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Warning: cutting, swearing, etc.

Summary: Sonya, Numbuh 83, goes into a friend's room and reads their diary. And this friend happens to be Lily Dickson, Numbuh 199. What will happen when Lily finds out? What will Sonya learn?

"Reading Numbuh 199's Diary"

Sonya walked into Numbuh 199's room. No one ever went in there without asking, and no one ever asked. Sonya turned on the light.

"Wow, that's a lot of Rainbow Monkeys," said Sonya.

Everything in the room had Rainbow Monkeys. The bed was a giant Rainbow Monkey. All the photos on the wall had Rainbow Monkey frame work, the mirror had Rainbow Monkey stickers on it, the wallpaper was Rainbow Monkeys and the ceiling had Rainbow Monkeys on it. The floor was black and, again, had Rainbow Monkeys on it.

Sonya spotted something that didn't have Rainbow Monkeys on it. It was a tattered black book. Sonya picked it up, sat down on a Rainbow Monkey beanbag chair and opened it to a random page.

Dear Diary,

My older sister turned 13 a week ago and was decommissioned, even after I begged for her not to be decommissioned. She wrote me a letter saying how I have years to remember our past together. She also told me I can become whatever I want to be and not what I feel like I have to be. I miss her so much!

I cut myself for the first time today. It hurt badly, but…I got caught. Harvey, I mean Numbuh 363, blew his top. Then I started to cry. First off, I hate being yelled at and second off, I had cut a bad place. I kept bleeding and bleeding. I HATE blood. Harvey saw how baldly I was bleeding and gave me a towel, since it was his fault. I jumped when he started to yell and the knife went in too deep and in the wrong spot. I stopped crying after a bit and I stopped bleeding. Harvey told me to wrap it before I got it infected or something. I cleaned up my blood afterwards, since I knew Harvey wouldn't. Harvey turned on Rainbow Monkeys just to make me happy, even though he doesn't like them. He says he doesn't like them, but he doesn't hate them.

We talked about things and he admitted he didn't want his sister to be decommissioned and how sad she has been since Nigel left. He even said if Nigel can make her smile again, he could live with him for the rest of his life. How sweet. I told Harvey why I cut myself; I missed my sister, Maurice and even Chad at times. He told me Sector W will always be there for me, even if we can't remember much of our childhood. Then Harvey hugged me. He hugged me! He made me swear not to tell a soul about it. So I won't. I guess he is growing out of his phobias, somewhat.

P.S. My sister used to cut too, but Maria got her to stop. My sister was actually fascinated by blood. I mean, yuck!

Love,

Lily Mari Dickson, Numbuh 199

Sonya dropped the book, then picked it back up. She flipped the book to another page.

Dear Diary,

I think my sister is hiding something. She loves playing with kid toys she finds, especially yo-yos. The scary part is that she is amazing with a yo-yo. No teen that was decommissioned can handle a yo-yo the way she does. Maybe I just want my big sister back. Sometimes I feel like she isn't there anymore, like she is drifting away. I know she is there, but she is drowning herself in her own sorrow. Ever since her friends were killed in the bike accident, she hasn't been the same. Maybe someday I'll get her back. I'm sure the stuff she has been drinking isn't root beer or soda.

Love,

Lily Mari Dickson, Numbuh 199

Sonya felt tears well up in her eyes. She was glad she didn't have an older sister, but then remembered how her little siblings would have to deal with this. Her little brother was six years old and had just gone to the Arctic Base. Her little sister was three years old, so she wouldn't have it as bad. That fear of being decommissioned resurfaced as she turned to another random page.

Dear Diary,

I can't believe it! This can't be happening! My big sister was decommissioned last night! How could this happen? Now I've lost everyone but my team. Maurice, gone. Chad, way gone. Hannah, gone. My sector and I only have two pretty much three more years, only nearly three. I don't want to forget everything. I might even run when it's my turn. Hannah told me in a letter that I can still remember and this might not be the end. How in the world isn't it the end? I mean, it's not possible to permanently recommission someone. I guess I'll have to enjoy the next almost three years and take them slowly. But it's like killing myself slowly in the most painful way possible. It will get better, I know it will.

