It did not start the way that Ukitake had intended. Ukitake/Unohana fluff. Oneshot. I don't own Bleach.

Ukitake poked his head cautiously around the corner. Now, he was suspicious. The truth was, he should have been suspicious from the start, but up until a few minutes ago his mind had been more agreeably occupied. Of course Shunsui hadn't helped any either. He had merely grinned roguishly and waxed poetic about the virtues of love. In the back of his mind, Ukitake thought of how much satisfaction Ise-san must get from systematically applying her book to the side of Shunsui's face.

"This is ridiculous, Jyuushiro," he muttered to himself. Straightening he strode determinedly down the hall towards Unohana's office. It's no big deal. You have nothing to hide. You're just here to pick her up and take her to dinner. That's right. Just taking her to dinner. Just like always.

Unohana Retsu's door stood open, a soft light emanating from within. She looked so small sitting at her desk. Funny, she had a way of seeming larger than life so much of the time. She looked up quickly in response to his soft knock on the open door.

"Ah, Ukitake-Taichou. I've been expecting you." She smiled sweetly.

"Unohana-Taichou," he greeted, stepping quickly into the room. "How are you this evening?" Holding out the flowers he had brought, he shot her one of his winning smiles.

"Well," her smile widened almost imperceptibly as she gracefully accepted the proffered gift.

Ukitake coughed lightly. "Well... Shall we go?"

"In a moment," something in Unohana's soft voice made him want to squirm. Instead, he settled for looking at her, eyes widening innocently. Unfortunately for him, her back was to him. "I was going through some records today, Ukitake-Taichou. It seems that you have not been totally compliant with your medication regimen." She turned wide cerulean eyes to gaze intently into his own.

Ukitake winced. She had found out.

Turning to face him fully, Retsu folded her hands neatly in front of her. "Would you care to tell me why, Ukitake-Taichou?"

"I'm fine," he reassured, flashing her his most charming smile. The motherly smile remained painfully fixed.

"That isn't want I asked." She looked him up and down critically.

"But Retsu-chan, it's not nice medicine. And besides, I feel just as well without it."

"Oh? Are you saying that my medicine doesn't work?"

"No, no!" Ukitake looked at her horrified. "That's not what I meant at all. It's just..."

"Then what did you mean, Ukitake-Taichou."

The sound of his title coming from her lips made him wince. "I meant that the medicine is so good that I don't need as much of it."

Retsu arched an elegant eyebrow. He really was making a valiant effort. And, if she was honest with herself, he was rather cute. That did not, however, excuse his behaviour.

"Does it indeed?" She queried.

"Of course," he grinned in momentary triumph.

"So are you saying you are a master healer now too?"

His shoulders slumped. She had got him, again. Really, he should have expected this by now. "No, ma'am."

Had he been looking up, he might have noticed the hint of a smirk that momentarily graced her features. "That's what I thought," she said softly. He peeked up at her nervously. "And of course, that means that this behaviour will not continue in the future. Am I not correct, Ukitake-Taichou?"

Ukitake sighed, a noise of defeat mingled with frustration. "No ma'am."

"Good." A wide smile engulfed Unohana's face until her eyes closed. A horrified shiver ran down Ukitake's spine.

"W-well," he stammered, fidgeting. "Shall we go now?"

"Not quite," she said brightly. "When I was going through your file, I also noticed that you missed your last monthly medication administration."

Ukitake paled. "Now, Retsu. We're supposed to be going out this evening." He was backing up as she advanced toward him.

"And we are," she smiled. "I've been looking forward to a lovely evening."

"This is not my idea of a nice evening," he shot back as his legs hit the edge of the office sofa, sending him down onto it in an inglorious heap. His eyes widened as she produced a syringe from the folds of her captain's haori.

"Well, if you came to your scheduled appointments instead of forcing my subordinates to chase you all over Seireitei, I wouldn't have to take such measures."

So this was a trap. He might have known. Kiyone and Sentaro would pay for this tomorrow. He growled vindictively as she advanced on him, weapon in hand.

"Ukitake Jyuushiro, is that any way to be?" She scolded him gently, reminding him very much of his mother.

"You're mean," he whined as she pulled up his sleeve and cleaned a small spot on his arm with an alcohol swab.

"No, I'm really not," she replied, voice laced with amusement.

"You are. You think this is funny," he accused.

"Really? Well considering I could choose to stick this needle somewhere else, I thought I was being rather nice."

His eyes narrowed dangerously, "You wouldn't dare."

"Would you like to try me?"

The rest of the colour drained from his face. "No," he squeaked.

"I thought not. Little poke."

"Ow! You might have-"

He was silenced by soft lips against his own. A second later she broke the kiss, gazing softly into his eyes. "Better now?"

"Hai," he croaked, cheeks pinking brilliantly. "S-shall we go?"

She giggled, "Of course."

Poor Ukitake Taichou. He can't win. Thanks for reading.

~ Kasumin