Cupcake's been a busy, busy boy.
I had to get this out of my system before starting all my other fics. It's gonna be short, maybe three/four chapters, and after it's done I'll try regularly updating all the others. And I've wanted to do something based on these songs forever, so… Yes. Oh, and sorry for using most of the song in the intro. Thought it needed it. If it bothers anyone, please tell me (but it is a cool song though.)
Alright, let's begin.
Key: Song lyrics, time/POV change, Neji's voices.
I was alone
Staring over the ledge
Trying my best not to forget.
All manner of joy, all manner of glee
In our one heroic pledge
And what happened to us,
And what happened to me,
And the consequences
I was confused by the birds and the bees
Forgetting if I meant it.
Baby, did you forget to take your meds?
The front door opened.
Neji jumped, immediately gripping the knife tighter in his hands.
They're coming for you, was the small chorus in his ear. They took him and they're coming for you, too.
"No…" Neji murmured, burying his head in his lap. He sat in a pitch black closet, waiting.
"Neji?" That voice sounded familiar. If that was Naruto, then he was okay, the voices had lied. Naruto was here, and Naruto would keep him safe from them. He stayed, looking worriedly through the opening between the closet doors.
They've taken his voice. It's not him. They're coming they're coming they're coming…
Neji covered his ears with his hands, shaking his head wildly. They couldn't have, it had to be Naruto, it just had to be.
"Neji?" Naruto's voice was bordering on frantic.
They've taken his voice and they'll take yours too.
He could hear him running down the hallway, hear him slamming open all the doors. Finally, the bedroom door slammed open, and Naruto walked in, scanning the room.
They've stolen his face! They're coming for yours! Run Neji run hide run Neji hide hide run…
The voices were screaming now. Naruto was walking closer to the closet. Neji covered his mouth, trying to silence his whimpers, and shoved himself again the wall.
Quiet quiet or it'll hear you and it'll take your voice and your face and you won't have them anymore…
Naruto opened the closet door.
"Neji! Oh my God, I was so-" Naruto stopped. Neji stood, shaking, knife pointed directly at him.
"Don't come any closer!" Neji stepped from the closet, forcing Naruto to take a step back with every step he took. "You're not Naruto! You're not!"
Stab him! Stab him stab him he's not Naruto he's a fake stab him…
"What are you talking about?" Naruto asked. "I am! Neji, put the knife down, have you taken your meds today?"
Neji shook his head angrily. "Liar! You took Naruto and you want me too!"
"Neji, please. Put the knife down." Naruto stepped closer. "It's me, I promise."
He sounded genuine. Naruto took another step. Neji faltered; he smelt like Naruto. He had to be real, right?
No! He's a liar! It's not him not him not him not him…
"Stay back!" Neji's voice trembled. "Please! What do you want?" He felt so tired. He sunk to his knees, sobbing quietly.
"What do you want with me? Why won't you leave me alone? Why…"
Before he knew it, Naruto had gently pried the knife out of his hands, had helped him up, and was pulling out of the room and down the hall, towards the bathroom. He felt like he should panic, like he should resist, but he was too tired.
"Sit." Neji obeyed, sitting quietly on the toilet lid as Naruto rummaged through the medicine cabinet.
He's trying to shut us up shut us up shut us up shut us up…
Neji couldn't help but thinking that was a good thing. He only wanted quiet, he wanted rest, but the voices never let him sleep. They never shut up.
We're your friend we love you Neji. We wouldn't harm you, don't shut us up.
He heard Naruto turn the sink on, then he handed him a glass of water and four pills.
Neji looked from the pills to Naruto, unsure.
"Come on." Naruto held Neji's hand out and gave him the glass of water. "It's okay, just swallow them. They'll make the voices go away."
Naruto wouldn't hurt him, Naruto was there to protect him, Naruto was there to hush the voices. (not Naruto not Naruto fake fake fake fake…)
Neji swallowed each pill one by one, then sat there, looking expectedly up at Naruto. He only wanted quiet. He only wanted sleep.
For the first time that entire day, his head was silent.
I was alone, falling free,
trying my best not to forget,
Naruto plopped down onto the couch and sighed. Neji was asleep in the bedroom. He rubbed his eyes tiredly. What the hell had happened today?
Neji wasn't a violent schizo- Naruto stopped himself. He was a violent person. Whenever he didn't take his meds on time Naruto normally found him hidden away in some corner of the house muttering wildly to himself. He'd never hurt himself or Naruto, and had been very easy to handle. But for some reason, today Neji'd threatened him, and with a knife.
"Shit…" Naruto threw his head back against the cushions. He'd have to take Neji in to see his doctor sooner than he'd expected. If it turned out that Neji was deteriorating… Naruto sighed again. What if he had to commit him?
