4Author's Notes: Albus' past has been on my mind ever since I reread Deathly Hallows. Hence this. Probably more to come, too. I'm not a huge fan of the title, but oh well. A contender was "A Flawless Man is Hard to Find," but then I realized that that had more to do with the fact that I was rereading Flannery O'Conner today than anything to do with the fic itself.
Disclaimer: I own nada.
A Close Bond
There's a still in the street outside your window
You're keepin' secrets on your pillow
Let me inside, no cause for alarm
I promise tonight not to do no harm
I promise you baby,I won't be no harm
- Brandon Flowers, "Crossfire"
"Minerva, I need to tell you something," he addressed his mirror for what was probably the hundredth time that day.
He shook his head, unsure that the particularly phrasing would do.
"Minerva…"
"I wish I didn't have to tell you this. And furthermore, I wish I'd never been such a blasted idiot in the first place, and then I would have nothing to tell you."
He sighed.
"My dearest Minerva, I'm not entirely certain how to phrase this. I tell myself that I don't want to hurt you with it, or the fact that I've kept it from you thus far, but really, I think you're strong enough that you'll be fine after you know. I think that my greater fear is that you'll harbor a strong dislike toward me after you know. I'm full of trepidation because I'm afraid you'll suddenly see the light that should want nothing to do with me. After all, why would you? I'm very much a flawed man. But I need to put this self-centeredness aside. You deserve to know the truth. You deserve nothing but the truth, and so the time has come for me to give it to you."
He had been so engrossed in what he had been saying that he had not heard the door to his chamber open. She had been in there for the past several minutes, her presence unbeknownst to him.
"Albus," she said.
He spun around.
"Oh! Minerva! I'm sorry, I hadn't realized that you were here."
She nodded, "I couldn't help but overhear what you just said. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I just –"
"No, no," he said, "I needed you to hear that. Or rather, that was part of what I needed you to hear."
"Shall we sit?"
He nodded, and they moved to his sofa.
"I haven't told you everything. I've made so many mistakes in this life."
"Albus, everyone makes mistakes. We aren't perfect."
"But I, my dear, am just a bit more imperfect than the rest of us are."
"Tell me," she said. The utterance was welcoming rather than demanding.
"It took place when I was younger. A teenager, specifically. I've told you a bit about my younger sister Ariana."
Minerva nodded.
"And after those muggle boys attacked her, she never fully recovered. I've told you what a terrible toll it took on her. She was always weak after that. She needed someone to care for her. And my mother was that person until her death. After that unfortunate day, the I should have watched over Ariana.
"But I was different then. I was, to use a muggle cliché, young and reckless. In retrospect, I think I practically exemplified the phrase. I should have been there for my sister, but my mind was elsewhere. I was captivated by foolish things. I was infatuated with less-than-ideal people, especially considering I had them around Ariana and Aberforth.
"In Godric's Hollow, one summer, I befriended someone," Albus paused, "That person was Gellert Grindelwald."
Minerva looked shocked, "Albus, he…"
"I know. And I'm not proud of the association, but he was my best friend for awhile. We were very close, we were both very intelligent, and we both shared a strong desire for power. Powerful positions in the Wizarding World, power over muggles. And we had plans for a quest to acquire what we wanted."
He paused again.
"For a long time it was all that I was able to see. Gellert and our quest for the Deathly Hallows became my obsession, my only desire, my entire life. I had a brother and sister to care for – I was their guardian – and I neglected them severely. Aberforth would attempt to tell me of my errors, but I ignored him. I ignored him for the longest time. I ignored him until it was too late.
"One evening, Aberforth's anger with me had risen to its climax. He spoke truthfully, that I had been neglecting Ariana and that it was imperative that I stop. And then he and Gellert and I began to argue. I told Aberforth that once Gellert and I had accomplished what we intended, the world would be better for Ariana. Aberforth thought I was ridiculous, and eventually the three of us began to duel. And then –
Albus' voice broke.
"And somehow Ariana ended up in the yard, where we were dueling. And somehow – we never knew which wand caused it – one of the spells hit her, and she ended up dead."
He glanced down at the floor. He had just told her about a major point in his life that he had wished had never occurred. He was consumed with guilt and worry over how she would respond.
His feelings were met with silence for a bit.
"Albus," Minerva said, "I love you."
He looked up, surprised. This was not the reaction he had envisioned so soon after the fact.
"I love you," she repeated, "And loving someone is accepting them fully, in spite of their flaws. One does not ignore the faults of a loved one. They acknowledge them but still fully care for and accept whoever it is that they love. You're not perfect. Perhaps it's even as you said, you're a little bit more imperfect than the rest of us. But I still accept you as all of the things you were to me before you told me this."
"I'm incredibly lucky to have you in my life," he told her.
"I am glad to be here," she replied, "And remember what I said about loving you. Perhaps it's my turn to be foolish and reckless, but I don't think I could ever reject you."