Disclaimer: The goblins have run off with the paperwork declaring I do not own X-Men: Evolution, Labyrinth, or any character other than my OCs! The goblins! The GOBLINS! I also do not own Lysol.
A/N: This play is dedicated to anyone born before 1990. Thank you!
And now without further ado, Raven and Lightning present…
Scene 6: New Friends
Jean stands over an ICU bed which has been set up in the studio. Moans rise from the body cast that lies upon it. Jean is crying.
"Ya know the worst part about all this," Rogue says to her.
"Now we can't finish the play," she says.
"The play? Really, Rogue?" Jean says, turning on her. She's really mad, and the Phoenix is threatening to come out. "Scott is lying there almost dead, and your daughter did this, and all you have to say is 'We can't finish the play!'?"
"Why can't we finish the play?" Lightning says, bringing Raven in tow.
"Scott's in traction," Kitty points at the bed.
Raven yawns. "Lightning, go heal him."
"Do I have to?" he whines.
She smiles a rather seductive smile, "You do if you want me to make good on that promise."
"Okay!" He rushes to Scott's bed, and a couple of minutes later, Scott is fine and in costume.
"What exactly was that promise, Peu D'Ange?" Remy asks.
Raven gulps, "Nothing important. Let's start the play! Lights! Camera! Action!"
Rogue is once again wearing her gloves. She has tied Scott's bag to her belt. She enters a hedge way to find Piotr hanging upside down from a tree, all tied up. Surrounding him are Duncan, Webber, Principal Kelly, and Alex. The four of them are holding long sticks with IAR poking creatures attached to the end. The IAR poking creatures have very long teeth and bite anything they touch. They keep hitting Piotr with them. He pretends it hurts, because technically, he can't feel it. He's in his full metal form.
"Try this on for size, you big tin can!" Duncan says, finally feeling a little less afraid in this roomful of mutants now that he has a weapon.
"We've got you now, metal man!" Webber taunts.
"All together now," Principal Kelly orders.
Rogue watches in horror. "If only Ah had somethan' ta throw."
Piotr roars again.
Lance sends his vibrations towards a rock, causing it to roll until it hits Rogue's foot. She bends down and picks it up.
"Sock it to him! Sock it to him!" Alex calls out.
All four of the torturers are laughing, even if Alex's laughter is forced. He really doesn't think this is funny.
Rogue takes her rock and aims it at Principal Kelly's head. He's wearing a helmet which is knocked around until he can't see. "What happened? Who turned out the light? I can't see!" He keeps turning in circles until his IAR poking creature hits Duncan on the butt.
Duncan screams. After all, the teeth are pretty sharp. "Hey, why'd you bite me?"
"Who bite who?" asks Webber, who hadn't been paying attention.
Meanwhile, Piotr and Lance work together to call another rock to Rogue.
"Who bite me? Who bite me?" Duncan keeps shouting.
"I can't see," Principal Kelly tries to explain.
Rogue picks up the rock and throws it at Duncan's helmet.
"Ahh! What is going on?" He turns in a circle and his IAR poking creature bites Webber's arm.
Duncan and Principal Kelly's spinning manage to knock Webber and Alex's helmets around until none of them can see what they are doing and the IAR poking creatures are hitting every one of them… well, not Alex as much.
"We're under attack!" Webber shouts.
"Retreat! Retreat!" Principal Kelly calls out.
The goblins start running down a hedge path, blindly bumping into walls and each other as they go. Alex's IAR poking creature bites Duncan on the butt.
"Who bite me?" Duncan cries out as he runs away.
"Oh, my aching sushi!" Principal Kelly whines. Just then, Webber trips behind him and the IAR poking creature hits his neck. Principal Kelly screams like a girl as blood starts gushing out. "Help!"
Raven glares at him.
"Uh, Ravie, honey," Lightning says.
"What?" she growls at him.
"He can't see you…" he deadpans.
"Don't you think I know that?" She turns her glare on her boyfriend.
"So, why are you glaring instead of yelling?" he asks.
"Oh, shut up, Lawr," she snaps. "Storm, bandage his neck before he bleeds all over the set!"
