11Meeting the Future.
Chapter 4.
Discl: See chap. 1.
I actually succeeded in posting a chapter today! Didn't think I would be able to do it. Been a bit sick, and also went to the movies yesterday. Also, this chapter is more than twice as long as the other ones. So I hope you enjoy it.
Thanks to all of you who reviewed last chapter!
I will answer them individually tomorrow. Right now I need som sleep.
Please Read and Review!
Chapter 4.
Kagome smiled at her little trip down the memory-lane.
Yep, telling Inuyasha she was pregnant had been hard. But not as hard as to try and find the courage to actually do a pregnancy test. She had really been freaked out as she left Sango and returned to the future.
Jumping out of the well Kagome started pacing nervously. 'Ok, ok. Calm down. Nothing to panic about.' She walked up to the door of the well-house, but turned around, walking back a couple of steps. Turning back to the door she drew a deep breath and opened it. The yard outside was deserted, thank the lord. She didn't know what she would say to anyone if they saw her, and asked why she was home.
Heading straight for the house, she walked over to one of the windows near the door. It felt stupid to spy on your own family, but she would rather do that, than face them at this moment. Peeking through the window, she could easily see most of the lower floor of the house.
Empty.
At least it looked like she had some luck. Her family wasn't home as far as she could tell. All the lights were out, and she couldn't see any other signs of them being anywhere else in the house.
Heading back to the door, she reached behind one of the flowerpots just outside, grabbed the spare key, and opened the door.
Ok, she was inside... now what?
Kagome just stood still in the hallway, not really knowing what to do. 'Plan. I need a plan.' her heart still doing small flips in her chest. All the nerves were tingling. She really couldn't grasp it all. She probably wasn't even pregnant. Nope. Not her.
But it couldn't hurt to check. Yes. Check, just to be on the safe side.
'Ok, Check... check to see if I'm... Ok, ok, ok. Check... I need a test. Ok. Test. Drugstore!'
Finally having at least a small goal, she dashed up the stairs, and in to her room. Grabbing her purse on her desk, and a mobile from her nightstand, she wasted no time, and ran down the stairs and out the door again. Why she had grabbed the cell phone, she had no idea, but not wanting to waste any more time she just rammed it into her small bag.
She ran as fast as she dared down the flight of stairs from the shrine, and turned right on the street below. Slowing down her speed to a brisk pace, she took some long deep breaths. This was good. Yes, it was. Good. Calm deep breaths. A plan. A plan that in the end would tell her she was just paranoid. Nothing to be worried about.
The drugstore was now visible at the end of the street, coming closer and closer, and for some reason Kagomes pace went slower and slower. At last, she was standing outside, hesitating at the door. People passed by her on the street, some going past her in to the store, some coming out. But Kagomes feet were rooted to the ground, some invisible force keeping her hand from reaching out and grabbing hold of the door handle.
But, why? Why was it so hard to just march right in there, and get what she needed? What was stopping her? It was just a stupid test, no biggy.
Steeling her determination even more firmer, she shot out a hand and grabbed the handle. The door opened under her push and she stepped in. Somewhere in here was a product she needed, and she was damned if she would leave without it.
She started walking, looking for the right section.
'Baby products... hair... skin... colds... fevers... intimate, and sex products... ok...' Once again she couldn't stop herself from drawing another deep breath, trying her hardest to calm her nervs. There were so many different products in this section she couldn't help but glance at some of them. There where condoms, lubrication, vibrators - 'What kind of drugstore sells vibrators?' - tampons, and other things for a girls period. There were other things too, but her eyes had caught the sight of the things she came here for. The Pregnancy tests.
She grabbed the one closest to her quickly. She was scared someone she knew were lurking behind a shelf, ready to pop out and assault her with questions. Quickly having a glance around her, she couldn't detect anyone, so it might be safe, for the time being. She looked down at the package in her hand. The front of the package read "Home Pregnancy Test" in big bold letters, screaming to her "Hey, Look, I had sex, and I wasn't careful enough!". The smaller letters under the title told her; "Easy to use. over 99% accurate." and under it was a picture of the test itself, showing that there was a color change tip, and a easy to read control- and result window. Should be easy enough, right?
