8,718A/N: I apologize for leaving you (and Hermione) on hold for an entire year! It's been a bit of a chaotic ride this year, and it took me way longer than it should have to find the mental and emotional space for this.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all! The world is tumultuous right now, but I appreciate and wish the best for you all.
I look forward to your thoughts and hope the wait was (at least somewhat) worth it. Admittedly, I did not move the plot as far as I wanted to here, but there were some important conversations to be had.
Bound to Him
Chapter 94
"Severus!" Minerva looked up as the man stepped out of the Apparition chamber.
He glanced at her and Kingsley, then made for the private quarters. "When you have a moment…"
Once inside, he dropped onto the sofa and closed his eyes. After stewing all day, he still did not know what to say to Hermione. When the door finally opened, he raised one eyelid to glare at Minerva.
Sighing, she claimed an armchair. "I know you're angry with me, but you suggested I put others' well-being ahead of yours. Hermione's beaten herself up for months over you, feeling inadequate, and she deserves clarity on the subject."
"And if she hears what she doesn't want to?"
The witch arched an eyebrow. "And why in Merlin's name would she hear that?"
Severus met her gaze briefly before looking away. "It's what I should tell her."
"Oh, should you? Is that the Gospel according to Dumbledore?" Minerva folded her arms. "I do not, for one moment, suspect you'll suddenly slaughter us all to save Hermione."
Swallowing slowly, he eyed the carpet. "Maybe not now."
Her brow furrowed. "Severus, why do you have such distrust in yourself?"
The man stood with a snarl. "Because I know what's inside of me."
"Do you?" Minerva pushed. "I've gained a much better sense of –"
"No! You do not understand what I'm made from, what I enveloped myself in, what's eating away at…" He heaved in a breath to cease shouting and turned to the fireplace. "You've seen me under control. When that slips away…"
"Then we will work on it!" At his disbelieving expression, she shook her head. "I cannot imagine how much pain you've buried; you're right. But I am not going to just use you until it consumes you and then dispose of you. I will do my damnedest to get you through this, to get Hermione through this… to get every one of them through this!"
As she emphatically gestured toward the office, Severus inhaled deeply. "How?"
"I don't know, but we'll figure it out," Minerva crossed her arms. "Are you willing to try?"
Severus paused, then closed his eyes. He neither wished to burden Minerva nor reveal what he tried to hide even from himself. However, she needed to understand what was looming over them, to understand what a ticking time bomb he was. At least he could trust her not to use it against him. "Fine. If you come up with an idea, I will at least entertain it."
"Good. Any other ridiculous notions I can dispel for you?"
He rolled his eyes and leaned against the wall. "If I'm distracted… if I become as useless as Lupin –"
"Oh, for heaven's sake," Minerva sighed. "Remus may have been overcome, but he did get his wife out alive, brought her here, and attempted everything he knew to do to save her first. You've dedicated much more of your time to understanding magicks, and you don't have a feral wolf screaming inside of you. You will be fine."
"I've already made mistakes."
"Who hasn't? Since you've been avoiding Hermione lately, you haven't seen her moping about. She's pushing herself too hard to solve the unsolvable and punishing herself when she can't. But if you think cutting her down and watching her crumble will be less distracting for you…"
Severus winced and hung his head.
"I thought not," Minerva stood. "Now, go make up for whatever thestralshit you said to her earlier."
"I didn't say anything."
"Well, that says more than enough, doesn't it?"
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxX
Hermione startled at the soft knock on her door and held her breath while contemplating who was lurking on the other side. As Crookshanks looked unperturbed, however, she suspected it was either Poppy or Minerva. Tonks was out cold with a sleeping potion, and she doubted Remus would leave her side.
Keeping her wand in hand, the witch slipped out of bed. Her stomach flipped upon opening the door. "Oh!"
Severus swallowed hard as her reddened eyes suddenly darted around him. "No one is watching."
Nodding slowly, the witch nervously looked up at him. "Severus, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said –"
"May we talk inside?"
"Oh, sorry. Yes." Hermione stepped back to allow him entry. While he cast protective wards on the room, she retreated to her bed and waited until the wizard claimed the chair.
"Hermione, I…" Severus watched her twist the blanket. "I'm sorry I've upset you."
She shook her head. "No, it's me. I shouldn't have ambushed you like that. I'm so angry with myself…"
He waved her off and leaned back. "I apologize for not coming earlier, but I didn't precisely know what to say. I still don't… but I know it won't be what you want to hear."
Her face fell before she nodded slowly. "I thought so."
