Disclaimer: So I've created this elaborate plot to own Kingdom Hearts (which currently belongs to Square Enix, by the way...) Here's the master plan: In the dead of night... I sneak into Square Enix... Steal the rights to Kingdom Hearts... and a life boat... and row back to Spain.

To those of you who are unaware, I may possibly have stolen the plan from Road to Eldorado, and just modified it. Thanks Tulio and Miguel!

"Your Majesty, the Prince is dead."

The blue-eyed guard fell to his knees in front of the queen, holding a small chest out to her. Marluxia grinned, something sadistic and horrible, and as Sora saw the look in his Queen's eyes, he knew that she really wasn't as innocent as the whole kingdom had thought her to be.

But hopefully, she was a hell of a lot more stupid.

As the pink-haired ruler reached out and grabbed the box, Sora watched as she tenderly held it close, and then stroked the lid carefully. It was really a beautifully-crafted chest, carved with care, each groove and line. The queen's fingers caressed it, slowly making their way towards the latch at the front. Just as she was about to open it, she froze and looked at Sora, her gaze piercing his soul. Or at least, that was what it felt like, and for a moment, he was sure that she could see right through him. Finally, she stood, patted his brunette spikes, and exited the throne room, which had been emptied since Sora had entered.

Walking briskly to his chambers, Marluxia held the box which contained Prince Zexion's heart close to his own. His robes swished around him in a graceful fashion as he opened the double doors that entered into his living quarters. He paused in front of the mirror, placed in the entrance hallway, and smoothed his hair before tossing it behind his head and laughing. Oh, he was beautiful, that was for sure.

He had brought his prize with him into his bedroom, so that he could show it to his sweet, and finally the two would be at peace. Larxene had worried just as much as he had throughout the past few days, and Marluxia knew that at last the two of them could be at rest.

"Oh, Larxy?" he called out, his back to the mirror as he climbed out of his royal garb. He needed to change into something more ravishing then the dreary cloaks he was made to wear during court sessions. He found one of his dark black robes, which held his hips in a most appealing way, if he did say so himself. He finished tying the last knot just as his favourite blonde lover appeared from the depths of the magic mirror.

"Yes, Love?" she giggled. "Did that blubbering idiot destroy him?"

Marluxia giggled too.

"Oh, honey, do you really think that he'd be alive right now if he hadn't?" he asked, his voice far too sugary for anyone's liking.

Smiling lovingly, Larxene shook her head.

"Of course not. Let's see it then?" Her eyes grew excited at the prospect of seeing the blood and insides of the little bastard that dared to take her love's place as fairest.

Carefully, Marluxia lifted the lid off of the chest, showing the prize that lay inside. A red heart lay beating still, pumping without blood or oxygen. The two villains laughed and laughed at the ghastly sight. Finally, the stupid Prince was gone!

Marluxia held himself high, clutching the box to his chest, and in a lavish tone, asked, "Alright, my love, now tell me: who is the fairest of them all?"

Despite what one's horrors and objections might lead a person stranded in the middle of a dark and rather ominous forest to believe, the stars were quite beautiful that night. The thought flitted across Zexion's mind; even in his head, his voice still held a sarcastic tone. He glanced up at the twinkling sky, taking note that it was actually fairly clear. The moon shone bright in its waning state, making the trees and their leaves glow. The stars winked down at Zexion in a friendly way, wishing good tidings upon him.

Maybe if he wasn't stranded out in the middle of nowhere with no home to go back to, not a friend in the world, and a psychotic overlord (or overlady?) who wanted him dead was probably sending out a troop of ax men to murder him from behind, he might have stood and basked in the beauty that the night was.

Unfortunately, he was stranded out in the middle of nowhere with no home to go back to, not a friend in the world, and a psychotic woman who wanted him dead was most likely sending out multiple troops of ax men to murder him from behind. And so, the schemer did no basking.

Instead he did what he was best at. He brooded. He contemplated why exactly he hadn't just killed himself while he had the chance. But then again, Marluxia probably was only killing him for the throne. Suicide would've have gotten the pink-haired bitch to the top faster.

And since he was on the topic of the pink-haired bitch, Zexion took it upon himself to think through various ways he could humiliate, break, and ultimately destroy her. It was one of those times when he wished that he was king, just so he could have her executed without technically being guilty of murder.

For hours, Zexion pulled himself through the forest, surprising himself with just how much endurance he actually had. The narcissistic side of him was quite impressed. One would almost think that his seething rage was pushing him on…

Finally, through the red of anger that was shining in his eyes, he noticed that the trees did seem to be thinning, for some mysterious reason. Shaking thoughts of Marluxia from his head, it dawned upon the slate-haired boy maybe… just maybe… it could be because the forest was finally coming to a close. He would be free!

