EEP! First Twilight story! I'm finishing my first two stories and staring up a whole heap more at the moment! Right now I'm doing two Tamora Pierce and attempting to finish a Mediator. What better time to start the fanfic running round my head for the past few weeks and pissing me off. And just so you know, this fanfic basically came from the song 'Angels' by Within Temptation. I'd had a vague outline before but the song gave me the current idea and cemented it. Yay for music! This is somewhere in New Moon, Edward's still gone and it's when Jacob 'leaves' too but before Bella finds out he's a werewolf. She hasn't met Laurence in the woods either. I've made a few changes to the original plotline to suit my story and tir up losoe ends. So here's Suicide Girl, my infant child. Cue curtains!

Disclaimer: In a fit of sorrow and madness I must confess that I don't actually own these characters or this world. Please excuse me while I go slit my wrists in a fit of emo-ness.

Chapter One

The eyes; deep scarlet, bleeding into pitch black.

Those eyes caught my own terrified brown ones in their hypnotic gaze as the huntress stalked closer to me. I was curled up in the corner watching her fearfully as she came closer and closer.

Involuntarily I cast a quick glance into the corner where Charlie's body lay. She'd gotten him first, in the middle of the night.

Her beautifully fierce lips curved into a smirk, her fangs dripping venom down over the reddened lips and down her alabaster chin.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," her musical voice was taunting as she wandered further towards me. I was trying to push myself further into the wall, anything to get away from this mad woman.

"Poor little Isabella. Where's your precious Edward now? Not coming to save you?" The hole in my chest gave a particularly strong throb at the mention of his name.

She was right of course. Edward wasn't here, he probably wasn't coming back either. I meant nothing to him. Poor plain, clumsy Isabella Swan would never be good enough for a beautiful, graceful angel like Edward Cullen.

I guess I should have realised that sooner. Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much when he left.

Oh, who am I kidding? Of course it would have hurt either way. I just didn't want to admit it at the time. Admit that there was no way I would ever be enough for him to love.

He said as much to me when he left.

'You're no good for me.'

Of course I wasn't. I can't even walk over a flat surface without finding something to trip over. I can't even protect my own father. I looked again into Charlie's blank eyes.

I did this to him. I brought the darkness into our lives.

I killed him, the only parent I had left.

Renee died in a car accident about two months ago during my 'empty' period. I hadn't written to her in the longest time. She must have been so worried about me. Worried enough to not be concentrating on driving.

Did I kill my mother as well?

Did I cause the death of free spirited Renee who could never keep down one hobby?

Edward was right to keep away from me. I'd probably somehow cause his demise and the rest of the Cullen's; Alice, Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme, even Rosalie. In spite of the fact that it's exceptionally hard to kill a vampire, I'm sure I'd somehow accidentally manage it.

The vampire cupped my face with one marble cold, hard hand and tilted it up to meet her crimson eyes

"Do you know why I'm here little Bella?" she asked lightly.

Innocence dripped through her voice, innocence I knew to be false. I remained silent.

Gently, almost carefully she gave a little slap to my cheek. Enough to give a little sting but not enough to bruise

"Answer me when I speak to you my little snack," her finger clasped round my face, harder this time "Do you know why I'm here?"

I swallowed my fear and answered as sarcastically as I could manage "I'm not sure Victoria but please, feel free to tell me."

Victoria's put her face right in front of mine, a few inches separating us. She breathed out and her sweet scented breath filled my nose, making my head spin.

"I'm here because your darling Edward took away the only light in my immortal existence." I frowned trying to piece together what she meant.

What did Edward take away from Victoria? Her success? Her meal? Neither of those things seemed as important as Victoria implied though being a vampire I don't know what she would hold dear. I don't even know what Edward hold dear other than his piano.

I used to think it was me, like Alice loved Jasper and Carlisle loved Esme.

Then it hit me.

Victoria saw by my wide-eyed expression that I got her meaning and continued, "Yes Bella, I can see by your face that you get it. James. He took away James. The one thing I held dear to my admittedly black heart. My mate" she spat the word in my face. I flinched.

"And to make an attempt at consoling myself to a lifetime without him I've decided to take away the thing that his killer held dear. Hurt him as he has hurt me. Make him want to die like I've felt for the first time in my eternal existence. So I thought to my self 'What does 'Edward Cullen love more than anything else in the world?' then I thought of how my darling James died. How that excuse for a vampire killed him to stop him from reaching his goal. Do you see where I'm going with this?"

She was wrong. She was right in Edward killing James to protect me but she was wrong in that I wasn't the thing that Edward loved more than anything else. Edward didn't love me anymore.

"You, Bella." Her voice took on a slightly hysterical edge through the musical tone

"He killed my mate and love for scrawny little mortal YOU!" She screamed in my face now, her voice still managing to sound beautiful though it was a wild beauty not unlike herself.