Storm quickly does as she's told. After all, they have all of the medical equipment left over from Scott…
"Rogue, carry on, please, before Piotr blacks out from being hung upside down," Lightning asks.
Raven hits him over the head with her telekinesis. "I told you to shut up."
He sticks his tongue out at her.
Rogue decides to continue her part before the directors' fight turns into a war. She comes out from hiding. Piotr starts growling and roaring and straining against his ropes. She stands there and watches him for a moment. "Now, stop that." He keeps it up for a second and then stops with a questioning look. "Is that anyway ta treat someone who's tryin' ta help ya? Don't ya want me ta help ya down?"
"Piotr down," he says.
"Piotah?" she asks. "Is that yer name?"
He nods and repeats his name.
She scratches him under his chin with her gloved hand. "Y'all seem like such a nice mutant. Well," she says, standing up and searching for the end of his rope. "Ah certainly hope ya are what ya seem ta be."
Piotr starts fussing again as she walks away.
"Just hang on. I'll get ya down," she calls to him. As she pulls on the rope, she says, "Just a second." Piotr falls on his back hard. "Oh, Ah'm sorry!" She says running to him.
"Is okay. I am just glad I vas in metal form," he says grinning at her. "Othervise, that might have hurt a little." Rogue and Kitty laugh.
"Piotr," Raven growls, "Ludo has a very limited vocabulary…"
He looks at the blue teenager. Her eyes are glowing. "Sorry for interrupting?"
"You'd better be," she growls.
"Rogue, can you start your line over?" Lightning asks, placing one hand on his forehead.
"Okay yeah, sure." Rogue walks over to the tree the rope was tied to and kneels down again. She looks over to Piotr and cries out, "Oh, Ah'm sorry!" Then, she runs over to him. "Piotah, are ya hurt? Piotah?"
He shakes his head and looks at her. "Friend?"
"That's right, Piotah. Ah'm Anna."
"Anna," he says with a smile. He tries to get up.
Rogue decides he needs help. Actually, after hanging upside down for so long, he is a little dizzy. "Here, let me help y'all. Are ya okay?"
He takes a few steps back and stretches a bit. He tries to sound excited as he points to her and says, "Anna. Anna friend." He starts walking towards her.
She starts to get nervous. "Now, wait. Just a second. Ah want ta ask ya somethan', Piotah."
"Ah have ta get ta the castle at the center av the labyrinth. Do y'all know the way?"
Piotr thinks really hard. He looks left. He looks right. He starts to point. "No."
"Y'all don't know eitheh, huh?"
"Ah wondeh if anyone knows how ta get through this labyrinth," she sighs.
The scene changes to a maze of hedges. Scott is wondering alone. Apparently, he can still hear everything she says, even though she was speaking softly and he has been running and walking away from her for quite some time, now. "Get through the labyrinth. Get through the labyrinth," he mumbles. "One thing for sure. She'll never get through the labyrinth."
Rogue and Piotr are still at the tree. The rope is lying on the ground. On one side, the hedge maze wends its way deeper to the outer reaches of the labyrinth. On the other side a block wall stands blocking their path.
"Hey," Rogue says. "Where did they come from?"
She walks towards the wall. Through the magic of Forge and Pietro, two huge doors are now in the block wall. Each door has a hole cut out. Fred sticks his head out of one hole while Ray sticks his head out the other. The boys are standing on shelves attached to the back of the heavy, oak doors. Fred has a huge brass ring fitted around his head to look like it's coming out of his ears. Ray holds another huge brass ring in his mouth. They are both covered in brass makeup and hairspray, curtesy of Pietro, naturally.
"What do ya think, Piotah? Which shall we choose out of these two ugly charactehs?" She smirks back at Piotr.
"Who are you calling ugly?" Blob says, getting angry.
"Oh calm down, yahoo! It was in the script!" Rogue says and mutters under her breath, "even if Ah did mean it."
"What, might I ask, is so funny?" Raven snaps.
"Nothing, nothing. I just love your Mom," he says with a grin.
"Oh, okay, then," she grins at him. "Back to the script, people!"
Rogue and Piotr look back and forth at the 'knockers.'
"It's very rude to stare," Fred shouts, making them both jump.
