6I think today had to be the worst day of my life. I had to say goodbye to my boyfriend, my soul mate, and after last night, my lover. I didn't know if I could make it through the day without crying. But I wanted to stay strong for Troy. I wanted to stay strong for H. Who am I kidding? I had to stay strong for myself. If I broke down, I'd cry then entire time he was gone and when he came home, he'd come home to a depressed mess. I wasn't about ready to do that to Troy. I loved him and I wanted him to come home to the girl he knows now, the one happily, blissfully in love with him. I wasn't going to fall apart on him. I was determined not to. I was going to stay strong for everyone.
H was staying strong too. We both had tears behind our eyes, but neither of us were going to let them fall. We were strong women. We may not share blood, but we had the same strength, the same fortitude. As much as we wanted to fall apart on Troy and Lucas, we weren't going to. We were holding firm to our resolve. We had to believe that Troy and Lucas were coming back to us. We couldn't believe otherwise. We loved them and we knew they loved us. That love was enough to bring them back to us. They would come back because they knew they had our love waiting for them. And no matter what, that love was not going to falter while they were away. Distance only makes the heart grow fonder, right? I believed that, and I was holding onto it as we stood at the Albuquerque Sunport waiting, or rather dreading the time when the flight was to leave.
We sat in the terminal at the gate, H and I sat beside each other with Troy and Lucas on either side of us. Troy held my hand, looking at it. He ran his fingers over my ring finger, pulling it to his lips and kissing it softly. "Some day you'll have my ring on that finger. Actually," he stopped placing my hand down before pulling open is bag. He pulled out a tin case, opening it. "We're not allowed to wear jewelry, aside from our dog tags," he said, pulling at it slightly from underneath his uniform and letting it drop back down, "but dog tags aren't really jewelry are they?" I looked at him, slightly confused, as he put the tin back in the bag before sitting back up straight. "I wasn't going to leave this behind, but as long as it's on your finger, I really don't feel like I'm leaving it, since I'm giving it to you and it will be in better hands." Smiling, he picked my left hand back up in his, sliding his school ring onto my finger.
I looked down at it, my eyes glistening with the tears I was determined not to let fall. It was a few sizes too big, but that didn't matter. He had given me his school ring and I knew what it was meant to symbolize, even if he said it anyway. "This may not be an engagement ring, and I know it's a bit big. You can put it on a chain or something later, but I wanted you to have it. This way everyone will know you're mine." I looked up, into his eyes, smiling brightly. "Troy!" It took everything I had in me not to cry with how happy, sad, worried, scared, excited... I was. I inhaled sharply, smiling brightly. "I love you, Troy! I love you so much!" I wrapped my arms around him, kissing him deeply. He slipped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him.
That day seemed so long ago, even if it was only three weeks ago. I could see it in my head as though it had only happened yesterday. But Troy had been gone for three long weeks. After a few days I had received his first letter and was able to send him all the letters I had written from the day he had left up until that moment. I wrote him that day after reading his letter. He said that life here wasn't anything like he had expected, but then again, it wasn't really life. Everywhere he looked he saw death. The only thing that brought him peace was thinking about me. I hated that he was over there, putting his life on the line for a war that we should have never been dragged into in the first place. Yes, ever since the day Japan bombed Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, I felt a sharp bitterness for them. I didn't have a reason to hate them before then, but I did now. I especially hated them now. It was because of them my guy was halfway across the world fighting this stupid war.
But I wasn't going to dwell on that. When I wrote to Troy, I forgot about everything that was keeping us apart and just thought about us and I made believe that he was right there with me as I wrote him the letter. I imagined that he was there with me and I was telling him what I was writing to him in the letter. It helped me feel closer to him. I wanted to believe as I wrote to him he was writing to me at the same time and we were having a conversation together. Albeit, if he was writing me back, our conversation was days in delay, but that didn't matter to me. It was what I imagined and it made me feel better, it made me feel closer to him. I'd say that it made me miss him less, but nothing short of this war ending and him returning home to me would make me miss him any less.
The last week or so I had been feeling extremely sick. I was throwing up everything I ate, everything I drank. Everything I ate, everything I smelled, everything I even looked at made me nauseated and I was barely eating because of it. I equated it to missing Troy. I knew I was just worrying myself sick over him being gone and after a while it would go away. I tried willing it away, especially with writing the letters, but it wasn't working. I only seemed to get sicker and sicker. If this continued on any longer, I knew I was going to have to go to the doctor. Maybe he could give me a shot to take care of the nausea.
I wasn't about to accept that I was depressed, because in actuality, I wasn't. I missed him, more than anything, but I knew he still loved me and I knew he was alright. His letters every day told me he was alright. But I'd find out what was wrong with me IF I had to go to the doctor. But I was sure it was just my nerves wreaking havoc with my stomach. I wasn't going to tell Troy I was sick though. Because I was sure it was going to go away soon, even if I had to get something from the doctor. I hated needles, but if that's what it takes, I knew I would be better soon enough. Troy would never have to know. I didn't want to worry him any.
