First of all, sorry that I haven't updated in a LONG while… my thesis has got me so busy and additionally, I'm usually too tired to write or all I think about are science shizz. So if you wanna hear about how immunoglobulins are processed to form varied isotypes and how clones need a relatively young sample, as well as several other shits or else they'll probably die, then I'll write about those Anyway, this is version 3.0 of chapter three. Yes there were three versions this time since I'm soooo indecisive. So this last one was written while I was high on sugar, lots of sugar. My friends and I had a party and we got 2 slices of squarish pizza and sandwiched donuts in between and then we dipped it in Tequila… Okay, so that last one wasn't true. So I'm not sure if this is any better than the last two, but please read and review. Since I obviously still don't have a working writing style. BTW, the borrowed thing with the titles, I just decided to stick with it so don't expect them to be nice or relevant.
STORY SPOILER BELOW: (Jasper and all those who think that I made Touma look stupid, read below, but remember, it is a spoiler… possibly )
Oh yeah, Jasper, I don't think Touma's stupid either. He'd have to be really, really stupid to not notice Mikoto's attempts and reactions. So as for whether he knows or not, well, you can infer from what I just said. Hehehe… From what I see, Touma may have almost zero experience in relationships as well. AND Holy fuck! Kazuma Kamachi is alive! (author of To Aru) Hurrah! Now I can choke him until he spills what he really means at the end of the novels…
A Certain Pair of Goggles - Borrowed Misinterpretation
Onee-san types, he just had to say he was interested in onee-san types. Maybe it was the good mood that had gently welled up between them or maybe it was the fact that he was admittedly having a lot more fun on a date than usual. Whatever the case, it was too late to take it back, far, far too late.
Touma sighed again. He didn't know how much longer he could keep this up. Here he was in a restaurant in the middle of town, waiting for open seats, with an apparently, overly excited and emotionally functional sister. He began to tap his foot, which was very uncharacteristic of him since he was actually a very, very patient person. For Christ's sake, he could stand being bitten by a nun who constantly complained about one thing or another without getting mad at her, but waiting for an hour with a clone asking awkward questions was apparently a different matter altogether.
"So… what you're saying is that you aren't interested with girls of onee-sama's body type? Misaka inquires."
Yes, I am totally having the best day of my life right here. He narrated to himself sarcastically. He was actually glad that he had given her the last seat in the line for customers and decided to stand up like well mannered gentleman. Otherwise, he'd have to look into her eyes.
And oh god those eyes… He wasn't quite sure what emotion pervaded through them, but they made him uncomfortable. At times, they seemed excited, then surprised, then intensely studying him, but those two russet orbs almost never left him. It both flattered and scared him. They were as relentless as her questions and according to Kami-yan's Rulebook on Dealing with Women, he should give into the guilt of that gaze, answer honestly, but be nice about it.
"But onee-sama's an actual onee-sama…" She reasoned, with those unreasonable eyes.
"I mean I prefer someone who acts like she's older and takes care-" He replied.
"But onee-sama takes care of us all and she also cares for her friends who are younger than her. So doesn't that mean she falls under that category? Misaka remorsefully interrupts."
"Well, yeah, but I prefer who acts that way with me… Biri-biri usually ends up getting angry and attacking me… And I'd like someone with fuller and bigger…" He attempted to explain, but had difficulty finishing.
"Breasts?" She affirmed, her eyes squinting suspiciously.
"Yes… those." Her nails dug deeper into his arm.
"So, you aren't attracted to onee-sama's or our figure?" She questioned, but made it sound like an accusation.
"W-well… yeah." He admitted against his instincts, which were warning him of danger. "But there's still a lot of time for her to grow…" He immediately added. The little sister seemed to be deep in thought and once again, he couldn't read her expression. It unnerved him. Though beneath all that discomfort, it was the fact that she kept asking questions related to Mikoto that really worried him. It really, truly worried him.
"B-but you know? They say a real girl lover likes all kinds of bodies, but the one he treasures most belongs to the person he loves." He stammered out of restlessness and unconsciously listening to Aogami Pierce's dating advice. Apparently, the blue haired otaku had recently been reading this manga about a girl who had the power of god or such.
She reacted. Her head turned from where it rested on his arm and stared at him with eyes that seemed to pierce right through him. He stopped tapping his foot and swallowed the discomfort in his throat. This had all come because he offhandedly mentioned he favored onee-san types.
