Everything hurts and everytime you think you get hold of the light, there's again more darkness that surrounds you. Can darkness be darker than dark? Is there something darker than entirely black? Until now, you would have denied this fact but you aren't that sure about it anymore. There is something about this blackness… it scares you but there seems to be no way out of it. You're falling. You're falling and there is nothing or nobody that could save you. As in your real life, you think paradoxically. There's only you… and the darkness. No voices but only blackness.
"And again! " Suddenly there are voices again. You feel the relief washing over you 'till, only some seconds later, the pain hits you. You take a sharp breath and for one moment you need to fight back the tears. Everything hurts and you feel like having hit a tree or a rock thousands of times. You don't bear to open your eyes and honestly you doubt that you would have the strength to do it, either.
Since you can't see right now, every sound seems to be sharper and louder than usually. You hear a relieved sigh next to you and the unpleasantly loud but stable sound of the ECG.
"She's stable again. Thank God." You know that voice. "Thirteen. Doctor Hadley. Do you hear me? Can you open your eyes?" There's only one person in the whole hospital that seems to know and address you by your real name. Now you don't have a real choice anymore, do you? Slowly and hesitantly you crack your eyes open. The light is nearly painful but you focus on your attempt of making sure who was talking to you some moments ago. What - or better who you see shouldn't surprise you because you knew that the voice wasn't the one of one of the random nurses.
"Cameron?" Your voice is hoarse when you speak up. "…what happened?" "You were in an accident. You suffered several contusions and apnoea." You hold Cameron's gaze while asking the other, even more important question.
"What's about the others? Are they okay?" You yourself seem to be okay. You'll recover and in less than a week you'll be back to work. You'll be harassed by your boss and everything will be as usual… but in the other car was a family. They seemed to be on a holiday trip since their whole car was packed with bags and toys… all in all a happy family. Something you never experienced on your own. A family who has friends, a social life and a reason to live… again something you could never say about your own family. A family that shouldn't be hurt or torn apart… and especially not by you. "They are okay Thirteen. I was told that they have only some slight injuries. They are treated in the ER and will be send home soon. No need to worry."
"And the girl?" In reaction to your question you see confusion written all over her face. "Which girl? I already told you that the family in the other car will be okay. Don't you remember?" Great. Now she thinks that you are suffering from –in simple terms- memory loss.
"Not them. Not the family. The other girl.. the little one who was my reason to apply the breaks. She was on the highway and seemed to be all alone. I already slowed down but she just stood there 'till, one moment, she started to run and practically jumped in front of my car!"
"There was no girl, Thirteen. The paramedics brought you and the family. But nobody talked about a child. They were asked whether there was anyone else and the negated it." And now they even want to imply that you fantasized? That you imagined things? You fight back the urge to scream, to close your eyes or to talk louder than necessary. You only hold Cameron's gaze so that she has to feel the urgency behind your words when you speak up again. "There. Was. A. Girl." You stress every single word. "Find her. Please." One moment she does nothing and this moment seems to be infinite but the she nods. "Okay. I'll see what I can do." Sure. That's the best she can do. "Someone will take care of you. Your contusions need to be treated." You roll your eyes and nod –you're a doctor, too- but keep silent.
Cameron turns around and leaves for the ER. "I've paged Doctor Foreman. He'll be with you in some minutes." Jesus – you're way too stunned to say anything at all. Why did she page Foreman? Why him? You don't need anyone. You get along on your own and the last thing you can cope with is Foreman being down here. Him being here when you're in bed and unable to move... you can't think of anything else to light your mood, you think ironically. Of course you get along quite well. He does not really do anything and seems to accept that you two will never be more than friends... but he's Foreman.. and this fact alone is enough to make you sigh. The nurse looks at you attentively and with one single nod you sign her that you are okay… but why Foreman? You don't get it. Before you can even begin to ask this question to Cameron, she has already left the room. You're alone with the nurse and a doctor you aren't even sure you can name correctly. And soon.. there'll be Foreman. Great. Just great.
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