Right.
Heading towards the cashier register, she felt her nerves starting to act up again. What if the cashier knew her, or what if the person behind her in the line did?
Wait... should it matter? No. She had every right to buy this. There was nothing wrong with it. No! She was going to go there and just hand it over. She were going to stand there, pay for it, and go home.
'It's for a friend. Yeah, good. It's for a friend, if anyone should ask. I'll tell them that.'
She walked up to the cashier, and before she knew it, she was outside the shop once again, a small shopping bag clutched in her hand. No-one had asked her anything. No-one had even bothered to look at her purchase.
Now, all she had to do was to go home, and take it...
But, what if someone had come home during the time she had been to the store. And what would she do with the used test? She really didn't want to leave it at home in case her mother found it. Or Souta. Or grandpa.
No, she couldn't go home. But where could she go then? A café? WacDonalds?
Suddenly she knew where to go. A person who wouldn't ask questions, and was sure to keep quiet.
Kagome reached in to her purse, and took out her cell phone. She dialed a number she knew by heart, and waited for the receiver to pick up. One signal... two signals... three-
"Hello?"
Oh dear. What should she say? Should she be happy-go-lucky as she often was, or should she-
"Hi Mamiko. It's Kagome." for some reason her voice decided to sound nervous, "Can I come over?"
"Of course Kagome. You know you can come by anytime you'd like. I'm just putting Michael down for his nap, so we'll be home. I'll make sure the tea is ready when you get here."
Kagome breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank you. I'll be there soon. See ya then."
She hung up, put the phone back in her purse, and took a right outside the store.
Mamiko, her neighbor since 2 years back, was an angel. The woman was just a couple of years her senior, a mother of one, and a loving wife. She might be goofy, fun, had a sense of humor, but she was more mature than anyone else she knew at that age. But that might have to be due to how her life had been up until she had met her husband, and moved to the neighborhood. Her door was always open, tea always available, but most importantly, there was always a shoulder to cry on, and ears that would listen, without jumping to conclusions, or too quick to make an assumption. She always tried to look at things from different angles, and see things from a different point of view. Kagome knew Mamiko wouldn't butt in if she herself didn't decide to talk about it. And she would also neither congratulate her, not condemn her if things turned out to be... problematic, and they decided to do an abortion.
Yes, They. This was not just her problem... if it was a problem. It was also Inuyashas. But... no reason to fret about how to tell him, if there wasn't even a problem to start with. So first, take the test, and then...
Kagome reached the gate to the small house that lay just downhill from the shrine. Opening the small gate, she walked up to the door, knocked softly and opened the door. She didn't want to wake Michael just in case he was sleeping already.
Steps could be heard from deeper inside the home, and a figure soon came through a door opening.
"Kagome. How great to see you. Come in, come in. I was just making tea."
Kagome removed her shoes and headed after the woman, shopping bag still clutched tightly in her hand.
She let herself slide on to one of the chairs around the table in the kitchen, leaving the shopping bag in her hands, and watched her host bustle about in the kitchen, preparing some tea and cookies.
Mamiko was 25, had red hair flowing down to the small of her back, small curls making the hair look more alive. She wasn't that tall, just a centimeter or so taller than Kagome, and had ample curves. She wasn't big in any way, but filling out her body in a nice way. Some might call her chubby, but she really wasn't, and Kagome could see that the woman was comfortable in her own body, making her look even more beautiful. She wasn't plain in any way, but that was mostly because of her exuberant personality. She was almost always smiling, taking things in strides. Her green eyes always shining, with either happiness, mischief , or just plain peace.
She actually wasn't a Japanese per se. Her parents had moved to Japan just before she was born. She was given a Japanese name to try and give her a place in the society, but she had had a hard time fitting in. She had been blond as a child, - a trait that had been passed down to her son - and this made her stand out. Kagome knew a lot about Mamikos life, since the woman didn't feel she had anything to hide. This is what made it so easy to talk to her. She knew that Mamiko could understand, and no matter how things turned out, she would always be optimistic, helpful and caring. Of course, Kagomes mother was also all of that, but for some reason, she felt like this was something she couldn't tell her mother until she knew, and she had told Inuyasha. She didn't know what her mother would think, and that was a bit terrifying to say the least.