Sparks rapidly circled her head.
"S-sorry!" Touma instinctively raised his hand in front of him, expecting a blinding flash along with the words 'So you like all kinds of girls huh!', but nothing came.
"Huh?" After realizing he was unscathed, he looked past his hand and saw that she hadn't moved an inch and that the wild halo of electricity had started to fade away. Despite the strangeness of the result, he assumed he was safe.
She merely sat up straight in her seat with that grumpy expression he was all too familiar with.
"…s-so is there anyone you love?" She asked, seemingly calming down, but keeping that scrunched up face. "Love romantically, not like a friend or family!" She clarified before he answered. She stared at him from the edge of her eye and folded her arms, trying to hide the redness of her cheeks.
"No. I don't think I feel that way about anyone." He answered almost immediately, making Mikoto blink.
She blinked once… twice… thrice at him again, as if still waiting for an answer. "What?" She shouted as if disappointed. Surely, she would've been slightly depressed and possibly annoyed if he answered that he loved that midget in the white robes or some girl with big assets, but his answer was just unbelievable, unexpected.
"No one?" She asked to clarify.
"Nope." He replied again quickly.
"Not even a tiniest inkling of it?" She asked to make sure again.
"I don't think so." He answered right after.
Mikoto sighed heavily. It didn't make much sense. Even though she didn't like it, she could acknowledge that beautiful women always flocked around him and some of them were just his type. Also, most of them were probably… more mature than her in more ways than one. So why didn't he like anyone of them? It didn't make sense.
Figured he'd be a hard nut to crack…
"So even with your harem of girls, you don't like any of them? Even the onee-san looking ones that you supposedly like?" Her waist lazily slid down the chair as she asked him.
"I told you, I don't have a harem… and don't you think love doesn't have anything to do with appearance?" He replied so modestly and honestly that any other girl would have fallen for him on the spot. Fortunately, Misaka Mikoto wasn't just any other girl.
"I'm beginning to question my own mental state here..." Misaka exclaimed as she slouched in her seat and rested her eyes for a while. She had planned to casually get information she could use first, before anything else, but that plan was already crumbling into pieces. Then, an unwanted thought bubbled up from the bottom of her subconscious, making her cover her mouth to prevent wild outbursts or puking for that matter.
"…you." She addressed him warily.
"What?" He replied lazily.
"…you… you're not gay? Right?"
Touma stood there with his jaw slacked and his hands flaccidly falling to his sides. Not once had that thought ever crossed his mind and he was quite sure it had never crossed anyone else's mind before. This was the first ever time in his whole entire life that he was accused of swinging the other way. In the darkness in the back of his mind, he could hear chanting that sounded like a mantra.
Fukuo da, fukuo da, fukuo da, fukuo da, fukuo da, fukuo da, fukuo da, fukuo da…
"What the hell? How can you even think that?" He shouted crossly, as he grabbed Mikoto by the shoulders and bent over her to confront her accusation. His eyes were a mix of panic and anger, shaking in disbelief and staring straight at her. Any other person would've been scared shitless but, these things remained unnoticed for the middle schoolgirl. Her mind was too occupied with other things. Blood rushed up her cheeks as their memories crossed her mind. She could almost feel the heat of the sun, the noise of the crowd and the gentleness of the grass beneath her as he pushed her down during that game.
"W-well, you said you didn't even feel the tiniest inkling of interest in anyone in your harem even if there are onee-san looking ones so…" She muttered nervously at how he held her and the fact his face was slowly approaching hers. Without thinking, she began to purse her lips, readying herself for whatever could happen, but nothing came.
He just briskly pulled away and let her go, furiously scratching his head as if he had just lost it. Several times, it seemed as if he wanted to yell in frustration, but ended up just murmuring or grunting irately. It was quite the sight for anyone who knew him well, since Kamijou Touma was known to cause people to get infuriatingly annoyed, not the other way around. But later, when the boy managed to calm down, he looked back at the flustered girl, who didn't know why she suddenly felt so crestfallen.
"Maaan…Seriously." He complained as her scratched the back of his head and he knelt down on one knee to face her. "I said… I wasn't sure if I loved anyone, not that I wasn't interested in anyone. They're different. You understand?" He explained slowly as to let each word sink in. He didn't want any more misunderstandings.
