2AN: Just a silly little oneshot I thought up because I really needed to write something light. It was supposed to be a drabble but I got carried away. Anyone born in the 90's will probably get the title.
Warnings: Crack, OOC, one surprise het pairing that's really not that much of a surprise, and another that might be slightly more of a surprise, but not too much
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, you can all rest easy again.
Sakura Explains It All
"Shut up, Sasuke-teme!"
"Naruto, don't call Sasuke-kun that!" *whack*
"Hn."
Sakura turned around with a sigh and made another tick mark on her notepad, bringing the total to twenty-three. Twenty-three times the exact same conversation had happened in the last hour. She didn't even know it was possible for two people to find that many things to argue about in that amount of time, but oh no, they just had to prove her wrong. Stupid overachievers. On the bright side, they were almost at the missions office and there was no way that they could-
"Teme!"
"Hn."
"Teme!"
"Hn."
"TEM-"
"Don't call Sasuke- oh screw it, both of you just shut up!"
Both boys blinked owlishly up at Sakura as she towered over them in irritation, leaving a passing ninja to regale his wife with stories of an elusive emo owl over a warm bowl of clam chowder later that day.
Sasuke, being the super-duper genius that he is, recovered first.
"I wasn't talking," he said smugly, crossing his arms in what would never be called a pout by anyone lacking two eyes and common sense. The ability to be both petulant and proud was an exclusive Uchiha family trait.
Sakura's eyes narrowed and she snorted in a decidedly un-fangirl-like manner.
"No, but you were smirking loud enough to nearly drown out your ego and it was giving me a headache."
Sasuke's mouth dropped open so wide that a fly buzzed in, settled down, and lived a quiet, simple life until the rent got too high and he was forced to move back in with his mother.
Naruto, whose life plan involved living to a fairly old age and who had, accordingly, remained silent thus far, meekly ventured a question.
"Um, Sakura? Why aren't you defending Sasuke? That's how it's always been, even in school!"
Sakura rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated huff.
"Please, I'm a teenage girl; I crush obsessively for a short time and then I move on. If you two didn't have your heads so far up each others' butts you would've realized that. Speaking of which," she glanced down at her watch, "I'm late for my date already."
Ignoring the garbled sounds coming out of Naruto's mouth, she shoved the mission report into his hands and dragged Sasuke out of the middle of the hall.
"Turn that in and make sure no one steps on genius boy, okay? You will? Great." With a final wave, Sakura turned on her heel and strode, smiling, from the building, deliberately ignoring the thud that sounded suspiciously like an emo genius' legs giving out.
Later that evening, while curled up on her boyfriend's couch, Sakura relayed the day's events to a wildly amused Lee. Once he had gotten his laughter under control, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.
"Why did you keep defending Sasuke, anyway, if you didn't like him?"
Sakura shrugged and nabbed another piece of popcorn from the bowl.
"Habit, I suppose. It was easier than trying to make them get along. Even after I stopped chasing him, it was a quick way to stop them without getting too involved in their hissy fits." She wrinkled her nose and stuck her tongue out before breaking into a grin and grabbing another handful of popcorn.
"You know," she said, tossing a piece into the air and catching it in her mouth, "it'll be nice not trying to babysit those two any more."
They cuddled in silence for a bit until a thought struck Lee.
"Hey, shouldn't you call Ino and let her know?" he asked. Sakura made a noncommittal noise and buried her head in his shoulder.
"I'll tell her tomorrow, she's taking Chouji out to an all-you-can-eat buffet tonight for their anniversary."
Right before settling down to another nice, relaxing marathon of IFC tapes, Sakura briefly wondered if her teammates had made it home alright. The thought was quickly pushed aside. She'd find out tomorrow either way.
AN: IFC stands for International Fighting Championship, a mixed martial arts tournament. I can imagine Sakura watching that in her spare time.