Disclaimer – This is Stephenie Meyer's universe. I'm just playing in her world for a long bit. Any names and characters not found in Stephenie Meyer's books are definitely mine or my wonderful beta and good friend Liljenrock's creations.

My thanks to everyone who took the time to read and review. The numbers are dropping though, so what should I think about that? :(

Colors of My Life

Chapter 12 : Yellow Chimes

Rachel

I put the phone down and cover my face with both hands, just breathing deeply as I let the shakes slowly settle. Is it silly that I feel like crying more now that I know that Keegan is safe than I actually was when I was freaking out? I don't know what it is.

"Rachel?" It's Phyllis. She's been hovering ever since Emma took Logan out of her arms.

I look up and smile at her. She's been godsend to Paul and me. I've felt guilty since the first time I left Keegan with her and went back to work, but she's great. And I know it's beyond duty for her. She loves my little boys. "Paul's found him. He's okay," I tell her and watch as she tears.

"Thank God. I was so scared."

I nod. I was scared too. When I had walked out of that courtroom just as Leon Cowley ran up the courthouse steps, my first thought had been on Paul. Something had happened to him, I thought, that was why Leon was there. But no, he gently wrapped an arm around my shoulder and made me sit down as he told me that it was my son, my baby who was missing. I suppose as a mother, it's instant fear that fills you when you hear that something has happened to one of your children. It's not something any mother would want to hear. And instantly scenario after scenario fills my head. Isn't this something we had feared from the start? Once Paul's success started growing and facing what Rebecca had been capable of, we had taken the necessary steps looking after our little family. Buying our house in a gated community, putting Keegan into private school when both Paul and I were products of public school, it was safety on our minds. That's why I've always thought that if anything ever happens to my husband and children, it would have something to do with their precious 'wolf business'. And yet, sitting on that bench with Leon, my mind had been on the case I had just testified on. A seven-year old boy who was kidnapped, his well-to-do parents had paid the ransom and yet, their son was returned to them in pieces. He would have been seventeen this year. My cases were all cold cases, but there was enough DNA preserved for me to put their next door neighbor at the scene of the crime. That had been the reason of my day in court. And I wondered if that would be Keegan's fate.

When I called Paul, that was the fear running through my mind. I wanted him back. I never wanted to imagine life without my little man. Paul would have been proud of me with the way I held myself steady. You see, unlike that little boy in my case file, I had an advantage. I have a husband who is a wolf and an entire wolf pack at our backs. I had more faith in them finding Keegan than any police force in the world. I was confident up until I realized that this was 'wolf business' as Keegan likes to say. He's been taken by vampires. The sense of panic that had filled me then made me want to fall to the ground and scream and scream. Was this how Paul had felt when he thought Dale had me? I breathe deeply, fighting for control. Everything is fine, fine. Paul found Keegan, and he's fine, he's safe. Paul is my hero in so many ways. Did I ever doubt he would find Keegan? A sob breaks free and Phyllis is there by my side as she hugs me.

"Oh Rachel. He's alright, isnt he?"

"Yes he is. They're bringing him home now." I sit up and wipe my face. If I was going through post traumatic stress like this, I can only imagine what my little boy and Paul would be going through. Oh Paul!

"Rachel?" Phyllis sounds unsure as she stares at me. "This was a kidnapping, wasn't it? Did Mr. Winters pay them off?"

"Phyllis," I say as I lean forward and take her hands in mine. I always worried about the day when she realizes that something wasn't right with my family. But wait a minute, hasn't she already seen other signs for which I've brushed off with an explanation of sorts? I can do this. "I don't know what happened. I guess we'll know once they come home, huh?"

"Mr. Winters was very organized. Mr. Sarrazin came in with the others and they were strangely serious. Some of them were walking around the compound, it was very...military. Even the way the other ladies started arriving. I know...I know, I read too many suspense thrillers, but it felt like this was a safe house while there was a war going on somewhere."

"In a way, there was something going on, wasn't it, Phyllis? Keegan was missing."