"…" Mikoto merely stared at him with softened eyes, still affected by their proximity from before.
"-and just so you know…" He quickly added before her eyes left his, making sure he had her attention.
"I am…" He paused dramatically, while looking her in the eyes.
"-Not gay!" The spiky haired teen shouted with such conviction as he clenched his fist, that he might as well have socked her while screaming 'I'll destroy that illusion of yours!'
Mikoto's mind had gone blank. There had been a tiny part of her that still hoped he would say something worthwhile, something usable, something that would make her feel better, but that tiny piece had just died a miserable death by simply losing the will to live.
A plate shattered on the floor and a female voice gasped from the edge of the waiting area.
Both Mikoto and Touma immediately turned to the noise.
"A-a-a… proposal?" The girl whimpered as she almost fell down on the broken pieces of the plate, a tea cup and what looked like an over sized Japanese sword. She wore a tight fitting white shirt, knotted above her navel and barely half a pair of rugged denims. The embodiment of all Misaka's fears had just dropped down to the floor, grasping the threshold of the door for support and its name was Kanzaki Kaori.
"Eh?" Touma asked, in confusion at what he just heard. She had probably misunderstood from how Touma was kneeling in front of Mikoto, and was staring deeply into her eyes. "No, no, no! Kanzaki-san, I was just-"
"-confessing properly…" Mikoto sternly finished for him, the heel of her shoe digging into his foot. Touma froze in pain. He was in the midst of two very powerful individuals. He could either die by electrocution, or be sliced and diced neatly, so he chose to shut up. A cat-fight wasn't something a man should get involved in.
On the other hand, Mikoto didn't know who this woman gifted with an excess of blessings was, but she was clearly a threat. Older, more mature in appearance, wearing clothes that could be ripped off easily, knows Touma, seems devastated and jealous... Why does he know someone like this?
So, could you please leave us for a while? Mikoto tried to say sweetly while screaming in her head.
Kanzaki slowly stood up, staring at both of them silently. She had her own reasons for being here. The English Anglican Church finally gave her some free time off and she decided that she could no longer hold back her debt to her savior. The gratitude for what he had done, was already more than she could shoulder. She had to do it. Tsuchimikado said she had to.
W-would you like to eat with me Kamijou-san? Kanzaki tried to act cutely by hugging her sword in between her legs and in her chest as Tsuchimikado instructed her to do. She also made sure to slightly tilt her head and bend forward slightly for additional effect. I-is it working? She worried.
Kamijou Touma just stared,blankly. Normally, if any other regular girl was doing this in front of him, he would've been so enthusiastic that he'd follow her around like a lost puppy, but Kanzaki wasn't a normal girl. She was a girl with superhuman strength, speed and was one of the less than twenty saints with magical powers equivalent of a nuclear bomb. Not to mention, all Touma's memories of her either involved her being serious, beating him up or beating someone else to up. In other words, whatever she was trying to do was plain scary.
Th-this woman! Mikoto raged in her mind. Using t-those things as an advantage. And this idiot, he's just staring! Mikoto complained, not noticing that Touma's wasn't attracted, but petrified and, that her foot was pressing even deeper into his shoe.
"Mi-misaka-san?" Touma called, worriedly. His foot was beginning to numb and he was concerned that her shoulders were beginning to shake.
I-I can do that too! Mikoto told herself as she eyed Touma angrily and rushed to take action.
"Eh?" Touma wobbled awkwardly as Mikoto hauled him up by his arm, pressing it close to her chest and leaned on his shoulder, as if she was used to it. Much to his dismay, she wasn't about to accept defeat.
"Mi-mi-Misaka?" Touma gibbered anxiously to the sensation repeatedly being applied to his arm.
"Nee, Touma… it's not polite to ignore the girl you're dating." She harangued him, sweetly, but he was no fool. He could feel the lightning crackling behind her eyes. "Especially, when you've haven't introduced the person you're minding." She threatened, with a smile. It made Touma sweat buckets.
"T-this is Kanzaki Kaori!" He explained hurriedly. S-she's part of the British Church like Index and she's a saint!"
This lewdly dressed woman's from a Church? Misaka doubted as she continued to smile.
I-it's not working? Kanzaki thought, alarmed. N-no, Tsuchimikado said this might happen if another girl was around. I just have to be more aggressive! Kanzaki renewed her resolve with Tsuchimikado's words supporting her.
