Hidden In Plain Sight
UnluckyWriter: Well… Okay. I know I have like, what, TONS of fanfics to finish and whatnot… But I'm a procrastinator. And an unmotivated person to boot! I need threats, motivation, and friggin' inspiration to be able to write and update and shitck like that, okay? And since I have none of those things at this moment… I got torpedoed with another goddamn kamikaze plot bunny. Yeah. Bite me. Title sucks, I know, but I couldn't think of anything else! Maybe I'll change it later… Anyways, I REALLY don't know how the hell I got this idea…seriously. It just…fell into my mind. I'm a major USUK-shipper (my love! And 'sides, US belongs only to UK….XD), so writing that America (the douche), or England (the jerk) was with other people makes me highly uncomfortable (actually, it makes me wanna barf, but that doesn't sound as nice)…yet I'm writing THIS. W.T.F? Someone must've spiked my food with writing crack or whatever…I'm going to hunt them down and kill them.
Warnings: Cursing, OOCness (damn), sexual themes, possible lemon later, slash, yaoi, sexy-ness (not), and blah! And this is going to be written crappy, so I apologize! I'm sorry that my writing suck ass.
Pairings: USUK, past America/World, and various others…
Summary: America has had sex with every single nation…except England. Bored, he decides to embark on a quest to get into a certain Brit's pants by wooing him. An unwilling England is intent on not letting that particular scheme work. Who will win?
Disclaimer: You know, I hate it when people get flamed just because they don't have a goddamn disclaimer. Seriously, people? Do us writers look or sound like we own the original awesome? No. We don't. So STFU. This is FANFICTION people. We write to amuse ourselves. See? I don't own Hetalia, obviously. =)
It was another day for the nations to gather and hold a meeting, but this time, in America.
Alfred sat in his seat with his face in palm, uncharacteristically quiet for once as everyone else ran the usual chaos: Germany trying to bring order, France hitting on random countries, Russia threatening the general population with his pipe, China offering his snacks, North Italy babbling about pasta as his southern brother fought against Spain's advances, Switzerland shooting the ceiling with Japan pleading in defense, etc.
Another boring day.
America sighed. He had forego his usual explanation about giant robots during the quieter part of the meeting, and only sat and tried to listen to the others, twirling his pen and doodling on his papers for the majority of the time before the official meeting went to hell in an elevator.
'So booooriiiingg,' the blonde nation thought lazily, chewing on his lip, pulling back a little as Prussia slid over the table, apparently having gotten hit by a certain Hungarian woman's infamous frying pan. 'Ain't cool at all. When will something different happen?' The American waited, as if expecting for his mental wish to be granted. When nothing explicitly new popped into existence, the Patriotic country stood up with a huff, chair scooting back with a slight squeal as he prepared to leave early.
'Oh, screw this meeting,' America growled silently, gathering his paperwork. Then he paused. 'Screw…?'
Involuntarily, the blonde felt his pants tighten slightly, and he sat down quickly, hands clenching.
It sucked being a teenager sometimes. Hormones messing with your mind and body are always inconvenient in important places.
Upside was that sex felt awesomely amazing.
Major downside? To find someone in a matter of time to be a fuck-buddy with.
It was alright though, Alfred decided, mood more positive as he imagine the hot night ahead, and he licked his lips in anticipation… But said nonexistent night would have to be postponed until he could find someone willing to share it with him.
So who was to be the perfect bed partner?
America's eyes roved around the room before landing on…Germany.
He contemplated on the choice before deciding against it. He already screwed with the guy once (possibly several times, actually), and screwing the same people was just…boring.
And Alfred hates being bored.
With that thought in mind, the American searched further. North Italy? He decided against that too, even though the Italian was extremely talented, but using pasta as…well, it was just weird. No wonder Feliciano was with Ludwig. Both had the weirdest kinks. And besides, Alfred already had his share of the bubbly nation.
Greece? Nah. The Greek was too laid-back. Sex with the guy was pretty good, but Alfred wanted more spunk. Also, he already had his turn(s) with the cat-lover.
Japan? No, once again. The Japanese nation was cute, but…he was rather boring. And he already screwed him, so yeah.
Ukraine? Nope. She's nice, but her boobs would crush him in his sleep. Just like that one time they had slept together…
Lithuania? Noo… the quiet nation was just that- too quiet. And the times the two did the dirty was rather dull.
France? As much as the Frenchman was talented in the sexing area, America already had his fill.
Russia? Nah. He and Ivan were too alike. It was kinda scary, thinking about that, but it was true. And besides, he already had rounds with the taller nation. Boring.
