Vincent Valentine a... dad?

Disclaimer: Yo momma don't own Final Fantasy or any of its stories or characters! And neither do I.

Chapter Two: Operation: Clobber Clingy Kadaj!

Three days later...

At breakfast things were chaotic (as to be expected of place with 21 people staying in it) To Vincent's absolute relief no one had really brought up the incident that took place on the first night of his stay. (Although, Vincent had the oddest feeling they were planning some big reveal.)
Vincent had been hoping that Kadaj's clinginess would just magically disappear but of course it didn't. So when Vincent tried to sit Kadaj at a table different from himself he found himself confronted with the beginnings of a tantrum that he COULD NOT deal with at the moment so he gave in and Kadaj was cheerful and comfortable on his lap while Vincent was, in the lamest of terms, pissed.

He narrowed his eyes at the toddler. "Kadaj, you are like a parasite sticking to and sucking the life out of me." Kadaj, for some reason, then decided it was the appropriate time to LICK VINCENT'S FACE.

Vincent basically threw him at Tifa and ran to the bathroom.


"I'm going to sneak out of the house. We CANNOT let Kadaj see me." Vincent would not survive if he had another minute if Kadaj clinging to him like one of them had been playing with super glue while the other was in the vicinity.

"How are you going to do that? He doesn't let you go, remember?"

"Reeve, you always ruin everything!" Wait a minute. Pause: Did Vincent really just say that like some sort of overlarge-tantrum-throwing-four-year-old-man-girl? Reeve smacked him in the face.

"I guess you really do need to get out. You're sounding like an overlarge-tantrum-throwing-four-year-old-man-girl." Hmm. Guess he did.

"It's Kadaj! That child will be the death of me."

"Well then. I guess we'll call this Operation Clobber Clingy Kadaj."

"Here, here," Vincent toasted and clapped his glass with Reeve's. And with that began Operation Clobber Clingy Kadaj.


"WHEWE DADDY," Kadaj screamed at the top of his lungs.

"HE'S NOT FUCKIN' HERE, YOU CRAZY ANIMAL!" Cid screamed back.

"I WANT MY DADDY!"

"WELL, YOU AIN'T GONNA GET YOUR GODDAMN DADDY 'TIL HE COMES BACK, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP SCREAMING IN THIS DAMN HOUSE BEFORE I REALLY GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO SCREAM ABOUT!" Cid shouted entirely losing his explosive temper.

Kadaj was right behind him when it came to an explosive temper, "YOU FUCKIN' SCREAMIN', TOO!"

"I'M ABOUT TO KNOCK YOUR LITTLE ASS OUT!" Cid said moving toward the toddler.

"Cid Highwind you WILL NOT touch that child!" Shera said putting a hand on Cid's chest.

"Fine," Cid said calmed slightly.

"HA, HA YOU'RE WHIPPED!" Sephiroth called rolling with laughter. Cid turned magenta. Wow, I thought that color only existed in my Crayola box of sixty-four. Hmm.

When Vincent walked back into Seventh Heaven he saw a purple Cid chasing a six year old Sephiroth around, intent on strangling him.

'Well, that doesn't seem kosher!' Chaos said laughing. Vincent mentally gave him the evil eye.

"Cid, stop attacking Sephiroth." Vincent said calmly.
"Vince, if those kids weren't your kids…"

"Don't him angry; you wouldn't like him when he's angry," Seph snickered. Vincent gave him that shut-up-before-I-come-over-there-and-shut-you-up look.

'Aww, someone's really becoming a daddy! LEVEL UP! You now have the ability to give looks!' Vincent wished he knew a way to murder the demon in his head.

"DADDY! YOU DON"T LEAVE ANYMORE!" Kadaj said giving Vincent an adorable pout. Vincent sighed petting Kadaj on the head. Operation: Clobber Clingy Kadaj; Mission One; FAILURE.

A/N: Yo momma wants you to R&R and C&C! And so do I.