He shook his head. He wouldn't think about that. Today was an isolated incident. Neji was fine. There was no need to have him committed. Neji was stable.
He saw a movement in the corner of his eye. Neji stood there, staring at him.
"Hey, babe. You're up." Naruto smiled at Neji, who offered his a slight upturn of his lips in return. Before, Naruto used to be disappointed, longing for the smiles Neji had given him before he'd… fallen ill. Now, Naruto was used to it. Any sign of feeling from Neji was a good thing.
Neji walked over to him and sat next to him on the couch. After a couple minutes passed without Neji saying anything, Naruto looked over at him. Neji was staring straight ahead, but his fists were clenched tightly in his lap. Naruto reached over and laid his hand on one of them, causing Neji to look up at him.
"Naruto…" Neji stopped. Lately, Naruto had noticed Neji seemed to have more and more trouble speaking. "Naruto, if I hurt you, would you tell me?"
Naruto blinked, surprised. "Where's this coming from, Neji?"
Neji either ignored the fact that Naruto avoided his question or didn't notice it. "I woke up alone today. I don't… I don't remember taking my medications this morning. You haven't come to check on me or anything, and I've been up for half an hour."
Naruto looked away. "You didn't hurt me today, Neji."
Neji may not have been what he once was, but he wasn't stupid. "Did I try to?"
Naruto got up from the couch and walked into the adjoining kitchen, his head bowed the whole time. Neji followed.
"Naruto. Answer me." Neji reached out and touched his shoulder. "Did I try to hurt you?"
"Yes!" Naruto turned around to glare at Neji. He really didn't want to tell Neji what he'd done. "Yes and no."
Neji stared at Naruto. It'd take him a while to process what he'd just heard, so Naruto turned away again, going towards the fridge to look for something to eat.
After a couple of minutes, Neji spoke up. "Naruto… I'm getting worse."
Naruto moved away from the fridge and began rummaging through the cabinets. "Don't be silly, babe. You're fine."
"I'm not. I'm getting worse, Naruto."
Naruto stopped rummaging and stood up, resting his hands on the counter. "Baby, you're fine. Relax."
Neji took another step into the kitchen. "I won't relax, Naruto. I'm not fine."
Naruto clenched his fists. "You're fine, Neji."
"Naruto… I'm getting worse, Naruto."
Naruto slammed his fists down on the counter. "No, you're not. You're fine."
"I'm not fine, Naruto. I'm getting worse, I need help."
Naruto pushed past Neji on his way out of the kitchen. "No, you don't. We're gonna see your doctor, gonna get your dosage increased, and you'll be fine. You are fine."
Neji followed him into the bedroom. "I threatened you today. I… I could've hurt you. What if I do hurt you?"
Naruto pulled his shirt over his head. "You won't." He still wasn't looking at Neji.
Neji sighed from behind him. "I… I need… Naruto, I'm getting worse. I'm getting violent. You might need to put me away, so-"
In the blink of an eye, Naruto had Neji pinned against the wall. Neji's eyes widened and he shrunk back, and Naruto was suddenly even more enraged at the fact that the only emotion Neji truly showed was fear.
"You're not going anywhere. You. Are. Fine." Naruto stepped back from Neji, then went back to disrobing. "I'm taking you to your doctor tomorrow."
Neji silently sat down on the bed and nodded. He lay down with his back to Naruto and curled up.
Under his bathrobe, Naruto could see him shivering.
And the sex and the drugs, and the complications.
Neji gripped Naruto's hand tightly as they exited the pharmacy. Naruto's other hand clutched a brown paper bag tightly. Just as Naruto said, his doctor had simply increased Neji's dosage and sent them on their way. In the back of his mind, Neji wondered if Naruto was bribing their doctor.
"Hey, you want some coffee?" Naruto's voice shook Neji out of his thoughts. Neji nodded; it'd been a while since he was out of the apartment. That was why he'd begged Naruto to leave the car; he wanted to just smell the air, and feel being out in the city again. They entered a small coffee shop, and Neji felt that he knew it, somehow, but he couldn't quite place the memory.
He knew that he'd have difficulty remembering places sometimes, but he tried anyway. He saw the pink-haired woman standing at the front counter and he remembered it was Sakura's shop, the one that she had opened just after she graduated college.
"Naruto!" Sakura had spotted them and waved them over to the counter. "Hey!"
Neji tried his hardest to hide behind Naruto. He hated it when their old friends saw him; ever since he'd been diagnosed, whenever they say him they spoke in hushed tones and gave him only sympathetic looks.
"…Neji. Hey." Her tone dropped, as expected. "Haven't seen you in a while."
"Hi, Sakura." He forced a small smile.
