Unluckywriter: Hey peoples! This is a fic co-authored by Stargazer500 (mah awesome buddy!), and I'm writing this for her! XD Originally, this fic was on a different website, but I decided to put it here, since this is where I put my writing and stuff, so uh...please don't hurt me! I promise I'll update my PJO one! Along with this one, too! So...enjoy? -shot-
Pairings: Sasunaru, SasoDei, OC/OC, and more! XD
Disclaimer: I own not. Screw this.
"As you can see, Tsunade-sama, these three were found outside our gates, in the woods, with no information or papers regarding their identity, and they're still sleeping."
Tsunade stared at the three, snoozing, seemingly seven-year old girls, then looked towards the Jounin that had spoken.
"I can see that."
The Jounin flushed red. He waved his arms agitatedly. "' I can see that?' Well of course, Lady Hokage! Now what will we do with them? They have no identification and-"
"I was talking about how they are still sleeping," Tsunade said evenly, boredly pouring herself a cup of sake. "And where are there parents?"
The Jounin flushed again. 'At this rate, he'll soon resemble a tomato,' the slug mistress noted. "But-"
"And can you not see that I'm busy?" Tsunade interrupted, slamming a slightly drunken hand on her paper-laden table. "I'm still deciding on the Uchiha-brat's punishment here!" With added effect, she gestured toward an aloof-looking Sasuke, who stood in the corner of the office; arms in chakra-resistant chains, and surrounded by silen Anbu guards. "What's so important about three, sleeping little lost girls? And where's their parents anyway? I've asked you once, now answer!"
"That's what I'm trying to say!" The Jounin exploded, arms waving in windmill fashion. "No one, and I mean no one, knows where these kids came from! They don't look like they came from any of the surrounding villages or countries, and the village-"
At that point, the door to the Hokage's office slammed open and in came a thoroughly tomato-splattered Naruto and Kakashi. Everyone stared.
"Okay," Naruto blearily stared, flinging tomato juice everywhere as he glared at Tsunade. "Why in Kami-sama is the whole freaking village throwing tomatoes at my future office and building?"
Kakashi blinked, looking a little scarred for life as the fruity-veggie liquid slid down his masked face.
"Tch. The day you become Hokage is when Orochimaru comes back to life…Usuratonkachi."
The cool, stotic, unheard voice (as of now, that is) startled everyone, but Naruto, without realizing who had spoken, instinctively snarled out, "Shut the hell up, teme!"
Then the demon host frozed. He slowly turned around and stared into the inky-black eyes of his ex-best friend, Uchiha Sasuke.
Awkward silence ensued…then the dam broked.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Naruto screeched, a tan finger pointing accusingly at the Sharingan user.
Sasuke raised a fine, aristocratic eyebrow, the first time anyone say an emotion since his capture by Team 7. "What do you think, dobe?" The last word was practically drawn out in a slow, smooth, yet cool, manner.
Naruto's tomato-splattered cheeks grew even more crimson under the fruit juice, and he snarled, "Don't call me that, bastard!" He spun upon his Hokage, glaring furiously. "What the hell, granny-hag?"
"Maa, maa," Kakashi laughed nervously, finally getting over his horrible flashbacks of killer-ninja tomatoes, and tried to intervene between his two former studens. "Let's not fight like children and act like mature adults, shall we?"
"SHUT UP!" Naruto and Sasuke both respectively barked, each scowling at the other heatedly. Kakashi shrunk back, inwardly dying a little inside as his chance of 'adopted fatherhood' was shot down.
And then the Jounin started screaming too. "Tsunade-sama, but the children-"
Tsunade, watching the proceedins, felt her hand shake and her eye twitched. She stared at the pandemonium, then looked over to the Anbu guards for help. The most brave, ruthless, highly trained guards took one look at the depressed Kakashi, the battle of insults from Naruto and Sasuke, the still screeching Jounin instructor, and gave her a look that even she could read behind the masks that said, 'are ya kidding me? No thank you.'
The slug summoner felt her hopes die like a thirsty flower.
Damn them all.
All she wanted was to dish out the Uchiha's punishment out as quickly as possible, and then drink sake and gamble like shit. But now there was a wailing, highly annoying Jounin, three sleeping, mysterious children from Kami-sama knows where, a Kakashi Hatake that might need therapy (Like hell she's going to spend money for his personal problems!), and now two boys, one Chuunin and the other an ex-S-classed criminal bickering verbally like mini-munchkins.