"Hermione… I don't want to hurt you."
"No, please… it's alright!" she blinked quickly. "I didn't want you to feel like you had to feel something for me. That's why I wasn't going to say anything –"
"It isn't—"
"—but when Minerva told me what you said, I just…"
"Hermione –"
"I wasn't really thinking until after I came back here and then… I'm so embarrassed, but it's not your fault that I feel –"
"I'm not talking about hurting your feelings!" he snapped.
When she flinched, Severus took a deep breath. "I don't want to do that either, but it's preferable to the alternative."
Hermione frowned. "What alternative?"
He nervously rubbed his thigh. "If I'm not careful, you will pay the price."
"Explain that, please."
Severus grimaced. "The Dark Lord expects my loyalty to be solely to him – not that it's ever been. If he perceives something's interfering with that, he will have that obstacle removed."
"So, you're concerned that if the Dark Lord thinks you love me, he'll hurt me? Or kill me?" At his hesitant nod, the witch struggled not to roll her eyes. "A lot of things could happen, Severus, but –"
"It already has." He leaned forward at her confused look. "What he did to you the other week was my fault."
Hermione crossed her arms. "How is it your fault?"
"He assaulted you because I was careless."
"How? What could you have possibly done –"
"I don't know!" Severus hissed, sitting back in the chair. "I must've said something wrong, or paid you too much attention, or touched you too gently, or… I don't know! I've gone over it a hundred times, and I don't know what I did. But whatever it was made him –"
"No!" She slid off the bed. "You didn't make him do anything."
"I lost control! I wanted to…" He shook his head, frustrated. "Narcissa is the only reason I didn't get both of us killed that night. She knew it was a test and prevented me doing something stupid. She kept her head; I didn't."
As his moist eyes glinted in the moonlight, Hermione settled on his lap and touched his face. "Look at me, Severus. What happened to me wasn't your fault."
"Losing control was my fault. If it wasn't for –"
"Stop. You told me it doesn't matter what could have happened; it only matters we succeeded. She helped you, and you helped me. I couldn't have sat there and let him…" Squeezing his hand, she sighed, "The point is I needed you, and you were there."
"I couldn't protect you," he whispered.
"But you did."
He shook his head. "I promised I would, but I cannot."
"It's alright, Severus," she gently stroked his cheek, wiping away a tear that escaped. "You have done everything you can for me. I do not blame you for what happened at the Solstice or what happened last fall. I will not blame you for whatever else happens, so please don't blame yourself."
He grimaced and looked to the wall. At the hitch in his breath, Hermione rested her forehead against his temple. "I mean it. Please stop blaming yourself."
Severus sighed, slipping his arm around her waist. "I can't promise that either."
"But you can try," she tucked herself into his embrace.
As they sat together, the wizard slowly rubbed her back. Though it was meant as a soothing gesture, Hermione bit back a whimper as his hand passed over her mark. Tingles rippled through her body, prompting her pulse to race and nipples to harden. Breathing slowly, she willed the binding curse to remain calm; the last thing they needed was a reminder of their sexual obligation. While she wanted to spend the night with him, this was not the moment to broach the subject.
After listening to his breathing for a while, she cleared her throat. "Severus?"
"Yes?"
She toyed with the seam of his coat. "Do you think someday – when the Dark Lord's gone – you could love me?"
When he tensed and his breathing changed, Hermione leaned back to see his face. Observing her anxious expression, Severus winced. "I'm not sure I can answer that."
"I won't hold you to anything," she shrugged, "I just wonder if it's possible."
He held her gaze for several seconds. "If by some miracle we live to see the Dark Lord gone… I do not think it impossible."
"Not impossible?" Hermione dropped her eyes to his chest. "Is it also possible you might resent me someday?"
Severus straightened, moving his arm to keep her balanced. "Why would I ever resent you?"
"You didn't choose this," she sighed. "If you can't come to love me… I don't want to hold you back from anything… or anyone."
He frowned at her tears. "I know I've gone back on my word at times, Hermione, but I swear to you: I will never willingly choose to be with anyone else."
"So, you wouldn't be disappointed with me, then?"
"Miss Granger, you could give up on everything right now, and I would never be disappointed in you." When she hugged his neck in relief, he buried his nose in her hair. Eventually, he murmured, "You are more than I could ever deserve."
"That's not true," Hermione drew back. She studied his face before tracing his jaw with a sultry smirk. "Now, might I also advise you, sir, against calling me Miss Granger when I'm sitting on your lap… in my nightgown?"
He snorted in surprise. "Apologies."
