Me: Wow. It's been months….."I'm sorry" doesn't even begin to cover it. I'll just post the best chapter I can make and hope it's worth the wait. I hope you enjoy.
I do not own Big Time Rush in any way, shape, or form.
Chapter 7: These Goodbyes That We Bid
The Palm Woods, Apartment 2J, 8:00 A.M.
Kendall's eyes slowly slid open, unbeknownst to him, at the same time as Carlos'. They both lay there, thinking over what they knew to be inevitable. But while Kendall knew he couldn't stop this from happening, Carlos was still hoping that he could change it. So he made a resolution: Talk to Kendall about it as soon as he gets up.
Well, after five minutes, Carlos was starting to get hungry, so he decided to speed up the process and wake Kendall up himself.
"Kenny? You awake up there?" Kendall blinked back a few tears knowing he had less than twenty four hours with his family who he wouldn't see again for ten years, at the least. He took in a shaky breath before answering.
"Yeah….I'm up." Carlos paused, trying to figure out whether he should get straight to the point, or draw it out. A growl from his stomach told him the sooner, the better. "If you're hungry, we can talk after-"
"I heard you talking to Gustavo, yesterday….I know." Kendall froze. He could have sworn his heart stopped as well.
"I don't know what you're-" He was cut off by Carlos shooting out of bed so that he was eye-level with Kendall. He looked so broken, so afraid; Kendall almost considered asking the Angel if he could take Carlos with him. Almost.
"Don't lie to me. I heard you. All of it. From the moment you begged Gustavo not to let her take you. To make him make the nightmare end." Kendall knew that Carlos was telling the truth. He quoted him too perfectly to be lying. But what could he say?
"And what am I supposed to do?" Carlos was baffled.
"Talk to her. Ask for a do-over. Beg her for more time or for her to change things! Anything! Please, I can't lose you! You can't leave! We need you! I need you! You can't just-just l-leave us li-like this!" Tears were pouring down his caramel face, eyes overflowing with sorrow. Kendall just jumped down off of his bed, holding Carlos as tight as he could.
"Carlitos…..I would do anything in my power to change this if I could. But I can't. Nothing I say or do will change her mind. Nothing will make things okay. This is going to happen, whether we like it or not. And, if I could go back and change things….I wouldn't. It's not worth it if you were dead." Carlos just cried harder.
"How could you just give up? Why wouldn't you tell us? We could've helped you! We could've-" Kendall stopped him with a gentle kiss to the forehead.
"I'm not allowed to tell."
"You told Gustavo! Why couldn't you tell us?" Kendall closed his eyes. He should've known this would come up.
"Gustavo already knew about it because of his friends. They did the same thing. And they've been doing this for years now. They would know that there's no way to stop it."
"Maybe there is a way…." Carlos murmured. The blonde just raised his eyebrows.
"What?" The Latino looked up at him, a desperate look in his eyes.
"Have her take your soul out of me! Have her put it back!"
"NO!" The smaller boy stumbled back from the volume of the scream. He thought his brother was angry until he saw the pure terror in his eyes. "No! You would die! Our souls are too close together. Even trying to remove mine could result in yours being damaged or destroyed! I won't risk that. And I won't let you risk that either."
"No buts! I am leaving tonight so that the rest of you can stay here, alive and happy! And that is final, Carlos! No matter how much…how much this literally kills me, makes me want to throw myself into the pits of Hell for abandoning you, I have to do this. And you will go along with it. Got it? You will let me walk out that door tonight." Carlos just backed away slowly, shaking his head in denial.
"But….I love you. James and Logan and Katie and Mom love you. Why would you tear us apart like this? Why would you hurt us? Wh-when we need you? When you're all we need?" Before Kendall could say or do anything, Carlos ran from the room, tears pouring down his face. He threw himself down the swirly-slide, moving to run towards the door, but running into Mama Knight instead. When he looked up and saw it was her, he just buried his head in her chest and sobbed his heart out.
"Carlos, Baby, look at me. Look at me, please. Please, Baby, what's wrong? Talk to Mommy, please! Carlos, Baby, you're scaring me, what happened?" But no matter what she said, he just kept sobbing. Eventually, his sobs attracted James and Logan, who had taken the guest bedroom to try to give Carlos and Kendall a little privacy. Both of them had breakdowns that day, so the two brunettes decided they deserved a night alone. Seeing the condition of their brother, they immediately rushed to his side, trying just as hard as their Mother to help him. Nothing worked.