"Oh, Ah'm sorry. Ah was just wondehin' which door ta choose," Rogue apologizes since the script says to.
"What?" Fred shouts.
"It's no good asking him. He's deaf as a post," Ray tries to say. He has a mouthful of brass ring, however so it comes out more like, "Is no goo a'in im. E's as def as a pos."
"Don't talk with your mouth full," admonishes Fred, incredibly loudly.
"I'm not talking with my mouth full!" Ray tries to say, but it comes out, "I'm na alkin wif ma mouf foll!"
"Wait a second," Rogue interrupts, because this argument is getting ridiculously out of hand and she can't understand anything Ray says. "I can't understand ya."
"What were you saying?" Blob yells.
Rogue takes the ring out of Ray's mouth and hands it to Piotr. He immediately starts playing around with it.
"Oh, ah," Ray says as he stretches his mouth out. "It is so good to get that thing out."
"What were ya sayin'?" Rogue asks.
"I said, it's no good talking to him. He's deaf as a post."
"Mumble, mumble, mumble. You're a wonderful conversational companion," Fred shouts.
"You can talk! All you do is eat!"
"Ray!" Lightning groans.
"Okay fine. I'll say it right," Ray grumbles. Then, he shouts, "You can talk! All you do is moan!"
"No good. Can't hear you," Fred states, still very loudly.
"Where do these doors lead?" Rogue asks Ray.
"Search me. We're just the knockers." Ray laughs.
"Oh," she says as she pushes first Ray's door and then Fred's door. Nothing happens. "How do Ah get through?" Rogue asks.
"Huh?" yells Blob.
"Knock, and the door will open," Ray quotes.
"Oh," she says as if the giant, living knockers weren't a clue. In the meantime, Piotr has stuck Ray's ring in his own mouth, after wiping it down with a Lysol wipe. "Piotah," Rogue sighs. She takes it out of Piotr's mouth and tries to put it back in Ray's.
"I don't want that thing back in my mouth," he cries out truthfully. It hasn't been wiped down again.
"Come on. Ah wanna knock," insists Rogue.
Berzerker shakes his head, "Uh-uh." He keeps his mouth shut tight.
"Ha! Doesn't want his ring back in his mouth, eh?" Fred exclaims loudly. "Can't say I blame him."
Rogue suddenly smirks and the entire cast gets scared. She grabs Ray's nose with her gloved hand, effectively pinching off his only source of oxygen since he's refusing to open his mouth. It only takes about seven seconds before Ray is out of breath and opens his mouth for air. She jams the ring in so hard he winces in pain. Rogue grins back at Piotr and knocks with the ring on the door twice. The door opens.
Ray starts grumbling the moment the ring enters his mouth about how unsanitary the whole thing is.
"Sorry," Rogue says unconvincingly.
"That's all right. I'm used to it," he tries to say back, only it sounds more like, "Tha's alrye I'm use to it."
Rogue and Piotr walk through the door.
On the other side of the door is a forest, all covered in glitter. "Pietro, more glitteh, really?"
"What? Ilikeglitter, okay?"
"That's, like totally, a lot of glitter, and I love glitter," Kitty says, her eyes as big as saucers.
"Obviously, nooneappreciates glitterasmuch asIdo!" Pietro runs off in a huff.
Raven rolls her eyes. "You girls had to tease him about the glitter…"
"Well, he does make it kinda easy," Rogue answers.
"Easy or not, I need him for the remainder of this play," Raven growls.
"Calm down, Ravie, he's not off crying or anything," Lightning says. "He's just getting his revenge. Then, he'll be back."
"How do you know?" Kitty asks.
"I can hear him," he answers.
"Okay then, shall we get on with the play?" Raven asks.
"Uh, no," Rogue says. "Ah want ta know what that annoying lil' twerp, no offense, Wanda, is up to!"
"None taken," Wanda answers.
Rogue runs off the stage after Pietro. A few seconds later screaming is heard coming from the dressing rooms. "Pietro! You're dead! Ya heah me! Dead!"
"Oh dear!" Kitty says and takes off after them. She comes out laughing and dragging Rogue by the arm. "Oh come on, it's not that bad."