"But—"

"It's a tribal thing," I cut her off. "Braves of the past would go to war while the women and children were protected. These guys take their heritage seriously. This is just our way."

'Yes, Rachel. But it was like a backup plan that was executed perfectly."

Of course it was a backup plan that was executed perfectly. The possibility of a vampire/wolf faceoff has always been a huge axe hanging over our heads. But how do I tell her this? "My father is the current chief. My brother is next in line. Keegan is...high on the list for us." Am I mucking this up? I'm blatantly bullshitting her. "Phyllis, Griffin was kidnapped as a baby. You were not with us yet at that time. But this is a possibility that we've lived with. This actually was a backup plan that was executed perfectly." I stand up before she can say anything else. I can't do this now, there are too many 'ears' in the house right now and I can't think straight. "I'm going to wait for them on the porch."

When the cars drive up, I'm ready and waiting and I smile as Embry pulls up right next to me so I'm looking in at the passenger window at my serious husband and smiling son. Paul has Keegan on his lap and from the look of things, it's where Keegan wants to be. I pull open the door and lean in, not caring about everyone who's watching and I wrap my son into my arms. Paul pulls me in further and I slide into his lap, pulling Keegan up onto mine. Embry chuckles before leaving us and I ignore him as I press kisses all over Keegan's face.

"Mommy!" he giggles as he tries to squirm away. "Stop!"

"Are you okay, baby?" I demand as I run my hands over his face, his shoulders, his arms. "Did they hurt you?"

"No, mommy, stop!"

"Rachel, Rachel," Paul clasps my hands. "He's okay."

I nod before I press my forehead to his. He's okay. I knew he'd be okay. I knew his daddy would get him back just fine, but there's still this part inside of me that worried, that part that's beyond an imprint or a strong woman that I've been so proud to have been calling myself all my life. It's that maternal pull, that bonding gene that I had been so sure I was born without until the first moment I held Keegan in my arms. He'll always be my baby, and I'll always worry about him. Didn't they know that, dammit?

Then someone raps smartly on the roof of the car causing me to jump in surprise. "Hey, the yard's bigger." It's Jake, the big idiot, and he's smiling at us through the open door. I give him a blubbering laugh. Of course he's here. Where else would he be? He's my baby brother after all. "Hey buddy, want to go in with Uncle Jake and get something to eat?" he asks Keegan.

"Yeah!" Keegan scrambles out of the car and clasps Jake's hand as they turn to head into the house, and a waiting Phyllis and all the Seattle pack girls.

Jake turn to grin at us as they start walking. "It's Embry's car. Don't leave a sticky mess!"

"Tsk!"

"Jacob!"

Paul and I do get out of the car right after that, and I turn to head in after Jake and Keegan, but Paul holds me back. There's something about the way he's gripping my arm that tells me something, tells me that there's a cause to worry. But didn't I just check my giggling little boy? He's alright, isn't he? There wasn't a mark on him that I could see. But all I had done was a preliminary mommy check. Not a doctor check.

"Paul?" I run my hand over his cheek and he tilts his head to press himself more into my open palm. "Baby, what is it?"

"Rachel, we have to talk."

"Let's go inside." I had promised Cecilia that I'd call her as soon as they came home.

I watch as his eyes flicker towards the house and then he shakes his head no. Too many people inside, I know. "What is it?" What is he going to tell me?

He pulls me close, fisting both his hands in my hair as he presses his forehead to mine. "I need to tell you something," he whispers.

"Tell me," I whisper back as I run my hands soothingly over his chest, his biceps.

"The Seattle vamps had him," I nod slowly, letting my nose rub against his from the action. He needs to get this out, he needs me to know this. "I wanted to go in there and kill them all. All I could think was, they took my son."

"They did," I whisper back. I don't want him feeling guilty after he's saved our little boy.

"They didn't take him from school, baby. Keegan was running away."

I laugh at that as I pull away from Paul to look him in the eye. "Winters, he's five-years old. He was just having a tantrum. He's was not running away."