Her mouth hovered closer to his. "Unless you're looking to play pretend, Professor."
"Not any time soon," Severus mumbled against her lips. Returning her kiss, he pulled her tighter to him.
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxX
Once they came up for air, they both recognized they needed a moment apart to breathe.
Hermione exhaled deeply before looking in the mirror. It was hardly an attractive sight - her eyes were red and puffy from crying; her lips, red and puffy from snogging. Half her hair had escaped her braid, and her emotions had similarly escaped their constraints.
She was disappointed his answer was less than she hoped but relieved that it was better than she expected. The man was dealing with so many different tasks, concerns, and traumas – more than she even understood – that he probably had no time or capacity to reflect on his feelings. And with everything tangled up in guilt, doubt, and fear, she did not want to complicate matters even further.
Just let it be. You love him; he wants to be with you. Why waste the little time you have obsessing over it? Go be with him! Before he overthinks and withdraws again.
Hermione splashed her face with cold water, then winced as she tugged at the elastic tangled in her hair. Once that was finally free, she shook out her tresses. You're still a mess, but it'll have to do.
After leaving the lavatory, the witch took several calming breaths before re-entering her room. Severus looked up at her with a conflicted gaze, but he had moved to sit on her bed and had removed his boots. He was not preparing to leave. She noted his own swollen lips, rumpled hair, and half-unbuttoned shirt with a smirk. So, we're both a mess.
Her stomach fluttered when he extended his hand. Approaching him, Hermione slowly hiked up her skirt and steadied herself with his proffered hand while straddling him. Silently, they picked up where they had left off in the chair.
Severus dragged down her sleeve, exposing her shoulder to the cool air. As his mouth trailed down her throat, an ominous chill crept up her spine. The witch breathed quickly, hoping to dispel the notion of being watched. Though she knew no one else was in the room, she still snuck a glance over her shoulder.
Stop it. Don't ruin this!
Hermione tugged his head back up to hers. Kissing him distracted her until his hands raised her nightgown. After removing it, he cupped her breasts and took a nipple into his mouth. She clutched his head to her chest, but the hair standing on the back of her neck was not from pleasure. Again, she subtly checked behind her to ensure they were alone.
When the wizard made to switch breasts, she seized the opportunity to roll off his lap and onto the bed. Gripping his shirt, she pulled him atop her. With the bed at her back, her anxiety melted away, allowing her to thoroughly enjoy his attentions. As she stared at the ceiling, a different thought came to mind. "Hold on."
Severus halted immediately and raised his eyes to her.
"This is my room."
"Yes?"
She blinked. "We've never been in my room before."
"Oh," he caught his breath and sank back on his haunches. "You want to change venues?"
"No, no!" Hermione tugged him back, hooking her leg over his hip. "I like having you in my room."
He snorted softly. "Oh, do you?"
"Mmm," she nodded, running her hands down his chest. "Take off your pants, and I'll show you how much."
"Patience," Severus caught her hand before it could slip beneath his waistband. "I haven't finished with you yet."
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxX
"Well, you're here early," Minerva smirked over her coffee. "Can't say you look terribly well rested."
Severus rolled his eyes as he joined the otherwise empty table. "Headmistress."
"Do you really wish to irk me this early?" She watched him pour his own coffee and load a full plate. "Finally found your appetite, have you?"
He gave her a dark glare, which prompted her to chuckle.
"Relax, Severus. I'm glad to see it."
"Good morning, Minerva!" Poppy greeted before claiming the seat across from Snape. She kept her gaze on him while fixing her tea. "Severus. Do I need to remind you of the policy on gentleman callers in the nurses' quarters?"
As Minerva coughed a laugh into her napkin, the wizard sighed. "Perhaps that's why your staffing turnover's so high."
The Mediwitch snorted. "Here I thought it was the abysmal pay and appalling upper management. No offense, Minerva."
The Headmistress waved her off. "You'll have no argument from me."
Poppy returned her eyes to the man in front of her. "I would hope you're being careful."
He stabbed his potatoes. "I am."
"More careful than sneaking out only minutes before Alastor arrived?"
"Yes."
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxX
"Oh, good," Tonks grunted, pushing herself off her bed. "A medical professional come to supervise."
Hermione swallowed nervously. "Not a professional."
"Close enough," she hobbled over. "Just ensure I don't keel over while we walk."
The girl caught her arm to steady her. "Where's Remus?"
"Sent him to check on the boys, so he can do his grieving husband schtick," Tonks led her to the main infirmary. "He didn't want to, of course, but a story must be sold."
