Me: Wow, my third story. I need to focus more on the ones I already have. Oh well.

Kendall: Uhhh, what are we doing here, Faller?

Me: You're here for my story!

Carlos: But I thought we were in the middle of "I'm a WHAT?".

Me: We are! Silly boys! *wags finger condescendingly*

James: Then why aren't we over- MIRROR! *runs over to the mirror and admires himself*

Me: Wow, I saw that coming.

Logan: So what are we up to this time?

Me: A story full of heartbreak, angst, separation, pain…and death.

Boys: WHAT? *Background track plays: Oh-oh-oho-oooooohh*

Me: I don't own Big Time Rush in any way…..although I hope to obtain a copy of their album!

Chapter One: These Days That We Live

Rocque Records

Rocque Records was both the boys favorite and least favorite place. It was their favorite place because it was there that some of the best things happened to them. It was their least favorite place because it entailed certain company. That company being Gustavo Rocque. Gustavo, an overweight man with severe anger issues, had a tendency to be cold, heartless, and cruel to his 'dogs', the boys of Big Time Rush. However, even the most horrible of dog owners can throw a pretty good bone every once in a while.

It was an average day at Rocque Records. The boys had been working their tails off for the past three weeks, getting ready for a concert they were putting on that weekend. It was Thursday evening, and their daily training session was almost over. Kendall, the oldest and the tallest, stood in the left center facing into the booth. To the left of him stood Logan, the second oldest and third tallest. In the right center stood Carlos, the youngest and shortest. All the way on the right stood James, the third oldest and the second tallest. They were just finishing their final take of Halfway There. Things had been running smoothly until Carlos' voice started getting scratchy. The final straw was when he messed up the ending. That tiny little mistake would ruin their entire lives.

"We're halfway there-er-er-eeeer!" Carlos sang, his voice scratchy and rough sounding. He held the note way too long, obviously not even realizing that he was. His eyes were closed in concentration, his deeply tanned face scrunched up. His short black hair hanging slightly forward onto his forehead. He had decided to let it grow out more since their tour ended. He wore a shirt with a blue torso, with a black neckline and sleeves, which were rolled up slightly so that they only covered half of his forearms. His sweatpants were black as well, and he had no shoes on, only socks.

"Carlos….Carlos….CARLOS!" Gustavo shouted. His brownish-red hair was cut close to his head, and his little goatee was neatly trimmed. He had on his usual tinted sunglasses. Gustavo was wearing a solid orange hoodie with a plain white t-shirt on underneath. Over it, he had on a gold chain with a huge dollar sign charm on it. His pants were black and silky looking. His feet could not be seen under the recording equipment, but the boys would be safe in the assumption that his shoes would be very expensive.

"Huh? What? Yeah, what is it Gus?" Carlos snapped out of his music induced trance. He shook his head slightly, looking at the other guys.

"Uh, you kept on singing…and singing….and singing." Kendall bobbed his head with every 'singing'. He had on his favorite Minnesota Wilds Beanie over his sandy blonde hair. His jade colored eyes looking at Carlos, full of concern, but at the same time, humor. He wore a deep red hockey jersey with yellow-rimmed sleeves and waistline. It hung loosely on him, dipping lower than normal on his shoulders and neckline to reveal finely sculpted muscle. He too wore sweatpants, but his were grey. He went even farther than Carlos as far as his feet went: he had nothing on them.

"I was? Really? Sorry guys, I've been really out of it lately. And my throat hurts…really bad." Carlos had a genuinely apologetic look on his face, his cheeks darker than normal in embarrassment.

"Carlos, are you feeling well? You look a little pale." Logan asked with worry in his voice. He reached out and touched Carlos' forehead with the back of his hand. "And you're burning up! I think we should get you home." Logan had a worried look on his face that all of the guys knew well. It was the look he got whenever one of them came up with a scheme. A look full of nervousness, worry, and fear. The emotions all shone through his chocolate brown eyes. His eyes matched his hair, which was about as long as Carlos' hair, but was spiked forward and upward slightly. His dark blue shirt had a few buttons at the top, like a polo shirt sans the collar, but you could tell it was more of a pajama shirt, as he wore it with darker blue lounge pants and black socks.

"But I feel okay. My throat is just really sore from all of the singing. And I'm a little lightheaded." Carlos suddenly started to lose his balance, as if the universe was determined to prove his point. "And now I'm dizzy. But I'm okay, really!" Sweat started running down his face, turning a strange tan color as it fell off.

"Hey! Is that my makeup you're wearing? I thought some of it was missing!" James pointed an accusing finger at Carlos. His chestnut brown hair fell over his forehead, sweeping to the right. His hazel eyes shimmered with joviality as he spoke with fake anger towards Carlos. Like the rest of the guys, he was wearing very relaxed clothing. His lucky white v-neck was on, and he wore 'Minnesota Wilds' lounge pants. He was barefoot, like Kendall, but his white socks were bunched up on the floor next to him.