Back then he said:
"There's no need to worry! Kami-yan loves onee-san types like you! You should just be more aggressive in wanting to care of him, nyan… The only problem that could pop up is, if he's with another girl. Especially that Tokiwadai girl, she's a tsundere so she'll definitely try and fight you off if you come on to him, nyan. So, if that happens, you should do this and maybe that…"
"Kamijou-san!" Kanzaki almost shouted as she addressed him.
"Yes?" He almost shouted back in shock.
"D-do you want to sit with me? I already have a table back there." The saint explained while lifting one of hands behind her head to emphasize her assets. Every man in the restaurant dropped their jaws rudely and ogled at them. All except for Touma, who was too confounded and troubled by Kanzaki's advances to stare.
Mikoto stood there wide-eyed. It was like this woman didn't even care she was there and kept trying to win him over with her body. She began to shake again, but this time it covered her whole body. She felt like she was slowly being backed into a corner and she didn't like it one bit.
"H-he's…he's…" Mikoto muttered under her breath as she embraced Touma's arm tightly for support. Touma turned his head in concern. Something was about to happen, but maybe he didn't want to know what...
"HE'S STAYING WITH ME! YOU STUPID OLD WOMAN!" Her voice echoed through the restaurant, making customers stare and waitresses drop their menus. She had lost it. She had totally lost it.
"O-old woman?" Kanzaki repeated as she stepped back in shock.
"You heard me! You're probably around twenty-five right? Then it's just plain wrong for you to be going after someone 10 years younger than you!" She shouted with an accusing finger shaking at Kanzaki.
"Twe-twenty-five?" Kanzaki reeled from the strength of her words. Thoughts began forming and crumbling in her mind. I-I know I look mature, but twenty-five? I don't look that old… I don't… Do I? Somewhere deep in her mind, where she repressed all the ideas and values she didn't need as a Saint and as the Pontiff of the Amakusa Church, Kanzaki Kaori's pride as a woman, resurfaced in a stormy rage.
"Don't act so high and mighty! I'm only sixteen years old you scrawny kid!" Kanzaki bellowed in retaliation.
"Don't call me a kid! You big chested nun! I'm only two years younger than this idiot!" Mikoto declared hotly, as she pushed an angry finger into Touma's face. Strangely, he felt as if he was just stabbed through the chest. "And what's with that outfit! I thought you were part of the Church not some hostess bar!"
"H-hostess bar? I do no such thing!" Kanzaki retorted as she pointed her scabbard at Mikoto's chest. "And, at least I have breasts!"
"ZZT…BZZZT…" That hit a nerve.
"Eh?" Traces of electricity passed by Touma's eyes. Misaka was never one to back down from a challenge nor was she one to be stunned or hesistant for long. She blasted through any obstacle any way she could. That was just her personality.
"I do have breasts! They're a B cup!" She screamed wildly as her voice loudened with every word. "Tell her Touma!" She squeezed his arm closely even more to convince him. Needless to say, he was convinced and even more than that, he was regrettably used to it already.
"So do I!" The saint shouted as she hurriedly grabbed his other arm. "Whatever she can do, I can do much better!" She announced proudly. "Isn't that right Kamijou-san?"
Touma shut his eyes in resignation. He had unwillingly become a judge in their contest. I'm not going to get to eat am I… And so, for the sake of his stomach, he decided to end this idiotic conversation in a way only he knew how.
He took in a huge deep breath…
"I don't care about breasts! I like loli's! I like flat-chested girls! Breasts are a thing of eeeeeee-vil!" He announced without a care in the world, throwing both his arms into the air as both girls freely let him go. Both their minds were struck through by his heartfelt declaration.
Everything became silent.
Kanzaki once again fell to the ground. "I-it can't be… I… lost? Tsuchimikado assured me that he liked girls like me… He said so… His information is supposed to be accurate…" She mumbled continuously to herself in despair.
Misaka's arms merely stayed were they had been the whole time. She was frozen like a mime. For the second time in this hour, her mind had gone blank. She stalled like an old computer, but she wasn't wallowing in despair like her opponent. She was just taken aback at the abruptness and complete stupidity of his words, but then again… sometimes, people like him, can actually do something helpful.
Slowly, her blank expression became cheerful again as a playful grin appeared on her face.
"Ow!" Touma exclaimed as he grabbed the back of his head. "What was that for?" He demanded to know.
