What Hurts The Most

By jjd022980

He stood at the fantail of the ship looking out towards the vast ocean blue. Well what else could you do on a Navy Air Carrier when you are the only cop among five thousand and no one to really talk to or even hold you and let you know that every thing was going to be fine. Tony Dinozzo dreamed of that every night since he was force to leave his friends and his life behind for one fatal mistake. He looked down at his ring as the tears dropped with the ocean breeze. The one man that meant the only constant to him was gone a few thousand miles away. He remembered the last night they were together as it was still fresh in his mind.

Tony slammed the door as his partner walked in the house not far behind. He was beyond mad as he heard the news of the new director voicing his punishment.

Jethro stood there and just watched the man he loved, his partner and husband, vent his frustration. The fist in the wall made him jump.

"Dammit to fucking hell!" Another punch. "Why me?" He looked at his partner as the tears slid uncontrollably down his face. "Why Jet? Why? I followed her orders even though I felt something wrong, but like a good agent I did what I was told." He finally made his way to the couch and finally let his sorrow flow.

Jethro sat down beside him, pulling him close, letting his own tears mix with his husband's as they comtelplated both of their fates.

Tony wiped the tears away and looked down at his ring. The night before they left, they made love like it was there last time together. His partner reassuring him that he will make everything alright and he will be back.

Opening the fantail door, he walked down the narrow corridor to his office and quiet sanctuary.

"Agent Afloat needed on deck! Agent Afloat needed on battle deck!"

Tony ran down the corridor yelling, "Make a hole!" Running as fast as he could, he made his way onto the battle deck. Kneeling down on the uniform, he looked at the gathering crew.

"Anyone see him jump?"

They shook their heads. He looked back down on the uniform as a smile crossed his face. Jethro will be coming. He looked towards the crew.

"Get me a plastic bag now!"

A few seconds later a plastic bag was handed to him and he put the uniform into it and headed towards the radio office to make his call.


Gibbs walked into MTAC with a coffee in hand and suddenly stopped dead in tracks. He looked up at the big screen as the familiar voice rang out, "Hey Boss."

He smiled wanted to say something else, but not yet. Not lot of people knew of his marriage and DTDT policy was something still in effect in the office. He looked up at his husband and partner with a small across his face. "Hey Dinozzo."

Tony's heart leaped at the sound of his husband's voice. They wanted to say so much, but work came first.

"Sit rep, Dinozzo."

Tony shook his head. "Found a Lt. Evans uniform on the battle deck. Search and rescue still trying to find the body, but no luck."

Gibbs shook his head. "How are you doing, Tony?"

Tony shook his head. "You know what it's like being the only cop on a ship of five thousand." He looked around. "It sucks."

A crewman leaned over and whispered in Tony's ear. He looked back up. "I'm going to lose the signal, Boss. I…it was good seeing you again."

Gibbs swallowed. Hang on Tony I'm going to go get you. Just hang on. "You too, Tony." They looked at each other each answering the unspoken words. Then the signal was off.

Gibbs looked at the operator and she nodded and left. He through down the headset and sat down in the chair. He wiped his face as the tears threatened to all down his face. He looked at the blank screen.

"Hang in there Tones. I'm coming to get you back and keep you home."

He got up and walked out of MTAC and headed towards the directors office to fill him on the case.


The salsa music played in the small cantina as he talked on the phone to McGee. McGee stood there and just listened to his friend talk on the speaker phone about everything. He shook his head and smiled as he was trying to tell him that Gibbs was on his way to him.

"God how am I going to survive the next months being agent afloat? God with Vance running things I'm going to be agent afloat until my sixties."

Vance pressed the speaker button. "Sit rep Dinozzo."

Tony relayed his info to the director. Vance shook his head. "Gibbs and Ziva are on their way to you, Dinozzo."

Tony looked at the phone. "They are on their way here?"

"I was trying to tell you that, Tony. "McGee spoke into the phone.

Tony smiled. "When do they get here?"

"Already here."

Tony looked around and smiled for the first time in the four months he been at sea.


After seeing the coroner, they made their way back on the ship and into Tony's office. Gibbs and Ziva looked around the small office and they could see why Tony could be so lonely. Gibbs nodded to Ziva and she smiled and left hem alone. As soon as the door shut, they collided together.

Hands went all over skin as lips fought for dominance as if it was the first time. After a few moments, they broke apart and leaned their foreheads together.

"God Tony, these four months have been torture."

Tony pulled his husband close. "Jet, I don't know how much I can take of this." He sniffed into his husband's neck. "God, what did I do wrong? What did I do? I don't deserve this."

Gibbs held him tight. "I'm working on it Tony. Trust me." He pulled his head up and kissed him. "Trust me, Tones. I will get you off this ship."

He kissed him back. "I trust you, Jet."

He pulled away and straightened his clothes. "Come on we got a case to solve and then you can come home."

Tony watched Gibbs walk out of the office as he straightened his clothes. "I hope you're right, Jet. I hope you're right."