Katie, who had noticed that Kendall had not yet come out of his room, decided to go and check on him. After getting up onto the second floor, she walked down the hallway and into her Brothers' room's doorway before freezing. Kendall was in the exact same state as Carlos, lying on the floor and fisting his hair. "Oh Kendall." She whispered, too in shock at seeing two of her brothers like this. She slowly lowered herself to the ground, pulling the blonde's head into her lap, and stroking his head, trying to soothe him the same way he often soothed her.
"It hurts so bad Katie….it hurts, and I can't do anything about it. I can't even tell you! I just want to-…" His sobs once again became too much. She could still hear Carlos crying, but she also heard James walking towards the room. She knew it was James, because James was the only one who put on slippers in the morning, and they made the oddest shuffling noise as he walked.
"Katie, where is Kendall? I think Carlos needs-" He froze, much like Katie had, at the sight that awaited him. He immediately ran to Kendall and fell beside him. "Oh Kenny, not you too! What is going on? Are you hurt? Did something happen? Kendall? Answer me!" But the blonde just wept into his brother's shirt, clinging to him for dear life.
After a good twenty minutes of crying, Kendall's sobs finally slowed to a few hiccups and silent tears. James rubbed his back, trying to relax him even more. "Kendall, what happened? Why were you and Carlos crying?" Kendall just looked away.
"I can't tell you." James started getting frustrated. He knew that they were probably going through a lot, but if Kendall didn't tell talk to him, how could he help?
"C'mon, it can't be that embarrassing! You can tell me. We're brothers; we look out for each other. Please? Don't you trust me?"
"I do trust you." James was just more confused.
"So why won't you tell me? If you trust me-"
"I do trust you, I'm just not allowed to tell. If I could, I would….but I can't." James was only more confused.
"Did someone tell you not to tell?" Kendall nodded against his chest. "Oh. Oh! I know! Carlos had a nightmare about the accident, you woke him up, he told you, you started crying, and so Carlos ran off trying to find comfort, but he didn't want you to tell! Am I right? I'm right, aren't I?" The brunette smirked, obviously pleased with himself. The blonde just chuckled, trying to stop the last of his tears from falling.
"Yep….you got it." Surprisingly, James just pulled him up into a tight hug.
"I'm still scared too. I cry myself to sleep some night because those two days just replay themselves in my head. Over and over, until I'm ready to be sick. You don't have to hide your tears from us, Kenny….you never do." James started crying, which only lead to Kendall letting a few more tears out, but not full-on sobbing like he was before. He returned James' favor, rubbing his back and whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Katie sat there all the while, trying not to cry with them.
The Palm Woods, Pool, 11:00 A.M.
Carlos was pacing, extremely antsy. He knew he shouldn't be doing this. He knew it was wrong. But…he couldn't go on. He couldn't do this. He knew his heart wouldn't have the strength to be in any sort of relationship, friendly or otherwise. He knew that when Kendall left, something inside him would die. Something large and important. Something necessary for him to live.
"Carlos?" he spun around, seeing Thalia standing uncertainly behind him, a nervous look on her face. As much as he liked her, he couldn't lead her on. Not when he couldn't put his whole heart into it. "Is everything okay? You sounded really upset when you called."
"Thalia, I can't do this. I can't be with you, friend or boyfriend. I can't have you in my life. Don't get me wrong, I want to, and I do like you, but-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you talking about? Carlos, are you sure you're feeling okay? Maybe you should-"
"Thalia!" She jumped back, shocked that he would yell. "Please just….stay away from me. It's better for you this way. I'm sorry, but….my heart won't be able to build any sort of relationship with anyone for a long time. The ones I already have are gonna be hard to maintain. So please….go. And don't try to talk to me anymore. Don't expect anything out of me anymore." And before she could respond, he ran. Ashamed of how he treated her, afraid that she would hate him, and afraid that he would never get another chance with her.
But what did that matter? None of it mattered if he didn't have his whole family to share it with. And Kendall was leaving. Kendall wasn't going to be there to make sure Carlos didn't embarrass himself on a date. He wasn't going to be there to have chicken fights with him in the pool. He wouldn't be there for anything anymore. So Carlos knew he had to do something. He had to keep Kendall from leaving, no matter what it took.
Rocque Records, 1:30 P.M.
