AN: OH MY GOD I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I JUST WROTE.

So when I was either twelve or thirteen, I wrote this fic. I was absolutely OBSESSED with Phantom of The Opera. I listened to it constantly. I read the original and the long, published fanfic by Susan Kay. I watched the move so many times my DVD doesn't work any more. I was a member of phantomoftheopera . com, and I spent hours on it a day. It was crazy. I wrote this fanfic in a notebook, before Deathly Hallows had been released. I found it the other day. I have edited a LOT. It was really horribly written at parts, and the plot wasn't really thought out at all. Can't say for sure I've fixed those problems, but I like it a lot more. I don't know what this is gonna be. I'm just gonna keep editing and then, since this was unfinished, I'll write new shit until it's done. So it'll be an adventure, to say the least.

You're incredibly awesome just for clicking on this fic. Any reviews are appreciated. I love you all.

WARNINGS: Complete and utter crack!fic, mention of character death (I DIDN'T KNOW IT WOULD END UP HAPPENING IN DH I SWEAR), and eventual slash pairings. Drarry, Ron/Hermione, and probably some Meg/Luna or something weird like that.

Disclaimer: I am not a rich british woman, or a dead frenchman. I am not associated with anything HP or Phantom, and noone in their right mind would give me money for writing this insanity.

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5 figures sat at Gryffindor's table, and one paced up and down the great hall. Nowhere was safe anymore, but Harry, who had been visiting Dumbledore's grave for the fourth anniversary of his death, had called an emergency meeting for the most trusted- and alive- members of the Order of the Phoenix. Luna and Ginny showed up anyway.

"Harry, calm down," Hermione said calmly. "We'll find out what happened to it, don't worry." She, along with everyone else in the room, was staring at what used to be the mirror of Erised, standing in the middle of the deserted Great Hall. The mirror was strangely different- much taller, with a simple wood frame. The only thing to tell them it was the same mirror was the printing on the back. The mirror of Erised. It said, in dark black ink. It didn't get much clearer than that.

"It looks a bit like a mirror I saw once in France," Ginny observed, and stood up to examine it. "I visited an opera house in Paris, and one of the dressing rooms had one just like it," She leaned against the frame. "It's nothing to get your trousers in a twist about, Harry." She took a sip of the coffee she held in her hands. Without warning, the glass of the mirror slid sideways, and she fell backwards.

"Bloody hell!" She swore, her arms flailing, coffee mug flying through the air and shattering on the cold flagstones. Ginny hit the ground with an oof. "How did that happen?" She asked as she picked herself up, tossing bright red hair out of her face and rubbing at a bruised elbow.

"The back is still there." Hermione pointed out, walking behind the mirror and rapping on the wood backing. From where she stood, the possibility of a passageway behind the glass seemed quite impossible.

"Scourgio!" Ginny muttered under her breath, passing her wand over her soaked shirt and the now muddy floor.

"Reparo!" Harry called, and Ginny's mug became whole, leaping into Harry's hands.

"I was going to do that!" Ginny snapped. Luna rolled her eyes. Ever since they broke up, Ginny could not stand Harry. Four years, and she still acted like he was an annoying fly he wanted to swat. And Hermione and Ron were still in denial about how obviously they wanted to bone each other. Nearly everyone was dead. The only reason everyone in this room was alive was because they were in hiding. Also, Tonks's apparent amusement at the troubles they had did start to wear against one after a while.

I mean, really. Does she have to send me that cheeky grin every time Ginny snaps? Luna thought. Stifling her irritation, she walked over.

"I heard of this mirror once..." She commented, half remembering. "Daddy said a ghost created it... He had really bad skin."

"What, a ghost with acne?" Ron snorted. "Maybe it was Eloise Midgen."

"Worse than that," She replied, more coming to her. "It wasn't acne. It was horrifying. Like a corpse. Or something like that..." Hermione felt a chill down her spine, but it was probably just coming from the dark corridor behind Ginny.

"Still don't see why that couldn't be Eloise." Ron said. Harry laughed, and Hermione shot him the obligatory glare.

Ignoring everyone, Tonks stepped through the mirror. "Let's explore." she said simply.

"NO!" Harry shouted dramatically, grabbing her arm desperately. "We have no idea what could be through that mirror!"

"Oh come on," Ginny said, rolling her eyes in a way that could only be described as loudly. "We need to figure this out. And that will never happen if we just stand around acting like sissies." She, being an ex-girlfriend, touched a nerve with ease.

"Fine. But nobody can find us. We must be stealthy." Harry directed, standing a bit straighter as he made his leaderly orders.