But not like the singing tones of Alice or the smooth velvet tones of Ed- No I couldn't let myself think that name.

Victoria stood back up. I looked up at her towering above my crouched frame. Her silhouette was faintly illuminated round the edges from the single lamp glowing on the table beside the couch, the sole light stopping this house from plunging into darkness.

It especially lit around Victoria's vivid red hair and made her look as though her head was on fire. And fire kills things.

"You may think it's a twisted way of revenge, instead of killing the murder one I'm killing the one he murdered for. Tit for tat you may call it. Edward killed James for you and now I'm killing you for James."

"You're wrong," I whispered almost silently but I knew she would hear it clearly.

Her brow puckered "Really? Am I so wrong in getting revenge?" She gave a harsh laugh.

"No," I replied "You're wrong in choosing me. I won't hurt him. Edward doesn't love me anymore."

I've said it enough time in my head but I wasn't prepared for the sharp jolt of pain that went through my chest when I admitted it out loud. It just seemed more real and permanent out loud and the hole tore open again.

Victoria looked at me and gave a sharp laugh "Really? And what would make you think that? I know you were some sort of 'pet' of theirs and I did think it slightly bizarre that they would leave you behind. But Bella dear, it takes a great amount of effort to kill a vampire especially one as dangerous and gifted as my James is-was," even now I could sense the mourning in her tone and I almost felt sorry for her.

Even if Edward wasn't dead I still knew how it felt to lose him. After all I wasn't going to see him ever again.

Victoria continued "No vampire would take on another without good reason…or inspiration," she looked obviously at me. I know what she's thinking, even without Edwards's gift.

"You're mistaken, he doesn't love me. He said so himself when he l-left me." I said unemotionally, stumbling a bit on the word 'left'.

I'm good at being unemotional. It's been my demeanour since he left. I'd thawed a bit around Jacob but now he's left me as well.

Victoria raised an enquiring eyebrow and tapped a finger to her lips thoughtfully "Well I suppose it doesn't really make sense that the Edward would leave you behind without any protection. I guess he doesn't really love you," she gave a small laugh and my heart twisted painfully in my chest. I thought it was going to pop right out.

Victoria shrugged "Shame," her gaze turned to me and it struck me that she had a keen glint in her eyes. She ran her tongue over her bottom lip slowly and tilted her head, appraising me.

"Now my punishment for you won't get the desired results…but that doesn't mean I should stop on Edwards account does it?"

My throat seized up and I couldn't answer her question despite the fact that it was rhetorical. More than anything I wished Edward was here. Victoria took one step towards me and I cowered further into the wall.

"Oh precious, I have plans for you Isabella Swan and in case you haven't noticed from my eyes, daddy didn't exactly fill me up." she gave a tilt in the head towards Charlie's body. I let out a sob.

I'm so sorry Charlie.

Faster than I could blink I was pinned against the wall by my throat. Hot tears unwillingly made their way down my cheeks.

Victoria's eyes centred on them as they ran down and with one quick flick of her tongue she licked them up off my cheek. First right side then left.

Her head threw back savouring the taste. She let out a moan and her teeth dripped venom.

"I can see the attraction to you Isabella. Your body oozes temptation; ever your tears are sweetly succulent. I can't wait to taste your blood."

With one hand hold my body firmly into place the other swept over in and with one swift move, pulled down the neck of my jumper to allow her teeth to sink into my neck.

Almost instantly fire burned from the spot only to be extinguished by the numbing pleasure that came from the venom in her teeth. I fought furiously against the drowsy ease that threatened to overcome my senses and the burning that lingered at the edge of my mind.

All of a sudden the happiness was wrenched violently away from me and I cried out as I hit the floor, Victoria no longer there to support me.

My body flew into spasms and I could make out blurry shapes above me as I seizured on the ground.

The pain was threatening to engulf me again and I could just make out a screech, Victoria. The red flash that was her hair was quickly being overcome by a larger shape.

A huge mammal- no four huge animals were bearing down on her. Were they the bears that have been killing hikers around the mountains?

I couldn't think properly and the pain was almost completely overwhelming me. The fire burned all of my senses, travelling throughout my body. Someone was holding my, shaking me.

"Bella, Bella! Speak to me please!"

I couldn't quite make out the face above me. I wanted Edward.

Another voice joined the first one, Victoria was no where to be seen.

"The bloodsucker left before we could take her down," The second voice was saying.

"What's wrong with Bella?" The first asked fearfully.

"She's been bitten; Jake we have to get her to the hospital," a third chimed in.

Jake! This was Jake cradling me in his arms.

I tried to talk to him but nothing came out. It was like my throat wasn't working, had been replaced by the exhaust pipe of a motorcycle. I was sure smoke must be coming out of my mouth from the fire engulfing my body.