"Rachel—"

"No," I push myself out of his arms.

"He slipped out of school by himself." Paul talks quickly, as if he needs to say everything before I can get into the house. "And he walked quite a bit before a homeless guy got at him. Schumac—"

"The vampire?"

"Yes, Schumac the vampire got Keegan away from the guy."

I turn fully to watch Paul swallow a few times. "Winters?" My voice is all wobbly and I feel like crying and I have no idea why. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Rachel," he tries to take me into his arms but I don't want that, I don't want comfort now. I just want to know. I need to know.

"What is it?" I demand as I push his arms away.

"There was," his eyes look damp. Keegan is home safe, why was Paul still cut up about it? "There was some inappropriate touching."

"What?" This was any parent's nightmare. "Oh God!" I turn to run into the house. Oh God! My baby. He's just a baby. But Paul grabs me from the back before I take two steps. "No!"

"Shh, Rachel," he wraps himself around me and whispers into my ear. "Rachel, it's okay. Schumac got him away in time."

I go limp in Paul's arms and he turns me around. It didn't get far but something did start, and a sob breaks free from me. Paul just holds me and gives me the strength to regain my self-control. I feel his lips running over my head and I cling to him for a while. I need him, I need his strength.

"Where is this homeless guy now?" I ask into his shirt as a sort of a rage settles over me. It strikes me that after all that had happened today, he's still got his tie on. No jacket, but his tie that I tied for him this morning is still there around his neck. Was this a sign that things were still the same as they were this morning?

"I think they had him for lunch," he says in a flat voice.

Somehow, I find myself in whole hearted approval in that. Was that strange? Wrong? When did I start condoning the killing of people? I work in a crime lab for crying out loud. I'm married to a very powerful wolf, a protector of people. But a part of me wishes I could have killed this guy myself. What does it say about me?

"Paul."

"Baby?" he whispers into my hair.

"I need to go and check on him," I don't think I'll ever recover from this shock and suddenly I just want to gather my entire little family around me and protect them.

"I know," he says as he slowly lets me go. "He doesnt - he doesn't know."

Just before I pull open the door I turn back to him. "Paul? He's okay, isn't he? Nothing happened to him, right?" I need the assurance from him before making a check myself. I'm not as brave as him although I like to think otherwise.

"He's okay," Paul says and I wait for his nod before I let myself in.

I sit on the floor of the bathroom as Keegan splashes in the tub. I have his clothes and shoes neatly packed into plastic bags, I've taken nail clippings and run a comb carefully through his hair and packed that up too. I don't know why I find making a evidence kit so necessary but I can't help myself. I've questioned him carefully and examined him all over. There is not even a mosquito bite on him, much less a bruise or a scratch. I watch him as plays with his toys. He's oblivious to the danger he had been in. Or is he?

"Keegan? Baby? Will you tell me what happened today?" He looks up at me, looking unsure. "I'm not going to get mad at you, sweetie. I just want to know what happened." I reach out and slick his wet hair off his forehead.

He looks guilty. "I came out of school, Mommy. I wanted to go to La Push."

"Did you think you were going to walk all the way there?"

He shrugs. Most of the time, his maturity level astounds me, the questions he asks, the quietly responsible way he has. And then he does this. "Mommy, that man took my bag."

"I know, sweetie. We'll get you a new one, okay?"

"But how am I going to go to school tomorrow?"

"You're not going to school tomorrow. We're going to La Push, baby."

"We are?" he sounds surprised. "Why, Mommy?"

"Well, you wanted to go so badly that you ran out of school. So I'm going to take you myself." I knew his running away had something to do with Paul's retirement as wolf. I'm not sure what exactly his plans were, to get Jake to try to talk Paul out of it or something else altogether but I definitely can't have this happening again.

"But mommy, I don't want to go anymore."

I cross both my arms on the edge of the tub and rest my chin on them. "Why not?"

