So it's sad, but true that this is the last chapter to my fanfiction :( I hope you all enjoyed reading it, and I can't thank you enough for the reviews, favorite alerts, story alerts, etc. They mean so much to me and they motivated me to continue. This is not only the last, but probably my favorite chapter :) I hope you enjoy it as much as I do :) And no, I have not been able to acquire BTR :( Enjoy!
I had never hated myself before as much as I did right now. I was despicable.
I felt so selfish.
I had been trying so hard to push thoughts of Logan as more than a friend out of my head that at first, I didn't even realize I had hurt him in the process.
But that pain that was engraved in his angelic face, that hurt that clouded his beautiful milk chocolate eyes…there was nothing more real than that.
There was no pain more real than the pain I felt for causing my Angel pain.
Go kill yourself, Kendall. You're atrocious, my father's voice screamed in my mind.
So I clutched the razor blade tighter and pushed it even harder into the bare skin of my torso. I almost screamed in pain, but was able to hold it back.
I was lying to myself.
Which made me hate myself even more.
And made me cut myself even deeper, this time on my thighs.
Because even though I know I shouldn't, no matter how hard I try to forget about it, I am absolutely and irrevocably in love with Logan Henderson.
And Logan – my Angel – is not someone I can just forget about. We've been through so much. He's made me experience feelings I'd never even known existed, let alone felt.
Shut up about that disgrace to the human race…That horrible Logan fellow! My father's voice pressed on, completely taking over my mind.
I pulled my hair, as if I could pull that voice from my mind.
But when it still pressed on, calling me all of the vile things it could think of, I cut again, nice and deep, on my right wrist – the wrist that always wore my 3 favorite bracelets.
"Kendall! Kendall, please let me in! Please let me help you! Please, Emerald Eyes…please," the melodic, musical voice pleaded from behind the bathroom door, tears still evident in his tone, as he pounded on the door repeatedly.
He just called me Emerald Eyes, I thought to myself as my heart skipped several beats.
Stop thinking of him! Stop loving him! My father's voice was relentless in my mind.
So I cut some more.
"Logan? What's going on in there?" a far off voice I knew distinctly as James's asked. Carlos's wasn't far behind. "Logan? Are you okay? Is Kendall okay?"
"I CAN'T STOP LOVING HIM, FATHER! IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN TURN OFF AND ON!" I screamed to myself, but I knew Logan, James, and Carlos could hear.
"KENDALL! Please let me in! Please, please, please! I love you, Kendall, more than life itself, and I'm done denying it. Please let me help you…I need to help you! This is absolutely murdering me right now!" Logan screamed through the door, still pounding on it, still sobbing uncontrollably.
I was causing him this pain. I couldn't take it anymore.
"Logan, you need to calm down. You becoming hysterical is not going to help Kendall at all. Please, just breathe." That was James. And even if he had no idea what was going on, I could almost see him trying to hug Logan, trying to comfort him, and not succeeding in the least bit. When Logan was like this, only I could comfort him and help him.
As I heard several harder pounds to the door, all of a sudden, it fell off of its hinges. I knew by the look on Carlos's face with his helmet in tow that he was the cause of this barrier being broken down.
Logan's mouth dropped as he looked at me. His angelic face was completely tear-stained. His usually perfectly messy dark hair was simply just messy, I assumed from him pulling at it like he always did when he was frustrated. But his eyes were the sight that broke my heart the most. They were clouded with fear, hurt, concern…and yes, that was love.
I'm sure I was a sight to see, sitting on the bathroom floor in only my boxers with my hair standing up every which way and my face red and swollen from crying, all covered in fresh cuts and blood. But he rushed over to me, taking me in his arms up off the floor into his lap, not even seeming to care in the least bit that he was staining his favorite light green shirt with my blood while holding me.
"Kendall. Oh my God, Kendall. Why are you doing this to yourself? What is going on with you? Please tell me," Logan pleaded hysterically, his tears falling into my hair as he rocked us back and forth – me in his lap, his arms wrapped tightly around me.
