8Red End
Author note: Suicide warning.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Red.
His favorite color.
Red.
The color of her hair.
Red.
The color of my blood.
All around me. Sipping from my slit wrists. Coloring the water. Ephemeral swirls of Sookie.
I stare at my bloodied hands. Fascinating. Dripping. Drop after drop. Life flowing away.
I glance at the window. Dawn is here.
All will continue, only I will be gone. My thoughts, hopes, dreams: wiped out.
He was all for me. My world. And it all crumbled.
Tonight was our one-year anniversary. One year since we met. Also my nineteenth birthday. A year. Of giving myself to him completely. Nothing left behind. Nothing unshared. Body, mind, and soul. Every little corner of myself. He wanted it all. No secrets from me. Every night since he laid eyes on me has been filled with passion, all consuming, blazing need. Until tonight...
I wanted to surprise him. And surprise it was.
Yesterday. After long hours spent in the shower, this very room, then in front of the mirror and the dresser, an endless drive to Shreveport in my new shiny car, I sneaked into his bar through the back door. I felt his blood calling me to come close, closer.
Then red invaded my vision. A beautifully styled red mane. Bouncing over him. A woman more beautiful than I will ever be.
He felt me, saw me. He stared at me with voided eyes. As if at nothing. Me: the nothing.
I don't remember much after. Pam's marble hands, muffled words, the hardness of the old wooden floor...
Now, the cleansing water.
The sting of the blade. Nothing like the glorious nip of his fangs. Never again... He has another to toy with.
Another day has come.
I used to mostly sleep during the light hours, so I wouldn't go crazy without him. Without his skin on my skin, his fangs in my veins, his manhood in me, his tongue everywhere, burning me with icy fire.
How can the sun still shine when my world is dying? And flowers continue to bloom...
I hate it! Hate it all!
Another night will follow. Will the stars still pierce the night?
Will he come tonight?
Still I crave him. With all my wounded heart, and body.
Let him come, let him see what he has done to me with his unseeing eyes, his betrayal… I only finished what he started tonight. Just twisting the knife, he plunged into my heart.
Slowly life is flowing away, back to the waters.
Morning clouds are tinted with shades of pink. It's Sunday. Will I stay long enough to hear the church bell ringing?
"The suicide goes to Hell" pops out from distant memory.
Guess they won't allow me to be put in next to the rest of my family. No holy land for the sinners...
Oh Gran!
I need her...
Clawing myself out I break out from the slippery tub and drag my sorry self to her old room.
I long to wrap myself in her linens. I know they still smell of her.
But I am dirty, in and out. I would taint them.
I pause. Is someone else here?
No, just the wall mirror. There.
There I see... Red and black streaking a twisted and swollen face, blood in the wet hair sticking to the skull, blood on the hands, on the body. Wet, stained dress - my burial cloth. Ugly, unwanted, alone.
"Devil's spawn..."
Oh, God, no! I don't want this!
I need to call for help. But the phone is in the living room, light-years away.
Gran's jewelry box, opened... Gran's old cross, gold with little chips of diamond. Wedding gift from grandfather…
I put it on.
"Hang on." Whispers a tiny voice. Hope, faraway, holding me by a sheer thread. I want to let go of everything. However, I am too weak, or maybe too strong to cut it away. Still, I dare not to wish for another chance.
Nothingness is right here.
God, please forgive me for what I am doing!
A.N.: Thank you. The darkest moments have the biggest potential for turning ones fate around, and healing. I know.
This, for sure is the end of this version of Sookie. If she would survive, she will be a totally changed person.
Thank you Scattered21, my ever-gracious beta.
For my readers of FAD, sorry for the prolonged break, I found that the direction where it was heading was wrong. I hope that I will find the right way to continue it.