Jake shushed me "Don't try to talk Bella. We can't take her to the hospital Embry."

There was a blend of voices, anger colouring their tones. The second voice started to speak again and they all fell silent immediately

"We need to take her to the hospital Jake. She most likely won't live through this and we can't take any risks with her body being found near La Push. And if she does…'survive' this, how can we have a vampire in our lands? In our home? She's going to hospital and that's final."

Jake's voice started to protest again "Sam-," he was cut off by a forth voice.

"You heard Sam Jake. The police are already on their way, we can't do anything more for her and we can't be caught here." There was more angry voices and suddenly I was lain gently down on the floor.

"I'm sorry Bella. But I can't disobey him." Jake whispered.

I tried to cry out to him, for him to stay. If I couldn't have Edward then Jake was the next best thing. A short burst of air momentarily cooled me but the fire quickly returned and I knew I was alone in my agony.

Five hours, or was it minutes, later a new sound came from outside. The wailing of siren and screeching of tires as a red and blue flashing appeared on the wall from the window outside. My mind was almost completely taken over by the black pain as the banging started and ended suddenly as the door way kicked down. More sounds, people filled the room and a flurry of voices hurt my head.

"Chief Swan?"

"He's dead."

"What about the girl."


"Chief Swan's daughter is still alive! Call paramedics!"

"Bella Swan survived. Something's wrong with her though"

"Any clue on the assailant?"

"None." the voices carried on and on running through my head as the fire raced through my body.

I twisted in agony and suddenly I was surrounded by people in white. A brief lifting sensation and I was on a stretcher. Then I was in an ambulance. More people in white coats blurred around me and finally the pain took over and it was black.

A continuous high pitched noise awoke me. With my eyes shut I could hear everything clearly. There were feet rushing around me, murmured voices speaking clearly

"Machine flat lined, she's gone."

Another female spoke "It's a shame Dr Cullen left, perhaps he could have saved her. She was his son's girlfriend wasn't she?"

"Yes, poor love. I hope they catch whoever did this to her and her father."

I opened my eyes a fraction of a crack, not noticeable to anyone of the people surrounding me. I could still see everything so clearly.

I could see the skin cells on a grey haired nurse standing over me, the gap between each eyelash, even a piece of dirt caught in one of her wrinkles. Okay, that last one creeped me out a little.

There was a slight pressure on my left index finger and my squinted gaze shifted down to see an item like a paperclip attached to it. A cord lead up to the machine that was making the monotonous noise; a screen with a green flat line playing across it.

It hit me with a jolt, I was dead.

No, I was a vampire.

And if I made a single move anytime soon I would freak out a lot of people. I stayed perfectly still; a marble statue was what I used to call him when he went like this.

The nurse leant over me again and I could hear the pumping of her heart and the rushing of blood through her veins, I was suddenly hit with a burning feeling in the back of my throat.

I was hungry, really hungry.

My mind came up with two possibilities; I could either slaughter this woman and anyone else who happened to observe me. My eyes flickered round the room, three doctors and five nurses plus an open door meaning anyone who happened to be passing by at the time.

Or, I could lie perfectly still and wait for the opportune moment to leave.

I took another look at the nurse standing over me. She looked like someone's grandmother. In fact she probably was, and a mother and a wife.

A pang hit me as I thought of my own mother, then of Charlie. He was killed by a vampire, a monster, was I going to put another family through that?

No, I stayed perfectly still and felt the paperclip thing be pulled off my finger and the flat line machine to be switched off.

I was shifted to another trolley; someone idly commented "I've never known a corpse to go so stiff and cold so fast." before a bag was pulled around me and a zip fastened over my face.

I finally opened my eyes; I was in a body bag. The sensation of moving began and I felt a man push me down the hallways, turning corners every so often. I kept perfectly still even as he unzipped the bag and another woman, mid-thirties, helped him bring me onto a tray.

"Suicide?" she asked pulling on a latex glove.

The man shook his head "Nah, that's chief Swan's daughter. Didn't you hear? Some crackpot broke in and slaughtered them both."

The women frowned, her brow puckering in lines already there "Yeah, I think I got him earlier. Number 17820. Any leads?"

"None, no finger prints, no nothing." The man said "It's sad. Murder almost never happens in towns like this and suddenly we have a double homicide with the police chief himself and his daughter."

"Sad," the woman agreed and with one shove the tray I was one went into a large freezer in the wall.

I didn't feel the cold though. I didn't feel anything.

I waited patiently for the two forensic scientists to leave. A number ran through my head: 17820. Charlie.

Finally two sets of footprints left as well as the small murmur of conversation, both going down the hall. I pulled my feet back as far as the cramped space would allow and shoved them forwards, my strength hitting the end of the space and forcing the tray forwards out of the freezer.