"It's, like, an improvement,"
"I'm a goth for a reason, Katherine Pryde!"
Raven has lost all of her patience. Her eyes have started to glow yellow. Her hair has begun to float in telekinetic waves behind her. Her face has begun to flush a deep purple. She is floating three feet off the floor. Various objects have begun to float around. The very worst sign is the fact that Lightning has run off to hide.
In fact, most every member of the cast and crew has run off to hide at this point.
Kitty and Rogue start to notice the quiet feeling of the room, like the calm before a storm. They both turn and look at Raven and gulp at the same time.
"Now that I have your undivided attention," Raven growls, "get back to my play before I tell Pietro to pour the glitter down your throat!"
Rogue gulps again and nods before rushing back to set.
"Come on, Piotah," she calls.
He walks sheepishly into the glittery forest and looks around in distaste at the glitter-covered woods and spider-webs. He then tries to act afraid, but it doesn't come across very well.
The scene changes to a clock, back at the Goblin Castle. There is no glitter here.
Spike is shining Remy's boots. Calisto is playing a game with a group of Random Goblin Extras.
"Dada," David says as he catches sight of Xavier off stage. Remy pats his back and he burps.
"You're welcome," Remy says.
David starts to fuss a little because he wants Gabrielle who is standing next to Xavier.
"He's a lively little chap. Remy t'ink he'll call him Remy," Gambit says, holding David on his lap. "He's got Remy's eyes." He bounces David up and down. David looks up at him and smiles.
The goblins start laughing.
Back in the forest, Rogue and Piotr have ventured deeper into the Glitter Woods. Piotr has tried to work on acting more frightened and says with a shaking voice, "Piotr scared."
"Aww, give me yer hand," Rogue says, holding it out to him. He takes her gloved hand in his big, metal hand. "Come on." She starts leading him. "Imagine a big than' lake y'all bein' scared."
"Yeah," Piotr agrees.
"See, Piotah? There's nothin' ta be afraid av," she says, forgetting and letting go of his hand.
"Oh, oh!" Piotr cries out as he falls down a hole.
"Piotah?" Rogue says when she turns around and finds he's disappeared. "Piotah! Piotah!" It's no use. Rogue is now hopelessly alone in the Glitter Woods.
The scene changes to a rock that looks like a man's face that has been chopped in half. Rogue can still be heard calling for Piotr off screen. Scott walks behind the rock. He grumbles under his breath as he staggers further away from her. Suddenly Rogue calls, "Scottle, help!"
Scott's attitude instantly changes. "I'm coming, Anna." He turns around.
"Well, if it isn't you," Remy says, appearing out of nowhere. This is once again possible due to the magic of Pietro. "And, uh, where are you goin'?"
Scott instantly stops and starts stammering. "Uh, uh, well, the little lady gave me the slip but I just hears her now. So I was about to lead her back to the beginning like you told me."
"I see," Remy says. He is now wearing black leather pants, a white frilled shirt with a brown vest and a black leather trench coat, instead of a cape.
Rogue can hardly keep her eyes off him and is trying to make sure she doesn't drool. "Piotah!" she calls from off-stage.
"For one moment Remy t'ought you were runnin' to help her," Gambit says pushing off the rock and walks away from Scott. "But, uh, no, not after Remy's warnin's." Here, he stops walking and turns to face Scott. "T'at would be stupide."
Scott is incredibly nervous. Gambit's eyes are slightly glowing red. He gulps. "You bet it would! Me help her after your warnings?" Scott starts laughing a very forced laugh while glaring at the directors for making him play this part. He backs up and almost backs into Gambit. He backs up further, more carefully this time.
Gambit puts a hand to his throat, "Oh dear, poor Scooterbutt."
Remy grabs his shoulder and pulls him over. He talks in his ear, "Remy just notice your eyeglass cleaners, Remy mean, lovely jewels are missing."
Scott plays dumb, which is not really so hard for him to do. He looks down and grabs at the place he normally keeps them. "Uh, oh yes, so they are. My lovely eyegla… jewels. Let me think. Uh, uh… I better find them, but first I'm off to take the little lady back to the beginning of the labyrinth, just like we planned." He starts backing up in the direction of Rogue's voice as she's still calling for Piotr.