Minako turned around from where she stood, and leaned against the counter, "So, Kagome. What gives me the pleasure of your company today? Just my excellent cups of tea, or would you like to talk about something?"
Kagome was once again suddenly really nervous. Bringing the bag containing her purchase up she hesitated, "Um... Can.. Can I use your bathroom?"
Minako just glanced at the bag, and nodded, "Always. You know where it is. Just take your time. Tea will be ready whenever you are."
She had understood, Kagome knew that. She got up and headed out into the hallways and down the corridor. Entering the facilities, she locked the door behind her and sat down on the lid of the toilet. With shaking hands she opened the bag, and took out the package. She eyed the box, and then opened it cautiously as if she might get bitten if she wasn't carefull enough. Inside the carton was a stick and a manual. She put the stick to the side and unfolded the paper, ready to read the manual.
It actually was really easy. Just pee on the stick for at least 5 seconds, wait 2 minutes, and then check the result. A flat line in the control window indicated that the test had been successful, and then either a flat line, or a cross in the result window, depending on the outcome of the test.
'Ok. This I can do... Cap off... and now...'
Kagome did her best and hoped it was correct. When she was done she put the cap back on and placed the test on the sink.
'Two minutes. How long is that? How long has it been?' she looked at her watch. Ten seconds had passed. This was going to be two really long minutes.
Kagome glanced at the test, and saw a small flat line start to appear in the result window. So far so good.
But soon it started to spread out, and a cross started to form. Still no indication in the control window.
'Wait! Wait, no! Stop it!' She glanced at her watch again. 30 seconds had passed. This wasn't right. It wasn't supposed to go this quickly. As she looked back at the test a flat line appeared in the control window.
There it was. A big, bright X was staring at her from the top of the sink. But... it had only been 45 seconds. It couldn't be right. The test clearly indicated that it should take at least two minutes. Something was wrong with it, clearly. It couldn't tell this early, could it?
Kagome grabbed the manual and read the content quickly, 'Aha! "The test is not one hundred percent accurate. If uncertain about the result, please contact a doctor for further testing". That's it. The test is wrong.'
Or was it?
There was a clear cross on it, so what now?
Kagome wrapped the test up in some paper, and put it back into the package. She would have to find a place to dispose of it later.
Heading back out and in to the kitchen again, she sat down in the chair she had occupied earlier. Mamiko instantly placed a cup of tea in front of her, and a plate full of cookies in the middle. Sitting down with her own cup across from Kagome, she gently blowed on the hot content.
"Do you wish to talk about it? Or would you prefer something else? I could tell you about Michaels latest mischief."
Kagome actually managed to laugh a little at that, but the smile on her face soon disappeared and distress was shown in her face.
"I think I might be pregnant..." was all she said, before she looked down into her cup of tea, clutching the ceramic as if it was a lifeline.
Mamiko didn't reply instantly, feeling that the girl across from her needed some time. But when the silence seemed to drag on, and make Kagome more agitated by the second, she decided to see what she could do for her, "What did the test say?"
"It apparently was positive, but I think there might be something wrong with it. The result was shown after only thirty seconds, and it said it should take at least two minutes. So it could be wrong, right? I mean, a test could give the wrong result, right?" Kagome looked at the woman, desperate for some kind of answers.
The woman sighed, "Yes, a test could be wrong, but only if it indicates that it's negative. A positive result is positive, no matter how early it shows on the test. If the test is positive, then you are pregnant. So, the questions are; What do you want to do now? And how can I help?"
Kagome looked STARTLED. She made it sound so easy. What to do now. Was it easy? It certainly didn't feel that way to Kagome. Should she stay pregnant? Should she decide to abort this? Should she tell Inuyasha?
That one was easy. Of course she needed to tell him. This wasn't just her decision to make. It take two to tango. But as for the rest of it?