"Logan, is he going to be okay? It looks like he's lost quite a bit of blood."
Though my eyes were drooping with exhaustion and light-headedness, I could see Logan looking up at James as he spoke, and Logan – the brunette that I had come to terms with loving – looked absolutely breathtaking from this angle.
"We need to clean him up. It probably looks a lot worse than it is," Logan answered, still rocking back and forth with me in his arms, probably to calm not only me, but himself as well.
"It's going to be okay, Emerald Eyes. Let me clean you up and take care of you, okay? Then, you and I need to talk."
I looked up at him through my ever-drooping eyes, and smiled a weak smile at the new nickname he had given me. I liked this one much better than Kendy.
He smiled back at me, seemingly happier now that I was in his arms. "Oh-okay, Angel," I practically whispered, not having the strength to speak normally.
He kissed my forehead with a slow, sweet kiss and smiled that amazing smile at the nickname I had given him.
"I like that nickname better than Logie," he whispered in my ear.
I smiled another weak smile.
"James, Carlos, I'm going to clean Kendall up and make sure these cuts are carefully tended to. I'll give you an update on how he is later, okay?"
I smiled at the doctor tone Logan had undertaken when he was talking to James and Carlos. It was undeniably adorable.
"Alright, but you better believe we are going to want an update soon, Dr. Logan," James said, and I could hear the smirk in his voice. "Come on, Carlitos. We'll check on Kendall later."
I couldn't help but smile yet again as I saw James kiss the top of that Latino's disheveled dark hair, grab his hand, and lead him toward their shared bedroom. All the while Carlos was beaming as if he was the sun itself.
"Finally," I whispered to what I thought was myself, but I knew Logan heard. He chuckled, and in that moment, I could've sworn it was the most beautiful sound I would ever hear in my life.
"What, you mean Jarlos being real finally? Yeah, that's what I was thinking, Emerald Eyes." He kissed my forehead yet again and carefully helped me sit beside the tub while he filled it with water. Then, once he was satisfied with the temperature of the water, he gently helped me out of my boxers – the only bit of clothing I had been wearing so as to get better access at prime cutting spots.
I couldn't help but blush at the fact that Logan was seeing me completely naked right now, but he did a very good job of hiding if it phased him at all by helping me into the water and making nursing me back to health his sole priority for the time being.
I chuckled a weak chuckle before I heard a sharp intake of breath from Logan when he actually looked elsewhere from my eyes. "Everything will be okay, Emerald Eyes. I won't let anything or anyone hurt you ever again. And I sure as hell won't let you do this to yourself again." He kissed my cheek and grazed his hand through my hair as I tried to hide my blush.
But then I realized something.
Ever since I had been in Logan's arms the first time, ever since he told me he loved me, and ever since I told him I loved him, I hadn't heard my father's voice screaming in my brain.
Logan was the antidote to the evil, menacing voice in my mind.
Nothing even mattered as long as Logan and I were together. Nothing could reach me and penetrate the walls our love built around us.
"I love you, Angel," I whispered, and though it was quiet, I knew Logan heard it.
"I love you too, Emerald Eyes," he whispered back, smiling that smile that I never was able to get enough of.
And then I did what I had been wanting to do ever since I realized I loved this man. I put my hand behind his neck, pulled him close to me, and whispered 'I love you' against his lips before claiming them with my own.
There were those fireworks, that tingling sensation, and those sparks flying that I'd always hoped would occur when I finally found the one.
Our lips fit perfectly together.
And I couldn't be happier.
Logan leaned down and whispered in my ear, "We'll have to continue this when you are a little stronger."
He moved his lips to my neck and kissed it. Then, he looked into my eyes and winked.
"Now I want to get stronger faster," I said with a smirk and a wink.
Logan sighed. "What am I going to do with you, Emerald Eyes?" he asked before kissing me again.
When we pulled away after realizing we needed to breathe, I smiled. "I don't know, Angel. But I love you."
He smiled again. "I love you too, dear."
So there you have it! :D The end of my Kogan/Jarlos fanfic :D I hope you liked it :)