She sits in her car, stunned. What the hell just happened? Did she imagine it? Was she really just kissed passionately, then dismissed by her partner? Has she ever allowed herself to be dismissed by anyone in her entire life?
She had been so pissed earlier. So…hurt? The fact that he wouldn't just kiss her bothered her far more than it should have, and she has no idea why. Yeah, it was stupid, it was sophomoric. He shouldn't have made such a big deal of it, and just done it to shut them up. That he wouldn't, that it felt like he was somehow rejecting her, had a certain sting to it. One she couldn't have explained, and one that made her angry.
Now, realizing how pathetic she must have looked to him all angry and offended, embarrassment floods her. She thanks God she's alone, where he can't see the color rise in her face. She allows herself to go back over the brief conversation, skipping the words entirely, and going straight to that kiss. And holy crap, what a kiss. She's wondered. Looking at those incredible blue eyes, seeing that goofy, taunting smile, the innuendo tossed back and forth between them. Of course she's wondered. And now she knows. He's an incredible kisser.
This information won't help her. Not one bit. Because she's certain that the next time she sees him, Monday morning, she's going to think of nothing else. She tries to tell herself he was acting, that nothing about it was real. He had simply given in and proved a point, to as he'd said, put her mind at ease. Her mind is anything but. Would he have used his tongue had he been acting? Well, Sam had, and she knows that was acting, so maybe yes. But with Deeks, it felt real. So real.
Worse than all that, is what he said afterwards. It haunts her now, driving home. He knew what it would feel like to stop. What does that mean? That he knew he wouldn't want to? What else could it mean? She's so worked up, so lost. She wishes, as good as that kiss was, that it had never happened, that no one had ever brought up the subject. Because now things are complicated on a whole new level, and she can't get it off her mind.
She goes home and takes a shower, trying to think about something else. Anything else but that one sentence. And I knew what it would feel like to stop. After an hour, she gives up. She can't take it, she has to know. She climbs back into the SRX and drives to his apartment. Knocking, she half expects him not to answer, to instead be sitting in a bar somewhere.
When he opens the door, he's the one who looks surprised. "Kensi, what are you doing here? Is everything okay?"
She wastes no time with preamble. "What did you mean earlier?"
"What did you mean, you knew what it would feel like to stop?"
He looks embarrassed, like he has no idea what to say. Clearly, this is the last thing he expected to deal with tonight. "Kens…"
She pushes her way inside and stares at him. "I have to know, Deeks. It's driving me crazy, okay? What did you mean by it?"
He looks at her with those soft blue eyes. "I meant exactly what I said."
Her heart picks up immediately, and she wonders if this was a good idea. She can barely make her voice work. "It felt real because it was."
"Yeah. It was. Very."
"That's why you fought it. You…"
She smiles a little. "Me, too."
"Really, 'cause I thought I kind of repulse you," he says, that damned smile just ruining her.
She shakes her head, smiling back. "Not so much, no."
She shrugs. "You could kiss me again."
He moves closer. "What if I don't want to stop?"
He swallows and moves closer still, staring down at her.
He's gorgeous. She finally allows herself to think it, and she smiles a little.
"What," he asks nervously.
She shakes her head. "Nothing."
"Yeah. I am."
He reaches to run his fingertips along her cheek, and she closes her eyes at his touch. She can feel his breath on her lips, and it quickens her pulse. She opens her mouth, and he's there, his kiss igniting her. The first subtle brush of his tongue against hers elicits a moan, and she feels his breath grow heavy at the sound. He pulls her into his arms and presses his body against hers. She swims in his scent and his warmth and his kiss, completely losing herself in it.
She twines her fingers into his hair, something she's wanted to do for as long as she's known him. The tousled blonde curls feel like silk beneath her fingertips.
He draws back slightly, smiling just a little. "Admit it. You've always wanted to do that."
He brings his lips back to hers and whispers against them. "I've always wanted to do this." He kisses her with such passion, it takes her breath. His tongue plays with hers, his hands tangle in her hair.
When he presses himself tightly against her, she feels him. She sucks in a breath, clutching at him. She wants him. It's too much. It's too soon. She pulls back, breathless, and looks up into his blue eyes, stormy with passion. "We have to stop."
"I told you, I don't want to stop," he says, kissing her neck.
He's doing things to her she couldn't have imagined. Things she hasn't felt before, even with Jack. "We have to. Now."
"Or what," he says, not the least bit dissuaded, as he continues to kiss and bite her neck.
She moans. "Or I won't be able to."
"Not good. We need to slow down, right?" Even she realizes how desperate and breathless she sounds.
"Why would we want to do that?"
"I…I don't know," she replies, her heart outrunning her. Logical thought begins to elude her as he kisses her throat, his right hand slipping beneath the hem of her top, to caress the bare skin of her lower back.
The fingers of one hand creep up toward the clasp of her bra, while the others knot in her hair while he kisses her deeply. When he pulls back slightly to bite her lower lip, she smiles a bit. "You're really good at this."
"You thought I wouldn't be? Thanks, Fern," he says, nibbling the sensitive spot below her ear.
"Doesn't matter. You are."
"He smiles against her neck. "You ain't seen nothin' yet."