Love,

Lily Mari Dickson, Numbuh 199

"Why didn't you say anything?" asked Sonya to herself.

Sonya flipped again to a random page once again.

Dear Diary,

I joined the Kids Next Door! Just like my big sissy. I was so scared when I left on the C.O.O.L.B.U.S.. It looked like my big sissy was crying, and she never cries. The bus was filled after a few stops. I was stuck sitting to some bratty boy. He was so weird, but I won't judge him, since my sissy said it's not fair to judge before you know someone. But he was so annoying and he made me cry! I don't like it when people yell at me, it makes me cry. Let me tell you what happened. I accidentally touched him, no biggie. Then he started to yell 'Don't touch me' and 'Stupid girls'. Then I started to cry, right on cue. He was SO MEAN. Then he said sorry and made me laugh so I would shut up.

I also met this one girl too. She wears her blond hair in two pony tails. She had red hair ties, a pink shirt, a red shirt, and purple shoes. She looks more sporty than me. But I don't really know her yet. I just know her name is Sonya. I met two other boys today too. One was named Lee, he had on a Russian or French fur hat and was whipping around a yo-yo the whole time I was talking to him. Then there was a larger boy name Tommy. His brother is Numbuh 2.

I know that Numbuh 2's real name is Hoagie. I didn't tell anyone who my siblings are. No one needs to know my brother is in line to be the Supreme Commander. Chad really is the best I know of. No one needs to know my big sissy is the leader of the most secret sector. I want my numbuh to be 199.

Love,

Lily Mari Dickson

Sonya couldn't help but giggle at Lily's entry back when she was six. Never mind the fact it was so big it took up six pages. Sonya decided to read just one more entry. She had no idea she would regret this one.

Dear Diary,

I almost killed myself. I felt so lonely. It seemed like Hannah was a lost cause. I've never seen Harvey so angry. I knew he wanted to yell, but didn't. Why does he care? So what if he is the leader? He doesn't act this way to Lee, Sonya or Paddy. Now he won't let me be alone besides in the bathroom. I might just blow up. For once he didn't yell at me, I yelled at him. The whole of Sector W stared at me. I will never take it back, it felt so good, but so bad.

I'm starting to see that I am like my parents. I yell just like my dad used to; the kind of yell that makes you want to hide under things. I'm even starting to HATE Rainbow Monkeys. I just don't know what to do with all of mine. Maybe I can donate them or something.

Now, let's leave my life crisis behind. I finally got both Sonya and Lee too admit they like each other more than just friends. I promised to keep it a secret, but it's not like it's a big secret. People ask me if Paddy and I have a thing. Crush, yes. Are we in real true love? Not really, no ten year old can be. Neither of us want to be loners, so we pretended to date. Paddy has never kissed me, I mean yucky I would never kiss a boy. Kissing is for big kids. So we faked a break up, it was so much fun. We laughed about it afterwards. I tolerate Harvey. He isn't that bad most of the time.

Love,

Lily Mari Dickson, Numbuh 199

Sonya looked at the diary, shocked at first, then dropped it. She then ran into her room and slammed the door shut.

"Is something wrong?" asked Lee's voice from the other side of the door.

"Nothing is wrong, Lee. The door just shut louder than it I meant it to," said Sonya.

"Whatever," said Lee.

Sonya didn't say anything as she sat down with her back pressed against the wall, waiting for Lily to find out.

"SONYA!" yelled Lily.

Sonya backed into a corner.

"I'm so dead," said Sonya.

Lily stormed into her room. Sonya couldn't help not being afraid of Lily. Lily couldn't help not being angry at Sonya.

"Calm down," said Sonya.

"CALM DOWN?" yelled Lily.

Sonya looked into Lily's light brown eyes, which usually were filled with curiosity and sweetness, but at the moment were killed with anger and embarrassment. Lily looked into Sonya's sky blue eyes and saw fear, shock, and regret. That's when it hit Lily that she was acting just like her parents and she couldn't believe it.