"I don't know. I really don't. What should I do? What's the right decision? I don't even know how to tell Inuyasha. I mean, he should know, right? It's not just my call, he's part of it too. And then what?" She was rambling, she could hear it. But Mamiko stayed silent, listening to her go on and on. Soon Kagome put her head in her hands and drew a deep breath. Mamiko put her cup down, put her hands together on the table and really looked at Kagome.
"Well first; of course you should tell Inuyasha, if that is what you want. You cannot keep something like this from him, if you want him to be a part of the decision making. If you decide that you do not want this, and you want to keep him out of the details, that is all up to you. But before you decide if you want him in the loop or not, please think what would happen if he found out later. Or from someone else than you. So, it's all up to you, but I can tell you this; If you decide to tell him, I can guarantee that you will feel better. This is not an easy burden to bear on your own, no matter what you decide to do."
Kagome nodded. Inuyasha needed to know, it wasn't so much that, as it was How she were going to tell him. How do you tell someone that you are pregnant, when you aren't supposed to be?
What would his reaction be? Would he be happy? Sad? Angry? Would he freak out?
"And second," Mamiko continued, "You must understand that this is your decision. This is your body, and no matter what Inuyasha wants, it's your decision in the end. It's always easier if you are on the same page, but I have a feeling that he will stand by you no matter what you want. From what you have told me, he loves you that much, and he will support you."
That was true. Kagome knew Inuyasha enough, to know that he would stand by her side, no matter what the outcome.
What did she want? Did she want to continue down this road? Or did she want to have a go at it another time, when it all was planned, prepared, and expected?
At this point in time, all she knew was that she wanted to know what her half-demon wanted. She did not want to make such a decision without him. She had to know what he wanted.
But what did he want? Well, only one way to find out. She had to talk to him, and soon.
She just had to find the courage to do so first.
Her tea had gone cold in her cup. Getting up and pouring it down the SINK she placed the cup in the dishwasher, "I need to go home and talk to him. Thank you. For the tea, and for listening."
Mamiko stood up and hugged the girl in front of her. The older girl knew that it was needed. Perhaps Kagome didn't know it, but she had been really tense, but the simple gesture soon made her relax more.
"Always, Kagome, always. You know you can come over whenever you need to. Or just call. I try to help in any way I can."
Kagome simply nodded. Silently she headed out of the kitchen, and towards the door. She put on her shoes, opened the door, and headed out, closing it carefully behind her.
It took her no more than 5 minutes to get to the shrine steps, but to her it felt like 5 hours. Her mind was spinning round and round, and yet somehow it was as clear as the sky. Questions upon questions echoed in her head, making all the sound around her be drowned in her own internal struggle, and she would still be able to hear a pin drop. Everything around her looked like it always did, yet different.
With heavy steps, feeling like her feet weighed 100 kilos a piece she started up the stairs. At the same time, her feet where light like air, and she had a feeling that if she jumped, she would fly away with the light breeze.
Not wanting to go inside just yet, she sat down on the stairs to the well-house.
She needed to clear her head, and try to sort out what she really wanted, how she really felt about the whole situation, but every time she tried to grasp a question, or look for an answer, it evaded her like vapor through her hand. She couldn't understand it. At all. There was just no way she could be pregnant. She didn't feel pregnant. And yet, apparently, she was.
Putting her hands on top of her head, she bent down and studied her shoes intently, yet not focusing on them.
So.
How did she feel about perhaps becoming a mother? Could she handle it? Would she be a good mother? Was she too young? Would she be able to care for a small baby? A new individual, who needed her for another 18 years or so? A person who needed her to be there for him, or her, throughout all? Would she be able to give up her own personal freedom for another? Could she put herself in second, and place another person before all else?
The last question was easy.
Yes.
Placing another person before herself was not a problem at all. She had been doing it the whole time she had been in the Feudal Era. She had often put herself at risk for the sake of others. This wouldn't be any diffrent.
As for the other questions, she really didn't know. She couldn't even remember half of them.
As for an abortion, could she do it? Would she do it?
She really didn't know. Throughout the years she had asked herself if she would ever be able to do an abortion, and she had always said yes. If the time wasn't right. If there was something wrong, if she still was in school, if she were single, if she didn't have an income, if...