"Wait," Remy calls. "Remy's got a much better plan, Scottle." Scott turns reluctantly towards him. Remy holds up a crystal. "Give her this." He tosses the crystal to Scott and it magically turns into a peach… that is through the magic of Pietro, of course.
"Wh..What is it?" Scott asks, looking at the peach as if it was a poisoned apple.
"C'est a present," Gambit answers.
"It ain't gonna hurt the little lady, is it?" Scott questions.
Remy frowns at him, "Oh, why the concern?"
"I won't do nothing to harm her," Scott insists, inwardly cringing at the bad grammar.
"Come, come, come, Scotchtape," Remy replies. "Remy's surprised at you, losin' your head over a girl."
Scott looks nervously at Jean, hoping he doesn't think he's lost his head over Rogue, too. "I ain't lost my head!" he cries out indignantly.
Remy grins, "You don't t'ink a très belle girl like Anna could ever like a repulsive little scab wit' a stick up his butt like you, do you?"
Scott looks at the directors, "That was not what the script said."
Raven shrugs, "I'm going to let it stay."
Scott looks at Lightning. "Don't look at me. She's my girlfriend. If she's happy; I'm happy."
Raven grins at him. "Now you're getting the point."
Lightning grins back, "On with the play."
Scott looks defeated after his round with the directors. "Well, she said we was…"
"What? Bosom companions? Friends?"
"Don't matter," Scott says with a sigh.
"You'll give her t'at, Scottle, or Remy'll tip you straight into the Bog of Eternal Stench before you can blink your one eye."
Scott hunches around the peach, looking the very opposite of his usual confident demeanor. "Yes. Right."
They both start walking in opposite directions until Remy stops and turns towards him, "and Scottle, if she ever kisses you, Remy'll turn you into a prince."
"You? You will?" Scott asks incredulously.
"Prince of the Land of Stench," Remy announces dramatically. He laughs evilly as he walks off stage. Scott sadly turns and walks towards Rogue's voice.
Rogue is still alone in the forest calling, "Piotah?" She hears the sounds of sticks hitting each other. "What's going on?"
From the bushes, Pyro, Scarlet Witch, Toad, Magma, and Sunspot watch her as music comes out of nowhere. Technically, each of them are wearing an ipod and a speaker in their ridiculous red, yellow, orange, feather, and fur costumes. They kind of look like Big Bird on fire. (1)
Pyro jumps out and lands right behind her screaming, "Yeaaaah!" He then begins to laugh maniacally.
"Woo!" shouts Wanda from the other side of Rogue.
Rogue freaks out, "What do all y'all want?"
"What us?" Wanda asks. The others have come out of the bushes now and all five of them are dancing to the crazy music and beating sticks together or clapping in a circle around her. They all laugh as crazy as Johnny. He had obviously been practicing with them for a while. "We just have to have a good time."
"That's right," agrees Johnny, getting way up into her face. Rogue is extremely uncomfortable when people get too close to her. He then jumps away and into the middle of the group where a fire pit has magically appeared, thanks to Pietro, again. Pyro lights the fire, due to the hidden flame thrower underneath his costume. He sings about not having any problems.
The others accompany him as backup singers and dancers. Very early in the dance, the dancers are replaced with IAR Fireys. So, as Pyro and the others continue to sing into microphones off stage, the IAR Fireys dance around Rogue.
Pryo sings about throwing in his hand, and the IAR Pyro Firey takes his hand off and throws it into the fire creating a huge explosion. Rogue is thrown back and all the IAR Fireys explode.
"FORGE!" Raven screams.
"Chère!" Remy runs to Rogue to see if she's okay. Lightning also heads over and checks to see if she needs any healing, which she does.
Forge just stands there, "What? I told you this would happen if you insisted on throwing pieces of the robots into the fire, but did you listen to me? No. So, now, the entire set is blown up…"
"Just … fix… this… now!" Raven growls.
Forge and Pietro look into her yellow glowing eyes and gulp. "Right on it!" they both say at the same time.
A loud scream fills the air, "Make it stop, please, God, just make it stop!" Scott is covering his face with his hands and sobbing.
