Disclaimer: I don't own Urinetown.
Author's Note: I was just in a production of Urinetown at my school—my first school production—and I loved it! I played Mrs. Millennium, and at some point during the rehearsal process I got the idea for this story. After the show closed, I actually had time to write it! A lot of the things in here are references to my particular production that might not have been in the one you saw (McQueen's pink heels, for example). So… here it is…
One day, Caldwell B. Cladwell got bored. Very bored.
He had no idea what he should do with himself. He was planning on taking his whole staff to Hawaii with the latest bunch of pee money soon, but that time hadn't come yet. When the time between luxury vacations got too much, crazy ideas started occurring to Mr. Cladwell.
And now was such a time.
Cladwell suddenly got a great idea. He had to make a propaganda video for the Urine Good Company and the public toilets! He didn't create the system to send people to Urinetown, after all, but to get money for himself. Money didn't come if people didn't pay. He couldn't believe he hadn't thought of this before.
"McQueen!" Cladwell called to the man who was in the corner polishing Cladwell's ten pairs of identical expensive shoes, three pairs of boots, and one pair of high heels—wait, where did those come from? Damn, his secretary should really be more discrete—or were those Ms. Brotworst's shoes, or maybe Ms. Uta's? He didn't know. The point was, they were definitely not his. Caldwell B. Cladwell, CEO of Urine Good Company—the single most powerful force of the day—did not wear high heels. A certain assistant was another matter… But enough about that. Back to McQueen. "Yes, sir?" he said.
"Call a meeting of all the staff members tomorrow at two!" Cladwell said. "I just had an idea that they need to be involved in."
"Yes, boss," McQueen said, and continued what he was doing.
Now, the only question was what to put in the video. He first thought, what do people like more than cute little children? And it so happened that Mr. Cladwell had a little girl of his own. Even more perfectly, her name was Hope. The video could feature the perfect modern family, the hope of the future!
…Except that it wasn't the perfect family. You see, Hope didn't really seem to have a mother. Of course, Cladwell knew that she did, but he also knew the rule: If the public doesn't know about it, it didn't happen. He had raised her and loved her, well, as much as he loved anyone, anyway.
Back to the video. He now realized he couldn't use Hope in that idea, as he didn't want to draw too much attention to the fact that she appeared to have popped into existence out of thin air. He couldn't let the fact that he had slept with most of his staff get out, now, could he? What else could he do? And then the idea came to him… a musical!
He could get everyone together, and they could come up with some songs! There would have to be songs glorifying him and the company, of course. There would also have to be some cool-sounding message that they supposedly stood for, because he didn't think asking people to donate to the "send the UGC to Hawaii" fund was going to cut it.
Just as Cladwell sat down to work on a script, he realized he had no idea if any of his staff could actually sing. Oh, well. He'd find out.