Love is not good. She does not love me. Only sees me as a friend and an equal, although I see her as otherwise.
I came to her on that fateful day, armed with a bouquet of white roses with a single white lily on the middle and a couple CDs from her favorite artists. It was her birthday and I asked her to come to our old hang-out spot… on the park, under the cherry-blossom trees near the playground, I told her that I bought gifts for her since I can't come to their place.
Oh how I wish I haven't done what I did then. I wish I just didn't tell her.
She was an hour late. It started to rain a bit… when she got here, I was soaking wet- but the gifts were okay. She told me that I should have known better, that because every year on her birthday, it would rain. I told her my greetings and passed on the greetings of our friends that couldn't greet her in person. She thanked me. Then we went to my place quickly just to dry off a bit, and get ready to go to Takuyas' place. She said that she wanted me to avenge her because he broke her heart. Simply put, Takuya was being an arrogant ass again and forced Izumi to break-up with him.
God, how I look back now and tell myself that I should've known better and that I should have not gone there in the first place because she wouldn't really let me hit him. She would just stop me a few centimeters short…
I got changed and I got her some hot cocoa to calm her nerves a bit… she was trembling when I asked her earlier if she really wanted me to whack her ex- even though she did say yes with a certain degree of sureness driven by rage, the way she is behaving right now. All nervous like and all, I can tell even from the way she is walking right now that she is having second thoughts.
I say would have done it if she… oh who am I kidding… I am like a slave to her… and I cannot fucking help it.
Takuyas' house is not that far from my place really… just three blocks away. Actually, we just walked there, all the while; I was asking her if she was certain about this. When we arrived there, before I went in, I asked her… if she could love me too. Before we got there, about a block before, I told her that I loved her and that I wouldn't let anything happen to her.
Boy was I wrong.
She started to feel… different. To say the least. She didn't say a word for a while when I got myself to tell her how I felt towards her. She replied another awkward silence after I asked her that… if she could love me too. I just shrugged and called Takuya with a loud banging on his door… the same kind when it was guys' night out. But I meant business. Right when he opened the door, my fist was only a few knots away from his face when she told me to stop, to not do it. She was standing behind me with a face that was scared like hell.
I. Never. Wanted. Her. To. Cry. I just can't stand seeing her sad. I can't.
So I had to stop myself. Takuya was freaked out enough to back-off and get out of my way. I didn't lower my fist- but I lowered my head to the ground. I felt a jolt run my spine. I whispered I knew it. After I picked my jaw from the floor, I asked her an eerie why.
All she could say is sorry.
She said her apologies. She loved me too, but like a brother, like her closest friend. To this very day, I wonder if she meant it then- or she just told me that so that I would stop. A few seconds later, she held my fist and tried to lower it. Tears were welling up my eyes. Takuya shakes off the dust off his clothes and then held his hand to me and said he was sorry… sorry he bothered me and sorry that he hurt her. I just stood there, staying on where I froze earlier for the next few minutes. I asked her why she told me to go here when she would just stop me an eyebrow short of giving her the satisfaction. See, Izumi suspected that Takuya was cheating on her.
Man, I wish I didn't look in to it anymore. Turns out her suspicion was well founded. He was fucking another woman.
We then went inside after he told us to get in. later, when I was cooler, he offered me a drink. I took it and then asked my question. What was he thinking when he broke up with her. Turns out, Izumi does not want to get touched. Takuya was a bloated can of raging hormones and was really disappointed when she turned him down.
I just… damn…
-After all of this. Am I the fool, or I am the fool?
I left after an hour. Buzzed and tired. I told Izumi to go home now before anything else happens. Now that we all are drunk. I am too pissed to care, so I just left her there. But I did not stop reminding her to go home soon. And I told her happy birthday.
End.