"Oh, great, now look what you've done!" Jean growls. "There, there, Scott, it's okay." She pats his back.
When the set, with much less glitter, is repaired, new IAR Fireys have been placed, and Rogue is healed, and Scott has stopped crying, the song continues. The IAR Pyro Firey has a new hand, and he points it out. He sings about how they are the greatest bunch in the land.
They all sing about chilling down with the fire.
"Like the man said, don't lose your head," Wanda says off stage.
"Hey, I'm a wild child," Todd shouts off stage.
The IAR Amara Firey stretches up to about nine feet tall. "Ooo, walk tall!" Pyro says from off stage.
They all keep singing about bad news.
IAR Wanda Firey sticks out its tongue. IAR Pyro Firey sticks two fingers in its eyes and pulls them out.
"Ugh," Rogue says in disgust.
"Roll 'em," Roberto says off stage.
IAR Pyro Firey rolls the IAR Eyeballs like dice. They come up glowing red.
"Snake eyes!" Wanda, Johnny, and Roberto all say together.
"Not again! Please not again!" yells Scott as he runs in his dressing room and locks the door.
Everyone looks at Jean. "Fine, I'll go get him." She takes off. "Scott. Scott! Come on, babe! You can come out. It's over now!"
Raven raises an eyebrow at the cast. They decide to continue the song.
The IAR Pyro Firey picks up the IAR Eyeballs, throws them in the air, and swallows them. They end up back in place.
"Hey, lady!" Wanda says off stage.
The IAR Roberto Firey takes off its head and balances it like a balloon. It rolls and bounces over to IAR Amara Firey who dribbles it like a basketball, until it bites her arm. IAR Amara Firey tosses it to IAR Wanda Firey. IAR Wanda Firey bounces her head up as she knocks the head to IAR Johnny Firey, who takes off his leg to hit IAR Roberto Firey's head back towards him like a golf ball as he shouts, "Fore!"
They all start singing again, this time about how life can get tough.
"Bad luck," Wanda says.
They all start laughing again and then singing about how they can show her a good time.
IAR Toad Firey is walking on his head. They dance around, and various body parts are in random locations.
The song goes back to the chorus line of chilling down with the fire.
"Hey, listen up!" Pyro says from off stage. The IAR Pyro Firey jumps on Rogue's back. "Shake your pretty little head."
"Tap your pretty little feet," Todd says from off stage.
Rogue is trying to get the IAR Firey off of her back.
"Come on! Come on!" Wanda says from off stage.
"Hey! Hey! Her head don't come off," Johnny says from off stage as the IAR Amara and Pyro Fireys try to pull off her head.
"Of course it doesn't!" Rogue shouts, finally knocking the IAR Fireys away.
"She's right. It's stuck on," Amara says from off stage.
"Hey, lady," Roberto asks, "Where you going with a head like that?"
"Hey, man," Wanda suggests, "I know what we can do. Take off her head!"
"Yeah," Todd agrees, "let's take her apart."
The IAR Fireys' heads are all bouncing up and down off their bodies in excitement. Rogue grabs IAR Roberto Firey's head and throws it.
"Hey, lady, that's his head!" Amara admonishes from off stage. Rogue grabs IAR Amara Firey's head and throws it. "Hey, that's my head!"
"That's a friend of mine!" Pyro shouts. Rogue grabs IAR Pryo Firey's head and throws it. "What are you doing?"
"Hey!" Wanda shouts as Rogue grabs IAR Wanda Firey's head and throws it too. Rogue then proceeds to run away.
"Hey, lady, it's against the rules to throw other people's heads." Toad shouts after her from off stage.
"Yo!" Pyro agrees, "You're only allowed to throw your own head,"
"Yeah, that's right!" Wanda calls after her. "Where's the referee?"
"Now we've got to take your head off," Amara insists.
"Somebody stop her!" Roberto calls out.
Todd shouts, "come back, little lady,"
"Play the game," Pyro says.
"Yeah, we're going to throw your head," Wanda says.
"You can't quit," Amara says. "The game's not over."
Rogue has reached the bottom of a cliff. She's at a dead end.
"Hey, lady," Todd calls.