After recording their new songs, the guys decided to hang around at the studio and play with the recording equipment. Gustavo and Kelly were preparing for a meeting later that afternoon, so they left the sound technician, Mike, to help their "dogs". But as much as they wanted to have fun, things weren't exactly working out to fit the mood.
Kendall refused to say anything more than was necessary, instead standing off to the side with a frown seemingly permanently plastered onto his face. Carlos' phone had been buzzing every five minutes for the past few hours, but instead of shutting it off, he threw it against the wall, causing it to shatter. James looked antsy, not knowing whether to try to fix things between the four brothers, or to pretend like everything was okay and sing as if nothing was wrong. And Logan had his thinking face on. He was looking back on the past two weeks, trying to figure out what could've happened to make them all like this. He was still determined to talk to Carlos about it, but would the youngest even say anything?
They were going over their song "Show Me" using chipmunk voices on the mike instead of their own, having to stop and restrain themselves from giggling, when Carlos suddenly excused himself.
"Sorry, guys, I need to use the restroom. I'll be back, I swear." He smiled to the best of his ability before running off.
"Ummm, I kind of have to ask Gustavo something, so I'll be back too. Kay, bye!" Kendall followed after Carlos, already out of earshot before the brunettes could say anything.
"Please don't tell me you suddenly have to run off too, Loges." James turned to his younger brother, a sad smile on his face. Logan returned it, shrugging.
"Those two are always going off on their own nowadays. Someone needs to stay here with you, Jay." They chuckled, sitting down on the pillows that lined the ground in the booth.
"Thanks. So, what do you think is going on with them? They've been acting so weird."
"I don't know. It all started with the accident. But what happened? Is there something they're not telling us? If so, why aren't they telling us? They can trust us, we're their brothers! I mean, why wouldn't they tru-" James quickly covered Logan's mouth.
"Loges chill. If they're gonna tell us. They'll tell us. I mean, I want to know as much as you, but…what else can we do? Right?" Logan just nodded, sighing deeply.
Rocque Records, Bathroom, 1:35 P.M.
Carlos sat in one of the stalls, trying to think of a way he could somehow contact that stupid Angel and ask her for more time for Kendall, or for hew to fix everything.
"Why can't she just be here? Angel lady, if you can hear me, please talk to me!"
"You called?" Carlos fell off of the toilet in shock.
"Angel lady? Where are you? Am I imagining this?" The angel sighed.
"It's Jessica to you. And I'm outside the stall, idiot." He slowly opened the stall, eyes bugging out in surprise. Instead of her usual black robes were some fairly regular clothes: A blood red tank top with a black leather corset, a black ruffled skirt over skin-tight red leggings, and black leather knee-high boots. Her hair was filled with russet and copper streaks, and her eyes seemed to glow red.
"Scary? Terrifying?" She crossed her arms and smirked.
"I was gonna say hot, but you'd probably hurt me if I did." They both chuckled.
"All too true. Now, what's so important that you had to summon me here? You have to know how busy I am."
"I know, but it's about Kendall…"
"Ah, so you realized who saved you. Good. Now get to the point." The smirk was starting to vanish from her face, only to be replaced with a scowl.
"Can you cancel the deal? Or at least give him more time?" She had started shaking her head before he even finished.
"I truly am sorry you have to experience this, Carlos, but Kendall made a deal. I know it's hard, but-"
"No! That's not good enough! Please, isn't there anything you can do? Anything at all? Please, I'm begging you! Please!" Tears were running down his cheeks. He was on his knees, clutching to her arm. "Isn't there anything you can do? I c-can't live without Kendall! I need my big brother, please!"
"Carlos, I really don't enjoy ripping people apart like this. I may be the Angel of Death, but that doesn't mean I don't have a conscience. I'd let all of the people I make contracts with off the hook, but it's not my choice. It's in my job description: Escort souls of the dead to Purgatory for judgment, reap souls from those willing to make contracts, resend souls to earth, and transfer souls. There's nothing I can do. Once a soul has been transferred, I can't put it back unless I get an order from someone higher in authority. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go." And before he could respond, she had disappeared.
Rocque Records, Gustavo's Office, 1:42 P.M.
"So….I guess this is it. You'll talk to Griffin and make sure he doesn't replace me? That Big Time Rush will be a three-man band?" Gustavo nodded.
"It's the least I could do to help my dogs get through this…" He let out a long sigh. "This probably could've been avoided if I had just driven you home."