Switzerland? Kink with the guns is hot, but same thing over and over isn't as much fun as it use to be…
Lichtenstein? Nah, too gentle. Gentleness was nice, but gets rather bland at certain points.
Belarus? Oh, fuck no. Did the dirty with her just once, but holy shit, it was bloody. The knife wounds burned like a bitch after…
Sweden? Hmm…no. The guy was too stern, and only, like, worshiped Tino. How he managed to snag the Swede into bed was still a mystery…
Speaking of Finland…No. The guy was too chipper. A killer in the morning for the sleepy. And besides, the Finnish man worshipped Sweden in return…
China? No. The Chinese nation screamed too much, and always, always had to directly scream in his ears, making them ring. And the sex was just okay. Boring.
As Alfred ran the list of names through his head, he suddenly realized just why he was disagreeing to each and every nation.
He had already had sex with everyone listed.
How the hell can he have sex with a nation if he already fucked every one of them and is now bored? Sure, he could go with an unexpecting human, but they were just too weak to handle his inhuman strength.
Desperate, America began looking around to who he hadn't screwed with yet.
Denmark? No, did him already.
Norway? Same thing as above.
Cuba? Same thing.
Canada? Above also. (Yeah, yeah, they were what, twins? But experimentation was pretty crucial back in the day, and 'sides, Canada was boring, anyways)
His eyes passed over everyone again, from Hungary to Austria, to Taiwan and the Korean brothers, he marked off, already had sex with them.
'Holy shit,' Alfred thought, sitting back in his chair, feeling hopeless. 'I already screwed with all these people! Sure…I can fuck them again…but it'll be too boring, and it won't feel as good…'
And that's when his eyes landed on a certain, emerald-eyed, United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.
The American froze.
Then the gears begin rolling in his mind.
Had he had sex with England yet? Alfred tried to remember every time he had gone to the Brit's house, pubs, anywhere, and if he had done anything remotely dirty to the shorter nation, and came up blank.
Did he even grope the English nation? Even once?
And the answer was…no. Not at all.
Alfred was astounded.
In all the times they had spent together, the times they argue, fight, and talk, he had never had sex with England?The two were so intertwined in each others' lives, historically and politically, it's shocking that the rainy island wasn't Alfred's first partner.
That meant he would soon be.
Alfred faltered at the thought, though. Even though he had never screwed England, was it worth it to try and get the Brit into bed? England was old, stuffy, mood-changing, and just plain boring. And Alfred hated being bored.
America stared at Arthur- who was busy glancing over important documents, and for once, wasn't arguing with anyone in the room- and took in the Englishman's pale features, sharp green eyes, and bright gold hair. All in all, England wasn't half-bad looking, but he wasn't a beauty either. Far from it, Alfred noticed distastefully, thinking that the Brit's large eyebrows were a horrible sight. Was bedding his former caretaker worth it? America wasn't sure, though, he was curious about how England looked underneath all those clothes…the way the elder man moved showed he must be lean, lithe, even…but Alfred didn't know that, for he had never seen the latter naked.
He had never had sex with England.
The last thought made up America's decision, and he smirked.
He'll soon be seeing a more exposed Arthur soon…and even if the Briton try to resist him, it wouldn't work, because, really, who could resist America's looks and charm? No one.
Alfred finally stood up and began sauntering his way towards an unsuspecting England, cocky as he imagined what the night ahead would become.
"Hey, Artie," America purred in the island nation's ear, having come from behind. Seducing England, part 1, was going perfectly-
And then the younger country felt the side of his face facing the Brit snap harshly to the side with a crack as England, who, hearing the abominable nickname, instinctively and irritably tried to spin around in his rolling chair to berate the person, but as he didn't know that the American was right next to his face, had accidentally slammed his own head against America's.
"Gah!" Alfred yelped, falling on his backside as he cradled his aching head.
"Bloody fuck!" England roared, holding his own, papers flying. "America- what the bleeding hell are you doing? Have you taking your 'nuisance-creating' to a whole new level by inflicting pain? Well, it bloody worked!"
"Me? 'Inflicting pain'?" The bespectacled nation protested, grimacing as his cheek throbbed. "You're the one that inflicted pain! Look at my face! I just said, 'Hey, Artie', and you went ape-shit and hit me!"
"Don't call me Artie," Arthur snapped, eyes dark in anger as he glared down at the American. "And I didn't hit you, you bloody git! Your head was right there, for god's sake- why was it there, anyhow?" England paused, then shook his head. "On a second thought, what the hell do you want?"
