Crybaby

A Detective Conan Songfic by Willow-chan 2001

Notes: This idea actually blossomed when I was listening to the Corrs'
Somebody for Someone". It got me thinking: We have fics regarding Conan turning back into Shinichi again. Out of that, we came up with theories about Ran's reactions to the situation. I then thought, "Besides Ran or Ai who has amorous regards towards Conan/Shinichi, we're forgetting someone to acknowledge." Yes, it's the little girl – who wouldn't stay a little girl forever – Ayumi.

I have more explanations after the fic, but, so as not to get you confused I have only seen as far as season 1 aired here in the Philippines (though I have very little knowledge for the episodes beyond that). Anyway, I place this fic eight years after the beginning of the series.

When I think of our untimely end

And everything we could have been

I cry, baby, I cry…

My name is Ayumi. I'm fifteen years old, studying in Tentai High School. It's been eight years since I met him, and seven years since my heart broke.

His name is – was – Conan Edogawa. He was smart, athletic, and the most able detective. He also possesses the most amazing pair of blue eyes.

Little did I know that he was – is? – the teenage detective that my little clique with Genta and Mitsuhiko look up to: Shinichi Kudou.

And that Shinichi Kudou loves and is loved by Ran Mouri.

Conan Edogawa is Shinichi Kudou.

It sounds so simple, really. It's relieving for some and it's quite heavy to take sometimes – maybe always – all the time, definitely.

It really gets me thinking.

Ok, so, it's 5 am and I still can't sleep

I took some medicine but it's not working

Someone's clinging to me and it's bittersweet

'Cause he's head over heels but it ain't that deep

I finally changed my number, got a different pager

Then last Saturday your cousin called

To say you're trying to reach me, probably because

You see that I'm with someone new

Since the day Shinichi came back, I was heart-broken. Of course, I was glad for Ran-neesan. As a child, it was like I just lost a play-mate. I felt that I would get over it soon.

Conan out of the scene, Mitsuhiko started to make moves towards me. Genta dropped hints that he also liked me, but I can say that Mitsuhiko's more serious.

I'm sitting here at my desk, trying to solve this algebra problem due tomorrow, first thing in the morning.

I pass my hand frustratingly through my now long hair. Many say that I look like Ran-neesan when she was my age.

When she started loving Shinichi.

No wonder Conan solved problems that easily.

We actually moved to another part of town because of Otousan's job and I had to take a train to go to school. I lived under the fear of those perverts going around town, the types who are obsessed with school girls. Mitsuhiko would pick me up from time to time until I got used to it.

Dr. Agasa would call me up pretty often. The old man has got no one else in his life except us kids. I gave my new number to him only. I guess that's where Mitsuhiko and Genta got it.

I remember, two years ago, he called me up, saying that the "Kudou family" were looking for me with an important message: Ran and Shinichi were getting married.

Late at night like a little child

Wandering around alone in my new friend's home

On my tippy toes so that he won't know

I still cry baby over you and me

I was in seventh grade back then. I remember how the news hit me like… like a bad grade in a test, that you know you studied so hard for and yet you reap nothing out of it.

The Kudou-Mouri were asking me to become a flower girl. They didn't have enough relatives for a little girl. I was glad to grant them the service.

Kazuha and Ai were bridesmaids. Sonoko was the Matron of Honor (she got married before Ran-neechan), Heiji was Best Man and my two friends were bearers. Despite the little entourage, there were quite a number of guests; they found me pretty, while Ran-neechan was described as beautiful.

The pastel blue dress was very flattering: the type which has got no straps and bared my shoulders, and had an empire waist. Shinichi-niichan danced with me at the reception.

When we got home, I locked myself in my room, dropped to my bed and cried.

Sipping Bailey's Cream by the stereo

Trying to find relief on the radio

I'm suppressing the tears but they start to flow

'Cause the next song I hear is a song I wrote

When we first got together early that September

I can't bear to listen so I might as well

Drift in the kitchen, pour another glass or two

And try to forget you

I still don't get it. I tell myself that Conan's dead and long gone. You can't have both Conan and Shinichi-niichan in one place. It's either one or the other… and either how many suffers from either side?… It's so unfair.

I never had a clue back them. To me, Conan was just another gifted child. I sadly found out that Shinichi Kudou is not only gifted: he is special.

I look at our picture back at the mall, and the one with that singing group. I also couldn't forget the times he would stand by me and get me out of trouble.

He was my Prince Charming, my Knight in Shining Armor.

And all I could do was hug him or kiss him on the cheek.

Maybe, I should've worked harder to get perfect grades. Perhaps, I should've learned some karate and all sorts of martial arts so that I will be strong. I guess that I shouldn't have cut my hair too much so it would be long and I can just like be Ran neechan.

But I'm not Ran Mouri. Never was, and never will be.

I'll never be the one in his arms, "'till death do us part."

My childhood fantasy was all broken. I firmly believed that we were made for each other, and when you believed, it came true!

I was wrong… and that thought makes me cry.

Late at night like a little child

Wandering around alone in my new friend's home

On my tippy toes so that he won't know

I still cry baby over you and me

Of course, I have accepted the fact that Shinichi was and never will be Conan. What disgusts me the most is that Conan is not completely gone and what I see of him is showing me how Conan will be when he grows up: breathtakingly handsome.

I was quite glad when we moved. I just couldn't go around and solve cases with the Detective Boys anymore; which is a good thinking, because they are under Kudou-san's guidance. It would just pain me to see him, so frustrating.

Yet I still keep the picture we had together at the wedding, his hands on my shoulders and his chin on my hair. A pose that a big brother would do with his little sister.

We have a ten-year gap. It we got together, it would still be acceptable here…

But it's just a fantasy that I have to let go of.

[Snoop's verse]

It was obvious to my two male companions that I liked Conan. They gave me all the comfort they could muster up to make me smile.

Don't get me wrong now! I'm far from those type of girls who go around and mourn to death about a lost love, turning anorexic and ending up in suicide! I'm not that cheap. In fact, I have trustworthy girlfriends, I snag pretty good grades and I'm healthy (quite buxom really, since I take gymnastics)! I'm happy with my parents and I had (note the past tense) two boyfriends since I stepped into high school - not Genta and Mitsuhiko, they're family to me!

News say that the newly-settled Kudou family are having their first child in a month. It's a little girl. Dr. Agasa said that they plan to call it Yumiko, a derivative of my name.

You can actually say that I have a pretty tranquil life, perfectly normal for a teenage girl.

Late at night like a little child

Wandering around alone in my new friend's home

On my tippy toes so that he won't know

I still cry baby over you and me

It's not that I lament about what Conan and I could have been, but I had to learn to let go somehow. I taught myself that I would never be happy if I stuck to the past.

But I really recall when I yelled at Shinichi-niichan for a crime he didn't commit. He didn't get mad at me. As tears streamed down my face, he held me in his arms and stroked my hair and my back, all the while apologizing for hiding the truth. I thought that I would never forgive him; but why should I be upset? He was never at felt.

Despite the dead naïve reverie, I still look back and remember those magical moments with Conan Edogawa. I will patiently wait for the day when my very own Prince Charming would come and take me away…

And I would cry no more.

THE END

Notes:

- There! "Crybaby" belongs to Mariah Carey, from her album Rainbow, 1999-2000, Sony Entertainment.

- As you have read, it's just a short insight into the prepubescent years of Ayumi and how Conan/Shinichi left a mark in her life.

- According to observations and books, child depressions last for a short while and they grow out of it with proper guidance and environment. I hate too much drama! Damn, I hear too much of those while my grandmother watches her lousy, sappy and silly soaps!