Hermione sighed, noting the annoyed look on her friend's face. "I'm sorry you're going through all this."
Tonks squeezed her arm. "You have nothing to be sorry for, love. I should be the one supporting you."
"You still are. Even if you are pushing things."
The Auror smirked. "Yes, well, I am who I am. Auntie Bella may have nearly bled me dry, but she didn't lobotomize me first."
Hermione grimaced and held on tighter as they exited the infirmary. "Where are we going?"
"Courtyard balcony, please," Tonks smiled. "I need some sun on this face. I don't need to look dead while playing it."
Once outside, the pair claimed a bench. Tonks leaned back, eyes closed, and inhaled deeply. "That's the stuff."
Hermione snorted but also closed her eyes to enjoy the warmth of the morning sun on her face.
"I think I'm becoming a plant."
The younger witch frowned and peeked over at the Auror. "Pardon?"
"All I've had this week is clear liquids, and I feel more alive in the sun. Just stick me in a pot and leave me out here."
Hermione giggled in bemusement. "Does Severus need to adjust your potions?"
A slow smile crept over the witch's face. "Probably. It doesn't hurt as much anymore, and I've lost at least two stone on this starvation diet."
"You have not!" Hermione laughed. "Maybe half a stone. And Poppy's about ready to try you on soft foods again."
"Sweet, Nimue! When?" Tonks quickly sat up and turned to her. She then grimaced and touched her stomach. "Uff. That was too fast. Don't tell Poppy I did that, or she'll keep starving me."
"She will not, so long as you keep it down this time."
"Oh, I will," the woman settled back on the bench. "If I have to spellotape my mouth shut, I'll keep it down."
After a moment, Tonks glanced back at her. "Now, what gossip do you have for me?"
Hermione felt her cheeks flush.
"Spill. Now."
"Severus spent the night in my room."
"Oh, did he?" Tonks arched an eyebrow. "Was there hot sex? Tell me there was hot sex involved."
Hermione bit her lip and nodded.
"Thank Aphrodite! At least one of us is having it."
"I told him I loved him."
"You did?!" Tonks fully turned in her seat. "Before or after the hot sex?"
"Before."
"Hot damn!" she clapped her hands. "And then he admitted he loved you back, and –"
"Not… exactly."
Her eyes narrowed. "What do you mean? You said you loved him, and that bastard didn't –"
"No, don't… he's not…" Hermione shook her head and sighed. "He explained why he can't right now, and it… I understand why."
"That had to have been some explanation."
She nodded sadly and fiddled with her necklace. "He's afraid if he lets himself feel more, the Dark Lord will know and view it as a threat. He thinks the Dark Lord already suspects something and is testing him."
"Ohhhh," Tonks sank back against the bench. "Damn, I wanted to be mad at him."
"Please don't."
The Auror shook her head and rubbed her face. "Gods. I can't blame him. I mean, after seeing everything that's happened with the Malfoys… and forgive me, but you're Muggleborn. Riddle wouldn't bat an eye before sacrificing you… except he'd probably make Severus do it to prove his loyalty."
Hermione paled as her stomach plummeted. "I didn't think of all that. God, that's what he meant. He said he didn't want to hurt me, but I wasn't thinking… I thought he was overreacting, but he's not. This whole time… Narcissa wasn't a reward; she's a test."
Tonks sighed deeply. "I'd wager there are no rewards with Riddle. Just tests and punishments."
The younger witch wiped away a stray tear. "I really hate that bastard."
"Me too." Tonks cracked a grin and touched her arm. "Hey, we should start a group!"
Hermione snickered and leaned against the woman's shoulder. "I'm sorry for spoiling your good mood."
"Don't be. I've got you… I've got sunshine… I've got a grumpy wolf-man… and on the horizon – mashed potatoes and allll the gravy. And after the potatoes… hot sex with grumpy wolf-man."
"Remind me to ask Severus to look at your potions."
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxX
Unable to sleep, Hermione dressed in Snape's shirt and curled up in a chair. Despite enjoying her room the night before, a warning from Poppy had them back in the Head's chambers where there was less risk of discovery. She watched the wizard sleep a while before fixing her eyes on the bedroom door.
The witch clutched her wand tightly and breathed as quietly as possible. She knew it was ridiculous, but she felt like someone was on the other side of it, waiting for a chance to strike.
The sudden rustling of the bedsheets startled her.
Confused by her absence in bed, Severus propped himself up on an elbow to scan the room. "Hermione? What's wrong?"