America pseudo-pouted, face pain forgotten as he stood up. "Aww, what makes you think I want something?"
England scoffed. "The only times you talk to me is when we're arguing, or when you want something." The Brit's voice was bitter on the last bit of words, but America didn't notice. "And since we have nothing to argue about, then you want something from me."
Arthur had hit right on the nail about Alfred's motives, and the blue-eyed nation felt his lips twitch into an amused grin.
"I won't lie, Iggy," America laughed, ignoring England's scowl at the other nickname, and took a seat next to the Brit's own, lounging lazily. "So yeah, I want something."
The green-eyed nation gave him a suspicious stare, slowly taking his seat as well. "And what is it?" England questioned lowly, hands reaching out and straightening stray papers.
"Well, are you…free tonight?" The United States asked innocently, right hand waving to and fro in a lazy gesture.
Alfred inwardly snickered at the distrustful look the elder gave him (the way his gigantic eyebrows furrowed together made them look like furry caterpillars!), but he nonetheless smiled, leaning forward towards the latter, so close that he was practically in the Brit's bubble space, England's breath hitching at the proximity.
America placed his right arm on the table as the left gripped the Briton's chair, upper body leaning in such a way that one would think he was straddling the latter, and whispered, as if saying a secret, "We have been in a 'Special Relationship', for some time, hmm?"
England gave him an uncomfortable, confused look, trying to lean backwards, but America's arm stopped him from moving far. "…Yes…" Arthur answered, not sure where this conversation was going.
"Well, since we're in the 'Special Relationship' in political ways…" America mused, breaths actually fanning across England's lips. Seeing green eyes widen at the closeness, Alfred went for the killer line, knowing that the Briton would understand and glorious sexy-time would begin! "Baby…why don't we make this relationship legit?"
Grinning and thinking that the Englishman was stunned speechless by his awesome pickup line, Alfred moved in, intent on claiming the shorter's lips, when a laugh rang out.
America pulled backwards in shock, staring down at a laughing England. "What?"
"W-what the bleeding hell was that?" Arthur chuckled, pushing Alfred away. "Really? What in the world was, 'Oh, baby, why don't we make this relationship legit?' rubbish?"
America glared, tick mark visible on his forehead as he grew irritated. No one had ever laughed at him like this when he was charming someone! They always fall for him! But here England was, laughing like an idiot.
"It's not rubbish," the American said flatly, getting even more up in England's bubble space, making the latter stiffen. "It was a pickup line."
Arthur gawked ungentlemanly at him. "A what?"
America huffed. "A pickup line! That's what! Don't tell me you don't know what those are." The younger paused, and scooted back, staring at the Brit's face. "Well…I suppose you don't know, since you don't even look hot enough to be told pickup lines to. But since I'm awesome and all, be grateful that I'm using my awesomeness on you!"
The eyebrow-endowed nation glared, but he cooly replied, "Of course I know what pickup lines are. But America, you were never 'awesome', no matter what you stated. In fact…" The Briton leaned languidly in his seat. "That pickup line of yours was so bad, it shouldn't even be considered a pickup line."
Alfred gaped. "What? That was an amazing pickup line! You're just too old to know the true awesome to see it!"
"You're too childish," England snorted, "I know you like to prank and tell jokes, but I simply don't have the time. Go do your work on other hapless fools, wanker."
With that word, the island nation tried to get up from his seat, intent on leaving the meeting early, but America's hand shot out and held him down. England glared at the offending limb clamped on his shoulder before moving his gaze to meet blue. "Let me go, git."
"No," Alfred retorted.
Arthur bristled. "'No?' Well, I'm going to-" He was interrupted and instead let out a gasp as America picked him up and deposited him on the meeting table instead, determined gaze locking green ones down.
"What the bloody fuck?" England began struggling. "What's gotten into you, you idiot!"
"What's gotten into me?" Alfred had to laugh at that comment. "No one, really, I hate receiving, but I think I'm the one going to go into you, if you catch my drift." He winked, then went on. "And if you still don't get it, here, I'm going to put it clearly, okay?" The bright nation grinned as he started his explanation. "Iggy, the first thing we're going to do is go to my or your place. Then we will strip. And then we will have sex. Got that?" He then beamed, proud of his awesome speech.
England stared. "Are you on drugs?"
America faltered. "What?"
Arthur raised an impressive eyebrow. "I asked if you're on drugs. Because that…explanation you gave me was extremely stupid, more so then your usual dose of stupid."
"I am not on drugs!" The younger nation exclaimed, "If I said we're going to have sex, I mean it."
