A/N: All memories between Finn and Rachel are italicized.

Warning: This story contains thoughts of suicide.

I do not own Glee.


It was kind of the running joke in the family that Rachel and Finn were meant to be together ever since the womb. Rachel's "mom" (a surrogate for her two gay dads) and his mom met each other during classes that helped prepare women for birth. Carole said the first time she ever felt Finn kick was when she and the surrogate's bellies were right next to each other.

They were born three weeks apart.

Finn was born first. He was there when Rachel was born. Not like he remembers or anything, but there are pictures of a little Finn bundled in green next to an even littler Rachel covered in pink. When Carole got the news that her husband had died over seas, the Berry's suggested Carole and Finn movie into the tiny house next door to them. When Finn was a month old the Hudson family moved right in next to the Berry family. They've been inseparable ever since.

Finn and Rachel were basically raised as one unit. They ran together naked in their diapers, learned how to pump their feet together on the swing set, and entered Kindergarten together. Always together.

No one was surprised when friendship turned into something more.

One day Rachel pressed her lips to his when they were thirteen. When she pulled back Finn smiled at her and said, "Let's do that again." Suddenly, they weren't just best friends. They weren't as close as brother and sister. They were in love. Finn couldn't have been more thrilled.

Childhood was magical. Perfect. And when Finn entered high school with Rachel Berry on his arm, he figured teenage years would be just as awesome.

Wrong.

To say Finn was surprised when his girlfriend turns to him and whispers that she wants to kill herself is the understatement of the year. Rachel immediately laughs it off and says "just kidding!" in that adorable high pitched voice of hers. But Finn sees the lie. Their was truth behind that 'just kidding.' He lets it go. This time.

The second time his girlfriend tells him she wants to kill herself she doesn't laugh it off.

"Finn," she murmured as they cuddled on the coach, "do it with me. Let's just end it. Life. We could spend eternity with each other. In heaven, afterlife, hell, I don't care. As long as I'm with you."

Finn sits up off the coach and looks at Rachel. Horrified. "Baby, where the hell is this coming from? We have forever to spend here on Earth. Why would you want to kill yourself?"

Rachel's eyes well up with tears. "I hate it here Finn. I hate it. I want out. With you."

Finn takes Rachel's face into his hands, "Rachel. I don't ever want to hear you talk like this. Ever. We will get out of here. New York, right? Like you told me. It's summer, and one more year of high school. We can do this."

A few tears slide down Rachel's face, "But Finn I…"

"No stop. Promise me Rachel. Promise me you will never hurt yourself."

Rachel looks down, ashamed. "I promise."

Finn kisses her head. Then the side of her temple, and trails a small line of kisses until he reaches her lips. "I love you too much to lose you." He says before kissing her softly.

"I love you, too," Rachel says, reciprocating the kiss, "more than anything in the world."

Finn doesn't know if that's enough.


"Finn Hudson let's go!" a ten- year old Rachel called from the Hudson's front door.

"Rach it is only 7:20! School starts at 8:15! We live five minutes away!" cried Finn from his room. He was so not ready for summer vacation to end. To think that Rachel and him couldn't go to the lake anymore and jump and splash. Instead they would have homework and stupid stuff. Crap he wasn't sposed to say stupid. Crap he wasn't supposed to say crap either…Rachel always got mad.

Finn walked down his stairs to see a very crisp looking Rachel standing in front of him. Plaid knee-socks, plaid skirt, and ribbon in her hair. Not her normal summer attire but Finn still liked it.

"Finn I don't think you understand the severity of this situation. If we are late for fifth- grade the teachers will hate me. I could not handle that! Early birds get the worm!" Finn rolled his eyes. He never understood why his best friend was always so concerned with what other people thought. She was totally awesome! Everyone knew that!

"Whatever you say Rachel." Finn picked up his backpack and the two walked to their elementary school.

Finn wasn't surprised they got there before anyone else. They even beat out some of the teachers. It was kind of boring cause Rachel was doing some before school studying. They were learning "Family Life" (aka sex. His mom already sat him down for that painful conversation) this year. Finn remembered when he walked into Rachel's room and she was reading about the uh, male anatomy. She couldn't look him in the eyes for days.

Ha.