With a shaky hand, Tsunade tried to reach out for her sake cup, intent on getting a drink…
Sasuke harshly pushed Naruto with his chained hands, ignoring the sharp exclamations of the Anbu guards as they tried to restrain him, and Naruto flew into his Lady Hokage's desk, which caused said HOkage's prized sake cup teeter over the edge and fall, breaking into a gazillion pieces, the alcohol slowly bubbling around the glass remains, like spilt, pale blood.
Tsunade stared, with wide brown eyes at her precious sake cup as the rest of the room's inhabitants continued on fighting, not noticing that the world had ended.
The big-boobed woman of the lot felt her sanity crumble into oblivion.
"THAT'S IT!" The slug-mistress roared, kicking the desk. Said wooden table flew and hit the wall, narrowly missing Sasuke and the guards, stray papers flying everywhere. Everyone gulped at the smashed furniture and stared at their Hokage, just realizing that Shizune wasn't there to calm the 50-or-so-year old woman down.
"I've had it with you idiots!" Tsunade raged on, eyes blazing like a screwed up sun. Everyone took a safe step back. "Idiots all of you! Kami-sama, I will destroy and castrate- HISS- all of you! All I wanted was to get drunk off my ass and gamble, but you broke my expensive, precious, sake cup! I'll-"
"What does 'castrate' mean?"
Everyone stopped at the child-sounding voice, even Tsunade paused her ranting to listen. The adults/teens' eyes swivled around the room until they landed on the middle of the three sleeping on the bench kids. The middle child was the tallest of her strange trio, had fire-colored hair, and multi-colored eyes that seem to change color depending on the mood. She was now awake.
"Wut?" Was everyone else's intelligent response. The girl rolled her eyes. "What does 'castrate' mean?"
Feeling the movements of the middle child, the second-tallest kid on the right woke, light-olive toned hands rubbing at her sleepy eyes, brown, curly hair slightly bouncing.
"Gimme a fucking donut," she blearily said, violet eyes blinking rapidly indicating that she was still in la-la land. The middle girl smacked her upside the head. "OWW! What was that for?"
"You cursed," the middle simply said, acting like a leader, rainbow eyes coolly watching the curly-haired girl.
"So? You still didn't hafta-" the blue-eyed girl stopped herself as her taller companion glared at her. "Sorry, Star…"
"It's okay, Wolfy, I'll give you a donut later," the girl, 'Star', intone, patting 'Wolfy's' head. Then she turned and faced the dumbfounded ninjas. "Okay, tell us where we are, kidnappers."
"Kidnappers?" The Jounin sputtered, face turning scarlet again. "We didn't kidnap you! We found you outside out village sleeping!"
Star sniffed daintily. "A likely story."
"Okay, okay," Naruto cutted in, brow furrowing. "Where are you from?"
"Mommy told me not to talk to strangers," Star announced dully, hopping down from the wooden bench, dragging Wolfy and the smaller, mysterious girl who was still snoozing, away to the door. Scarily, the smaller girl still slept while walking.
"Who's your Mommy then?"
Star opened her mouth to fire back a smart-alek reply, then closed it, blinking confusedly. "I…I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?" Naruto quizzically asked, scratching his whiskered cheek.
"I just don't know!" Star insisted, stopping right next to the door, Wolfy standing on her right, and the unknown girl standing on her left, next to Sasuke.
The Uchiha snorted disdainly. "Stupid kids don't even know where they're from, so what's the point in asking them who their mom is?"
"Oh just shut the fu-shi-crap up, teme!" Naruto growled, catching himself from cursing in front of the seven-year olds. "No one wants to hear the air that comes outta your pie-hole!"
Sasuke narrowed his black eyes. "You dobe-"
"SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU IMBECILES!" Tsunade hollered once again, furiously glaring at the two younger ninjas. She turned to Star. "Do you know where you're from? Who your parents are? Is Wolfy and the younger girl your sisters?"
Star blinked at the rapid barrage of questions, but shook her head. "No, no, and no. But these two I know. They're not my sisters, they're my friends, and how I know that, not sure, and the 'younger' girl is named Dark, and she's the oldest of us three."
