is Abigail. She decides whether or not I'm crazy, but I don't care what she says, I know I'm not.

She asks me a question that really struck me "What triggered you to take the knife?"

I replied "It was just there…" I'm still quiet

"Was there anything significant before that happened?" she asked

"Yes" I say

"What was it?" she asked somewhat caring

"I was alone…" Before she said anything I continued "My parents are dead, my gran just died, and all my so called friends left me in a heartbeat."

"So you wanted to visit the one person that would never want to leave you?" she assumed

"I was only 7… I was in the car with them too…" I said remembering the most tragic day of my life.

"You were traumatized Nina, when your friends left you, it felt like when your parents died. Didn't it?" she ask, she was spot on

"It did… but they chose to leave me" I say almost crying in the hospital bed, I hear the heart monitor once again.

"Nina, do you ever think they just wanted to give you space, or didn't realize what was going on or didn't want to butt in, or even just got too caught up in the moment to help?" she asked

"No" I say blankly

"But that's why" she said "they each filled out a report and they all said the same thing…they thought they helped- but you proved them wrong"

She filled out a form, and told me "you're not crazy, you were just lonely… you can go back to school in two days"

She walked out of the room leaving me. And for once that didn't make me feel horrible.

I sat in the hospital, the doctor wanted to make sure I wasn't low on blood and wanted to make sure I was eating now.

I saw no need for the further stay, like Abigail said: I'm not crazy.

For the first time, I had a visitor. I was to be released tomorrow; I don't see why they couldn't wait a day.

I see Fabian walk into my room alone. It's a stern silence and he takes a seat next to my hospital bed.

It's been quite for some bit and I decide to say quietly "hi"

Immediately he asks "why would you do that?"

"Do what?" I asked, I sounded just the same as when the last time I was at the Anubis house.

"Nina, do not play dumb with me. Okay why did you hurt yourself?" he asked genuinely concerned but still upset.

"I told you" I said "I wanted to visit my parents"

"What happened? You used to be so happy, then you became so unattached to everyone" he said, I can't believe him. He is blaming it all on me.

"Really, Fabian? I disconnected from everyone? Or did they disconnect me? Come on the second Joy was back you all dumped me- you even moved to the most secluded room in the house alone." I started to say with tear dripping down my face

"Look I'm sorry, but that wasn't my idea" he said defending himself. I guess that's all he cared about right now, just getting his name cleared.

"Oh come on!" I said getting frustrated, but still somewhat crying "you could have still been my friend at least. But were you? No. you left me Fabian. And all of you left me to deal with one of the hardest things I have had to deal with in my life! And-"

Fabian cut me off and said "What happened that was so hard?"

He questioned me like I was lying. I was not lying, if anything he was in denial "You want to know what happened? Remember the day I ran to my room crying my eyes out and no one wanted to know what was wrong?"

He nodded yes, seeing now that something may have actually been wrong.

"That was the day I found out my grandmother died. The last bit of family I had left just died, and all of my friends abandoned me- so you know what? I got a little crazy, okay?"

I was bawling and quietly yelling so that I would not be able to disturb any other patients.

It was quite for some time, and then he broke the silence "You know Mara saw your shrine thing?"

"I figured someone; just I didn't know it was Mara." I said, so that's who.

"Were all really sorry" He said, I didn't know how to respond

He asked another question "are you coming back to school?"

Honestly, the doctors say I should- but now I'm thinking that I should go back home.

"I not sure yet" I say

"Why not?" he asks, it sounds like an emotionless conversation

"I don't know…why go back to a place I'm not welcome, and just be a burden" I say, it is actually pretty true.

"Nina you're not any of that, in fact I know that if you don't come back, Amber will personally fly to America and drag you back" We both chuckle a bit, then silence floods the room once again.

"Just come back, please?" he asked

"One condition" I tell him, I could go back to Anubis before I knew something

He nods his head in approval and so I ask "what's going on between you and Joy?"

"Me and…Joy?" he asks somewhat mocking my question "absolutely nothing…why?"

"I'm not stupid Fabian…obviously something is going on" I said to him, I can just tell something is going down.

"Look, I barely talk to Joy, yeah when she first came back we were talking what I guess a lot…but nothing is really going on" He says, but I still have questions

"Then why did you ignore me so much?" I say quietly again. I think my entire personality has been altered.

"I thought you wanted space, nobody saw you out of your room anymore…that's just what I thought…" he said looking down; maybe he was telling the truth.

"So what now?" I ask Fabian

"There are two things that can happen: you come back to school, and we do our best to take thing back to normal, or you go home…" He says in his adorable accent "I think you know which I think you should pick"

He got up and began his way out the door, but before he left he turned and said to me "I hope to see again, Nina"

When I get home from visiting Nina I am bombarded with questions.

"Is she better?" Mara asks

"Is she still insane?" Amber asks

"Is she still suicidal?" Jerome asks

"Is she coming back?" Trudy asks

We all sit in the living room and I answer the questions "I think she's better, she's not insane- just depressed, I don't think she wants to die anymore, and she has made up her mind yet on coming back"

"Honestly, I don't think people who go crazy should be at this school" Joy says, not only shocking but upsetting everyone.

I was about to say something, but surprisingly Patricia said "Oh come on Joy. You're so insensitive you don't want to try and help the girl that saved you?"