After Finn left Rachel's house that day he had a lot of thoughts running through his brain. This was the second time Rachel had mentioned suicide. Finn couldn't wrap his mind around it. She was so talented, relatively liked by her glee club members (Finn was in it too, Rachel threatened to end their relationship if he didn't join), and generally a positive person. He just didn't understand.

She said she was over it. All the shit that happened to her freshman year. She swore.

"Hey mom." Finn said as he went into his own house.

"How was Rachel, honey?" His mom called from the kitchen. "All five of us haven't gotten together in ages. We must have a pizza night soon." By the "five of us" his mom meant the Hudson's and the Berry's. Carole and Rachel's dad were pretty much as close as Rachel and Finn were. On the friendship level. Not on the romantic level. Gross.

"Ya I guess," Finn replied, then paused, "uh, hey mom? Have you ever known someone whose, like committed suicide?"

Carole looked up, concerned. "Why sweetie? Did someone commit suicide? I didn't see anything on the news."

"No I guess I was just like, wondering or something"

"No I've never known anyone who has. It's pretty common amongst teenagers who are depressed." Depressed? Rachel wasn't depressed. She was usually always smiling and laughing as his dumb jokes. That didn't seem like a depressed person to him.

Besides she went to counseling and stuff for all that crap she went through. Finn can't even bring himself to think about it. It pisses him off so much.

Carole continued, "You know Finn, it's sad. Some teens just don't think they belong in this world anymore. That no one loves them."

Finn nodded and exited up to his room. If there was one thing Finn knew for sure about Rachel, is that she knew he loved her.


They were on the fifth grade field trip. Every class goes every year to the woods to camp and sing songs and what not. Finn was actually really excited because it was the first time Rachel and he had ever been away from home. Of course they weren't aloud to sleep in the same tent because she was a girl and he was a boy. Whatever, he was with Mike Chang and Noah Puckerman. They were all right, but no Rachel.

That's why currently at 1:01 am Rachel and he had snuck out of their tent to lay on the ground together and watch the stars.

"Ugh. I hate them." Rachel said as they gazed into the beautiful sky.

"Who?"

"My tent mates. Santana Lopez and Quinn Fabray. They think they are so cool because they have developing breasts or something." Finn blushed. He had noticed Rachel was a little slower in the "development" part then some of her other classmates. He knew she was self- conscious about it. Quinn Fabray had the biggest boobs in the whole 5th grade. Finn could see her bra straps sometimes.

"Ya that's stupid." Finn said.

"Don't say stupid Finn. It makes you sound stupid." Rachel sighed.

"Sorry, Rach. You know I don't mean to."

There was a pause.

"Do you ever think about it? Sex, I mean. Do you ever think about sex?"

Woah there was a turn in conversation. Finn gulped.

"Not really." He lied easily.

"I do." Rachel said. "I think about it a lot. I mean…how does it fit?" Rachel and Finn glanced at each other seriously for one moment and then burst out into a fit of laughter.

Apparently they were so loud that a counselor could here them.

"HEY! YOU TWO! GET BACK INTO YOUR TENTS!"

Rachel and Finn shot up from the ground and sprinted in the opposite direction to their respective tents.

That night Finn lay awake thinking. His best friend thought about sex. He thought about it too. He wondered what it would be like if he and Rachel became more than friends. For the first night of his life Finn Hudson had a dream about Rachel Berry that wasn't friendly. He had a dream he was kissing her and running his hands through her brown hair. He woke up feeling like an idiot. He could never like his best friend! Hello, that's why it was called a best friend!

He thought about Quinn's boobs instead.


When Finn went up to his room he sat on his bed and looked out his window. The best thing about where he lived was that yes, he lived next to Rachel, but their rooms were also adjacent to each other and they could both look out their windows and see each other.

Rachel hadn't gone up to her room since he left, but he felt his phone buzz.

Finn looked at his phone and saw one new message from Rachel. It said how she couldn't go to the lake tomorrow because her dad wanted to take her to do some before school shopping at the mall. Dammit, Finn thought. Rachel was always giddy with excitement when they went to the lake. It was their special place. He wanted to see joy light up her face.

He texted her back that it was okay and that he loved her.

God, he loved her.

He could never live without Rachel Berry.


Reviews are appreciated!

Suicide is a serious issue. Please if you know someone or have thoughts of suicide call 1-800-273-TALK (National Suicide Prevention Hotline).

TBC