Then the nameless Jounin interrupted again. "But-Hokage-sama! The village is rioting over these three! These kids could be disguised, dangerous spies! Since the capture of Uchiha Sasuke, the Konoha citizens are wary and suspicious! What will we-"
His words were suddenly cut off as the great lady Sannin's fist said hello to his face, and he flew out the window from impact, glass shattering.
Nodding to the still scarred-looking Kakashi, Tsunade curtly said, "You go and take him to the hospital…if he's alive. If not, I'm not paying for his funeral expenses. Understand?"
Numbly nodding back, the copy-nin sprinted and jumped out of the broken window, intent on skedaddling out of there.
Star smiled at Tsunade, respect clear in her rainbow eyes. "You're cool."
Tsunade smiled warmly back. "Thank you. Now, do you know where you live? Or where you're going to stay?"
Star shook her fired-colored head.
Tsunade sighed. "If so, I'm not really sure where you can stay in the mean-time, but-"
"They can stay with me!" Naruto yelled ecstatically, waving his tan hand. "I like kids! They can stay with me!"
Tsunade looked unsure. "Well…"
"Ooh, can we? Really?" Star and Wolfy simoetaniously said excitedly, looking at Naruto, adoration in their eyes. They had instantly liked him from the start.
Naruto laughed and ruffled Wolfy's hair. "Yeah-"
"You'll probably neglect the kids, dobe," Sasuke sneered, "Since you're so clumsy and forgetful, they won't even last a week."
A snarl appeared on the Jinchuriki's lips. He spun on Sasuke. "You know what, teme? Go FUCK yourself! You annoying asshole!" Well…there goes the uncensored vow…
"Why don't you, dumbass?" Sasuke countered, hands and body shaking as he was held back by the Anbu guards from jumping and hurting Naruto.
Tsunade watched the two in a trance-like state, as her mind wondered about the three, homeless kids. Should they stay with Naruto? Is he responsibe? Will they be safe? Well…Naruto is responsible, and he likes kids, and anyways, the girls seem to adore him…but safe? She shook her head. She wasn't sure about that. He lived in a small apartment with barely enough money to help himself, how will he be able to house children in conditions like that? And some of the villagers still hold a dangerous grudge over the Kyuubi-holder, and if worse came to worse, he and the kids could get in trouble…
And then her mind remembered the Uchiha problem. What will his punishment be? What will she make him do?
Staring at Naruto and Sasuke, she remembered the times the tan ninja came to her office at random hours, eyes rimmed red and sad, and when he came to her, slightly sniffling, unshed tears in eyes, fake laughing and smiling all the while, she would know instinctively that he had visited his ex-friend, and was rudely shot down by the latter. Naruto's trust was broken…but someone is still intent on regaining that trust. She could see that now. See it in the way Sasuke seem to perk up today when Naruto came into the office, how he talked, and acted toward his ex-best friend, and she realized that underneath the coldness and rude comments, there lie a desperate, warm tone.
Sasuke wanted Naruto's trust back.
He wanted- no, he needed- the other ninja's trust back, the smiles, and laughter between the two. Sasuke probably still hated his older brother, but he realized how much Naruto mattered, that killing the latter would kill Sasuke, whether it was physically or mentally, it didn't matter, if Naruto was gone, then so was Sasuke.
Even now, she could see it, when Naruto looked away in a fit of anger, she would see the Uchiha's eyes soften slightly in sadness. She could see it in Naruto, too. He wants to trust his ex-best friend, but the incident of the Valley of End was too much, hurt too much to ignore, to forget or forgive.
She knew what she had to do.
"The children can stay with you, Naruto," Tsunade agreed, interrupting the two teenagers' fights, "But you will have to have a partner to help you."
Perking up and forgetting about the fight, Naruto beamed, Star and Wolfy yelling their joys. "Really? YES! These kids seems cool, so yeah!" Then he narrowed his blue eyes. "Wait…partner?"
Tsunade inwardly grinned evilly. This was payback. Not only will it help his shattered relationship with the Uchiha-bastard, it would be revenge on the broken sake cup!
"Yes," Tsunade said coolly, smirking. "Your partner that will help you with these kids is…Uchiha Sasuke."
"WHAT?" Sasuke and Naruto both screamed, eyes wide.