In a flash I jumped up off the tray, I was wearing a plain white hospital gown that hung off my slim frame and looked slightly yellowed next my porcelain white skin. I looked across the numbered fridge trays until I reached number 17820.

Trembling fingers pulled out the tray and I looked Charlie's stiff cold body. With his eyes shut he almost looked like he was sleeping if it wasn't for the fact I couldn't hear his heart pumping. I let out a dry sob and touched his curly hair tenderly.

"I'm sorry dad," I whispered "This is all my fault. I'm so sorry." I pressed a chaste kiss on his still forehead

"I love you." I breathed out.

I could hear the quick light footsteps of the female doctor coming the stairs.

"Goodbye dad." I lightly pushed the tray back into the fridge, surrendering my fathers body. The doctor's hands closed on the door handle and when she pushed it open I ran past her in the open doorway as a blur.

She looked up briefly "Damn drafts." before going back to reading the clipboard in her hands as she closed the door behind her.

Faster than I could imagine, I sped out of the hospital and through forks until I reached a familiar house in front of a forest, the same forest that Edward left me in. I needed him more than ever at the moment.

A sharp throb was felt within me when I saw the yellow crime scene tape pulled in an 'X' across my open doorway to prevent entry. I gracefully dodged it as I made my way into the house.

It was still the same as normal, and barring the blood dried on the walls, it gave no indication of what happened here three days ago. I walked slowly to my bedroom, savouring the feeling of being in this house once again. It's unlikely I will ever be able to come here again.

I changed quickly in my room, wearing black jeans and a lacy black tank top Renee brought me. The one that was too small for me. It fit perfectly now.

I was finally able to assess me new self: I had red pouting lips that would put a geisha to shame and pale blemish free skin with lavender circles surrounding my scarlet eyes.

I thought I would have woken up with golden eyes like the Cullen's but obviously not.

My figure was hour glass shaped with a fuller perkier bust which sloped down into a very slim waistline.

My hair had darkened, still brown but almost black in colour with natural pink highlights giving it a shimmering glow. It now reached mid back and hung in loose curls. Even my finger, I noticed had lengthened to long pianists fingers with a French manicure finish.

My eyebrows were delicately arched rather than straight and my lashes were sooty black and fringed round my eyes which had changed shape. They were now more almond shape than round with a distinctive upturn at the ends to give an exotic look.


Not a blinding beauty like Rosalie or a wild beauty like Victoria.

My legs had grown to supermodel proportions making me tall and willowy. I had it all in looks but the one person I wanted to share it with wasn't there.

The hole in my chest returned with a throb, silly me for thinking it would go away once I was dead. I tightened my arms around my ribcage and looked around for something to distract me with.

There! Something caught my eye with my enhanced sight, on the floor was a floorboard, a few millimetres taller than the rest. I leant down and gave it a curious tap, it was hollowed underneath and the sound waves came back with a blockage in it.

Frowning I edged my fingernails underneath the board and pulled it up. I couldn't believe what I found in the hole. Reaching in with shaking hands I pulled out three photos and a CD.

The photo's of Edward and the CD of his compositions he gave me for my eighteenth birthday.

The dreaded birthday that ruined it all.

My arms tightened even more so round my chest to the point where I couldn't breathe. Then I remembered that I didn't exactly have to.

I grabbed a bag and put in a few items holding sentimental value: the photo album with the missing pictures placed back into it, the CD, a locket from Renee, one of Charlie's fishing lures and my favourite jumper, the one Edward said he loved me in.

With one sombre glance round my empty bedroom I strode forward to my bedroom window. The height that I always panicked Edward would fall off and hurt himself seemed menial now.

With one small step I hit the ground fast and was off even faster.

I found myself at the top of the cliff where I saw Sam and his gang cliff diving. I'd begged Jake to take me. That seemed so long ago now.

I looked down at the water below. This jump didn't seem like anything either.

I gave a harsh laugh to myself, it sounded beautiful. I tried out my new voice, I sounded like singing.

"Bella, Isabella Swan."

No, I couldn't go by that name anymore. I couldn't risk people knowing who Isabella Swan was.

What did that lady at the morgue call me?


I looked down at the deep dark water below me. I guess I was in a way.

And soon the world would know it.

And most of all Edward, I would get him back.

I would see him again.

I swear it.

"Bella. Suicide."

My new name rolled off my tongue. I liked it.

I gave one more smile before stepping forward and taking the plunge.

Towards my destiny.

Fabby place to stop. I was originally going to finish it when Jacob left Bella 'alone in her agony' but I wanted this entire beginning thing in one huge chapter. I hope you like the name; it gives a hint to where I'm going with Bella's new life and personality. There are a few hints in that last bit actually. See if you can spot them! Anyways I'm out! Hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Writing Bella just flowed for me.

A promise is only a comfort to a fool…

Love Queen Cocaine