Hermione managed to smile and shook her head. "Just couldn't sleep."
The wizard rubbed his eyes. "There's a draught in the –"
"No! No, I'm alright." She certainly did not want to leave herself vulnerable under a sleeping draught.
Frowning, Severus sat up. "I don't need the bond to know you're stewing over something. What is it?"
Hermione worried her lip while studying his face. "I… I think you should spend more time with Narcissa."
He stared blankly at her, then blinked and cocked his head. "What?"
"You should stay with her… o-overnight."
"What?" Severus narrowed his eyes. "After everything you've told me, now you want me to be with her?"
The girl ducked her head. "I'm not saying you have to sleep with her – unless… unless you think that would be better – but they should see you with her."
"Hermione."
Raising her eyes to his questioning ones, she sighed. "You've said you've only been with her when he's told you to. If he's testing you…"
Severus dropped his shoulders. "Hermione, the Dark Lord isn't even there."
"But they are! They're just as dangerous."
Heart thudding at the tears in her eyes, the wizard held out his hand. As she climbed back into bed, he held her to his chest. "I didn't mean to make you worry about that."
"I'm glad you told me," she wiped her eyes. "I just want to protect you."
Severus held her tighter and kissed her head. "If you are genuinely asking me to…"
Hermione nodded against him.
"Then I will. After the Wolfsbane's done."
"No," she leaned back. "Tomorrow. And again after the Wolfsbane's done."
The wizard stared at her before sighing deeply. "Fine. May we go back to sleep now?"
As they settled back in bed, Hermione snuggled into his side. With his arm around her back, she forgot about the door long enough to fall asleep.
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxX
Freshly showered, Hermione Flooed into the infirmary. Poppy gave her a knowing smirk before joining her to walk down to breakfast. In the staffroom, several were already chatting quietly. Tonks, happily humming over her porridge, waved Hermione over and patted the chair beside her.
Hermione rolled her eyes at the Auror's exaggerated wink; the chair was directly across from Severus. Clearing her throat, she offered him a shy smile. "Good morning, Severus."
When he did not look at her, she studied him in concern. His plate was still quite full; his fork loaded with an abandoned bite. "Sir? Is something wrong?"
His gaze briefly fixed on her before he stood and quit the room.
"Severus?" Poppy asked after him.
As Hermione slowly rose, Minerva hurriedly stood and tossed down her napkin. "I'll see to that."
Everyone quietly watched the Headmistress disappear into the corridor, then awkwardly resumed their meal. Hermione exchanged confused glances with Poppy and Tonks before Mad-Eye cleared his throat and floated over the Daily Prophet. "That arrived earlier."
Tonks unfolded the paper and held it so Remus, Poppy, and Hermione could see the block print: Snape Death Toll Rises.
Hermione's own appetite vanished as she stared at another photo of the Cokeworth fire.
"Final count: 14 dead," Mad-Eye explained. "One Auror, the rest Muggles."
Tonks eyes snapped up. "Who?"
"Thistlewood."
"Fuck. I liked him."
As Remus hugged her, Poppy discretely squeezed Hermione's hand.
In the corridor, Minerva did not have to go far to find the wizard. Snape had paused before a window, bracing himself against the sill. Sighing, she slowed down before approaching him. "Severus, I'm sorry."
The wizard shook his head, refusing to look at her. He stiffened when she touched his shoulder.
"It isn't your fault, Severus. You did everything you could, and you could not have known. If you had, she would have gone elsewhere; you know that. Fourteen lives lost is a tragedy… but imagine what it could've been had she chosen somewhere unmonitored by Aurors. Somewhere more populated."
"Who's to say she won't?!" Snape turned with a snarl.
Minerva sighed and folded her arms. "If she does, it still doesn't make it your fault."
Severus scowled but was distracted by the arrival of Kingsley. Noting the serious expression on the man's face, he growled, "Who have I killed now?"
Before Minerva could chide him, Kingsley guiltily sighed. "They're reopening the Jiggers case."
"Oh, of course, I slaughtered them all!" Snape stalked off toward the staircase. "Why not reopen the Ripper cases in case I started playing with Time Turners!"
"Severus, come back and –"
"I have aconite to start prepping, or we'll have Lupin on his own murderous rampage."
Minerva shook her head and stared at Kingsley. "This has gone too far. We must put an end to it."
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxX
"Snape!"
Severus scowled as Rabastan came around the corner with two bottles in each hand. "Raiding Lucius's cellar?"
"Not his anymore, is it?" the wizard snickered. "Fancy a bottle?"