England frowned. "And why the hell should I comply with your request?"
America straightened, standing proudly as he declared, "Because I'm awesome and sexy. Who could resist me? And since I'm horny right now, you have to comply with the hero's request because he's that awesome."
Alfred watched the elder nation's curious expression morph into anger, and he became confused.
"No." England's statement held no emotion, only coldness.
"What do you mean, 'No'?" America asked, baffled.
"I meant in 'No' as I refuse to have sex with you," England told him, hands trying to push the American off him. "I'm not an inanimate object, you moron, so you can't force me to do what I don't want to do."
The bespectacled nation stared. "You don't want to have sex with me…?" He glared. "But I'm awesome!"
"What kind of logical reasoning is that?" England hissed, "Now get off!"
America growled. "I want to have sex with you, and I'm going to have it! Even if I have to use brute force, no one can resist me! So take that, England!"
With that, the blonde swooped down, eyes only on the Brit's lips, when all of a sudden, England arched and brought his legs up and in between him and America's chest. With a grunt, the Briton pushed with his legs, successfully dislodging the younger from his body and sending him flying to the ground.
"Take that, America," Arthur seethed, panting. "I'm resisting, all right."
America breathed harshly, having the breath knocked out of his lungs, but he managed to croak out, "Not for long!"
A strange look overcame England's features before, with a snort, he got off the table and began to gather his things. "You're so full of yourself, America." He gave a hard look towards the younger. "That cockiness is going to be your downfall, you git. Now leave me alone. I'm not going to be one of your wannabe fuck-toys, so sod off."
Alfred sat up, breathing hard, and shook his head. "Whatever you say, I still won't give up! Your ass is mine!"
Arthur had to smirk at that line. "My arse is yours, eh? Well, face reality, you brat, my ass has, and never will be yours. I'll be shocked if you even managed to somehow get the pants off me first, git, using your oh-so-awesome hero skills." Sarcasm especially lathered all over the statement.
Hearing those cocky words from the Englishman's lips, Alfred saw red, and without even thinking what he was saying, he blurted out, "I'll woo the damn pants off you!
England felt his lip curl in amusement. "Woo me? Really now? You're just a child, Alfred, you can't woo shit. I bet you can't even woo a blasted baby of their candy."
"I can too, woo!" The American snarled, standing up to his full height. "And I'll show it by wooing you."
England yawned, stuff in arms as he turned his back, striding towards the exit. "Big words for an overgrown child. How original."
America sputtered. "I-I will woo you! And it'll work too! 'Cause I'm that awesome! Then you'll see my amazingness and bow down to me, and we'll have sex, cause I'm that awesome."
"You have overused the word 'sex' and 'awesome' too many times, Alfred," England called back, "You…dare I say it?" The Briton tilted his head back, letting the younger nation see his smirk. "Alfred, you're rather boring. You talk big, but you can't do anything."
"I'm not lying!" Alfred yelled, hands fisting by his sides.
England laughed, reaching the doorway. Pulling open the door, the island nation turned back one last time. "You may not be lying," he said amiably, "But this is what I think of your so-called declaration." He raised his middle finger and waved it mockingly at the stupefied American before spinning on heel and escaping via the exit.
Complete silence in the meeting room.
Hearing the silence, Alfred turned around to see that everyone had stopped what they were doing and was watching the drama unfold.
"What?" America scowled. "There's nothing to see!"
Canada broke the other nations' silence by uncharacteristically snickering. "Alfred…you just got served."
That did it.
As if the dam was broken, all the other nations began giggling and talking about the incident, shooting Alfred amused looks.
America felt his face redden.
His pride hurt. And it was all England's fault.
He growled as he remembered the Brit's mocking smile, cool words, and quick strength.
'That's it,' America thought, making up his mind. 'I am going to win this and woo your pants off, England. And you won't be able to stop me.'
Tomorrow was a new day, after all.
UnluckyWriter: What. The. Hell. What did I just write? It's 3 in the morning, and looking back at this piece, it looks horrible. Ugh. It's rushed…messy…and just plain disgusting. I hate myself right now…Please don't hurt me for this horrible ass-wipe of writing. I'm sorry! I hate this chapter so much…I had the idea down, but putting it into words is harder than it looked. OTL
If I had made the characters so OOC that you don't like, then don't read. I admit, America's an egotistic jackass right now, but he'll get better in the story!….Maybe. And I didn't mean to make England look ugly, okay? That tidbit was from Alfred's POV (the blind bastard). I adore Iggy's eyebrows!