These three kids, collectively known as Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy, or the Eds for short, were trying to sell handheld TVs to these other kids.
"These ingenious devices will be able to pick up the signals from all the local broadcasting stations," explained Edd (or Double-D, as they called him, "allowing you to view your favorite shows from anywhere on the go!"
"Like in those futuristic-y movies!" said Ed.
"Now I don't know how much these things would normally cost," said Eddy, "but they'd most definitely cost a shitload, I'll tell ya that! But this - this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get your hands on this treasure for the unbelievable price of just $0.25!"
"Right on!" exclaimed an annoying bald kid called Jonny 2X4. He and the other kids eagerly paid the Eds $0.25 each, rounding out for a total of $1.50.
The kids all tried to turn on their portable TVs, but they didn't work. They all just went up into static for a few seconds before falling apart right in their hands. It turned out that those handheld TVs were just crap that the Eds had gotten from the junkyard to try and sell; this was a scam - something that the Eds were known for.
"You've ripped us off yet again, Ed-boys!" yelled a tall, foreign-born boy named Rolf.
"Dorks! We'll enjoy making you suffer!" hissed a jock named Kevin.
The Eds didn't even have time to plead for mercy before the other kids jumped them. With great anger, they beat them down with their hands and feet, which were like stones as they inflicted pain upon them. When they'd gotten it all out, they dispersed and left the Eds laying there in hurt.
Alucard, who had been watching everything, seized his chance. He teleported from his hiding place and reappeared right in front of the Eds, who gasped in shock.
Alucard taunted them; "Puny humans! You can't even sell junk just to save your life. You would never amount to anything. But it doesn't matter anyway. You are at my mercy, and your blood is mine to suck!" He bared his canine teeth at them, scaring the hell out of the Eds.
Ed was the first to run away screaming, leaving Edd and Eddy to their fate.
"B-B-But I thought vampires only c-came out at n-night!" stammered Eddy.
"I never would've fathomed the fact that vampires were even real entities," said Edd.
"Oh, we're real," replied Alucard. "And you ain't never met a vampire like me. And you never will, either!" With that, he drew his signature twin-caliber machine guns and pointed them at Edd and Eddy's faces. He saw looks of extreme fright in their faces and he enjoyed it.
Next thing they knew, they heard the sound of a chainsaw coming towards them. It was Ed. He had run to his house and gotten a chainsaw and was now trying to save his friends. "DIE, VAMPIRE!" he thundered. Then, he brought the chainsaw down into Alucard's cranium, and down through the middle of his body. Blood gushed heavily from him, and entrails and bone matter flew everywhere as Ed kept on sawing, eventually cutting Alucard completely in half along the length of his body.
The Eds all breathed easier for a second, thinking they were out of harm's way. Then, they noticed the blood - it was moving, by itself, back to the body. The two halves of his body moved back towards each other, the bones, organs, tubes, and skin reattaching. The Eds watched in confusion, which turned to horror as they realized what was happening - Alucard was regenerating! They looked on terrified as Alucard's body put itself back together.
"Fools!" he laughed when he was fully reassembled. I told you, you ain't never met a vampire like me. I can't be killed. I'm immortal! Mwa ha ha ha ha!"
The Eds lives flashed before their eyes. They thought for sure that this was the bitter end.
"However," said Alucard, "I suppose I'll give credit where credit is due. You cut me up pretty bad there. I'm sure that all you guys would make a formidable fighting force.
"It happens to us a lot," said Ed.
"Come again," said Alucard.
"Well, every time we try to operate a scam, it malfunctions and we all get pummeled by the neighborhood kids," explained Edd.
"Just for a day, we'd like for something to go right!" added Eddy.
"Wow, said Alucard, amazed. "Don't you just want to get them back for that?"
"You don't need to remind me of that!" said Eddy.
"There's just one thing," asked Edd. "Who are you?"
"My name is Alucard," said Alucard. "I'm from England. There's this group there called the Hellsing Organization who fights vampires, ghouls, and stuff like that. I fight alongside them."
"You fight against your own kind? Why?" asked Ed.
"Long story," said Alucard. "Anyway, lately other vampires have chased away the humans from where I'm from, and there's no longer enough blood there to go around. I came here in search of more humans to feed off of. Which brings me to a proposition that I have for you."
The Eds listened eagerly.
"You want revenge. I want blood," said Alucard. How's about we team up? Together, we can make it happen! Whaddya say?"
Eddy thought for a second, then asked, "What's in it for us?"
Alucard held up a $20 bill and answered, "20 American dollars between the three of you to start with, plus 10 for every human we kill."
Eddy looked at his friends, who nodded their approval. "Deal!" he said as he took the money and shook Alucard's hand.
"Excellent!" said Alucard. But first things first - you're gonna need these.
Alucard unveiled three machine guns just like the two he pulled earlier, and gave one to each Ed.
"Cool," said Ed.
"This is overly dangerous, but I'm in," added Edd.
"This is so cool!" exclaimed Eddy.
"Alright, that'll do," said Alucard, who was raring to go. "So, you do you think should go first?"
"Oh, I think I know just who to start with..!" cackled Eddy.