Disclaimer: I do not own Power Rangers or the Muppets. This plotbunny was spawned a long time ago, but the poor dear nearly faded away until a recent conversation with Pink Wolf Princess brought it back to life.
"Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Beaker squeaked in terror, as the Muppet Labs shook. Today, though, was not an ordinary day of experimenting, even though that would normally frighten the Muppet just the same. Someone else was actually attacking them.
"Calm down, Beaker," Doctor Bunsen Honeydew said, coming around a table of shaking chemistry equipment. "I know what's causing the disturbance."
"Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi?" Beaker asked, confused.
"No, the Electric Mayhem isn't rehearsing upstairs; we are under attack by Lord Zing the Merciless." This caused Beaker to begin chattering in terror. "Beaker! We've planned for this, remember? Get the secret project. I'll work the teleporter."
This didn't make the assistant much happier. Muttering darkly, he went to the safe in the wall, and pushed a secret button. The safe front slid aside, revealing a hidden safe behind it. This Beaker opened, taking out a silvery case.
"Mi-mi-mi-mi, mi mi?" Beaker called, shutting both safes.
"Who? Why, the best candidates of course," Honeydew replied, hitting a sequence of buttons. "The only ones I would trust the safety of the planet to. Ah, here we go," he said, and pushed the final button. Backing up, the two scientists watched the teleportation pad light up.
There was a blinding flash, and every light in the lab went out. When Beaker and Honeydew could see again, they took in the pile of Muppets groaning on the pad. Beaker began to mi-mi in dismay, but Honeydew hushed him.
"No, Beaker, there was no mistake."
"Of course! Who else would I give these powers to?"
Beaker just groaned.
The first Muppet to extract himself from the pile was Gonzo. The blue, furry Muppet looked around the darkened lab in awe.
"Woah, where are we?" He asked. "It looks like a spaceship!"
"Spaceship, spaceship!" Animal roared.
"Kermie, Kermie, what happened?" Miss Piggy cried.
"Get off-crushing me!" The muffled reply came.
"Oh! Pardon moi," Miss Piggy said quickly. She rolled off and began tending the flattened frog. He tolerated it for only a few seconds, until he'd gotten his breath back.
"Kermiiiit," Fozzie called nervously. "Ha-ha, this was supposed to happen, right?"
"No, Fozzie, I have no idea what's going on."
"Aha," Honeydew exclaimed, as he found the emergency flashlight. He turned it on, startling the five newcomers. "Do not be alarmed," he said, pointing the flashlight upwards at his head.
"Aah! A giant floating head!" Fozzie cried.
"No, no, it's only me," Honeydew replied quickly.
"Wait—Doctor Bunsen Honeydew?" Gonzo asked, eyes narrowing.
"Precisely, Gonzo. I have teleported you all here today for a very important mission."
"Mission! Mission!" Animal shouted, and began devouring a table leg.
Doctor Honeydew coughed and addressed the other four. "Recently, Muppet Labs discovered a new intergalactic villain heading towards Earth. By tapping into his communications, we learned that he intends to conquer the planet and enslave its inhabitants in order to win a bet with the Emperor of the M-51 galaxy."
"What are we supposed to do?" Kermit wondered aloud. Dramatically, Honeydew took the silver case from Beaker, opened it and set it on the table. Five silver-trimmed cell phones sat inside it. Even Animal abandoned his table leg to look.
"You are going to save the planet by becoming Power Rangers," Honeydew announced.
"Really? Cool! What's a Power Ranger?" Gonzo asked.
"What?" Kermit exclaimed. "But-but-Bunsen, I'm a frog, they're whatevers, and Miss Piggy-"
"Is a lady," Miss Piggy interrupted, giving Kermit a warning glare.
"Precisely. It's the last thing Lord Zing would expect," Honeydew said smugly. "Now take the morphers. Lord Zing is attacking even as we speak."
Miss Piggy immediately snatched the pink-trimmed morpher out of the case and began admiring it. Animal dove for red, and Gonzo managed to snag the blue one. Still reluctant, Kermit took green, and Fozzie happily confiscated the yellow one.
"Hey, these things have great reception!" Gonzo cried, punching several buttons.
Just then, the video screen on the far wall turned on-which was odd considering it hadn't worked in six years. It showed a light-haired man in a black leather uniform and cape, wearing an eyepatch and laughing manically.
"So, puny human, you think you can stop me?" Lord Zing-who else?-shouted.
"Technically I am a Muppet, not a human," Bunsen Honeydew began, but Lord Zing cut him off.
"Like I care!" He laughed. "Get ready to meet my Genericites!" Around the overlord hovered a set of footsoldiers which nobody could thoroughly describe. They had armor and no faces, and they carried swords, but other than that, there wasn't much to say. Their name suited them.
"He looks like Mark Hamill," Kermit commented. Lord Zing froze. His one visible eye narrowed.
"I am not Mark Hamill," he hissed.
