Fantasies Realities

-I Do not own Final Fantasy 7. This stories beginning is based on my true life. The main difference is that I have a slightly better grip on reality than this, and I am not so suicidal as to stand out in the middle of a lightning storm…one that bad, at least. My life has done nothing for me to wish to destroy it. Escape it, yes. End it, no. And so this is my escape, which I give to you to take part in with me.

Chapter 1 – A Tenuous Grip on Reality

Be careful what you wish for. After all, the bright green grass on the other side does not look quite the same when you reach it. When you make it to the other side of the fence, you can truly see what it is. Your perception has changed, and you realize what you thought was a beautiful green field is not. It is dirt, with patches of green grass sticking out, a vivid green in contrast to the dark, dry earth. The occasional flower is sprouting out, but the plentiful green plains you imagined are gone. Hesitant, you look back to where you came from. After seeing the reality of this side, you expect the other side to have been greener all along. However, looking back you can see that it is not so much better after all. The grass is more plentiful, but it is dry, dying. The earth you can see is harsh red clay, staining the ground red under the green. Yet you can ignore that, and see the peace on the very surface, if no deeper, no farther. You look back down on the new land you where you stand. Maybe this side is better, after all. Ignorance was bliss, but you can see all too clearly now that you have looked from the top of the fence.

So you look around at the fresh earth, and see a promising chance of happiness after work. You see jagged rocks that will take effort to get past, but the flowers that grow behind them make it all worth the effort and the pain. Sighing, you can stare into the clear blue sky and think of wishes and reality, of truth and lies, of opportunities and strife, of clouds and rain, of life and death, of pain and peace, and of effort- and sacrifice.

S-*_* Somewhere within Midgar

Cloud stumbled as he finally made it to Midgar. He was barely conscious, with several bullet wounds slowing him down and draining his energy. They had been ricochet bullets…from somewhere. He did not know who did it, or why they had done it. Actually…on further thought, he remembered. It was Shinra. He hated them after what had happened…right? Cloud struggled with his memory as he dragged his terribly heavy body through the city. He was not quite sure why he had not been stopped yet, but he was glad. Right then, all he could think about was living on for something, all he could plan to do was become a mercenary.

His thoughts were a jumbled mess. He had barely remembered his own name by the time he finally collapsed. He was just outside a smaller store, in a bad but not horrible section of the city. He remembered trying to hang onto his fading consciousness as a voice called out his name.

"Cloud? Is that you?" He shifted when the voice stopped, barely able to hold back his groan of pain. A soft gasp told him the person, a girl from the tone of voice, had realized something. "Oh Gaia! You're hurt! Cloud! Stay awake! Cloud! Clo-…"

Cloud heard no more as his head made contact with the hard ground below.

}~'~,~~ 3 Days later, in a different reality

I walked into my room and quietly closed the door behind me. I stood there, with my hand trembling on the handle until I could still its shaking. I sighed and leaned forward, letting my forehead rest on the door. I let go of the handle and instead formed a fist that rose and hit the area next to my head. Slowly bracing myself with the hand, I turned around and slid down to reach the floor beneath my feet.

I was alone again. Not physically, no. My mother was still here, and she would be home in several hours. My sister and brother were at school, but they would be home soon. So I was not alone- not really. Yet I was. My grasp on reality, tenuous at best, had slipped even more. With college and losing my friends from high school, there was less to hang onto. I tightened my hold on what I could-my family, my writings, my readings, and my games. Trying to feel alive again, I ran through several of my Tae-Kwon-Do forms. I failed, and after catching my breath, moved to my computer, my solace, my friend.

I pulled up my Fanfiction page. Fanfiction-my way into seeing how others thought, what life could be like in certain circumstances, how to look from different viewpoints, finding a place to escape. I checked my favorite's list and found not one newly updated story since I had last checked. There was nothing new for me to hide in. I searched the site, slowly, methodically. I was in no rush. I had time to spare, and my perception of reality was getting no better. Yet I still found nothing.

I leaned back and closed my eyes. I could imagine worlds, places, ideas, magic- nothing real. Even my readings shied away from reality, always some fantasy element contained inside. The thoughts of fantasy led me down a new track. Fantasies of Final Fantasy. I snorted slightly at the play on words. Opening my eyes, I glanced to my right and out of the window. The sky was overcast with silvery-grey clouds, and darker clouds where quickly approaching on the horizon. Brief streaks of sunlight shot through the clouds, illuminating the ground below. A light wind rustled dark green trees behind the fence. It was my weather, a sight that felt real to me. I rose from my chair and made my way outside, standing beneath the sky. It had darkened quickly, the blips of sun fading out and the clouds light colors being replaced with darkness as black as midnight.

The wind picked up and a slight rain began to fall. I did not shiver in the cool air, but instead peered through the slight precipitation. It began falling more heavily now, and the wind ran even faster. I felt alive as I stood outside, feeling my clothes soak through. I laughed then, my voice carrying away on the wind and hidden by a low rumble of thunder. Lightning flashed across the now completely black sky, but I could not drag myself inside though I was now thoroughly drenched. Cold shivers broke down my back and arms as a feeling of electricity charged my body. It was an otherworldly storm, and I could feel something supernatural blown in with the winds and poured down with the rain. The lightning herded the power closer forward, and the thunder foretold of its coming. Struck by a sense of fantasy (The Final Fantasy!) I called out lines from one of my favorite games, hoping for a chance to change my world. As I called out the words I had oft repeated to myself in a plea to escape reality, I pictured my wish to leave, to escape this world.

"Alta oron. Sondus kameela!*" I cried, given into my flight of fantasy (My Final Fantasy?) and crying to the heavens. I saw green lightning flash down and pictures crossed my eyes as the bolt moved in slow motion. The feeling of magic in the air descended upon me. Visions crossed my mind.

A circle of flowers and an offer of sacrifice. A kind smile and a quirky hairstyle. A stream of sunlight through clouded skies. A shower of silver, burning through fire. A caged predator and steadfast companion. A gloved fist and a promise. A metal arm and a silent presence.

My mom. My sister. My brother. My father. My always-friends. My once-friends. My cats.

My life.

My death.

Then the green, death green, life green bolt struck me. I saw no more, heard no more, and thought no more.

I was no more.

-'-,- l

The storm cleared, and the magic dissipated from the air, dissolving into nothingness. There was nobody left in the wake of nature's tempest around the house, the computer upstairs still on.

On the screen was a story, still visible as the screensaver had yet to kick in. A story still unposted, only just begun. A story that was full of green grass, and sharp rocks past the fence.

l -,-'

-And so my life ends, and begins.

A self insert fic as far from the Mary Sue kind as I can get it.

All facts based from my life are real. I will begin with my main character as purely me. However, I am hoping it will grow into a new personality as she takes life within my story.

Any and all questions, comments, concerns, criticisms, corrections, and ideas welcome. Flames shall be struck with lightning and blasted into oblivion. Feel free to speak. I honestly have not finished FF7 yet and have not seen the movie. I will be rectifying both facts before this story is over.

*-Quoted from Final Fantasy Tactics Advance. Part of the spell that brought the children into a different reality, an escape from the real world.

Original Post: May 15, 2011
Latest Edit: July 31, 2011
Words w/ Authors note: 1,588
Current connection with reality: None