His feet picked up their pace just a smidge, which slowly turned into a trot, and from there, a full-out sprint. The dark shadows and whispery noises had been driving him crazy. He was thirsty, hungry, tired, and hoping that perhaps there would be a small village that would take mercy on him.

In just a mere moment the trees dispersed, and open space was everywhere. Or at least, at first glance it was. Zexion was about to whoop with joy, completely out of character, yes, but the situation definitely deserved it. But then, he saw the trees again, just a couple hundred yards from where he was standing.

He was only in a meadow. He probably wasn't even close to getting out of this nightmare. He sunk to his knees, just sitting there for a few moments. As much as it pained him to realize it, all rational thoughts seemed to have fled from his mind. He didn't know what to do at all.

At least dawn was starting to peer over the horizon. For a few moments the prince just sat and stared at the sun making its way over the line of trees, which now seemed to be taunting him.

Deciding that it was quite possible sitting in the grass was not the best plan for success, Zexion stood up with a broken sigh, and decided he might as well just cross the clearing and continue going straight.

Lifting his eyes to path in front of him, Zexion breathed and took a few steps forward. Something stopped him almost as soon as he'd done so. It was almost as if there was a large wall standing abruptly in front of the prince.

Zexion frowned and glanced upwards hoping to see any indication as to what exactly could be standing in his way. It was absurd; why on earth would an invisible block be in the middle of a clearing? Zexion was understandably confused.

The prince placed one pale hand in front of him, and indeed, there was a solid object beneath his palm. Letting his fingertips graze the tall force, Zexion walked along what felt to be the edge, feeling the strange texture of what must've been a wall. The cracks in the brick were deep, and Zexion could feel his fingers catch in them.

He'd walked perhaps halfway around what seemed to be a circular sort of building when his searching hands came upon a door of sorts. Zexion grasped the invisible doorknob and pushed the door open, the familiar click of the knob turning accompanied by a squeak of hinges.

If you can recall correctly, that moment when Alice falls down the hole, finding herself in a strangely empty room, you might be able to relate to Zexion. Her astonishment, her wonder, not to mention the overwhelming sense of curiousity. And now, if you do remember that part, surely you remember the next bit of the story. Alice finds the food on the table labeled with a cheerful, "Eat Me". She takes a bite of the cake and finds herself reduced pitifully down to the size of a mouse, able to fit through the small door and make her way to Wonderland. If in fact you know the tale of Miss Alice, then perhaps the latter part might be a tad bit more relatable in Zexion's case.

Everything was huge. Directly through the still invisible door, a garden that was the size of a cornfield lay, clearly not very well-tended. Weeds grew up around towering trees, wrapping through roots and strangling the life out of the giants. A few flowers grew rampant, various species overpowering the others by far.

And then there was the cottage. A long path weaved its way carefully through the garden leading straight to the hatched structure. Zexion's gaze slowly wandered up. And up. And up. It was like the thing never ended, it seemed to be a good twenty floors tall at least. The large wooden door was at least twice as tall as Zexion.

As if he didn't feel short enough already.

Straightening his back, hoping it would give him the impression of being just a tad bit taller, Zexion slowly lifted his hand up to the brass knocker, which was roughly the size of his head. The three taps were much louder than he'd expected though and he winced at the clanging in his ears.

Nothing happened. The whole place was eerily quiet for some strange reason. Zexion stood awkwardly in front of the giant door, pondering what exactly to do. Some of you might argue that it was due to his never-ending supply of courtesy that kept him from barging into the house. No, that wasn't the case. The prince had been wondering around through the forest for hours, he had no idea where he was, he was half-starved already, and emotionally and physically exhausted. He wasn't planning on leaving. However, due to the massiveness of everything around him, he couldn't help but feel a little wary. After all, something that lived in a building that size could easily squish the poor lad.

The schemer stood for a moment longer before deciding that whatever happened, it couldn't possibly be worse than what would happen if anyone found him out in the forest at this hour.

At least this door was properly oiled, Zexion thought as he pushed it open. The state of the garden didn't exactly promise much for housekeeping.

The building was certainly curious, that was for certain. Everything about it made Zexion feel dwarfed in comparison. There was a huge wooden table, surrounded by seven large-looking chairs. The roof seemed stretched so that it towered, far above any usual level. In one corner, seven beds lay, all in a row. It was only as he looked at those beds that Zexion realized just how tired he really was. Crawling into one, he closed pulled the thick covers up to his chin, his eyes beginning to drift shut despite the apprehension of being in a stranger's house. Soon enough, sleep washed over him.

"What's he doing here?"

"I don't care; just get him out of my bed! Look at him he's filthy!"

"Oh, I love visitors! We don't see anyone here in this godforsaken cabin!"

"Let'sh Shelebrate! Wi' rum. Where'd all me rum go?"