"I know, I just said you look-" Kermit amended.
"In fact, I look nothing like Mark Hamill!" Lord Zing cried, rising to his feet.
"I just meant-"
"Meant nothing! Get ready to be destroyed, froggie!" Lord Zing roared. He snapped his fingers, and the transmission ended.
"He did look like Mark Hamill," Gonzo said, as if that would help.
"Ahem," Bunsen Honeydew interrupted. "It seems wise to morph now, since Lord Zing is getting ready to attack."
"Huh?" Kermit said. "Oh, right, the superhero thing. Are you guys sure about this?"
"Morph! Morph! Morph!"
"Thanks, Animal," Kermit said dryly. "Okay, then. Let's do this thing."
Lord Zing was striding down a curiously abandoned city street, laughing manically as his Genericites smashed up abandoned warehouses. All of the buildings were so ancient that they fell apart at the slightest whack. The air was filled with dust-which was how Lord Zing didn't realize that five Muppets had teleported in behind him until Kermit shouted.
"Bunsen, I said morph first, teleport second!" He yelled, and began coughing.
"Uh-oh," Gonzo said, as Lord Zing turned and began to advance on them. He tried to throw his cape aside dramatically, but it tangled around his arm and he gave up before it started looking silly.
"You guys are in sooo much trouble right now," he chuckled.
"I hate confrontations!" Fozzie moaned, and ducked behind Miss Piggy.
"Get your paws off me, bozo!" She growled, and Fozzie quickly switched to Kermit.
"Bozo! Bozo!" Animal yelled, and charged straight at Lord Zing despite his teammates' protests. Lord Zing swung an arm, and threw Animal into a pile of inexplicably empty crates, which fell apart like balsa wood. "Bozo," Animal muttered dizzily.
"Guys, I think we should morph," Kermit said, pulling out his cell phone.
"Awesome!" Gonzo exclaimed, following his example. The others did so as well, even Animal.
"Red Ranger Power!"
"Pink Ranger Power!"
"Green Ranger Power!"
"Blue Ranger Power!"
"Bear Ranger Power!"
"Sorry, I just thought it would be cooler if—"
"Do it right!"
"Fine. Yellow Ranger Power!"
There was a flash, and then the five were suddenly in brightly colored spandex uniforms and helmets. Lord Zing backed up a step, looking surprised. Then loud metal music began to play-without anyone noticing, the Electric Mayhem had snuck into one of the newly empty lots and begun playing.
"Go Go Power Rangers!" Animal roared, and leaped into his drummer's seat. Lord Zing whirled on him, but the new Red Ranger whipped out a pair of red-and-silver trimmed drumsticks. "Power Drumsticks!" He yelled, and began pounding out the beat. With each strike, red lasers fired from the ends of the drumsticks, throwing Lord Zing off his feet.
"Power Megaphone!" Kermit shouted, and drew the silver-and-green instrument out of thin air. "Hey, you!" He shouted at Lord Zing. Inexplicably visible sonic waves rolled out of the megaphone, flattening a row of Genericites to the ground.
"Power Chickens!" Gonzo yelled, and a pair of blue-and-silver feathered chickens appeared in his hands. He threw them one after the other at the oncoming evil army. Clucking madly, the birds swept across the line of oncoming soldiers, blasting them to pieces and leaving blue streaks of light in their wake. "Good girls!" Gonzo cried, as the pair returned to him.
Miss Piggy hung back, behind Kermit. It seemed much more romantic to be protected by him from the monsters. Unfortunately, that was the moment Lord Zing chose to leap up between them and grab her.
"Nobody move or the pig gets it!" He yelled.
"Kermie, help me!" Miss Piggy shrieked.
"I can't-use your weapons!" Kermit urged.
"Shut up!" Lord Zing snapped, and kicked Kermit away. The frog flew back into a light pole with a yell. Miss Piggy stiffened.
"You hurt my Kermie?" She asked tensely.
"Oh, I'm going to do a lot more than that," Lord Zing retorted. "He called me Mark Hamill-nobody does that and lives!"
"THAT DOES IT! Hiiii-ya!" Miss Piggy roared, and kicked Lord Zing in the shin. He yelped and began to hop on his good foot, letting go of Miss Piggy to clutch at it. "Power Gloves! Hi-ya!" Miss Piggy shouted, whirling around and slamming her fist into his gut.
"Are all those hi-ya's really necessary?" Lord Zing wheezed.
"Power Pistols!" Fozzie shouted, drawing a pair of pickles and aiming them at Lord Zing. The evil overlord just had a second to laugh before the Yellow Ranger fired, knocking Lord Zing's eyepatch clean off. Turned out he had a perfectly normal, blue eye underneath it. "Ha-ha! Power Knife!" He hurled a perfectly ordinary carrot at the baddie, which pinned his huge cape to the wall with a hiss-thunk. "How do you like that, Lord Zing? Power Bomb!"