"Don't blame yourself Gustavo. We can't let the past control our lives. We just have to…to move on. No matter how hard it may be." They both looked down, lost in their thoughts. "I can never thank you enough for everything you've given us; a chance to be famous, an amazing apartment, a swirly slide for Carlos, the songs for the campfire jam….everything. I never thought I'd say this, but…..I'm going to miss you Gustavo." Gustavo just twirled his fingers awkwardly while looking away.
"Just, don't push it Dog. You know I don't do the sappy stuff." They both chuckled.
"I know. Take care of the guys for me. Who knows what kind of trouble they'll cook up without me there to stop them? And try to relax a little more. Go for morning walks, soak in the bath tub for a while, heck even spend a day at the spa! I know the stress is good for getting the creative juices going, but it's also bad for your health. Just saying…" He tagged on at the end, seeing his manager starting to go red from being told what to do.
"I DON'T TAKE ORDERS FROM DOGS…..but the day at the spa does sound refreshing. Maybe I'll consider those more of friendly suggestions." Kendall nodded. He stuck out his hand for a handshake, which the older man quickly returned.
"It's been amazing working with you Gustavo….goodbye."
The Palm Woods, Apartment 2J, 5:30 P.M.
Kendall sat in his bedroom at the desk. He was writing everyone letters for when he left that night. He had a feeling Carlos was going to try to stop him from leaving, but didn't know what he could do to keep that from happening. He had just finished sealing and marking the last letter when his Mother called him down for dinner. He stuffed the letters in his pillowcase before hurrying downstairs.
Dinner was a silent and slightly awkward affair. Even though Kendall and Carlos were the only ones that knew what was to occur that night, there was a tension in the air that wouldn't go away. Everyone felt that something was going to happen, but none of them had the audacity to speak up about it. Carlos and James didn't even play with their nuggets as usual.
Cleanup was just as tense, the only noises being the clink and clatter of the yellow plates, and the running water in the sink. Mama Knight had the boys just sit down and watch TV after the dishes, heading down to the lobby to talk to Mr. Bitters about a weird noise coming from the floor above them.
None of them really paid attention to the television, the images flickering across the screen without any of them registering what was happening. It wasn't until a commercial came on for some new game Carlos had wanted that Katie finally snapped. She had expected him to jump up at the commercial and act all excited, but he just sunk further into his seat.
"That's it! I can't take the stress! What is going on?" She stood with her hands on her hips, the single braid in her hair hanging between her eyes. The boys all looked at her in shock. "Start talking, what is going on with you guys? You haven't said anything for hours. I didn't even think that was possible!"
"Katie-Kat, nothing is-" Kendall was interrupted with a smack to the face.
"Don't try to butter me up with all that Katie-Kat business! I'm probably smarter than all of you put together, minus Logan. I'm ten, but that doesn't mean I don't know when something's up. Need I remind you, I'm the one who saved James when he was locked in a dog cage in the basement? Or that I beat Carlos and James in the prank war? Or how about the time I helped Logan get that date with Camille? Or when I helped Kendall find out that Jo was lying about having a boyfriend? I'm not helpless, so start talking!" None of them had ever seen her so angry or upset about anything. There was a fire in her eyes that was only seen in the eyes of the Knight family. And it was never good for those who were receiving the fiery glare.
"Katie, please, calm down. There's no use getting upset." Logan reached out to embrace her, only to have his hands smacked away. He rubbed them before continuing. "Look, I don't know what's wrong with all of us tonight. Maybe the stress from the accident is catching up to us. Maybe we're just having an off day. Whatever the case….this should stop now, okay? Let's all just talk. Okay?" Everyone nodded, seeming slightly convinced. "I guess I'll start. So…..oh, I got it! So I had this super weird dream last night. Carlos had this weird red stripe on his face over his eyes, and every time somebody thought of something…" And the conversation went on, everyone starting to lighten up and laugh a little. But all too soon, the sky was dark, Katie was asleep on James' arm, and the boys were ready to crash.
"C'mon guys….let's get to bed. It's late, and Katie definitely has the right idea." James gently lifted his sister before carrying her back to her bedroom. His brothers just went upstairs to their room, rubbing their eyes and dragging their feet. James joined them not long after, collapsing onto his bed beneath Logan's without even changing. Logan was already asleep, wearing a plain white t-shirt and some green lounge pants with the recycling symbol all over them.
