A/N: Hope you enjoy the fic :))


Another night outside, another bloody fight. But this time something went wrong.

Raph was fighting against some Purple Dragons and he was winning the battle. There was a sudden scream near him and he turned to watch. There was a young woman around her twenties, blond hair and attractive clothing. And there was also couple Dragons.

"Hey! Get away from there", Raph yelled and kicked the guy who was on him. Then he ran to the other end of the alley to help the lady. She was screaming, hitting and kicking as much as she could but she just couldn't fight against the men. She was too weak.

"Rrrraaaaaahh!" Raph jumped toward the Dragons and got them down in 20 seconds. The woman just stared in shock and didn't even try to leave anywhere.

"Ya okay?" Raph asked gently. She didn't even say anything.

"No. Witnesses", someone growled and Raph heard a low click. He turned to his right to see the leader Dragon pointing a gun towards the two of them. The woman gasped out loud and Raph didn't have time to react when the trigger was pulled. Next thing he knew was that the woman fell down to her knees, bleeding. The guy had shot her.

"You pathetic idiot!" Raph shouted and his anger blurred his sight. He just rushed toward the gun and the man, thinking absolutely nothing. He kicked the gun away and started to hit the man with his sais. Soon the man was lying down, gasping for air.

Raph looked the remaining group of Purple Dragons and they all escaped quickly away. Raph put his sais back to his belt and went to the woman. He squated down beside her and watched her in the eyes. They were blue.

"Please. Help. Me. Please.." she whispered with a weak voice. Raph looked the place where the bullet had hit. It was right on top of the left lung, she didn't have any chances to survive. Raph stared her apologetically and she finally realised it.

"No. I don't. Want to. Die. I have. Kids." That made it all even worse.

"I'm sorry Miss. I'm so sorry.." Raph whispered back.

"No. No.." Her voice was fading, her eyes were shutting down.

"Don't. Leave me. Alone. Please.." the woman asked and gazed the turtle. Raph didn't answer but he remained with her, watching her dying slowly. It wasn't pleasant at all.

Raph was angry and when he had stood up he went straight to the man who was still laying there, too weak to do any big moves. Only now the man was trying to get away by crawling. It was not going to happen.

"Ya", Raph said and grabbed the man's shoulder. "Why did ya do that? What did she eva do to ya?"

The man was laughing. "She.. she wasn't anything, what she did was that she came here. She saw us and that is not a good thing. She had to be silenced."

Raph took his sai and pushed it against the man's throat. "Look, ya're goin' to die. People like ya shouldn't be existed at all."

"Ha. Go ahead. Freak."

That was all Raphael needed. He punched both of his sais to that guy's flesh. Again, again and again. Several times, even when the man was already dead Raph continued. He took few steps away, confused of what he had just done. His breathing was heavy.

What have I done? Killing someone was against every laws and orders. Master Splinter had always taught them not to kill, even in our greatest anger, and now Raphael had failed it. What am I goin' to do? If they knew about this..

Raphael shooked his head and looked the bloody body last time. Then he ran away as fast as he could. He was still in shock, he would have never thought he could kill someone so brutally like that. Ever. Why am I like this? What's wrong with me? Is there something wrong with me?

He ran to the sewers and the whole way to the lair. He only stopped right before going in, he needed to calm his breathing and act like nothing happened. Raph hoped it would be easy to foul his brothers. He opened the door and walked in.

First he let his eyes wander around the lair, making sure there wasn't anyone near. Someone had left the light on for him, it had to be Donny or Leo. Raphael was on his thoughts when he walked up to the stairs. He didn't notice that one of his brothers was watching.

"Raph?" Leo asked worried. He had never seen his younger brother looking like this. "Raph? Are you okay?"

Raphael woked up from his dream and stared Leo confused. "Uhm, yeah, of course I am." Then he continued his walking.

"Raph, you got blood on you", Leo said slowly as he followed the red bandaged turtle to the stairs. Raph stopped again and checked himself. Oh shell! He was covered with a lot of blood, the woman's, and the man's he had killed.

"Well, I, uhm, I'm going to clean up myself. Go to sleep."

Leo furrowed and watched his brother going to bathroom. Fine, Raph. But I will talk to you tomorrow. The oldest one went to his room and tried to get some sleep. Meanwhile Raph was scrubbing his arms, legs and everything where he just could see blood. I killed a man. I actually killed him. He couldn't believe it was a real thing.

After five minutes washing he walked slowly to his room and the hammock. He tried so hard to fall asleep but the events kept rolling in his head. The shot, the body. The shot, the body. The blood. Before he knew it was a morning, there was a knock on his door and Leo's voice saying it was time to wake up.

Raph stared the seiling, pretty much numb and messed up, eyes little dry and blurred. He forced himself up from the hammock and downstairs. He hadn't slept at all and it showed on his face. In the kitchen Leo, Donny and Mikey were all eating breakfast.