"Uhh, what are you talking about? I'm not wearing make-up! What would make you think-"

"Carlos, come here." Kendall interrupted him. Carlos let out a sigh, and walked over to Kendall. Kendall pulled out a tissue from his pocket, and wiped it all over Carlos' face. When all of the makeup was gone, the guys gasped in shock. Even Gustavo had his eyes wide. Carlos looked like a mess. He had enormous black bags beneath his eyes, and he was extremely pale. His cheeks were puffy, and his eyes sunken into his face. There were small scratch marks all over his face, as if he had been mauled by a cat. "Carlos….what happened?"

"I haven't been sleeping okay? I've been having nightmares every night, so I just decided to stay awake until I couldn't stay awake anymore!" Carlos had big, fat tears running down his face, making him look even weaker. "The scratches are from me clawing at my face in frustration. I need sleep so badly, but the nightmares won't leave me alone!"

"What do you dream about?" All the mirth was gone from James' face as he asked this. In it's place was worry and fear.

"A lot of things, all of them just as scary…..or sad. In one dream, you guys said I was worthless, and you got rid of me. In another, You were all dead, and there was blood on my hands. In my most recent nightmare, You were all shot because I didn't do something for somebody. I couldn't do anything as I watched you die in front of me!"

"Oh, Carlos." Kendall was heartbroken. He quickly pulled Carlos into his arms and let him sob. He had wondered why Carlos had been so clingy and sullen lately. He had even wondered if he was really hearing sobs at night in the bunk underneath him, or if it was just his imagination. He was supposed to be the leader, the protector, the guardian, but he had just let Carlos down. "Why didn't you tell us? We could have taken you to a doctor! We could have helped you!" By that time, Logan and James had joined in the hug, and Carlos was full-out bawling into Kendall's shirt.

"I don't know! I've just been so tired, I guess I didn't think. I'm sorry. I just need to go home." Carlos' sobs were becoming worse and worse, and he looked about ready to collapse from exhaustion.

"Sure thing Carlitos. Hey, Gustavo? Can Kelly give us a ride home in the limo?" Logan asked Gustavo through the microphone.

"Sorry guys, but Kelly had to leave early today. Personal reasons. I would take you home, but I have to stay and work on some of the music. Guess you'll have to walk home. Sorry." Gustavo still looked shocked, and a little nervous. He was clearly being genuine when he apologized, because it came out mumbled and awkward.

"Oh….well, I guess we better get started then. C'mon guys." James lead the way out, followed by Logan, and then Kendall holding Carlos. They walked out into the lobby where they picked up their shoes, made their way out of the building, and out onto the street. They received a few odd glances at the sight of one of them crying so badly, and several sympathetic ones. There were a few police officers that they passed on the way back who offered them a ride, but they declined. When they were within sight of the Palm Woods, Carlos had managed to calm down enough so that he was just sniffling every few seconds.

"Kendall, I think I can walk on my own now. Thanks for the help." little did Carlos know that this was his biggest mistake, next to messing up the song. Kendall gave him one last nervous glance before he let him go, albeit, reluctantly. Carlos took a few steps forward, trying his hardest not to stumble, once he had proved his point to Kendall, he flashed a quick smile. Kendall smiled back, and then quickened his pace to catch up to James and Logan who were a little ahead once he was absolutely positive that Carlos would make it the rest of the way. Once he was out of the other's line of sight, Carlos dropped his smile, and slowed his pace to a shuffle.

The next few seconds….would be the most panic filled in any of their lives up to that point. There was a sudden loud squealing sound, which immediately caught their attention. There was a car speeding down the street perpendicular to theirs, obviously with someone drunk behind the wheel. It was on a collision course…..with Carlos. Carlos just stood frozen to the spot as the car came closer and closer.

"CARLOS!" The boys screamed as they threw themselves forward, sprinting as fast as they could towards their smallest friend. Carlos was still frozen to the spot, eyes wide. He sucked in a breath, and screamed bloody murder.

"GUYS!" He finally registered what was happening, and started to run away.

Too late.

The car swerved at the last second, as if trying to pull out of the way. However, the back end swung around and hit Carlos in the chest. His friends froze, not believing what they were seeing. Time seemed to slow down around them. Carlos' eyes were full of pain as the force of the impact sent him flying backwards. Right into a lamppost. There was a sickening crunch as Carlos hit the pole, his eyes wide as he started to cough up blood. He fell to the ground as the car crashed into the fence on the side of the road. Kendall was the first to react, sprinting forwards, followed closely by Logan and James. They landed on their knees as they reached Carlos.

Kendall gently flipped Carlos onto his back and laid his head on his knees. Carlos was crying fierce, but silent, tears, and was coughing up blood violently. Tears formed in the guys eyes at the sight.

"Hey guys…..sorry I ruined our day. I guess-" He was interrupted by a brief coughing fit. "I guess…..this is goodbye. I love you guys." I smile creeped onto his face as his eyes started to droop.

"Carlos! Don't you dare leave us! We can't take it! We need you! I need you! Carlos? Carlos?" Kendall's voice slowly raised in volume as he realized his friend wasn't reacting. "CARLOOOOOS!" He was vaguely aware of sirens in the distance as pain and sadness forced his eyes closed.

'Why….did this happen?'

Me: Well….there you go. I hope you don't want to kill me. Don't worry, things will get better. The guys are a little busy at the moment. The next chapter will be longer, don't worry. Until then.