"That was for interfering with my fight!" She replied as she rubbed her knuckles that hit his rock hard head.
"Ahh, what are you talking about?" Touma asked vacantly as he continued to massage his head.
"Don't play dumb… I hate it when you play dumb." She warned him as she placed both hands on her hips. "I could've won without your help you know…" She tried to admit proudly, but ended up blushing and looking away.
"…whatever, I was just making sure we actually got to eat and who decided you won anyway? I said I like loli's and you're not a loli."
"Well, I'm closer to a loli than she is…" Mikoto huffed, not thinking of the implications of her words.
"Oh? So does that mean you actually want to be my type of girl? Touma stated knowingly as he raised an eyebrow. Mikoto's entire face slowly burst into realization as her eyes widened, her mouth fell open and hair seemed to stand on ends.
"W-whatever gave you that idea! I just wanted to win. W-who the hell wants to be your girl anyway?" She retorted, flustered that he had just accused her of something ridiculous.
"Fine fine… Well we better just eat somewhere else then. Unless you want all these people staring at us. Well, I don't mind actually, but it's your call." Touma said non-chalantly.
Mikoto placed her hand under her chin as she thought of other places to eat. She had wanted to eat here since this was where they first met, but it couldn't be helped. They had created too much of a ruckus to stay. Where else could we eat?
"Ka-kamijou-kun?" Interrupted a shaky little voice.
Once again, the strange couple turned to the door and there they found a tiny woman, sniveling in the doorway.
"Komoe-sensei?" Touma was taken aback at her sudden appearance, but then realized he might've caused her tears as he always did. "A-about that loli thing… I'm sorry… I didn't mean it."
"N-no, I'm not sad. Sensei is happy that you like women of my type."
N-not another one... Mikoto thought worriedly.
"About that… that wasn't true." He admitted guiltily.
"N-no way… you don't like… you don't like women who look young?" She asked in her scared voice as her legs lost their strength.
"Does…Does that mean I still have a chance?" Asked a dark and foreboding voice from behind them. Touma slowly turned to confirm his fears, Kanzaki Kaori was standing there, in a dangerous daze as her eyes shined red like a demon's and her smile widened eerily.
Mere seconds later, Touma and Mikoto were once again running wild on the streets as fast and as far as their feet could take them. Everywhere they went, a mad woman with a long Japanese sword would chase them like vengeful spirit from a horror movie.
"T-this is all your fault!" Mikoto managed to scream in between her breaths as she struggled to keep up with the hand pulling her.
"I just wanted to eat! Was that so much to ask?" Touma shouted to the heavens, hoping that someone would hear him.
Wow… I just realized why I wrote the story like this. Girls, who are aggressive in relationships/make the first move, scare me. Though it does work for me sometimes, so I guess it depends on the type of girl. (not a sexist comment btw, just me musing)
So, I was supposed to make them meet Orsola, but I shot that idea down quickly since… actually that was a good idea wasn't it. I could've made her "ask are you his girlfriend", then "oh, so you don't like him" then later, "He's actually seen me naked" and Mikoto would go crazy. Maaan… what was I thinking, oh well, someone else can use that idea, it's free. Just tell me when you do, I wanna read it :D
Idea 2.0 - which I also wrote down. I would've made them meet with Mikoto's mom and compromise her plan, by forcing her to act like Mikoto instead of a sister to "save" the sisters, but at the same time take advantage of the situation since Touma would have to play along to hide the sisters as well. So she'd make him act like her boyfriend and blame it all on keeping the sisters project a secret with some fancy words like this is the only way she won't notice the difference in behavior.
And, 3.0 is what you see here. I'm not sure I depicted Kanzaki well though. In the novels, Kanzaki acted rashly after Tsuchimikado used her guilt and gratitude to push her and then she wore the fallen angel costume, which probably scared the living bejeezus out of Touma. Bejeezus! Man I ate too many donuts, I did.
Next chapter, I'm planning to make it quieter after Mikoto complains and Touma goes "Hai, hai" or proves it's her fault, but still light since that's the type of story it is. Anyway, they actually go and buy the accessory, while going window shopping and actual date stuff. So yessss, finally something lovey dovey and not just amusing shizz... I guess Mikoto will enjoy herself like a giddy kid, while Touma enjoys her happiness or something. Read and review again please. Peace out!