Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Gauken Alice. If I did, Koko would play a bigger role- the guy can READ MINDS.
Dedication: I'm dedicating this one to my friend Aishu who helped me come up with this.
Author's Note: I didn't think I would ever be able to write a parody/crack fic but my amazing best friend Silvermist76 gave me the prompt (the title of this story) and there was no other way I could think of to write it.
Sharpies and Backstabbers
"It took me forever to find it and now that I finally have it...I can't believe this is real." Mikan exclaimed out loud, causing the raven-haired girl next to her to give Mikan a weird look.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Hotaru demanded. Her friend could be such a dolt sometimes- eh who was she kidding, Mikan Sakura was a foolish little girl and everyone knew it.
"Uh I was just talking to myself." Mikan replied with a mischievous grin on her face.
Hotaru rolled her eyes at the delusional schoolgirl before her and walked away.
"Thank God! Hotaru hates..." Mikan said to herself, pausing to dive her hand into her bag, rummage through it and pull out an object while glancing around her suspiciously. She closed her fist around it and pumped it up in the air before crying out, "SHARPIES!"
Sumire and Anna walked over to where the shout had come from, wondering what was going on.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Sumire asked, her face wrinkling with distaste at the girl's elation.
"SHARPIES!" Mikan answered chirpily.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Anna asked, confused at what she just heard.
"SH- hey why is everyone saying that to me?" Mikan pouted with a scrunched forehead.
Nonoko and Anna shared a look that said 'typical Mikan'.
Mikan, not wanting to be ignored, shoved the sharpie in their faces and ordered, "SNIFF!"
"What am I? A dog?" Sumire rebuffed, oblivious to the fact that she was in fact half dog.
Anna and Mikan shared a look that said 'of course she is'.
"Shut up!" Sumire yelled at them.
"But we didn't say anything." Mikan and Anna said at the exact same time in perfect synchronization.
"But you thought it." Koko piped.
"When did you get here?" Anna stammered, thrown off balance by his sudden proximity.
"I saw you guys and came running over here." Koko replied with a cheshire grin on his face.
Anna blushed deeply and in order to hide it, she grabbed the sharpie from Mikan's hand. "Gimme that"
"OMG it smells like...it smells like..." Anna muttered, deep in thought.
""SHARPIE!" Mikan finished for her.
"No it smells like...it smells like..." Anna said again.
"Just spit it out!" Sumire interrupted.
Anna handed over the sharpie to Sumire and looked away mesmerized.
Sumire sniffed it before she commented, " Anna's right it smells like...it smells like..."
"What does it smell like? WHAT? WHAT?" Koko yelled, grabbing Sumire by the shoulders and shaking her back and forth vigorously.
"It smells like...it smells like..." Sumire went on, unfazed.
Koko desperately grabbed the sharpie and started smelling it. Like the others before him he pondered out loud, "It smells like...it smells like..."
Ruka walked up to them, without his bunny, wondering what they were doing.
"Hi." He said amiably.
"Smells like..." Koko kept going over it again and again.
"Like?" Ruka questioned politely. He waited for Koko to reply.
"Like." Koko replied, using the word as an answer.
"Like what?" Ruka patiently tried again.
Mikan on the other hand was getting bored of this. She grabbed the sharpie and shoved it into Ruka's hands. "Smell the smell for yourself" She commanded.
"That's not grammatically correct but okay," Ruka replied. He brought it near his nose with precaution and took a deep sniff. "It smells like...it smells like..."
Suddenly as if possessed he took off his shirt and started running around the room screaming "TOGA! TOGA!"
Hotaru came over at that point to interrogate the others about Ruka's strange behavior. "What's wrong with Ruka?"
"It smells like.." The three of them were still dazed, thinking about the sharpie smell. Mikan seemed very happy to have fellow sniffers join her. Hotaru knew the answer to her question right then.
"You people..." She muttered, giving them a look before walking away.
"I hear a thought" Koko said abruptly.
"You always hear thoughts, you idiot" Sumire reminded the mind-reader.
"No I'm hearing a thought, a not-so-good thought, an evil thought, a conniving th−." Koko elaborated, saying the same thing in different words.
"Just tell me what it is!" Mikan burst out impatiently.
Koko opened his mouth dramatically and took a long breathe to say something seemingly important before blurting out, "I forgot."
"Aww man! I'm so depressed that I need sharpie." Mikan whined.
Ruka stopped running to correct Mikan's grammar. "You mean my sharpie." He rectified before resuming his previous activity that was clearly tiring him out.
"Where's my sharpie?" Mikan asked Anna, wide-eyed.
"Sharpie..." Anna said in a dazed voice, still not off her high.
Mikan turned to Sumire. She demanded frantically, "Where's my sharpie? Do you know where my sharpie is? Huh? Do you?"
"No clue." Sumire replied having gone back to normal.
Mikan grabbed Ruka who was running past them by the shoulder and shook him. "Do you know where my sharpie is?"
Ruka was confused. "Toga?"
Mikan slapped Ruka across the face in an attempt to smack some sense into him. "No! Sharpie!"
Ruka became very solemn and spoke philosophically, "To be or not to be, that is the question."
"No the question is: do you know where my sharpie is?" Mikan insisted, stomping her foot impatiently.
"Hey that rhymes!" Ruka exclaimed.
Mikan hit her own forehead in frustration.
Natsume looked up from his manga and thought, 'Something's different'. On seeing people act crazy, he wondered what was going on. Then he dismissed it think it was nothing and went back to reading. 'Nah they probably do this everyday.'
Koko walked down the aisles and headed towards the back of the classroom where he went a certain pyrokinetic would be. He sat down abruptly next to Natsume and said bluntly, "I know exactly what's happening."