There were many reasons for a person to do an abortion, and she thought she would be able to go through one, if it came to that. But she would not make such a decision without Inuyasha. It just was not hers to do on her own. If he thought that this was not right, then she would do it. But if he wanted it, she didn't want to be the one to tell him she didn't want it.
Did she want it?
She didn't know that either. One day, yes. Right this moment?...
But it wasn't planned!
Then again, did that need to be so bad? So what? Some things in life just were just meant to be. Was this one of those things?
"Kagome, what's wrong?"
The voice behind her startled her, making her jump, "Ah, I-inuyasha. How long have you been standing there?"
She laughed. For some reason her own body decided to laugh. Albeit nervously. And yet, her own body also decided to send out opposite signals, as she started wringing her hands at the same time.
She looked up at the man standing beside her, eyeing him with nervously, as he sat down beside her.
"Jus' got here. Why ya here anyway? Why didn' ya tell me ya wanted to go?"
"I needed to check on some things... and I needed time to think..." her lungs drew a deep breath, the exhale coming out as a sigh.
He was looking at her, trying to figure out what she meant. Apparently he came up empty handed.
"Think? Think about what? And what did ya have to check up on?"
Oh Boy.
Good thing she had so much time to think, right? Since she had come up with so many answers. Like, how to tell him what she desperately needed to say.
Where did you even begin? Should she smile? Should she cry? Now, crying wouldn't be a problem. As nervous as she was right now, all she would have to do was blink, and the tears would fall.
Try to smile, now that was a bit harder. Sure, she could smile, and then it would falter. Her lips would quiver and then the waterworks would start.
'Ok, ok, ok. Just say it. Just explain to him you took a test, and you are pregnant. Easy!'
She grabbed his hand tightly in hers, trying to draw some strength from him.
"Umm... Inuyasha. Well you know... ummm..."
'Just say it already!' a internal voice was screaming to her. She could feel her hands shake, yet she couldn't see it when she looked at them. Keeping her eyes on their linked hands, she desperately tried to tell him, "When a man and a woman are together... like we have... um.. accidents can happen... and there are consequences..."
"Wadda'ya mean accidents? And consequences? What consequences? Damn it Kagome, what does any of this have to do with us?"
Of course he had to go and interrupt her. It was so like him. Never really having the patience to just sit still and wait for someone to finish. And she had just been ready to say it. Well here goes nothing. It was probably just best to go right out and say it.
She filled her lungs to the brim once again, held her breath for a second or two, before letting it all gush out of her in one heavy sigh.
"Inuyasha, I'm pregnant."
To Be continued.
Please Review.
Hell yeah! Done. Finally done!
Woho, a jolly dance for me! And it's so much longer than any of the previous chapters too. Huzzah!
Anyhow...
It was really hard to try and describe the internal turmoil that goes through one when you find out that you are pregnant, and you really thought there was no way you could be.
It has happened to me twice. First time, I had to go around an carry that secret for 4 days, until I actually had that conversation with him. I cannot believe I really said it like Kagome did. More or less. But, oh boy, it was sooo hard to just say it. I really needed to know what he thought about it, and I really didn't know how to come out and say it. And I wanted to tell him in private, hence me having to wait for 4 days.
First time I did the test I thought it was wrong, it just had to be. I even called a nurse on the phone to ask her. She was the one who told me that a positive is always a positive.
As for abortions. I am neither against it, nor for it. I have done one, but for personal reasons I don't think I will ever do one again. I have nothing against people who do them. They know what is best for them.
The second time I was pregnant, I just sat and waited for him in the sofa, and he could tell there was something wrong the minute he walked in the door. He asked me what was wrong and I just said it.
Both times were followed by a lot of waterworks. I was so scared. About being pregnant, what he would think, what would happen. I was scared about absolutely everything.
Anyway. So, what do you think? Any good?
Reviews are much appreciated and welcome. I try to answer all of them individually.
I hope that my editing has been successfully. See anything wrong, please tell me, and I will try and fix it ASAP.
Is steeling her used correctly? I really don't k now… If not, what can I write instead?
Thanks for reading!
Until next time.
Minani