Dear Troy,
I'm laying in our bed as I write you today. I think about the night we made love, first out on the couch, and then the morning after here in this bed. Everything still smells like you. I wear your shirts to bed and it makes me feel like your arms are wrapped around me. It may sound silly, but being here in this place, with all your things, makes me feel closer to you. It doesn't make me miss you any less, but it does make me feel closer to you.
I think about you all the time, Troy, and not just that last night we were together. I think of things we used to do. I think of the times you'd hold me in your arms. If I concentrate hard enough, I can hear you telling me you love me. As I write this, I'm whispering out into the night "I love you." I talk to you all the time and make believe that you can hear me, that you can feel the love I'm sending you from back here in Albuquerque.
I went to work today and Gretel was there today. She hadn't been to work in almost a week and a half. Honestly, after she told me why she was gone, I didn't know how she could be back to work so soon. Frank was killed over there. I don't know if he was with you in your squad or platoon or whatever you're in, but she said that his commanding officer wrote her specifically, telling her of the incident. What she told me, Troy...
I hate thinking about all the things you are going through. I can only imagine all the things you're seeing while you're over there. I don't know how you're able to do it day in and day out. I know I would never be able to do it. I love you so much more for everything you're doing out there. I hope and pray all the time that you're alright. I can't even tell you how many times I just hug your pillow to make me miss you less.
But then I remember our rule and I know that you wouldn't want me sitting here feeling like this. I go out with H and C as often as I can just to busy myself with things so I'm not worrying about you all the time. I know that you're thinking about me though and I will never stop thinking about you. I love you, Troy. I always will love you. I'm going to go to bed now and hope to dream that you're here with me, holding me in your arms while I sleep. I love you so much and I will write you tomorrow like always!
My love forever,
Gabby
I laid in my bunker, staring up at the ceiling. The day had been long... Day? Days. I couldn't remember the last time we were able to just lay down like this. But they kept us rotated out on the front line. We all needed our sleep. But I wasn't sleeping right now. I was thinking about Haley. It was something I did 99.9% of the time. The other .1% I was asleep. Ok, so I slept more than that, and even when I was sleeping, I was thinking about Haley. I always dreamt about her. I would never want to stop dreaming about her. In my dreams we were happy and this war didn't exist. In my dreams we were married and everything was good in the world. I didn't have to miss her in my dreams. She was always there when I open my eyes and when I closed them, I knew she was right there with me too. But when I woke up, she was all the way on the other side of the world and I was left missing her again.
"Mail, boys!" Our sergeant's voice brought me to a sitting position like a lightning bolt. He started to read out names as he tossed the mail and other packages to the men around the bunker. "Bolton." Troy quickly closed up a letter he had been writing to Gabriella trading the sergeant for the letter he handed him. Laying back down, he opened the letter and started to read it as though he weren't here anymore but he was back in Albuquerque with Gabriella. Her letters always made him drift away. He drifted when he wrote to her as well. No one else existed in the world but the two of them when he was reading her letters or replying to her.
"Scott." I stood, taking the bigger letter from him, the manilla envelope. I wondered what Abigail could be sending me now. We always loved it when people would send us something other than a letter. Not that we didn't love the letters everyone from home was sending us, but it was always a treat to get something more than a letter. "Thank you, sir," I muttered, dropping back down on the cot. Quickly opening the yellow-colored envelope, I pulled out her letter along with some photos she'd taken of her and Gabriella. "Troy!" I called over to him, but he was too far gone. Sitting back up, I stretched out my leg and kicked his cot. "Troy!"
He looked up and over at me. "What's your deal man? Can't you see I'm not here right now?" I shrugged my shoulders. "Suit yourself. But then you won't get to see your doll, now will you?" He narrowed his eyes on me, turning his head to look at me completely. "What's got you all worked up?" I turned the photos over in my hand, showing him one of Gabriella alone. He quickly sat up, leaning over and taking the photo from me and looking down at it. "There's others here too, man." He quickly stood up, coming over to sit beside me on my cot. "Haley send you these?" I nodded my head. "Our girls look happy, don't they?" He nodded, taking more of the photos of Gabby from me. "Yeah, go ahead, man, take them." I laughed. I really didn't need them and I was sure the reason Haley had sent them was so I could give them to Troy.
He took the photos back over to his bunk and laid back down with them as he finished reading the letter from Gabriella. I unfolded the letter from Haley and laid back on the cot to read it. I could tell from the tone of her letter how much she missed me, even if we had made it a rule that we weren't supposed to talk about how much we missed each other. The tone was still there and I could hear it in her words. Every time I read her letters I could hear her voice in my head. I loved it. She had the most soothing voice in the world and even if I had had the worst day out on the battle field, watching the men I was serving with getting blown up or getting shot in the head, I could still get her letter and after reading it, I'd feel solace. She always did that for me. I didn't have to worry about anything because I knew she was back in Albuquerque missing me and loving me. Placing the pictures and letter on the bed beside me, I pulled out a sheet of paper and a pencil, laying down to write her.
