This is The Twilight Sage here this is my first Durarara story, as well as my first straight humor. You see Saturday night I was watching adult swim and I saw a new anime called durarara!

After the show was over I went and looked up the entire series online and I really enjoyed the character Shizuo Heiwajima, seriously he is like the Chuck Norris of anime.

So I went to the site to the durarara archive and what do I find? 99% OF THE ARCHIVE IS FILLED WITH NOTHING BUT YAOI! Seriously go over to the archive right now and I bet the first thing you will find will be Shizuo x Izaya or Mikado X Masomi, go ahead I'll wait ten seconds….

See I told you.

I'm not bashing yaoi but this is just too much it's almost as bad naruto x sasuke. Okay im done with my rant, I got the idea for this story after episode 16 and I wondered what would have happened if Shizuo heard what Erika said. So with that enjoy the story.

I do not own Durarara or any of its characters


"So tell me again exactly what happened." Said a young man with spiky brown hair, glasses, and a white lab coat this man was none other than Shinra Kishitani.

In the room the underground doctor is in there were four people that lay in full body cast but the only one conscious at the moment was a man named Saburo Togusa.

"None of this would of happened if ERIKA…" He sent a quick glare towards the unconscious otaku "…had kept her big mouth shut."

Shinra still looked confused and Saburo sighed.

"Okay it all began after we found the slasher…." Saburo said as he began to recall last night.


Flashback to Last Night


He and his friends were in a dark ally where they found a young girl, Anri Sonohara, being attacked by the man who was supposedly behind the slasher incidents.

After hitting the man with his van, everybody got out of the van to check on Anri, but to there surprise, the crazed man got back up.

Just as Saburo was about to get back in his beloved van, a black scythe crashed into the man's chest. On the bike a black clad figure in a form fitting body suit and a yellow helmet with cat ears on the top.

Behind the biker was a blond haired man clothed in bartender outfit. He had sunglasses on even though it was night and a cigarette in his mouth.

Saburo immediately recognized this man as Shizuo Heiwajima. Before anybody could say anything the man got back up again.

Shizuo saw this before turning around and heading towards the van. "Excuse me im going to have to borrow this." Was all the blond said before he ripped the door off of its hinges, causing Saburo to drop his jaw in horror.

The former bartender then proceeded to use the door as a battering ram and charged. The man was then crushed against the wall of the building; everybody cringed at the sound of his bones breaking.

"Damn who do I have pay for this door?" Saburo Togusa whined after seeing the condition of his van.

The black biker looked down and saw the knife the man dropped before wrapping it in a black shadowy substance.

"You know…" Shizuo began "…something about this doesn't feel right… I wonder why?" he said to himself before the turned to leave the alley. "Im off to Shinjuku to murder Izaya." He said casually before walking away.

Just then Erika Karisawa had stars in her eyes and a blush on her cheeks. "Hey, hey shzu-chan's definitely in love with Izaya." The fujoshi spoke with stars in her eyes causing everybody to look at her.

And causing Shizuo to stop walking.

"Two guys… like BL!" she spoke excitedly but before anybody could stop her…

"NAAAAANNNNIIIII!

…her fate was sealed.

Turning towards the source of the sound every body's hearts skipped a beat when they saw Shizuo walking back towards the group, with the promise of pain in his eyes.

"Me and Izaya WHAT!"

Walker Yumasaki got between Shizuo and Erika, breaking her out of her daydream, and attempted to calm him down.

"Oii S-S-Shizuo r-relax she's a fujoshi she can't help it." The fox faced boy stuttered.

Keyword Attempted

Shizuo roared in rage and charged, looking back he saw the black biker had already took Anri and left.

"OII WALKER GET OUT OF THERE!" Kyohei yelled with Saburo already putting the van in drive. Walker grabbed Erika by her arm before dashing away from the former bartender.

Sprinting Walker and Erika managed to jump in the van before Saburo put it in drive and sped out of the alleyway with Shizuo hot on their trail. The blond saw a stop sign and threw it at the van that narrowly managed to swerve out of the way and onto the street.


In the van


Everybody, except Saburo who was driving, was looking at Erika with a pissed off expression.

"Why would you say that with him so close?"

"We were lucky to get out of their alive."

"What were you thinking!"

All of these questions started to get to the poor otaku who then screamed "I DON'T KNOW IT JUST POPPED OUT!" Erika then looked at the roof of the van and hoped that they would luck out and Shizuo wouldn't find them.