"Perhaps on my way out. I have other diversions in mind."
As he moved for the staircase, Rabastan snickered. "Oh, I see. Raiding Lucius's snatch?"
Snape sneered over the railing. "Not his anymore, is it?"
The older wizard cackled and tossed up a bottle of elvish wine. "That ought to warm it up a bit for you. Frostbite on the bits is a bitch!"
Dipping his head, Severus clutched the bottle tight enough he thought it might break. Upstairs, he took a steadying breath before knocking on Narcissa's door. A minute later, he pounded louder. Finally, it was yanked open by a rumpled, irate wizard.
"The fuck you want?" Lucius snarled, pulling his unbuttoned shirt together.
Snape arched an eyebrow. "I wasn't aware the Dark Lord gave you permission –"
"The Dark Lord isn't here, is he?" The blond huffed and crossed his arms. "Is Draco –"
"He's fine."
"Then what do you want?"
Severus stared until the pureblood scowled. "You can have her for breakfast instead."
Lucius glanced back at his wife before stepping threateningly close to him. "If I find so much as a mark on her…"
"You can register complaint with the Dark Lord," Snape stepped past him into the room. "Why don't you go downstairs and drown your sorrows before they drink your cellar dry?"
Before the wizard could retort, Severus shut the door in his face. With a sigh, he turned to face Narcissa, who had scrambled out of bed and hastily tied her robe. He felt bad enough without seeing her panicked expression.
"Draco?"
"Sulking securely at the safehouse." He set down the wine bottle on the coffee table.
Her eyes glanced at the bottle, then noted the tense way he held himself and the sheepish look on his face. Swallowing, Narcissa straightened and took one step closer. "It's alright, Severus. Whatever you need, I'll do."
Snape shook his head with a growl. "I don't need anything from you except your silence and a place to sleep."
"Have you nowhere else to sleep?" The woman folded her arms as he stretched out on the sofa. "Quarrel with your witch?"
He looked at her in warning before crossing his arms and closing his eyes.
Narcissa huffed, moving toward her dressing room. "At least take your boots off, for Merlin's sake. The elves have enough furniture to clean."
Severus rolled his eyes but sat up and removed his dragonhide boots. When the witch re-emerged in a more conservative nightdress, she dropped a pillow on his head and fluttered a blanket over him. Grumbling, he pulled it off his head and glared at her.
Arching an eyebrow, she settled into her bed. "If that's all you're here for, you could have waited ten bloody minutes."
As the lights extinguished, both lay quietly unable to sleep. Eventually, Narcissa rolled over to look at him. "You're trying to protect her, aren't you? Your witch."
Taking his silence as confirmation, she sighed. "Fine. In that case, I forgive you."
Severus grunted, turning on his side and adjusting his pillow.
After a moment, Narcissa cleared her throat. "You know you can sleep in the bed. It's far more comfortable and there's plenty of –"
"No, thank you."
"I'm not going to accost you."
Severus scowled at the sofa back. "Your silence can start anytime now."
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxX
"What's this?" Minerva stared at the two bottles – one wine, one whisky – on her desk.
"Dues," Snape sneered as he moved toward the door.
"As if you owe any dues," she snorted while reaching for the whisky. Whistling at the expensive liquor, she handed it to Alastor, who peered over his shoulder.
"Riddle back, then?" Moody grunted. "Give you the cellars, too?"
Severus sighed and turned back. "No, but at the rate those fuckwits are going through it, there'll be nothing left to give away whenever he does return."
"Nothing of interest to report?"
"Alastor," Minerva looked up from the wine bottle in warning.
The spy wiped his face. "Lucius and I shoved each other around a bit for show, while Narcissa played the submissive toy. The rest of the little psychopaths are staying out of trouble by torturing their livers and nether regions whilst they wait for daddy to come home. Unless you want to view the aftermath of their drunken orgy, I have nothing for you."
The Headmistress shook her head. "No, thank you."
"If Shacklebolt drops by, perhaps you might send him down to the infirmary to Obliviate me," Severus grumbled, moving to the door.
As Minerva chuckled, Moody cleared his throat. "Snape."
The wizard stalled in the doorway. "What?"
The ex-Auror studied him a moment before crossing his arms. "I don't suppose Malfoy's got any of that brandy left?"
Rolling his eyes, Severus pulled the door shut behind him. Moody turned back to face the snickering woman. "He know what you're plotting, witch?"
Minerva sighed and settled back in her seat. "Not until we have it better sorted."