Dearest Haley,
I just got your photos. You look so beautiful, baby! Just like the last day I saw you. Maybe you're even more beautiful than you had been then. Troy's lost in Gabriella heaven. You can tell her the photos of her made his night. He might even be drooling over there. Of course, I'm only kidding. But he is beside himself with the photos. As am I! I always love it when you send me presents, and sending me a present of you is the best thing I could ever hope for.
Today was long, but I'm glad that tonight we're in the bunker and we don't have to worry about keeping our heads on straight. Of course, we're always on alert, but when we're in the bunker we can relax a little bit. I wish I had you by my side though. Not here though. I would never wish for you to be here. I would never want you to see everything I see on a daily basis. No, I want to be home with you, in our apartment planning for our future.
But there's no reason that we can't plan for our future even if I'm not there. Our future doesn't go away just because I'm a million miles away. We can still plan for everything we want to do together. Our wedding day. Having our first child. Awaiting our next child. I think about our future all the time. It's what's getting me through this to get back to you, baby.
I have to go now, baby. It's almost time for lights out, and they don't keep them on for anybody. I will write you tomorrow with the free time I have. I'm thinking about you from all these thousands of miles away, just as I know you're thinking about me. I will be home to you some day and we will have everything we should have had if this war hadn't ever broken out. I love you, baby, always and forever and that is never going to change.
Always and forever,
Lucas
I folded up the paper and put it in an envelope before tucking it away in my bag. It would go out with tomorrow's mail. I'd already sent her a letter today and I sent her one every day. That would never change. Pulling my shoes off, I slid them under my bunk, pushing the blanket down and laying my head down on my pillow, I looked up at the ceiling again. I always went to sleep every night thinking about Haley. She was the first thought I had in the morning and the last thought I had before I went to bed. I thought about her all night and all throughout the day. She was all I thought about. She was what was getting me through this war. I never wanted to be without her in my life. Even though she was all the way back home in Albuquerque, she was still there for me and I knew she always would be.
I kissed the side of her head, pulling back and looking at her for a moment. "I want you to have something," I said, leaning over and pulling out the metal box they had given us to keep personal belongings we didn't want getting ruined, things like pictures, jewelry, stuff like that. I pulled out the pendant my Uncle Keith had given me when I was younger. It was a silver L for Lucas. I used to wear it all the time. But since I was drafted, all I was allowed to wear was my dog tags. Putting the box away, I held up the pendant for her to see it. "Uncle Keith gave this to me long time ago." He had died when we were in high school... Killed by my father. Dan Scott. I hated the man and I was sure I always would. If I didn't hate him before I did now. How could a man kill his own brother? I would never understand it. But then again, I didn't understand senseless violence to begin with.
I unclasped it and moved to put it around her neck. "No, Lucas," Haley protested, pulling back. I shook my head, narrowing my eyes in on her. "What? Why?" She shook her head as well, speaking softly, "I can't take that from you. Not if Keith gave it to you." I smiled, taking her hand in mine. "I want you to wear it for me. I want you to keep it safe for me while I'm gone." Of course, I'd never take it back from her. I was giving it to her now and I wanted her to always wear it. "I want everyone to know when they see you wearing it that you're wearing it because of me, that you're mine and you always will be. Please, Hales." She smiled softly, nodding her head. "Ok, Lucas. I will." I smiled brightly, holding the necklace up as she pulled her hair off her neck so I could clasp the necklace together behind her neck.
Letting it fall into place over her chest, I looked down at it before looking up into her eyes. "I love you, Haley James! I always will. Always and forever." She smiled, leaning forward and pressing her lips to mine. "I love you, Lucas Scott," she said as the flight attendant announced final boarding call for our flight. I sighed, looking into her eyes. "It's time, baby," I said, hating those words coming from my mouth. I wanted a bulletin to be sent out right now, telling us the war was over and that we didn't have to go, but I knew that wouldn't happen. Troy and I walked over to the gate with our girls wrapped in our arms. I had been dreading this moment from the time I got my draft papers. Looking down into Haley's eyes, I whispered, speaking only to her, "I love you, Haley. Always and forever. Never forget that." Tears were glistening in her eyes, and I knew it wouldn't take much for them to fall. "I love you, Lucas Scott! Always and forever!"
And that was all it took, two huge tears spilled down from her eyes and I pulled her quickly into my arms, kissing her lips deeply. When I knew I couldn't stay any longer, I pulled away from her, looking into her eyes. "I'll be back, baby! I swear to you. I will come home to you." The flight attendant called to Troy and me, telling us we had to come now or not at all. The not at all part sounded good to me, but I knew we had to go. Troy and I both pulled away from our girls, walking backward as far as we could until getting to the door. I waved to Haley, mouthing, "I love you," as the flight attendant ushered us through the door and closed it behind us... And that was the last we saw of them before we had to board the flight.