That left Kendall and Carlos, staring at each other awkwardly. As soon as they heard their pretty-boy brother's soft snores, Carlos spoke up. "So….."
"So…." Kendall shifted his weight from foot to foot before walking over to the dresser and pulling out some sleep-wear. "Tonight's the night." Carlos gulped, his mouth suddenly deprived of moisture.
"I…I know. Are you…completely sure there's nothing you can do? No way that you can stay?" Kendall nodded, finishing pulling off his pants and shirt.
"Positive, as much as I wish I wasn't. I'm so sorry, Carlos. If there was anything I could do to make this easier-"
"I know. Just take care of yourself for me. Promise me you'll be okay and….and that you'll come back to visit as soon as you can. Please?" Kendall nodded.
"I promise, Carlos. But, I don't know if I'll ever be able to visit." Carlos was dumbstruck.
"What?" Kendall shook his head, pulling his sweat pants up. The elastic snapping against his skin was the only noise in the apartment.
"I don't know if I'll ever be able to visit. I mean-" Before he could finish, the clock on the wall started chiming. They both looked, afraid of what they might see.
"No! I haven't gotten to finish!" The door suddenly opened, and a whispering voice floated into the room, calling for Kendall. "Listen, Carlos….there are letters for all of you in my pillowcase. I need you to read them with everyone. They're my goodbyes."
"No! You can't go! I need you! We need you!" Carlos ran forward, only to be thrown back by a sudden burst of wind. "Kendall! Please, no!" Kendall only turned, holding back his tears as he walked out the door. The wind that knocked Carlos back slammed the door just as the young Latino threw himself against it. "No! Kendall, please, don't go! I need you here! Logan and James need you here! Katie, Mom, Jo, Camille, everyone needs you! Please!"
He repeatedly slammed his body into the door until it finally broke down. Recovering from the small fall, he stood as quickly as he could and ran down the hall to the balcony, jumping over the edge to the ground below. Rolling as he hit the ground, he turned, only to see Kendall standing in the doorway facing him, the Angel behind him with her hand on his shoulder. As he sprinted towards them, crying out, the door shut. He wrenched the wicked boundary open, only to find nothing on the other side.
He was too late.
Kendall was gone.
Out of his life.
And as these realizations continued to twist and pull at his heart to the point that he felt physical pain, he dropped to his knees, heartbreaking cries tearing from his lips.
Until this point, the rest of the world had frozen. From the first stroke of midnight to the last, time ceased to flow for any but the two brothers. And as the last mournful note faded into silence, the rest of the world awoke, only to be met with Carlos' agonizing screams. Logan and James bolted up in their beds, immediately running downstairs to see what was wrong. As they came around the corner at the same time as their Mother and sister, they all froze.
What they saw would haunt their memories for the rest of their lives.
Carlos down on his knees, prostrated before God, begging for the return of his brother through tears and screams, pounding the ground until his knuckles bled. And all of them were at a loss for words. Only Katie worked up the strength to walk forward and embrace the pained boy. He clung to her like his life depended on it, muttering and whimpering as the rest of the Palm Woods' inhabitants arrived. They only heard one sentence from his mouth, but none could decipher what he meant.
"He's gone….he's gone….he's gone…" And he continued his mantra until his chest stopped heaving, and his brothers escorted him back to their room. It wasn't until them that anyone noticed a certain blonde's absence.
"Boys, where's Kendall?" Carlos' tears started anew at his Mother's question, as the realization struck all of them.
'Kendall is gone….he's gone…..he's gone….'
Me: I feel like this chapter was really rushed. But I had a lot to get done, and I wanted it done in this chapter. And I did it.
So, for those that don't already know, I am moving away. I'm moving with my boyfriend and his family to Venezuela. And before any of you say, "how exciting" I have something to say: I will not have any internet connection, or any phone connection. So, that means that I will no longer be writing anything on this site. Yep…..this is my goodbye. I have gained and learned so much from this site and the people on it. It has truly been a privilege. Now, before you say anything, my close friend will be taking over all of my stories for me. He's really nervous, so try to be nice to him. Please?
So, to those of you I knew personally, I will miss you so much. I've made some of my best friends on here. To those who read my stories, I couldn't ask for better fans. And for those who are just now learning about me, I'm sorry I missed out on the chance of knowing you.
So, for the last time, I am finishing up. Goodbye FanFiction. I love you very much.