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxX
Hermione approached the infirmary's brewing lab with trepidation. Severus had not wanted to spend the night at Malfoy Manor but had done so for her. She had not seen him return in the morning and had dozed off in the library after lunch. They had planned to start the Wolfsbane an hour ago, but he had not sent for her.
Probably because he's irritated with you.
He glanced up at her entrance, but his expression was unreadable.
"Severus, I'm sorry. I… lost track of time."
The wizard shrugged as he stirred the brew.
"Erm, do you want me to do the scarabs?"
"If you'd like."
After washing her hands, Hermione manned the mortar and pestle. She snuck glances over her shoulder at her solemn wizard. Aware of her scrutiny, he eventually cleared his throat. "I slept on her sofa."
Her lip quivered as she ground the dried beetles. "Oh."
Severus eyed her tense frame. "I only touched her to escort her down to breakfast."
Shoulders sagging, Hermione looked over at him. "Do you think it was enough?"
He nodded. "Lucius left no doubt in their minds."
The girl recalled Lucius feigning pain in front of Voldemort. If he had fooled the Dark Lord, he would likely fool the others. Expelling a shaky breath, she set down the pestle and wiped her face with her sleeve. Her feet carried her across the space, and her arms quickly wrapped around him.
"Jeezus, witch!" Severus hurriedly turned away from the brew and cast a Bubblehead charm over her. Deciding it was safe enough to leave the brew for a moment, he stepped them over to the far counter.
"I'm sorry," Hermione whispered. "I know I told you to, but… I was so worried."
The wizard leaned against the counter. "You didn't need to be."
"Was Bellatrix there?"
He grimaced. "Unfortunately."
"Then I needed to be."
"She was… otherwise occupied."
Hermione sank back, shaking her head. "After what she's done to you… I'm sorry I made you go."
Severus balled his hands against the counter, stifling the urge to touch her face. The last thing he needed to do was tempt Fate with aconite poisoning. "Hermione, you didn't make me go. We made a calculated decision, and it was probably for the best."
The young witch nodded glumly. "You'll go again in a few days?"
"I will."
Hermione rubbed her arm. "Will you stay with me tonight?"
He offered a smirk. "If you'd like."
"You don't have to check on Draco?"
Severus shook his head. "I sparred with him before coming here and left him with letters to read from his parents. Or burn more than likely in the case of his father's."
"How is he?"
"Angry but channeling his rage more appropriately." The wizard cleared his throat. "Unlike Lupin will if we don't get those scarabs added."
The witch snorted and turned back to her station.
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxX
Hermione sleepily grinned as his strong arm came around her waist and drew her closer. Not quite ready to open her eyes, she pushed her bum against him, prompting a few thrusts of his hardened member against her in return. As her breathing quickened, she wondered if he was still asleep… at least until his hand cupped her breast and his teeth caught her ear lobe. She whimpered as his hot tongue laved at her pressure point and arched her chest more fully into his hand.
"Please," she gasped.
A dark chuckle sounded in her ear as a frigid hand gripped her throat. "I knew you'd beg for it, my naughty girl."
Hermione awoke in a silent, choking panic. Realizing where she was, she fearfully peered over her shoulder to see Severus sleeping soundly with his back to hers. Grateful she had not woken him up, she cautiously slipped out of bed and fled for the bathroom.
With the door locked and silencing charm in place, the witch collapsed to the floor in sobs. She had not slept the night prior, worried both about Snape's safety at the Manor and that she might wake up to find Voldemort in her room. Exhausted, she had fallen asleep tonight before Severus even finished showering. Apparently, however, neither sheer exhaustion nor his company was enough to keep Voldemort out of her head. Or out of her bed.
Gulping in a deep breath, Hermione picked herself off the floor and moved to the mirror. She lit the sconces and studied her reflection, twisting her neck each way. It had felt so real, she was convinced she would see bruises or marks where his fingernails had dug in. But there was nothing. It was all in her head.
The witch dropped onto the closed toilet with a gasp and wiped at her tears. Why are you this pathetic? You've had two weeks to get it together! Severus has gone through way worse than you have since then, and you don't see him up all night sobbing in the bathroom.
Deeply ashamed, Hermione closed her eyes and tried to slow her breathing. When that did not work, she focused on a pattern in the shower tile. Once finally calm, she used the restroom and washed her face. With a final deep breath, she returned to the bedroom, where Severus was thankfully still asleep.
The girl paused at the foot of the bed. Instead of returning to her original spot, she moved to the other side. Though there was significantly less space for her to wedge herself into, it would put Severus between her and the door. She took great effort not to jostle the sleeping wizard and pulled the blankets up to her chin.