"Daddy's still wolf, Mommy! He came and took me away from the vampires. He was not scared of them at all," he says ever so enthusiatically, his happiness apparent in his animation of the events. "There were five of them, Mommy," he holds five fingers up for me. "I knew they were vampires because they had red eyes, all of them! And daddy was alone. That means he is still wolf, Mommy. Cos they were all scared of daddy."

I really don't know how to correct his thinking, not until I've spoken to Paul about it. But this running away thing, this attempt to get to La Push himself thing was too serious. He has no idea of the lucky escape that he's had. And as thankful as I am that I've gotten him back unscatched both physically and mentally, this is not something that I can let pass. That's just not me, and Keegan needs to realize that too. But it can wait for tomorrow. Because right now there is another Winters man who needs me. Another Winters man that I need to check over to convince myself that he is fine. How did I get stuck in the middle?

"Keegan, sweetie, daddy didn't phase into a wolf when he came to get you, did he?" I need him to realize that what Paul did today, he did as a man, not a wolf.

"Mommy!" Keegan huffs. "We were in a restaurant! Daddy can't phase in a restaurant!" There, that explained it all and I'm the one left feeling silly.

I have to laugh though, what a new predicament to be in. Because what my little darling is too young to understand is, Paul Winters used to phase at the drop of a hat whenever there was danger, vampires or a member of his family in trouble. The fact that it was all three, our son was in a dangerous situation with vampires and Paul maintained his control said a lot, but said it in a language Keegan was no where close to understanding.

When I arrive downstairs, it's to see Petra loading the dishwasher and Leah closing the door behind some people who are leaving. I don't see Paul anywhere and Tokala is snoring softly on the TV room couch.

"Hey," Leah greets me. She looks tired and I remember how pregnancy used to feel. It hasn't been that long for me. "Almost everyone has left, but don't worry, we made sure they ate first."

"Yes, Rachel. And I have more food warming in the oven for Paul and you. He didn't want to eat." Petra appears next to me. "Tokala won't wake up and go home," she says with a slight wrinkle of her nose.

"Let him sleep there, Petra." It's not the first time he's slept over, although usually he uses one of the bedrooms. "He was on air the whole night and then this thing with Keegan..." I trail off. "I don't think he's slept at all this morning." Tokala is a deejay on the radio, pretty popular too. He does the midnight shift and calls himself The Wolfman on Air.

"Hey, they found him okay. He's a very lucky little boy," Leah pats me on my shoulder.

Yeah, if she only knew how lucky he was. Petra misunderstands the expression on my face and she holds my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Rachel, I could have found Keegan for you. But Paul found him before I even knew he was missing." She is always so sweet and caring that I don't say anything to that.

"Hey," Embry appears by the door, giving me a half smile before his eyes slide to his wife. "You ready to head home, baby?"

"Yes, Embry," Petra skips over to his side and he grins adoringly at her. It's nice seeing Embry Call looking content. It's a look that took Petra coming into his life to achieve. "Embry? I was just telling Rachel that I would have found Keegan for her. I would have, Embry."

"I know, baby," he tells her, and I smile as he sort of leans down and knocks his head with hers as they both smile softly at each other.

Leah and I turn to grin at each other. There's just something about Embry and Petra and leaves everyone around them feeling – fluffy. Leah and Alex leave right along with Embry and Petra, and I jump as I turn from shutting the door to find Jake leaning against the far wall watching me.

"You scared me!"

He grins as he ambles over to me. "Nerves shot? Feeling all jumpy?"

"Yes," I laugh as I bring a hand up to my forehead. "I'm still shaking."

"That'll take awhile to subside. Both of you will probably wake up every half an hour to check on both kids, have bad dreams for a while."

"Oh Jake," I say. How he must have suffered. But he brushes me off.

"Paul's in your backyard." I nod when he says that. I know Paul, he needs me. As tough as he always is, wherever he feels that his world has been knocked off its axis, he needs me to talk him out of the funk he sinks into. "I think he's reeling from the whole 'I was walking to La Push' thing."

"I'm reeling from the whole touching thing," my voice cracks as I say this and Jake gathers me into his arms.