Unfortunately luck was not on their side

Looking at the mirror Kyohei developed a shocked look on his face.

"Hey guys, don't look now but Shizuo is running after the van." He said making everybody go ridged.

"What but im going 60 miles." Saburo stated while Erika looked out of the missing door and saw Shizuo not only running after the van but catching up. Seeing Erika poke her head out of the doorway the blond ran faster.

"Hurry Saburo he's going to catch us!" Erika exclaimed none of them noticing they just drove into Shinjuku.

The brunette driver turned down a city block not noticing Shizuo turned down a different street. Walker looked back out the door and sighed in relief.

"Hey we lost him." The fox eyed manga reader said making the group relax.

"By the way…" Erika began making everybody, except Saburo, look at her "where are we?"

"By the looks of things I say we are in Shinjuku." Kyohei explained as the group tensed up again if they were in Shinjuku then that meant a certain flea was watching them.

Just when the gang was turning a street to exit Shizuo appeared in front of the van with a large grin on his face. Saburo screamed and slammed his foot on the break trying to stop the van in time. As the van neared Shizuo placed his hands forward and stopped the van, he then squeezed his hands in the side effectively holding the van in place. Saburo attempted to move the van backwards and forwards but it wouldn't budge.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT ERIKA, YOU'VE KILLED US ALL!" Saburo screamed while trying to move the van. Erika tried to think of something to get them out of this situation when she thought of an idea.

"Shizuo look, look its Izaya its Izaya!" she said while pointing at a random building; surprisingly, the building she pointed to was the building izaya's office and Shizuo recognized this office.

Erika sighed in relief because she thought Shizuo would let go of them and find something to hit Izaya with.

She was right, but not in the way she expected.

Shizuo grabbed on to the van tighter and began to lift it up like a baseball bat. As everyone fell forward from the angle they were in Kyohei had one thought going through his head.

"Well, I've lived a good life."

"IZAAYYAAA!" The ex-bartender screamed as he hurled the van towards the window.


With our favorite flea


Izaya was relaxing in his chair when he heard his secretary Namie say "Hey…. Do you hear a car?" this made the informant sit up and say "Now that you mention it, I do." Izaya swiveled his chair around only to see a pair of head lights and only hear the sound of a car horn blaring.

"What the-" was all he could get out before the van crashed into the office and everything went black.


Flashback over


"… and that's what happened." Saburo finished as the others came through now conscious again.

"Hey Erika" the underground spoke to the girl "you do know Shizuo has a girlfriend right?" Shinra said blankly making everybody in the room go "EHHHH?" shocked at the fact. "w-who?" said the otaku now wide awake. "I think it was a 19 year old named Vorona."

Kyohei looked around, as much as he could in his cast, and noticed a certain somebody was missing. "Hey what happened to Izaya?" he asked Shinra who shrugged "they never found him but knowing Izaya he probably slithered away somewhere." The doctor said casually as if talking about the weathered.

"H-Hey what happened to my van?" Saburo asked and Shinra just turned on the TV and turned it to the news.

"Today on bukuro news a shocking discovery was made when a green van was found lodged in the building. Fortunately there were no casualties but the question now is how it got up there. Ah, there attempting to remove it now…. W-What the van appears to be slipping! Ah amazingly the van didn't hit anybody; but, unfortunately the van is now totaled. I feel so sorry for the owner but anyway that's all for now please tune back in to bukuro news for your up to date news stories."

A few second's later.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Was heard all over the city of ikibukuro.

Well this is the end of this story like I said attempt at humor. I got some of the lines earlier from the episode "you debt your life." Of American dad

Now I have some things to say.

First I believe there are just too many yaoi stories. I mean really? If you seen the anime and manga you know that Izaya and Shizuo hate each other. Both of them have stated it and tried to kill each other multiple times in the anime and manga. Can somebody PLEASE explain to me how the hell you get a romantic paring from that?

Secondly there is a petition that needs 1000 signatures for a second season of Durarara! I've already signed it and I ask you to sign it too. Just go to your search engine and type in durarara petition and type in your email address. Please do this for an amazing second season.

Thirdly can somebody please start writing non yaoi stories of durarara please, PLEASE!

Well that's all for now kitsune's key is up next now I've got to go before the yaoi fan girls kill me wish me luck

Read and Review

The Twilight Sage"