"Please, leave me alone," Rogue cries out in a panicked voice.
"We get a free throw," Roberto says.
"Hey, lady, you want to take your head off, don't you?" asks Wanda.
"Sure she does," Pyro answers.
Suddenly, a rope appears behind Rogue. Rogue looks up. It's Scott. Jean was obviously successful in her attempt at getting him out of the dressing room. "Scottle!"
"Grab it!" he shouts.
"Don't you want to look like us?" Todd asks.
"Leave me alone!" Rogue growls at the IAR Fireys. She starts climbing up the cliff wall, with Scott's help, and also Raven's telekinesis.
"It won't hurt! Get a saw!" Johnny calls after her.
"If you play, we'll take off your arms!" Amara says.
The IAR Wanda Firey's head bounces high above the wall. "Take off your ear."
"You don't need two ears," calls Roberto from off stage as Rogue reaches the top of the cliff wall and finds it resembles a castle wall from the other side.
IAR Pyro Firey's head pops up over the wall as IAR Wanda Firey's head falls back down. "Game's almost over."
"Down's up," IAR Wanda Firey's head pops up one last time.
"Go away," Scott growls at them and starts walking off.
Rogue is so happy to see him, according to the script, that she says, "Scottle, y'all've come ta help me." She hugs him.
Scott struggles in her arms and shrieks, "Don't kiss me! Don't kiss me!"
"Believe me, Ah don't want ta," Rogue replies, putting her hands on her hips and making Gambit laugh.
Raven smacks her head with the clipboard. "Just when it was going so well!"
"Well, give me back those wax lips or somethan'," Rogue says. "Ah seriously don't want ta kiss Scott. It's gross."
"It's not that gross," Jean deadpans, while rolling her eyes.
Scott's jaw drops, "Thank you for the vote of confidence, Jean Gray!"
"Wait! That came out all wrong," Jean tries to retract.
"Nope. The damage is done," Scott turns angrily away, "Just give Rogue those wax lips so I don't pass out and let's get on with the play!"
"Great idea," Raven and Lightning agree. Scott screams and then glares at then as Raven telekinetically passes a pair of wax lips to Rogue.
Rogue puts her arms back around Scott who starts to pull away. She gives him a wax lip kiss, and down they fall into a trap door in the wall. They slide down a dusty, dank, stone slide that twists and turns. It is lit occasionally with a magical, dull green light. Rogue screams. Scott shouts, "No, no, no!" over and over as they glide ever faster to their doom.
The slide lets out in the middle of a wall. There is a tiny ledge to catch, if you're fast enough. Scott is not. He manages to grab a random piece of metal that happens to be hanging out of the wall near the ledge. There he hangs as Rogue slides out on top of him. Rogue, however, thinks a little faster and is able to grab the edge to the tunnel. She makes the ledge. Gambit has been teaching her a few things.
She stands up. "Scottle, hold on." Scott is dangling onto the metal rod and moaning. She goes to help him and that's when it hits her… the stench… "Oh my God…" She gags and nearly pukes.
Everyone who is not on stage has nose plugs.
The Bog itself is about twenty feet below them and it bubbles and boils in its green perfume.
"What is it?" Rogue coughs out.
"The Bog of Eternal Stench!" Scott says as he tries not to puke.
"Ah've neveh smelled anythan' like it… It's like… like six yeahs av Toad's bath wateh…"
"Actually that's pretty close to what it actually is… Now if you don't want to accidentally fall into the Bog…" Raven growls.
"Stick to the Script!" Lightning shouts.
Rogue and Scott gulp and nod.
"Oh, it doesn't matter what it's like. It's a Bog of Eternal Stench. Help," Scott insists. Rogue starts helping him onto the ledge, finally.
"Hold on," she says as she pulls him up. She starts to comment on how much weight he's gained, but the glowing yellow eyes of her future-from-another-dimension child stop her in her tracks.
She finally gets him on the ledge and he begins his tirade, "What did you have to go and do a thing like that for?"
"Do what?" Rogue asks, confused. They are both pasted against the wall so they don't fall into the Bog. "Ya mean rescue ya?"