Lord Zing caught the apple, and just looked at it in disbelief as the fuse burned down. "You've got to be kidding me," he muttered, just before it exploded. The fireball blinded most of the Muppets, who drew back.
"Did we get him?" Kermit asked hopefully. The smoke cleared, and a blackened and tattered Lord Zing staggered out. He pointed at the group.
"Okay, no more Mr. Nice Guy!" He shouted.
There was a rumble, and Lord Zing grew giant-sized. He laughed, his voice suddenly much deeper than before, and tried to stomp on the group. They scattered, yelling in terror.
"Great! Now what?" Kermit shouted, ducking behind a barrel. His cellphone rang, and the frog quickly unclipped it from his belt. "Hello? What? No, sorry, wrong number." He hung up, and then the phone rang again. "Hello?"
"Kermit, I've planned for this emergency, and I'm on my way," Bunsen Honeydew said quickly.
"Oh, good," Kermit replied, and yelped as Lord Zing smashed down a warehouse with one fist. "Hurry!"
A few minutes—and two warehouses—later, Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker ran into the street, each carrying a huge bottle of white pills. Lord Zing was too occupied with playing golf with a street light and chunks of rubble to notice the scientists.
"Hurry—take these," Bunsen Honeydew said urgently, unscrewing the lid of one of the bottles.
"What are they?" Gonzo asked, looking at one of the thumb-sized pills.
"Insta-grow pills," Honeydew replied. "Take ten or more."
"Pills! Pills!" Animal roared, and tossing off his helmet, he grabbed a jar and down half of its contents.
"Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Beaker cried in horror, and tried to get the jar back. Animal eventually let go, and shoved his helmet back on.
"I hate swallowing pills," Fozzie moaned, but gulped his dose down anyway. He choked, and had to be patted on the back for a few minutes until he'd recovered.
"How long until they start working?" Kermit asked.
"Any minute now," Doctor Honeydew replied calmly. Then there was a rumble, and Animal shot upwards to match Lord Zing's height. He actually grew a full ten feet higher than the evil overlord, and roared at him gleefully.
"Great job, Animal!" Kermit shouted. "Hey, I think it's working—"
The other four Rangers grew giant-sized all at once.
"Hey! I'm taller! This is so cool!" Gonzo shouted. Very excited, the four lurched towards Lord Zing. He was currently being throttled by giant Animal, who let go as the others arrived.
"Eep," Lord Zing squeaked, and began backing up.
"Oh no you don't! You started this fight and you're going to finish it!" Kermit shouted. Miss Piggy punctuated his order with a karate-chop to the shoulder.
"Hah!" Fozzie shouted, grabbing Lord Zing by the legs and clinging to him tightly. "Time to boogie with the bear!"
"Take this!" Gonzo shouted, grabbing a chunk of warehouse wall and smashing it over Lord Zing's head. He sat down hard—on top of Fozzie—and swayed dizzily.
"Okay, okay!" He yelled, as the other Muppet Rangers grabbed more debris to hit him with. "I surrender!"
They stopped. "Really?" Kermit asked, surprised.
"Yes, yes! I surrender! Now please stop hitting me with stuff!" Lord Zing cried.
"Oh," Gonzo said, sounding disappointed. Then he perked up. "You're not trying to trick us, are you? Get us off-guard and then attack from behind?"
"Are you kidding? I just want to go home now! No planet is worth this," Lord Zing retorted.
"Oh. Okay," Gonzo said.
"Get—off—me!" Fozzie shouted in a muffled voice. Lord Zing jumped off, and Fozzie stood up, groaning. "This Power Rangers stuff is hard work," he muttered.
"I'm out of here!" Lord Zing said, and raising his right fist, vanished in a crack of lightning.
There was a pause. The five Muppet Rangers looked at each other silently.
"Pwned! Pwned!" Animal shouted at last.
"We did it, guys! We saved the Earth!" Kermit shouted, and they all cheered loudly. They shrank back down to normal size.
"Now what?" Miss Piggy asked.
"If I only had a tandem bicycle…" Gonzo mused. "Or a sheepdog, that could work, too."
"I'll just send you all back to your everyday lives," Doctor Honeydew said as he reached them. "If any other intergalactic menaces arrive, I'll simply summon you back."
"I don't know abou—" Kermit began, but Doctor Honeydew hit the teleportation button, and all five Muppets disappeared.
"Well, Beaker, I think that went well," the doctor said.
"Mi-mi-mi," Beaker muttered, looking around at the battered street.
A/N: No, I'm not even going to try to explain where this came from. The last time I looked around in my mind I got totally lost and ended up getting chased around by monsters. But there are so many in-jokes…
Trivia: In the original conversation with Pink Wolf Princess, Beaker was the Yellow Ranger, but each of the three siblings I told had the exact same reaction: "What about Fozzie?" And as Beaker was already the Alpha 5, it worked.