708Title: ESCAPE
Category: Books » Harry Potter
Author: BuckNC
Language: English, Rating: R - (Recommended for Adults only)
Genre: Romance/Adventure/Angst/Humor
Summary: New job, new mission, new powers, but same old girlfriend problems. This is a very slow Ron/Hermione ship with plenty of romance, action, humor, and a bit of everything.
Author's Note: I'm back! Been gone for a few years in retirement so be a bit patient with me on these early chapters. I got a feeling it's going to take a few chapters for me to gain back my touch. You're also going to notice numerous Daily Prophet articles that contain misspelling of Ronald Weasley's name. It's on purpose to the great annoyance of Ron.
Beta's Note: Before anyone goes to react about how they don't like what is going on in the story and they think it is unrealistic, I would like to note that we know almost nothing about the time from the end of the War to the epilogue. I am personally super excited to see where this story goes and how Buck chooses to deal with it. Let's all view it like a wonderful adventure into a time only previously imagined.
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of J. K. Rowling, and Time Warner. This is strictly for non-profit Internet entertainment use and if they sue me, I do not have a dime to my name.
Chapter 1: The Toad Leaps
Dolores Umbridge Escapes!
It began not with a series of calculating planning and execution. Instead, one of the greatest escapes from Azkaban began with nothing more than mere human fallacy and a great deal of bungling from the Ministry of Magic. For Dolores Jane Umbridge, former head of the Muggle-born Registration Commission and bane of Senior Auror Harry Potter, had with her toad like leaping ability, or as some would cruelly say, her toad like looks and strong legs, managed her freedom not from the unbreakable, inescapable, depths of Auror-guarded Azkaban, "Nope," as Auror Ron Whoosley would surmise, "even with a wand, Umbridge couldn't pull that off in a hundred years." Instead a wandless and magically shackled Dolores Umbridge had the good fortune to leap past an inattentive Healer for open freedom during her annual physical at St. Mungos. The healer, Miriam Strout, later reported at the time of Umbridge's escape, she was engaged dealing with long-term ward patient, Gilderoy Lockhart. Upon further questioning, the hospital staff revealed that Lockhart, as he often did, was diligently signing his signature all over the hospital walls with a peacock quill. Even more inexcusable and unprofessional than that act was the inaction of now suspended Auror Dawlish, who provided prisoner security. Instead of keeping a watchful eye on one of the most hated criminals in all of magical Great Britain, he had been otherwise occupied, chatting with a plump blond witch, Leighanne Horsehead, at the Volunteer Welcoming desk. No reports as of yet if the "bird" actually agreed to a date with the now plenty-of-free-time-on-his-hands suspended and disgraced Auror. In fact Harry Potter was heard grumbling that Dawlish shouldn't be allowed to breed. However, we at the Daily Prophet bear no ill-will toward Auror John Dawlish and hope the best for him but we did overhear The Minister of Magic, Kingsley Shacklebolt pledging to perform the Cruciatus Curse on Mr. Dawlish's "balls". We recommend he act swiftly and ask the girl out.
"I can't believe that BLOODY GIT actually let her escape!" Harry Potter roared to Ron Weasley and the Minster of Magic, Kingsley Shacklebolt in the Minster's plush office.
Harry's outward irritation was matched by the portraits of a great many of the former Ministers of Magic portraits hanging throughout the office. All except for Cornelius Fudge; he was proudly smirking for all to see. Apparently, he still held the view that the Ministry couldn't be run by anyone other than himself. Kingsley had a scrutinizing stare on his own face.
"Mate – you're going to blow out a blood vessel. Relax! That toad doesn't even have a wand or even so much as a clue on how to survive without one," reassured Ron, watching his best mate clench his fists.
"That's true," agreed Kingsley. "Dolores couldn't tell the time of day using a Muggle watch much less interact with them," Kingsley continued in a reassuring voice to calm Harry.
Harry immediately stopped pacing and angrily retorted, "You don't get it. The Daily Prophet… Merlin even the bloody Quibbler is going to have a field day over this. It won't be long before you can start reading that the Ministry helped her escape!" Harry spit the words out as if they were acid and then stormed across the room and kicked Kingsley's wastebasket in frustration. "Annual physical, my arse! She should be getting an annual beating."
"Harry, I'm not sure that because of your… history with Dolores, you'll be…"
Whatever was supposed to follow "you'll be," was cut off as Harry stopped Kingsley dead in his tracks.
"Professional... objective? I can tell you right now, I WON'T BE! Remember, I MUST NOT tell lies!" Harry said, holding up the back of his right hand revealing the old scar that was still faintly visible. "You know what I'd like to do to her after I capture her? I want to wrap her up in a nice big bow and drop her off in the middle of the Forbidden Forests for Aragog's siblings to eat!"
"I know you have very personal reasons for her capture Harry, but really I think this should be one case that you sit out."
"Never," Harry stated firmly, as if he had been personally insulted.
"Well then, maybe I need to make myself clear." Kingsley calmly stated, using a tone that clearly reminded Harry that he was speaking to The Minister of Magic. "You ARE going to sit this one out, Harry!"
Nevertheless, Harry objected again. "Kingsley, I refuse to hand this over to someone that'll just screw it up even more."
"You're not going to," Kingsley replied, as he pointed at Ron who had been standing quietly in the corner of the room, "It will be Auror Weasley's job to find her."
"Bloody Hell!" groaned Ron.
A/N: As always Reviews are greatly appreciated.