"Morning Raph", Leo said with a certain tone. Raph didn't answer to him, he just went to the fridge and grabbed something to eat.

"Since when have you been eating those?" Mikey asked disgusted and pointed the plate Raph had taken. Raph himself stared it.

"Oh, err, I just wanted to try something new", he said and started to eat, without tasting anything.

Leo was suspicious. "Raph. I want to know where you were last night."

Raph frowned and kept his eyes on the spoon. "Out."

"What did you do there?"

"Some patroling, like always."

"What was all the blood from? It didn't look like you got hurt."

Raph was silent a while, thinking what he could answer. Donny and Mikey were also listening their discussion.

"It was.. I... Uhm, there had been some kind of fight and... I slipped."

Leo raised his eyebrowns. "You slipped?"

"Yeah. Ya got some problem with that?" Leo said nothing to that. They ate their meals and started to get ready for the morning exercise. Master Splinter had managed to choose the hardest training to that day and Raph wasn't happy with it at all.

"My sons, divide into pairs", Splinter said after the warm-up. Leo and Mikey, Raph and Donny. They started the next training session witch was supposed to do with their weapons. When Donny took his bo Raph hesitated with his sais. Can I do this? Am I sure I'm not killing him too?

Don looked suspicious when Raph just watched him. "What's wrong?" Leo and Mikey were already fighting against each others, Raph could hear the metal banging. Splinter was spying the other two under his eyebrows.


"Uhmm, sorry, I just -"

"Just what?"

"Nothing." Raphael gave the last look to his weapons and desided to forget the night. He took the position and prepared to the action. Donny attacked and the red one responded.

They encircled, attacked, defended. The adrenaline was flowing in Raphael's veins. He became more aggressive when Donnie made his so called suprise attacks. When Raph was about to hit his brother, a flash from the night's scene came to his mind and he just stopped. He could see the stabbing and when he stared his hands and sais, he could see the blood.

Raph dropped the sais and backed off. He shaked his head as a denial.

"Raph? What are you -"

"Not in the mood." Raph walked out the lair and went straight to his room. Leaning against the door he tried to calm himself. Let it go, it's a past now. Just a bad memory, you're not doin' it again.

He lost his sense of time but after a knock he found himself laying on his hammock.

"Raph? Tell me what is wrong. Please?" Donny asked from the another side of the door. He was too kind and gentle to just walk in and disturb whatever Raph was ever doing.

"Nothing", Raph aswered and turned to his other side. Few seconds silence.

"Raph. That is not your usual behaviour so something is apparently wrong. Why won't you tell me anything?"

"First, there is nothing ya should know. And the second, it's none of yer business!"

"Fine! Be in that angst mood, I don't care!"

Raph sighed and felt himself so tired. He closed his eyes and tried to get some sleep but the voices kept him awake.

"Leo, don't go there! He wants to be alone and you know that! It doesn't help anything if you just -"

"No Donny! You don't understand!"

Raph snarled. Oh shell, he is coming here. Better get..

A knock on the door. "Raph, if you don't come out or just tell something we don't know I will come there and -"

"Stop it Leo", Raph heard Donny saying, "if he doesn't want, he doesn't."

"Shut up Don."

"Both of ya go to hell!" Raph shouted and the others silenced. The door opened and Leo marched in.

"I said -"

"I know what you said."

"Then why -"


Leo refused to let go so easily, so they had an argument which took almost half an hour. And result was that Raph still didn't say anything about his night outside and Leo had to leave the room.

The following week Raph couldn't sleep. Every single night it took hours to fall asleep and also then he slept just couple of hours because of waking up so often. He had nightmares, he walked like a zombi and sometimes he slept on a sofa. In a middle of the day. The others were worried.

One Thursday evening Raph was sitting in a kitchen, staring at the wall in front of him. Someone was talking to him but he was so tired, so exhausted that he didn't hear or understand anything what was said. An angry, frustrated shout and heavy footsteps away.

Raph blinked twice. There was more talking, a different voice from the first one. After minutes the voice was gone, footsteps left the room. Raphael stood up, he couldn't handle it anymore. He walked to the living room where Donny was pacing back and forth, thinking what what was wrong with his brother.

Donny lifted his gaze to the red bandaged. "What am I going to do with you?" he asked desperately, stopping his restless moving, hands in the air. Raph didn't answer, just walked to his brother and hugged him. Donny looked confused.

"Yer gonna sleep with me tonight, okay?"

Donny opened his mouth, again and again, but nothing came out.

"Okay?" Raph questioned again.

"Okay", was the reply.

Laying next to his brother, Raph could finally fall a sleep, feeling safe and comfortable.

A/N: I would like to read some reviews... ;)