"What? That was my honest opinion, I barely know the girl" Joy defended herself.

I'm glad we never became more than what we were.

"Just tell us everything that happened" Jerome suggests, and for once he has a pretty good idea.

"Well, I was there and she said that her grandmother died, so she was upset and she was alone…entirely" as I spoke everything made much more sense.

The room fell silent, until Alfie asked seriously "when is she aloud out of the hospital?"

"Tomorrow" I say "I think if she does come back though, we can't ignore her, she's going through a really hard time and we need to be there for her"

"So is that what that thing in her room was?" Mara asked, and I nodded my head in the yes formation

"Wait what thing?" Amber asked as Mara got up and led us all into Nina's unoccupied room.

She showed the shrine. This whole thing was really sad. But the I noticed something in the middle of the photographs. It was an envelope with mum spelled the American way on it.

I ask "guys what do you think this is?"

"A letter to her mum. Duh." Joy said

"Joy do you not remember a thing? Her mum is dead remember?" Jerome told her

I open the letter and read it aloud "Mum, How is it up there? Are you and dad happy? I hope so. It's been so long since I've seen you. I was only 7. I barely remember you. But I remember enough to miss you. Not only that I miss you but everything about you. I miss how you would get down on your knees to reach my height and hug me. I miss how you always make me PB & J for lunch and only put peanut butter on half of the slice of bread, and jelly on the other. I miss how every Sunday after church you, me and dad would go home and watch a family movie. I miss everything about you. I want to come for a visit. A long one. Not like the dreams where I can see you and dad. And definitely not the nightmares I have of the crash. I still have the scars you know. I want to see you, and now is the perfect time. I miss you, Nina"

"That was…" Mick started

"Sad" Alfie finished the sentence

"Her life kinda sucks" Amber states, she was somewhat right.

We all couldn't stand in the sad abase that was Nina's room and we went our separate ways. I sat in my room, I wanted to see Nina again. I hope she was coming back.

I fall asleep slowly that night. I dreamt about Nina, it was creepy. I felt as if I knew her whole story. It was tragedies in her life. It was the car crash. All I saw was a small little blonde girl I subconsciously knew was Nina.

I saw her I a back seat covered in blood and a gash in her abdominal area (her stomach, I know the geek of my takes over sometimes)

She jumped over to the front with a man in the driver's side and a woman in the passenger; she was near their bloody bodies covered in glass. She was screaming when a paramedic carried her away from the car. She just cried and screamed. She was helpless.

I woke up early; I couldn't take the dream, no correction nightmare. I wasn't up too early, only 7:45, plus it was Saturday so it's not like we had school. Usually everyone would be up in 15 to 30 minutes.

I walk into Nina's room and stand and I can feel the sadness. We can't let her board in here anymore. It's a punishment to what she already is going through. Maybe Joy should board here? She has been completely insensitive to Nina lately. I don't see why.

What has she done to her? Nothing. Joy just seems, different.

I leave her room and walk into the kitchen to see Trudy cooking. She greeted me with "Good morning deary"

"Morning Trudy" I said back to her. I sat in the living room until the others got up.

We all wait for Nina. She was scheduled to leave at 8:00 am. I had asked the nurse before I left the hospital.

It's now 8:30, were getting worried she's not returning. Until 9:00 were hoping.

Then we heard a car pull up. Jerome looks out the window and yells "It's a cab!"

We get excited and try to see out the small window. We cannot see who gets out of the cab on account they got out on the other side from the window.

They had no bags. So it may be Nina. Trudy tells us to stop looking out the window as she goes outside to greet the currently mystery person.

Trudy walks in with a gigantic smile on her face followed by...NINA!

She's back! YES! Amber grabs her in a huge hug. But she doesn't hug back; she just leaves her arms to her sides. That's when I notice the two long, white gauze covered bandages on both her arms and wrists.

Amber lets her go sensing something is wrong and asks when she lets her go "What's wrong?"

"Nothing" she says blankly.

"What's on your arms?" I ask lightly picking her left wrist up.

"They don't trust me, and say I need to wear bandages on my wrists for 2 weeks" she says

How do they not trust her? Well, I can kind of see where they got it from, but still.

"Oh…" Amber says pulling into a similar hug "But your back! Yay!"

"Um, Amber would you mind letting me go?" she says calmly.

Everyone welcomes her home, and I walk her to her room. I didn't want to leave her alone for a second.

When we entered her room I asked her "So you're here for good"

"Yeah" she says sitting on her bed.

I follow her movements and sit down beside her and take her hand in mine. "The day you…went overboard, I was really scared Nina. I didn't want to lose you"

Then she did something I wasn't nearly opposed to, but was unexpected. She kissed me.

I placed my lips over Fabian's and locked them in a completely passionate kiss. I wrapped my bandaged arms around his neck and head. I never wanted to let him go.

But then he pulled away and said while looking me in the eyes "I love you"

I kissed him once more, and then pulled back and said "I love you too" we let out a romantic chuckle before our lips were in contact once again.

Maybe this whole time I haven't been nuts. Maybe I have just been a flower, before I was with all the other spuds before being turned into a bud. Then I was alone in my protective shell, and then I bloomed, and was reunited with all my fellow spuds. But now I was a flower.

A Flower in Full Bloom.