"Right, because we all stayed alive this long by rushing into unknown places shouting 'Hi! We're invading this place and we oppose Voldemort!'" No one flinched. They were used to it by now.

"Let's go." Hermione said, and joined Tonks and Ginny in the passageway. Ron followed close behind. Ginny and Tonks walked triumphantly arm in arm, with Harry and Luna bringing up the rear.

There was a chorus of whispered "Lumos"s, which lightened up the previously pitch black hallway. Hermione shivered a little at the gold baby arms holding candlesticks sticking out of the wall. Did she see one move? No, it was just Ron. He had put his arm around her to warm her in a friendly way- thank Merlin he'd given up his ass-ish ways and started being so kind to her.

The mirror scraped shut behind Harry, just quickly enough for him not to be able to do anything about it. "You idiot!" Ginny sniped in an angry whisper. "How are we supposed to get back now?" She was cut short by a rat that scurried over her foot. It startled her so much that she let out a short scream.

"Shh!" everyone warned. And then Luna felt a hand on her arm. She turned around to find a woman, looking like a young Professor McGonagall, grasping her arm with an iron force.

"Um, hi?" She whispered.

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"Shh!" Professor Minerva McGonagall warned. "If you don't shut up they'll catch us!" Her company was strange. Draco Malfoy, along with Severus Snape and Belatrix Black, knelt behind the door to the
Great Hall beside her.

"You know," Belatrix hissed back, "Sometimes I wish you hadn't bothered to switch sides at all, you bother me so much."

"The Dark Lord put me in charge, not you," Minerva smirked. Finally, after years of scheming, of waiting 'faithfully' at Dumbledore's side, of carefully showing suspicion of Snape while secretly aiding him, reporting to the Dark Lord in the dead of night, putting up with Potter with a caring smile on her face- finally, it had all payed off. "Seems like your glory days are over."

Bella glared.

Draco and Snape continued in their game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, completely oblivious.

"Wait!" Minerva suddenly whispered. "I think they left."

"We would've seen them-" Bella began, poking her head as far as she dared through the doorway. "-Oh. They're not there." She stood to investigate. The mirror they'd heard the sixsome debating earlier was standing alone in the middle of the Hall, and as her eyes fell upon it, the last inches of the passageway were covered yet again by the mirror. With a shriek, she leapt forward, her fingers scrabbling at the smooth and unyielding glass.

"Let me try." McGonagall insisted, pushing Bella aside with hardly a passing glance. Surprisingly, the mirror gave to those bony hands, and slid open.

No one was there.

"We'll get to the bottom of this," Snape insisted, opening his mouth for the first time on the mission. "We'll get them."

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And now, some backstory:

The day after Dumbledore's funeral, the students were ushered back to their homes. The boarded the train in somber tone never before seen at the end of the year. Not even after the year Cedric Diggory died. They returned to their families and Harry refused, point blank, to return to the Dursley home for another year.

That is, he refused until it was pointed out that going to live with the Weasley family would put all of them in danger. Having just broken up with Ginny with that very excuse, there was no way he could push it. His aunt and uncle picked him up from the station as always, and he begrudgingly made his way back to the dreaded house.

It was only a matter of time, literally, until the spell of his mother's blood which protected him would break, and then he would be a sitting duck. Not a literal sitting duck, though.

But the boy who lived had never really given a thought to his birthday. He knew that he would be vulnerable the second he turned seventeen, but he'd been raised with people who didn't give a shit as to when that was. In the early hours of the morning, as the seventh month died, Hedwig woke him from his sleep with a loving, vicious peck to the head.

She carried bad news with her: The Burrow was under attack.

Harry threw the barest essentials into a bag, jumped on his Firebolt, and flew as fast as he could across the country. But even as fast as Harry Potter could fly wasn't quite fast enough. The battle was over. The Burrow was a mess. All the Death Eaters were gone. As Harry looked around, it was hard to believe that they'd ever been there. There was no sign, except for-

"Don't even, Voldy." Harry had growled as he stalked past his arch nemesis, a phrase which would be remembered and revered through the ages.

Confused, Voldemort somehow let a Jelly-Legs Jinx hit him hard, and Aparated out of embarrassment.

Some people considered it Harry Potter's greatest triumph, this night. But Harry couldn't think of it that way. Because in an attempt to lure Harry away from Number Four, the people he loved most in the world had been torn apart. Percy revealed himself as a Death Eater in spectacular fashion, managing to do in both his parents before Ron cursed several of his mother's kitchen knives to fling themselves at the former Prefect, which slit several arteries. He bled to death in his home, his siblings hardly given time to recover before they were surrounded by Death Eaters. Fred and Charlie were dead. Bill was missing. Ron and Ginny were the only people standing when Harry got there.