She gave him a concerned smile, then turned back to Naruto. "What'll it be, then?"
Naruto ordered and they left. Neji tried his hardest to avoid Sakura's gaze, but she seemed insistent on staring at him. The expression on her face looked like he'd been diagnosed with cancer or something. Neji hated that look.
Naruto unlocked the door to their apartment. Since Neji kept forgetting his keys, Naruto'd been forced to begin bringing his. Neji sighed, remembering the days when those roles had been switched.
He shivered as he walked into the kitchen; he felt the strangest feeling, as if he were being watched. Neji shrugged it off and began pulling out what he'd need to make dinner.
Naruto entered and locked the door, and Neji couldn't help but feel as if the door had slammed shut on his cage.
…what happened to us, what happened to me,
what happened as I let it slip.
(Two weeks later)
Naruto awoke to a crash.
Glancing quickly at the clock, he saw it was 2:14 AM. There was another crash and he lurched out of bed, grabbing the baseball bat he kept by the nightstand for emergency purposes.
Then he realized that the other side of the bed was empty.
He lowered the bat, then padded quietly out of the room, moving swiftly down the hallway to the kitchen, where the noise was coming from.
There was another crash, then a groan.
He moved faster. It sounded like Neji was hurt.
"No… NO!" He heard Neji shout. There was another crash.
He rounded the corner just in time to see Neji snatch a plate up out of their china cabinet, hold it high above his head, and drop it.
"Neji!" Neji looked up, and Naruto took a step back at Neji's expression. Neji looked wild. "What the hell are you doing?"
Neji grabbed another plate and waved it over his head. The plates were white, with disembodied heads of cats painted on them; they were a gag gift from Hinata at their engagement party.
"They were using them, Naruto!" Neji gripped the plate so tightly it shattered in his hands. "They were watching me! They were using them to spy on me! So they can come get me!"
Spying on him? In the year since Neji'd fallen ill, 'they' had been accused of numerous things, but never spying.
"Neji, put the plates down."
"I can't, Naruto!" Neji's eyes watered. "I have to get rid of them! Or else…" Neji trailed off and his eyes unfocused. "Yes, I'll tell him, if you'll just let me…"
"Or else what!" Whenever Neji began talking to 'the voices', Naruto knew he'd have to snap him out of it soon. Whatever they told Neji seemed to be whipping him into a frenzy lately.
"Or else they'll take you from me!" Neji broke another plate in his hands. "They'll take you and I'll be all alone, alone, alone…"
Neji trailed off again. Naruto saw this as his chance and lunged, easily jumping the counter, and landing directly on a pile of shattered porcelain. Wincing, Naruto took the plate from Neji and pulled Neji with him out of the kitchen.
"No!" Neji began to struggle with him, writhing around, clawing at him, attempting to get back to the kitchen. "I have to break them! I have to get rid of them, I can't be alone…"
"I'll get rid of them for you." Naruto tightened his hold on Neji. "I'll take them out tomorrow, okay? I'll get rid of them."
"No, no, no, not tomorrow, too long!" Neji stopped struggling and merely looked up at him, panicked. "They'll get you tonight if I don't-"
"Then I'll go tonight!" Naruto looked down at Neji and hoped he was reassuring. "I'll get the car and take them down to the dump tonight, okay? Okay?"
Neji nodded. "Okay."
Naruto sat Neji down on the couch. He then went to the kitchen and cleaned up the mess, sweeping the porcelain shards and the last of the plates into a large plastic bag, before driving down to the dump in nothing but his pajamas and a jacket and tossing the bag.
The moment he walked in the door Neji sprung off the couch. His fingers were bloody; there were deep cuts in his palms from the plates, but Neji had chewed his nails down to ragged, bloody stumps while Naruto was gone. There was a nagging thought in the back of his mind that self-injury was another step down the ladder, but he shook it off. Neji was just anxious. He didn't mean to hurt himself.
"Did you do it? Are they gone?"
Naruto wrapped his arms around Neji and held him tightly. "Yes, baby, they're gone. They can't hurt you anymore."
Before he went to bed Naruto checked his wallet. He had just enough to get Neji's dosage increased tomorrow.
Bite the hand that feeds,
Tap the vein that bleeds
Down on my bended knees…
I'd break the back of love for you,
I'd break the back of love for you.
Borderline abusive relationships are bad, kids… even if your boyfriend is filled with pent up hurt, anger, and confusion over discovering you have a horrible mental condition. I'm attempting to write all the intricate details of such an odd relationship. Please tell me whether I did well, or if not, what needs work. I know, sucky first chapter… It might get better, I hope. The second chapter's already in progress. I might finish it tonight. The song at the end will be the next chapter's song!
Anyway, please review, tell me how horrible this was.