Disclaimer: I don't own Urinetown. I also don't own "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga, which the chapter is named after.
Author's Note: Mrs. Millennium has a strange, random and somewhat awkward realization. What is she going to do?
It was the end of another long, crazy day of filming. Mrs. Millennium couldn't complain too much, or at least not as much as some of the other actors, because she hadn't been in a scene for a while. The scene they had just done was the next totally coincidental meeting between Senator Fipp and Mrs. Millennium's characters. After that one, they would start running into each other accidentally-on-purpose, and then he would invite her over and all the major characters would be onscreen together for the first time. That hadn't been filmed yet, though. It would take a while to get there. Mrs. Millennium had no idea how anything would get done back at headquarters while all this was going on.
When she wasn't worrying about that, Mrs. Millennium was obsessing about something else. Strangely enough, Mrs. Millennium had started to feel like she had a crush on Senator Fipp. This wasn't completely out of nowhere or anything. Well, it was, but that was the point. She had, after all, done plays in high school, and somehow, the students cast as the leads always seemed to get together during rehearsals, then break up dramatically after the cast party.
Mrs. Millennium had decided to just ignore this new development, putting it down to the same forces that had affected her high school castmates. Besides, Fipp was known for hitting on just about anything that moved. She had no idea why she would ever even like him… except… power and money could just be so sexy… that was why she and everyone else had slept with Cladwell, after all, and each of them knew it meant nothing.
All the UGC people got back on the random company bus that was there to take them back and forth between headquarters and the various filming places. Mrs. Millennium and Senator Fipp ended up sitting next to each other.
"Ummm," said Fipp. "So, uh, what do you think about this movie?"
"Uh, I'm glad I'm in it," said Mrs. Millennium. "I used to want to be an actor, but I never got into anything, and then the water shortage happened, so I joined the UGC instead. So… yeah. Do you like the movie?"
"It's okay. You know I didn't audition for it."
"Yeah. I heard the only guys who did were McQueen—you can imagine how that must have gone—and Kurt. Why didn't you?"
"Well, mostly because no one told me about it."
"Well, yeah, that would make sense. When I auditioned, I thought there were only two parts open, so I didn't think I'd get it."
"Yeah, you're right."
"Well, I was sort of there when Cladwell decided who the cast would be. He was deciding between you and Uta for the wife, and I suggested he cast her."
"Oh. I see," said Mrs. Millennium. What Fipp had just said upset her, but she supposed she shouldn't expect anything better from him.
"No. I mean my character is still having an affair with your character. I'm just married to her… and then you die… um… looking forward to Cladwell taking us all to Hawaii?"
"Yeah, of course," said Mrs. Millennium, grateful for the change of subject—but at the same time, it's hard to have a conversation while thinking about making out in swimsuits on a beach in Hawaii with the person you're talking to… but anyway… "I heard it might happen sooner once we start forcing everyone to buy the movie when it's done."
"Yeah, I heard that too. I mean, there are millions of people in the country, and even if we only made them pay one dollar for the movie, that would be millions of dollars right there."
"Glad you're with us, aren't you?" said Mrs. Millennium.
"Yeah, pretty much. I mean, the vacations are great, the money's awesome, and seeing that everyone else just doesn't have it just makes it that much better, you know?"
"Of course. That's the secret company slogan!" Of course, the real one wasn't that much better. 'Look the other way while we run this company the way we see fit'? Really? No one figured that out yet?
"Well, obviously I know that. All the other ones are awesome too. But there is the fact that—well, it would probably be really awkward if I explained this, so I won't. Yeah. The Senate's fun. It's like you just press buttons and vote on stuff, and then you watch weird stuff happen to America! No on this—people stay the same. Yes on this—people give you more money! Yes on this—people get really mad and go on a killing rampage! Fortunately that hasn't actually happened yet, and it's not going to because no one wants that to happen, so we'll try our best to prevent it. I mean, if it did, I'd seriously have to get out of there."
"I know, me too," said Mrs. Millennium, forgetting about the thing that Senator Fipp didn't want to say before—which was his entire aim, after all. "Hey, what would you think if—"
"And we're back at headquarters!" McQueen annoyed. Yes, 'annoyed' can now replace 'said' if what you just said is really annoying to someone—in this case, Mrs. Millennium. "Everyone please carefully exit the bus. Watch your step—there are stairs there!"
Everyone carefully exited the bus, watching out for the random stairs in the middle of the aisle before gracefully descending down the ramp that led down from the door of the bus down to the ground.