"Good lord Lux, you've already drank three bottles! You guys are morons. Just wake him up and tell him to get the hell out."

Zexion was confused, but some sort of instinct had told him he'd be safest if he kept his eyes closed. The plan had worked pretty effectively, until a quick thunk to his head brought a yowl of pain from his mouth. He shot up, eyes flashing open, which drew another yelp, although this time more from surprise.

He was surrounded by seven people, all wearing individual expressions of awe, confusion, anger, or intoxication.

And all of them were a good six and a half feet at least.

Zexion bolted out of the bed, suddenly remembering where he was exactly, realizing that he was most likely the stupidest person on the face of the earth.

"Who are you?" hr shouted, slightly panicked.

"Listen, dude, you're in our house. I think we should be asking you who you are, shorty." The voice came from a kid with spiked blond hair. He looked younger than the rest, but still had that uncanny height about him.

Zexion looked around at all of them, eyes wide. They were so different from each other. There was one with longish blonde hair, his face looked sharp and irritable, and he wore a long white cloak. His eye twitched as he looked at the bed Zexion had slept in, clearly thinking that it was horribly contaminated now.

Another, with black dreads pulled back, looked almost as though he was about to fall asleep right then. A man with short blonde hair was wobbling on his feet, singing something out of tune under his breath as another with spiked grey-blue hair ordered him to stop without success. Clearly this man was the leader of sorts. One with bright red hair had a huge grin on his face as he watched everyone, and at last Zexion's eyes fell on number seven. Smaller than all the rest, the strangest thing was that she was a girl. The only one it would seem. She kept her eyes on her feet, but when they did flicker up and make contact with the prince's, she blushed and looked back down quickly.

"Well are you going to ask me?" said Zexion. The blond kid narrowed his eyes that the smart ass who welcomed himself into the house.


"You said 'we should be asking you who you are' but you never actually posed a question in my direction."

Before the spiky haired kid could scowl even more than he already was, 'Mr. Leader' butted in.

"Alright, who are you?"

Zexion felt as though maybe he should use a fake name… After all, once the queen found out he wasn't dead, he would be the most wanted man in the kingdom and beyond. He could be anyone he wanted to be!

"My name's Zexion," He said matter-of-factly. Or not.

The smiling redhead rushed over, pushing Mr. Leader, and Mr. Hothead out of the way.

"It's great to meet you! Honestly, these guys are the most boring people in the world to live with. I'm so happy you're here."

Zexion, never having been one to be social, wasn't entirely sure how to act.

The red head stopped for a second before shaking his head, smile still gracing his face. He began to introduce everyone else in the room, pointing out figures as he said their names.

"Roxas is the mean one over there, that's Vexen, that's Xaldin… Oi! Xaldin, try and stay awake would you?" The comment was accompanied by a quick slap on the head from Mr. Leader.

"Luxord's completely drunk off his ass, Xemnas thinks he's the boss-"

"I am the boss!"

"Xion's the only girl, and I'm Axel. Got it memorized?"

"Not exactly."

Axel only shook his head and laughed. "You'll get it soon enough."

Zexion frowned and looked up at all the faces, still wondering how all of them could be so tall.

"So what are you guys, half-giants?"

Axel let out a chuckle again and wrapped his arm around the prince's shoulder. Zexion noticed Vexen's eyes narrow and a frown graced his face. His arms quickly folded and he huffed as everyone sent him a pointed look.

Zexion's eyes narrowed in confusion.

"Actually, we're dwarves," said Xemnas with all seriousness.

Looking up at all of them again, Zexion sighed. If that wasn't bad for one's self esteem, he didn't know what was.

A/N: First off, I have to grovel at your feet and hope that you'll forgive me for not updating :( I started writing this chapter over march break, but since it's Easter weekend I decided to whip my ass back into shape. So here you are!

I finally got to put the dwarves in! I love my little (tall) dwarves. Trust me, there's a reason they're so tall at the moment. The reason is... Well, you'll have to wait until I finally update again now, won't you? Axel's a little ooc, so please add that to the list of things you'll have to forgive me for.

Thank you to Dellums, my awesome beta!

So, who can guess which is which dwarf? I think I made it relatively obvious... I based them off of the names of the dwarves in the Disney Snow White movie, but hey, they work alright.

How about we play a little game? Here are the names of the Disney Dwarves: Sneezy, Sleepy, Doc, Dopey, Grumpy, Happy and Bashful. First to review and match up the dwarves to their KH counterparts correctly wins! Whoever gets it right, the next chapter will be dedicated to them! So may the odds be ever in your favor! (I already told you two of them in previous chapters anyways... :P)

Alright, reviews are appreciated, favourites are totally awesome and alerts make me extraordinarily happy! I hope you enjoyed!