"Hermione?" Severus raised one eyelid.
She froze, then cleared her throat. "Just needed the restroom. Go back to sleep."
The man frowned at her hurried tone and opened both eyes. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
Severus looked behind himself, assuming he had taken her space, but found it wide open. Concerned she might roll off the bed in her sleep, he made to shift them closer to the center. The way her spine went ramrod straight when he gently tugged at her waist woke him up completely.
"Hermione!" Severus propped himself up on his elbow to look at her.
The witch grimaced and buried her face in the pillow.
"Fuck," he sat up, glancing at her backside before lurching for the drawer. "Did I… Whatever I told you to do, you don't have to do!"
"What?" Hermione scrambled up and stilled his hands before he opened the salve tin. "No, it's not… It's not burning."
"Then what is it?" He studied her carefully, noting her tears. "Hermione… please."
She sighed and hung her head. "Just a stupid nightmare."
Thinking of her reaction to his touch, he swallowed painfully. "About me?"
Hermione shook her head. "About him. That he was the one behind me, not you. And he…"
When she could not say it, Severus sighed and touched her cheek. "I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault," she whispered. "It's better when you're here."
His eyes narrowed. "This is better?"
She nodded and wiped her eyes. "I actually slept a few hours."
"And when I'm not here?" When the witch sheepishly looked away, Snape frowned and leaned back against the headboard. "How long?"
Hermione shrugged. "Since the Solstice."
He rubbed his face in frustration. Two weeks she had been pushing herself without adequate sleep. He should have been paying better attention. He recalled how distressed she had been that night and the following morning when he left. You left her alone to battle the demons herself.
"I let him in my head and can't get him out. I've been trying, I swear."
"Shhh… I know." Severus held her to his chest and stroked her hair. She clung to him while nervously explaining why she could not sleep most nights. When he suggested Dreamless Sleep, however, the witch pushed away in protest.
"I have to be up for the Wolfsbane, I can't –"
"I can manage that on my own while you –"
"I want to brew!" she hissed. "I'm supposed to learn from you, so I can manage it on my own if needed."
"Hermione, you need to sleep." At her glare, the wizard sighed and checked the time. "The Wolfsbane can hold another four hours. If you take a quarter dose, you could get a few more hours and still be up in time."
Hermione bit her lip and lowered her eyes.
"Why haven't you taken it the other nights?"
"I did when Tonks was… helping her was all I thought about that night. But the other nights… I just… what if someone's actually there, and I can't defend myself?"
Severus raised her chin. "I will be here. I won't let anyone in to harm you."
She swallowed in contemplation. "But what if you have to go?"
Stomach clenching, he recalled her following him out last time wrapped in the same bedclothes she now clutched tightly. He had left her alone, and she was afraid he would do so again. "Then I will get Minerva, and she will protect you. But if you do not sleep, Hermione, you won't be able to protect yourself."
Begrudgingly, the girl took the suggested dose and settled back into bed. She watched her wizard lay back down, then offered him a nervous smile. "I'm sorry."
He turned on his side to face her. "For what?"
"Not being stronger," she whispered. "I tried. I didn't want to bother you."
Severus shifted closer and cupped her jaw. "You're the strongest person I've ever known."
Hermione shook her head against his chest. "I'm not like you."
"Trust me, that isn't a bad thing," he winced. As she yawned and nestled into him, the wizard stared out the window. Deep down, he knew he was a coward. Every decision he made was based on fear and self-preservation. If he had any hope of not destroying her, he needed to be stronger.
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxX
Poking her head into the lab, Poppy cleared her throat. A small smile quirked on her face as the two occupants looked up with matching raised eyebrows. "Hermione, could you manage if we borrowed Severus a while?"
"Erm," the girl looked to her partner.
"At this point, you only need watch it and use the stirring rod to break up large clumps."
Hermione nodded, then glanced at Poppy. "If I need help –"
"You can send a Patronus," the Mediwitch smiled. "He'll just be upstairs, scowling at us."
Eyes narrowed in suspicion, Severus relinquished his stool. As the girl made to take it, he caught her arm. "If you're sitting that close –"
"Bubblehead Charm, I know," she rolled her eyes.
Once she cast the charm, the wizard followed the snickering Healer through the main infirmary. "Who is we, and why do I have a bad feeling about this?"
"The Council, and perhaps because you've been inhaling aconite fumes all morning, Mr. Bubblehead Charm," Poppy grabbed the Floo powder. "Now, keep that mouth of yours shut until told otherwise."