And he never forgave himself for it.

The trio, Fred, and Ginny retreated fearfully to Hermione's home for the night. But when they woke, the whole world had changed.

War had been waged.

And not just on the Wizarding world, as expected. Oh no. The entirety of Europe was suddenly under attack, Wizards and Witches, Muggles and Squibs. With forces much greater than anyone in the Order had expected, the message was spread- pick a side, and pick it fast, and pick it good. If you don't pick it good, we'll kill you, and everyone who you love. Hermione was good at spells, but there was only so much she could do when magical and muggle forces started beating down her door. They had to run somewhere. They ran to Hogwarts.

Silly? Probably. But McGonagall was determined that it should be open for all who wanted to learn, and it was of the public opinion that Dumbledore's body, buried on the grounds, left an aura of protection over the school that Voldemort wouldn't dare encroach upon. They were wrong, of course. Within two months of start of term, the castle was infiltrated, students killed and recruited, and the school was over for good. They never found McGonagall's body.

The group was split up- Harry, Ron, and Hermione trying to get the Order to do something useful, trying to find Horcruxes, trying to not die. Ginny and Luna lived together on the streets, making a rather good team. Ginny would attract the attention of men, and then talk to them long enough for Luna to steal their wallets. They bought the cheapest food they could, and charmed it into as many different things as they could manage. No one knew where George went, and he didn't talk about it. He'd been decidedly less fun ever since Fred's death.

One day, a year after Hogwarts fell, Ginny and Luna ran into an old crone, who turned out to actually be Tonks. The three searched high and low for people from the Order, people fighting against Voldemort, anyone on their side. It was hard work, in a world where everyone was in hiding. They were nearly caught several times. Eventually they met up with the few people who were left. They were gathered at the old headquarters, in fact. They had nowhere else.

They spent three years searching, everyone, for the Horcruxes. Every day made the task seem harder, less likely to ever be completed, but they continued. Sometimes they traveled together, other times they decided they should be on their own, cover more ground. People died. People went missing. People found Horcruxes. By the time Harry went to visit Dumbledore's grave, there was one unknown Horcrux left.

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Voldemort was a very hard worker, and European domination was no joke. By the time he was securely settled on his throne of bones, normal overlord life was- well, boring.

"I'm going to flip a coin," He informed Belatrix one day. "Heads, we slowly capture and torture all the members of the Order of the Phoenix, returning them to live normal lives all on their own, where the misery and hardship will eat away at them until they become hardened shells of the people they were before. Tails, we kill 'em."

The coin was flipped. The galleon soared through the air, lamplight flickering and casting tiny gold lights on the dark marble wall. For a second, it was as if no one was breathing. The room was suspended.

"Tails! Death!" Bella cried ecstatically, and she did a little gleeful dance.

Remembering that day, nearly two years ago, it seemed insane that they had gotten to this point. The Order of the Phoenix was over, done for. The remaining members had just stepped through that mirror.

Such a predictable move on Potter's part, getting back to Hogwarts in time for the anniversary of the day that Snape killed Dumbledore. Voldemort had sent his best Death Eaters, and Draco, to lay in wait, capture the boy, and bring him back for the Dark Lord to off once and for all.

And now that dratted Order was making their job that much more complicated. With an annoyed but predatory grimace, Bella followed McGonagall as she approached the mirror, their wands raised.

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"Meg, what are you doing-" The woman with very strong arms started, before catching a glimpse of Luna's face. "-You are not Meg." She said, her voice thickly accented.

"France." Hermione whispered immediately. Either the woman didn't hear her, or she was ignoring the comment.

"Who are you, please?" She asked, her voice low and urgent.

Luna smiled sweetly, her arm still in the woman's grasp. "My name is Luna Lovegood. What is your name?"

"I am Madame Giry, of course," Madame Giry supplied a little haughtily. "How did you come to be here?"

"Through the mirror, back there." Hermione informed her quickly. Man, that name sounded familiar.

"Through the mirror..." Madame Giry murmured. "But, the mirror is here, behind me."

"No, it's right back- Oh." Hermione began to argue, but as she turned around to show Madame Giry that she was right, she saw that she was, in fact, wrong. Where the mirror had been a minute ago there was only more darkness, a passageway sloping downward away from them, never seeming to end. And there, behind this Madame Giry, was the back panel of the mirror, almost shut, but not quite.

"This must be one of Erik's jokes." Madame Giry decided to herself, her face uneasy. The group looked at one another. Erik? Their eyes seemed to ask. Madame Giry's lips were pursed tight. She wouldn't be explaining herself any time soon. "You must be hidden, you cannot seem anything out of the ordinary. Just until I get to talk with the Ghost," If she saw the looks of confusion on their faces, she gave no sign of it. "Right. Can any of you sing? Act?"