"You heard me," the Hokage said, sitting comfortable in her rolling chair.
"B-b-b-" Naruto sputtered.
"Why do I have to be stuck with this dobe for babysitting duties?" Sasuke demanded, eyes itching to morph into the Sharingan and blast everyone in the room.
"Yeah," Wolfy agreed. "Why does the jerk have to be stuck with us? Naruto is good enough! He's strong enough to protect us!"
Tsunade waved a nonchalant hand. "This is your punishment, Uchiha. Deal with it. And you have to listen to what I have to say, Wolfy, I'm doing this for you and your friends' goods."
"B-b-but why that bastard? Why not Sakura-chan, or- or-" Naruto protested, arms flailing in a wild fashion.
Sasuke, frowned, about to open his mouth to further his protest (Because, even though he wanted to patch things up with Naruto, he hated kids), when a small plop was heard, and a soft weight on his arm.
Looking down, he saw one of the up-coming banes of his existence (Next to Itachi and Karin, that is), the small, unknown girl who was still sleeping, had drooped to the side, resting her small, black-haired head on his arm.
The Uchiha twitched. He really hated kids. He extremely DESPISE kids when they rest their dirty heads on his arm while sleeping, and was that drool?
Growling, he nudge the child harshly to the side, and she fell, snores interrupted as her head collided to the floor.
The girl sat up, blinking confusedly as a tan hand rubbed at the bump on the back of her black-haired head. Green eyes, greener than Sakura's or Gaara's for the matter, zeroed in on him, and black eyebrows furrowed in a frown. Lips pulling back, making her two, bright red tattoos on her right cheek crinkle, she said, "Did…did you push me?"
Sasuke glared. He really hated kids. "Yes, yes I did, you insufferable, drooling whelp."
The green, child eyes darken dramatically. "My name is not 'insufferable, drooling whelp," She declared, standing up. She only came up to his waist. "My name is Dark, you dumb, chicken head!"
And then she lunged forward and grabbing his chained wrists, she bit him. On the palm.
Everyone in the room spun around, breaking out of their fight when they heard the Sharingan user's enraged scream.
Seeing the scene before him, Naruto wanted do one of the three things: A) point and taunt at Sasuke. B) Congratulate the small, unknown girl for her bravery. Or C) sit on the floor and laugh his ass off. And as we know it, he decided to do all three.
"Ha ha hoo –CHOKE- OMIGAWD! –GASP- HAHA! You got pawned by a little girl!" Naruto whooped, rolling on the ground. "Good job –SNORT- kid!"
"Shut the fuck up and help me, you dumbass dobe!" Sasuke yelled, waving erratically, the girl's teeth deeply embedded in his palm. "Get it off!"
Even though Star wanted to see the Uchiha suffer a lil more, she didn't want 'Dark' to get hurt, so with a sigh, she went over and poked the older, smaller girl in the ribs.
Dark gasped and went down. "Gah!"
"Glad you woke up, Dark," Star said dryly, helping her friend up and hugging her.
Staring at his bleeding palm, the blood dripping down his white skin like some kind of horror movie, Sasuke twitched violently.
"Naruto," the ex-criminal seethed, turning blazing eyes on the blonde on the ground. "If we have to take care of these brats, you're the Mommy."
Naruto's laughter died in his throat abruptly. "Wait-WHAT?"
"Mommy?" Dark ventured curiously, and seeing the demon host, she smiled, breaking away from Star's hold and pouncing on Naruto, hugging him. "Mommy!"
"No!" Naruto yelled, "I'm not your Mommy!"
"But Mommy," Wolfy broke in, "If you're the one that's gonna take care of us, you have to be our Mommy!"
Naruto's mouth open and closed like a fish, helplessly looking over to his mother-like figure Hokage. She only smirked.
"B-b-" Naruto rambled, than his mind made itself up. Holding Dark in a loose hug, he turned to his ex-best friend, unsure of his future, but sure of one thing. "If I'm going to be the…Mommy…and if Sasuke-teme's gonna be my partner over these three…than he's gonna be the Daddy."
Sasuke's moment of victory wilted. "What?"
Dark gaped too. "Wait…that teme's gonna be my DADDY?"
As the pandemonium started up again, Tsunaded observed the scene, smiling.
Today was a good day after all…
TO BE CONTINUED…