"I'm sorry," said Sonya, about to cry.

"I'm the one who should be sorry. I'm the one who was yelling," said Lily, falling to her knees.

"I would have been angry too. I don't blame you for yelling. It was wrong of me to read your diary, but we shouldn't keep secret from each other. I though best friends don't keep secrets," said Sonya.

"What is going on in there?" asked Paddy, entering the room with the other boys.

"Nothing, just a misunderstanding," said Sonya.

Lily ruffled her thick, brown hair that just barely touched her shoulders. She wished it was wavy like Hannah's, but knew it might never be like hers. She was trying to grow it out to see if her hair would get wavy too.

"Lily, don't kill Sonya and Sonya, don't kill Lily," said Harvey.

"Why didn't you tell me?" whispered Sonya.

"I promised not to say anything. It was just an act," said Lily.

"So what if it was just an act? Even lies hurts," said Sonya.

"What is the difference? Not really," said Lily.

"But it still hurts," said Sonya.

"You don't know anything about relationships," said Lily.

"Like you do," said Sonya.

"None of us know what love is," said Lily.

Sonya looked at Lily shocked.

"You don't believe in fairytales or happy ever afters?" asked Sonya.

"Fairytales are made up stories to teach kids silly little lessons. There are no happy ever afters in real life," said Lily.

"Spoil sport," said Sonya.

Lily looked at Sonya, hurt and ready to break down.

"Did you even notice how irritated Harvey got when Paddy and you would flirt? He always complained about it when you guys were on dates. It was so annoying," said Sonya.

Lily curled up in a ball.

"Another thing you do, you shunning people out," said Sonya.

"Stop it, Sonya," whispered Lily, her voice raspy and desperate.

"Why should I?" asked Sonya.

"Please, just stop," begged Lily.

"Are you scared to admit your feelings and emotions? At least I'm scared of something I can't control," said Sonya.

"I'm not afraid of them," said Lily, slowly starting break.

"Sure," said Sonya.

"You're being a big meanie head," said Lily.

"Am NOT! Now we are at name calling. At least I'm not a cutter or a liar," said Sonya.

Lily broke down into sobs. Sonya didn't even realize it at first and keep on going.

"SHUT UP!" sobbed Lily. "Don't you get it? What did I do to you?".

Sonya shut her mouth, realizing what she had done.

"I…didn't mean to," said Sonya.

"This is so not cool," said Lee.

Harvey held out a hand to Lily. Lily turned her back to it.

"Lily," whispered Harvey.

"GO AWAY, Numbuh 363!" snapped Lily.

"Geez, no need to bite his head off," said Paddy.

"SHUT UP, NUMBUH 85!" snapped Lily.

"What did I do?" asked Paddy.

"Don't ask," said Sonya.

Lily didn't say a thing as she inched away from everyone. She could feel this deep feeling of pure anger, hate and maybe even evil start to rise up. She had never been so angry inside. She had never hated anything, let alone done anything evil.

Then it happened. The lights went out and Lily glowed a light blue color. Her eyes changed to an emotionless ocean blue color.

"Lily," said Lee.

Then, out of nowhere, a beam of water got Lee, Sonya, Paddy and Harvey soaked. The lights came back on, the water stopped, and Lily changed back into a normal ten year old girl.

"What in the world was that?" asked Paddy.

"I think it was Lily," said Lee.

"Lily, did you do that?" asked Harvey, again approaching Lily.

"What if it was?" asked Lily.

"How?" asked Harvey.

"I don't know. It has always been like that. Hannah turns in a lighting ball if you get her angry or really upset. I just shoot out water or make walls of water," said Lily.

"Okay then," said Sonya.

Harvey put a hand on Lily's shoulder, expecting to be slapped or thrown across the room, but neither happened. Lily just looked at it.

After a few minutes, things went back to normal. Lee was showing Sonya tricks. Paddy was trying to spy on his sister. Harvey was making a plan and Lily was spying on Harvey and Hannah.

Sonya learned a very important lesson that day: don't read Lily's diary.


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