"A little." Ginny shrugged.

"I was in the Hogwarts drama club," Hermione said. "We did Phantom of the Opera last. I played Christine." And then she remembered why the name Giry sounded familiar. That had been Padma Patil's part!

"I may be able to do something with you two," Madame Giry said. "but what about the rest?"

Ginny prodded Ron. "He did some acting." she insisted. Ron's ears turned red.

"I played a fish." He mumbled. "That's not acting, that's being three and wearing a costume my mum made for me out of muggle bubble wrap." Hermione giggled.

Madame Giry stared at him, clearly unsure of what to do. "Those of you who I can't get into the chorus,- I'll talk to Josef. You can be stagehands. Come on!" She snapped, and walked down the passageway, through a dressing room. They followed, and gazed in wonder and severe confusion at the hubbub surrounding them. This place seemed to go on forever, and they passed through hallways teaming with the strangest assortment of people, costumes, and alcohol.

They made their way past the stage, Madame Giry gesturing at them to sit next to her in the audience. Onstage, a bejeweled woman shrieked and wailed, and chorus members entered on giant wooden elephants.

"We are in rehearsals for our production of Hannibal." Madame Giry informed them.

"Who is that woman?" Tonks asked, her nose wrinkled.

"Why, that is Carlotta."

Oh yes. Hermione definitely knew what was up.

And Madame Giry could tell. She stood up, pulling Hermione out of earshot from the rest of them. Nobody noticed- they were too busy staring at Carlotta with sick fascination.

"You know where you are, don't you?" Madame Giry asked.

Hermione nodded. "I do... But I don't understand how. How is this possible?"

"It can't be that big of a surprise to you that there are many different universes, all existing at the same time, independently of one another."

"Well of course," Hermione confirmed, nodding impatiently. "I read. Though it is one thing to know it to be true, and another to be standing in an entirely different world. Much less one where there's a musical written about it."

"I have been to other worlds before-" She held up her hand as Hermione opened her mouth, questions bursting to come out. "-the world here, my own. Your world. And others." She pulled a sheath of paper out of her dress, and Hermione wondered how in the world it had fit. "and so has this man you call Lord Voldemort." There was a tone to the way she pronounced his name that was different, sounded right- it was French. Of course.

"I- Lord Voldemort- he's been here?" Hermione asked, her voice shaking. This was all just a bit too much, and her head was buzzing. She needed more time, she needed to go to the library.

"Of course. It's a very long story, I wouldn't want to bore you. The important part is, when he was here, he left something behind."

"A horcrux!" Hermione gasped.

Madame Giry looked down at her papers. "Yes, that is what you would call it. A dark, dark object. And it is kept somewhere in this very opera house."

"It is?" Hermione gasped, and she looked around wildly, as though it would appear before her.

"I have searched, and searched," Madame Giry said sadly. "But I cannot find it. I may have seen it before, and not recognized it. There is not way to tell."

"I know how to tell. There is a- a spell, an incantation. If we find it, I'll be able to make sure."

"Then begin the search. Go back. Tell your friends."

And with those curt words, Madame Girl turned on her heel and left. Either the opera house had secret passageways, or the woman knew how to Apparate.

And now we just have to find a freaking horcrux in a freaking opera house. Hermione thought. That's just smashing.

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With wide eyes, McGonagall, Bellatrix, and Snape looked at each other.

"One of the Dark Lord's horcruxes? Here?" Bella hissed in confusion.

"What's a horcrux?" Draco asked.

"And Potter and his fanclub ready to hunt it down..." Snape commented, sounding worried.

"What's a horcrux?" Draco whined.

"Draco, shut up!" McGonagall snapped. He flinched, but she didn't even notice. "Lestrange, you are to return to the Dark Lord. Inform him of what we just learned."

"With pleasure." Bella smirked.

"Severus, you'll stay with me. We'll do everything we can to hinder them as they search."

Snape nodded. "Of course."

"What can I do?" Draco asked, eager, sounding quite puppy-like.

"You can go back with your aunt to the mirror," McGonagall instructed him, ignoring the annoyed look on Bella's face. "But stay at the mirror. Stay out of trouble. We'll need someone keeping guard and keeping an eye out, belive me."

Gleefully, Draco ran to join Belatrix. At the same time, Hermione was heading back to her friends with important information, and at the same time, a mysterious Opera Ghost was preparing to drop scenery on unsuspecting divas.

This could only lead to hijinks in the first degree.