"Hey," he says as he cuddles me to him. "He's okay, right?"

I nod. "Yes, yes he is. He doesn't even realize what sort of danger he was in."

"That's good, right? You get to save on the expensive therapy."

"Jacob!" I give him a watery giggle. "I think I need the expensive therapy."

"I think you need to address why he was trying to get to La Push, Rach," he's dead serious all of a sudden. "Paul's been treating the little man like an equal all this time, then not discussing this retirement thing with him...you know what I'm getting at, right?"

I nod as I slip out of Jake's arms. "We'll be coming to La Push in the morning."

"You are? What about work?" I glare up at him and he chuckles. "Silly question. Sorry."

"Oh Jake! I'm mad as hell at him for this stupid stunt. Is that bad?"

"Nope."

I breathe in and out as I try come to terms with everything that has happened today. Paul, I've pushed him to the last place. I need to get to him. Now. "Are you spending the night?" I demand.

"Nah. I have this overwhelming need to check in on my boys and hold my wife. I have a feeling she's reliving what happened to Griffin."

"I want to kill that man who touched him, Jake," I look up at him frankly and it strikes me that he doesn't look shocked or troubled with what I just said. "I'm sure Paul wanted to kill your vampire friends before he realized just how serious this was, right?" Jake sighs and nods. "Jacob? How did you manage not to hurt Becca?" I don't know why it's so important to know that right now. I don't know why it's taken Keegan's disappearance for me to realize just how much Jake would have been affected and how much strength and control he's exerted not to harm Rebecca. Because right now, today, after all this time, it's occured to me suddenly that if Rebecca had taken Keegan instead of Griffin, I would have definitely hurt her—badly.

There's a look on his face that scares me, I've never seen this expression on him before. Is that his wolf? Is this why he's the strongest? He just stares at me and I wonder if I should have waited to bring Rebecca up when Paul was around to shut me up or just protect me from whatever I've done now. Then Jake sighs deeply and shakes off whatever it was and looks away from me. "She's dead to me," he growls. Then he moves forward to brush by me to get to the front door. "You're my only sister, Rach." He doesn't turn to look at me. "See you on the Rez tomorrow." And just like that, he's gone.

He doesn't realize just how telling that was. He may claim that she's dead to him, but the fact that she's still alive tells me that somewhere deep inside, she's still his sister, she's still family or that scary person who just walked out of here, would have definitely killed her himself.

I find Paul in the backyard like Jake said he was. He had pulled one of the wrought iron patio chairs to the end of the yard where the lights didn't quite reach and he's brooding. I walk over to him and carefully sit myself down on his lap. He still has his tie on and it occurs to me that he's even more out of sorts that I realized.

"Hey," I whisper as I pull off his tie and unbutton the top two buttons of his shirt. He watches my hands with no reaction. Then I run my hands through his hair, combing the silky strands off his forehead before I lean down and press my head to his. It takes a moment or two, but slowly, his arms come up to wrap around me and he squeezes tightly, causing me to gasp, but I don't say anything. Take whatever strength you need from me, Paul. I'm here for you.

"Is he alright?" he asks after some time. He knows me, he knows I would have given Keegan a through examination.

"Yes."

"Promise?" His voice cracks and I hold him tighter.

"I promise. He's perfectly fine, Paul."

A shudder runs through him and I hear a soft sob. I rock him slowly. "I failed him, Rach. When I think about what could have happened...this, this never ever crossed my mind."

"Hey, hey," I cup his face and hold his head back so I can look into his eyes, his wet eyes. "Listen to me, Paul Winters! You didn't fail him. You could never fail him." I wipe the wetness off his cheeks with my fingers. "You're the best father any kid could ask for. You're the best of all men. You could never fail anyone you take under your wings and you would never ever fail your children. Do you hear me?" I ask him fiercely.

He shakes his head, looking down. And as shaken as I've been when everything had hit me like a punch in the gut, only Paul mattered to me right now. I've got to make this right for him, I've got to make this right between father and son. They're just so much alike and just so much into each other.