Natsume glanced at Koko from the corner of his eye. "And I care because?" He drawled out.
"Cause you were thinking about it." Koko finished for him.
"You stay the hell outta my head Koko!" Natsume sneered, angry at the meddlesome brat next to him.
"And you're still think about it." Koko went on.
Natsume smacked the blonde's head with his manga.
Koko raised his hand to the bump on his head and rubbed the tender spot. "Ow that hurts!" He cried out.
"Would you prefer to be on fire?" Natsume bit out.
Koko pouted and walked away to another corner of the room.
Mikan walked up to the head of the room, stood on the teachers desk and waited for everyone to shut up and look at her. "I know you know that I know you know where my sharpie is so cough it up."
No one said anything in response. Sumire, who had breathed in some dust, coughed as a reflex.
Mikan stomped up to Sumire before blaring out, "What kind of evil person would do such a thing? You're such a backstabber! I thought you were my friend."
"What? I just coughed." Sumire said, confused at the brunette's actions.
Mikan mocked her and repeated Sumire's words in a squeaky voice, "What? I just coughed."
She puffed out a 'pssht' and scoffed, "Oh please, I know what that cough really means. Its code for 'I took it'.
"In what code?" Sumire asked sarcastically.
"Sign language." Mikan answered, confident in her reply.
"Oh come on Mikan, leave her alone." Anna put in, from Sumire's right.
Mikan pointed a condemning finger in their faces and yelled, "Both of you are co-conspirators, you are working against me!"
"Why don't you just accuse every single one of us while you're at it?" Sumire barked, livid at the blame Mikan was insisting on throwing at her.
"I don't need you to tell me what to do... I already know everyone of you is in on this... Trying to deprive me of my sharpie..." Mikan said before breaking down into tears.
Natsume stood up and walked to the front of the classroom. "Alright this has gone on long enough. I'm gonna count to five and Polka Dots' sharpie better be on this desk right here." He announced, indicating the desk in front of him.
"Five..." He started
Koko wondered at this point, 'Should I tell him or not? Natsume's pretty scary.'
"Four..." The voice was ringing clearly through the area.
Koko continued on in his head, 'Natsume could burn me, what's Hotaru gonna do?'
Koko walked up to Hotaru stealthily and signaled her, "Psst psst."
"What do you want?" Hotaru asked monotonously.
"Just give it back." Koko urged.
"Three..." Natsume's voice could be heard as calm as ever.
"And spare Hyuga the ego blow?" She scoffed, having no intention of doing any such thing.
"No just spare my head." Koko pleaded, making his best puppy dog face.
Hotaru however could not be phased and turned away.
"Two..." He counted, still sure of his influence.
"It was her!" Koko yelled to the class at large, unable to take the pressure and left with no other option.
"YOU BACKSTABBER!" Mikan screamed at her best friend, enraged by the betrayal.
Natsume glared at Hotaru and started tapping his fingers on the desk expectantly.
Hotaru glared back at him undeterred and thus a glaring contest began.
After a while everyone got bored of this and just left, including Mikan (who thinks she can just buy her sharpie back later from Hotaru now that she knows who has it).
The bell rings and both Natsume and Hotaru broke off by silent agreement. They looked around and see no one.
"Are we.." Natsume wondered out loud.
"Not cool enough?" Hotaru finished, thinking the same thing.
All depressed, they walked away from the scene.
At lunch when the gang was sitting at a table, chattering on about the lame food they had today, Anna jerked her head up from her previous position. She had been cradling her head in her folded arms placed on the table.
"I got it!" She exclaimed, pumping her fist in the air.
"Got what?" Sumire asked.
"I know what a sharpie smells like!" She replied with an enormous grin on her face.
"What?" Sumire asked with skepticism.
"Acetone! I recognize the strong scent." Anna chirped.
"No! It smells like spray-paint!" Koko shouted with defiance.
Anna scoffed at his remark. "No what are you stupid? It smells like acetone."
"No! It smells like spray-paint! I've been around even graffiti to know." Koko defended.
"Yeah well I use Nonoko's acetone solution to change my nail color everyday. So I know acetone better than you know graffiti." She shot back at him, sticking out her tongue.
"No! No! No!" Koko said frustrated. He took out a can of spray paint. "I'll prove you wrong." Trying to spray some on her hand his hand spills and it gets all over her shirt.
"That was my favorite Aeropostale t-shirt!" Anna cried.
Koko chuckled nervously. "Well come on, accidents happen."
"Yeah right, let's see how you like it." Anna mocks reaching into Nonoko's trusty briefcase. She pulled out a vial of acetone. "Smell the sharpie smell!" She shouted, thrusting it at him.
"What? No! You just soaked me in nail polish remover!" Koko exclaimed.
"On the plus side, it'll do wonders for you horrid odor." Sumire commented snidely.
"Only to you, dog-girl." Koko scoffed.
Before Sumire could achieve the necessary level of fury to have steam come out of her ears, Mikan walked up to them. "Hey it smells like sharpie!"
"Wait, do I smell more like sharpie than that idiot?" Anna asked.
Mikan carefully sniffed both of them in an imitation of Sumire and put a finger to her chin in thought. She suddenly whirled around to Natsume who had walked up behind her silently.
"SHARPIE!" She yelped in happiness, snatching the marker out of his hand and cradled it to her chest. "Mommy will never let go of you again sweetheart."
Hotaru sighed in the background. "This is why Mikan and sharpies shouldn't be allowed to exist togeth−"
"Shut up you backstabber!" Mikan interrupted, her eyes glaring at Hotaru. When Mikan looked back at her sharpie it was missing again!
A very loud high pitched 'no' could be heard from anywhere on the grounds of Alice Academy. Everyone knew what that meant. Here they go again.
Review please. :)
~Alexxis T. Swan