I'm sooooooooooooooo sorry for being gone so long. My mother thinks that I spent to much time in front of my laptop (which I don't), so I just have it for half an hour a day. but here is the next chapter and I hope that the next one will be faster.
Exactly one month ago. I couldn't believe it. I felt numb but I knew that was just the shock and when that wears off I would be devastated.
I slid down the wall, closing my eyes and pulling a crying Esme with me.
"Do you know what happened?", I finally asked, my eyes still closed.
"We met Angela Webber at her grave. She told us that a drunken driver hit her car when she was on her way back from Port Angeles. She got off the road and hit a tree. The car caught fire and by the time the paramedics and firefighters arrived ... it was too late.", Emmett said with a shaky voice.
It was quiet after that. No one said anything, neither did they move.
Bella was dead. After all she's been through, she died like that? Why? Why her? She did nothing wrong. Never. She was the most loving, passionate, forgiving, accepting, understanding, selfless person, I have ever met in my entire existence. Why would God do that to her? She did nothing to deserve this.
Or was her death our punishment? We, after all, deserved to suffer after all we have done and this was the worst thing that could have happened to us. I wanted nothing more than to drown in the sorrow and pain I was feeling right now but I knew that I couldn't do that. I had to be strong. For my family, myself and for Bella. She wouldn't want us to fall apart so I had to make sure that we wouldn't.
I don't know how much time had passed, but as I opened my eyes again, I saw everyone in the exact same position as before.
I looked at my watch and realized that the whole night had passed by. I had to be at the hospital in two hours.
I got up to take a shower and get ready to leave.
After I broke the silence, the others started to move as well. Rose and Emmett went up to their room to be alone for a while, Esme started to clean up the mess in the living room and Jasper excused himself and left the house, running into the woods. I guess he needed to be away from us and our emotions for a while. No one could blame him for that. He had to work through his own grief before coming back and feeling all of our pain.
I kissed Esme on top of her head before I left, saying nothing. I knew, that nothing I could say would take her pain away.
-in the hospital-
It was very quiet today. And since there was nothing to do in the ER at the moment and I my office wasn't ready yet, I went to the break room and sat down at one of the tables.
I was holding my head in my hands as I heard the chair next to me move.
"Are you alright, son?"
I looked up to see Dr. Higgins looking at me with concerned crystal-clear blue eyes. He was a man in his mid-fifties, very friendly and kind. When I started working here, he offered me to talk to him if I had any problems.
"Oh, Dr. Higgins. Yes, yes everything is fine.", I said and tried to smile but failed miserably.
He kept looking at me with now risen eyebrows.
"It's just... you know that I have adoptive children, who are going to college?"
"Well, you see, in the town we lived once, they had a friend, Bella, she was about their age and she soon became a part of my family. She was a new sister to my kids and a daughter to me and my wife."
"So you miss her?", he asked.
"Yes I do, more than you can imagine. We didn't have any contact to her in one-and-a-half years because we didn't part on particular good terms, though we all still love her. Two of the kids had gone back to the town where Bella lives because there were problems with our house and while there, they found out... that she died a month ago."
"Carlisle, please call me Carlisle.", I interrupted. My voice sounded dead, even in my ears.
"Okay, Carlisle, but only if you call me Roger." I nodded, "Carlisle, I am sorry for your loss. You loved her like a daughter?", I nodded again.
"Do you want to talk about it? I have the suspicion you feel like you can't talk to your family about it.", he said.
"My wife already lost a child and the kids all loved and missed her so much. We would break apart if I wouldn't be strong for them.", I explained.
"That may be true. But you can't be the strong one the whole time, you would break at some point and you can't help your family then."
"I guess you're right.", I said. And I knew, he was right, but they all look at me for guidance. I couldn't let them down.
"Did you have your lunch break already?", he asked.
I shook my head. "No, I don't really feel like eating anything." Like I ever would feel like eating human food ever again. But I guess that's not really important right now.
"Well, I didn't have mine yet either. Let's get outside and you can tell me a bit about Bella. What do you think, mh?", he asked, standing up.
I sighed and got up as well.
"Well it can only help, now can it?", I asked while we made our way to the park.
We sat down on a bench and Roger was silent, waiting for me to start.
-Dr. Higgins P.O.V.-
I sat there, waiting for Carlisle to colect his thoughts. I think it will be good for him to talk about it. I have seen a lot death in my life, that's part of the job. But I have also learned that trying to be strong the whole time will get you nowhere. You have to talk about the things that concern you. One of the little things I remember from my university days as a psychology student. Good thing I changed to medicine...
Then he started talking.
He told me how he met Bella in the ER and about her clumsy behaivior. He managed real smiles as he talked about her blush and her talent to trip over flat surface.
I could see that he really loved her in the way he described her selfless and caring ways, her strong will, bravery and inner strengh.
"She was such a lovely girl. She didn't deserve to die like that. You know, she was on her way back home after a spending the day in a nearby city. A drunken driver hit her car and she got of the road. The car caught fire. The road has never been used much, so until someone noticed, it was too late."
His voice broke at some points. But I kept quiet, because he looked like he wasn't done yet.
"It's just so surreal. People die everyday, I know that, but... I just don't understand why. There's no reason – just a coincidence. If she wouldn't have went out that night, or drove home at another time, she'd still be alive."
I stopped talking and looked at Roger for the first time, since I started to talk about Bella. And I knew then that I chose the right person to talk to.
Many emotions could be detected in his eyes. He understood.
"From what you just told me, I think that Bella was a very lovely person. And you're right, there's no reason. Things like that happen everyday, every hour, minute somewhere on this planet. The death of people so young, with no apparent reason are the hardest to accept. But... it happens and we have to find a way to deal with it. It's hard, I know. Especially when you love this person so mch as you seem to love Bella. But loved people never really leave us, do they? You can always find them in here.", he said and put his hand over his heart.
I smiled at that. It sounded totally cheesy, but he was right. Bella was my daughter in every way but blood. I will never forget and always love her.
I will take a while to mourn and I know for sure that it will never be the same again, but life goes on and Bella wouldn't want me to spent the rest of my existence being sad over her.
Please don't forget to review :) in the next chapter we will see the views of some of the others. I would have put it wihtin this chapter but then, it would have gotten a bit too long for my liking aand I don't have the time for writing more.