"Winters, look at me," I coax and wait for him to look into my eyes. "You're a wonderful man, baby. You're a wonderful father. You are," I insist when it looks like he was going to disagree with me. "You don't see what I see. You don't see how you treat Keegan and Logan. They love you Paul. You're their hero," I press a finger to his lips, silencing him before he can say whatever it is that he was going to say. "Keegan is five-years old. He's so completely into being wolf, but he's a little boy, Winters. You have to remember that. He doesn't understand everything just yet. He hasn't even discovered girls, how can he understand what imprinting is and everything that entails?" I stroke the side of his face and he turns his head to brush a kiss on my open palm. He's listening to me, I can tell from the way he is slowly starting to relax. "You can never fail him, baby. You can never fail any of us. Your pack, you don't realize why so many of them hang out here so much. You are this wonderful father figure that they never had. You've just stepped up for them and filled that missing role and you don't even see that you're doing it." He does, he really does. They way they all flock to him for advice, for approval. Even though he's sarcastic most times, they know that Paul Winters would give everything he has to look out for them. Why does he always associate himself with the young, mean boy he had been before? People change, and he has changed the best of all.

"It's karma, Rachel. Sins of the father. My son is paying for every mean thing I've ever done. It's me, don't you see? It's my fault!"

"You were never a pedophile, Paul Winters! A mean jerk maybe, but never evil. Remember that!" I snap. And we stare at each other for a while. "Let me tell you something, something that I believe with all my heart and soul. Phasing into a wolf, for you, it was a form rebirth. I'm a firm believer in science so if I'm the one telling you about a mythical theory, you better listen, Winters!" I grin as a reluctant smile crosses Paul's face and I let myself snuggle into his chest. This is where I really belong, within the circle of his arms, held protectively over his heart. It's my place. "You were reborn into this beautiful person, Paul. In here, you're perfect and wonderful," I poke a finger on his chest, over his heart. "And just because you're going to stop phasing, it doesn't take you back to the mean kid you were, because you've already grown up to be the man that you are, the man that you were meant to be. I wish you would see yourself the way I see you."

"I just worry about you and the kids," he finally whispers. "You guys are the most important thing in the world to me. I don't handle things too well if anything happens to my family. I don't know about rebirth and all that. All I know is that you are my world, and you and the kids complete me. There's no Paul if there's no Rachel, or Keegan or Logan."

"I know," I whisper back. "That's the way it's supposed to be, baby. That's what makes you the wonderful man that you are. That's why you can never fail us."

He holds me tighter and we listen to the sounds of the night for a little while. It's a cool night, but Paul keeps me warm. Then I start imaging mosquitos and other bugs that come out at night. I know no vampire would dare to turn up at my backyard, but still, I'd really rather be indoors, so I slowly untangle myself from my husband and stand up. Holding a hand out to him, I get him to stand up and come in with me. "Come on, Winters. I'm starving and I've not eaten since breakfast. Let's go see what Petra's left us to eat, huh?"

We're halfway across the yard when he stops me gently. "Rachel?" I look up at him in question. "I didn't 'reborn' when I phased. I was reborn the day I imprinted on you. Just wanted you to know, so you can tweak your little theory, okay?"

I grin up at him. I don't care who says what, but I'm married to the sweetest man in the whole wide world. And just as we turn to the house again, I see him, Luka, he's been in the shadows all this while and when I look at him, he shuffles his foot once before he slinks away. But I ignore him. I can't deal with him now.

"Paul," I tell him. "Thank you for bringing our baby home. I didn't thank you for that. I'm sorry."

"I knew in here, baby," he says as he flattens my hand over his heart.

I look at his hand holding mine over his chest. Even in this lighting, I see the difference in our skin tones. Someone, somewhere gave me this prince of a man and it is my duty to look after his heart, just like it is his duty to look after mine. And right now, there's a confused little boy in both our hearts.

'Winters, we're going to La Push tomorrow." I have to settle this thing once and for all.

A/N : Watcha think? Lemme know..