"What? No. You kissed me." They start edging towards the end of the wall, where there is a safe way down.
Suddenly, Rogue steps on some loose stones and three of them fall into the Bog. They both scream and back against the wall again. Raven steadies them with her telekinesis. She doesn't want her mother to get hurt, and she doesn't want to have to smell Scott if he falls in the Bog.
"Oh my Gosh," Scott sighs.
"Don't pretend ta be so hard," Rogue reprimands as she starts to move again. "Ah know ya came back ta help me and Ah know that y'all're my friend."
"Did not. Am not," Scott lies. "I just come to get me property back. Oh, and, uh… give you… give you…" He takes out the crystal-peach. He hesitates as he watches her maneuver over a large hole in the ledge.
"Give me what?"
As fate would have it, he steps on a loose stone and as it gives out, she turns back to help him. They both go down as the stone begins to slide. The stone, Scott, and Rogue all happen to land on Piotr. Naturally, this causes Piotr to fall on his butt. A loud metallic thump is heard causing Raven to flinch.
"We'll edit it out," Lightning says. She just nods.
Piotr starts moaning because he had to take out his nose plug. Rogue stands up, "Piotah"
"Smell!" Piotr replies.
"Where's Scottle?" Rogue asks.
The only answer is muffled grumbling and the sound of feet hitting the soil. Piotr is sitting on him again. (2) Finally Scott gets enough air to squeak out, "Get off of me!"
Piotr stands up, with Rogue's help. "Here," she says, taking his arm.
Scott scrambles out from under the metal giant and the two begin to face off. Scott's hand reaches for his glasses.
Rogue intervenes. "No, it's okay. This is Piotah. He's a friend too." She covers her nose and mouth with her arm. The smell is worse down on the bank of the Bog than it was on the ledge.
"Smell!" Piotr says, waving his hand in front of his face, reminding them that the sooner they finish this scene the better.
"Ya're right," Rogue agrees.
The Bog makes farting noises as it bubbles and boils. Scott pinches his nose. "Oh, my God." He starts gasping for breath. Then, he throws up.
Raven gets up and walks off. "Now look what you did!" Lightning shouts. He takes off after his girlfriend. Two hours later, they come back and Raven is very calm. Lightning is grinning.
"Hey, now what where you two up too?" Gambit demands.
"Yoga," Raven replies. "It calms the mind."
"Remy's not sure he believes you."
"It's the only answer Remy's going to get," Lightning says.
"Now," Raven says, "Let's get back to the play."
"Doesn't anyone need to clean up after Scott?" Bobby asks.
"Really?" Raven responds with a raised eyebrow. "It's a Bog of Eternal Stench…"
"Oh yeah… dumb question. Sorry… On with the play."
"There's a bridge," Rogue points out. "Come on."
They all start heading over towards the bridge, but the way is treacherous. IAR Ravens fly randomly overhead. The Bog spits its foul smelling venom in the air randomly. Trees grow so tightly in some places there is very little room to go around them. "Watch it," Scott calls out as Rogue almost misses a step. "You step in this stuff and you'll stink forever." They finally reach the bridge.
"Cut!" Raven calls. "Not one word out of you, Lawr. Not one!"
His mouth was open. He shuts his jaw.
Rogue, Piotr, and Scott all run to the bathroom to throw up.
"Oh, it can't be that bad…" Tabby says, taking out her nose plug. Her face turns green. "Yes, it can." She runs to the bathroom to join them.
"I'm not sticking around to watch everyone puke," Raven declares.
"Good idea," Lightning says.
She suddenly slaps him across the face.
"What was that for?" he asks incredulously.
"I said not one word!" she shouts.
He shakes his head and grabs her hand and takes her away.
We shall go too.
AN: I am incredibly sorry about the long wait. I know it's been over a year. I have been writing this chapter for a very long time. Life got in the way. I have been walking a hard path and I am not in a good place right now. However, I should have more time to write now… I will try to write. It is one of my joys.
I do not own Big Bird. Sorry!
In Remy Hood, Piotr sat on Scott during the archery tournament. It was hilarious. You should go read that parody if you haven't already!
Next up, Kurt makes his dashing appearance and Rogue gets to dress up for the ball.